Lovers’ Tales
Part One
I lay wrapped luxuriously in the arms of my lover in our bed, curtains drawn. His grasp was tight, as though he feared I might slip away forever. I smiled softly at the thought. I could no sooner slip away from him than stop breathing. I moved and I felt the panic in him, but I was only turning to face him.
I smiled at him and pulled myself closer to his chest. He
happily complied and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I felt him breathe in
the smell of my hair.
“Oh, love… at last… love.”
He sighed and I felt his eyes close as he gave into his
feelings. He was about to tell me more. I did not move, not now. He needed to
release it, and I was the only one to listen. The only one who could, would,
should. I felt his pulse quicken, almost imperceptibly. I knew his body as well
as my own, perhaps better.
This was going to be a rather difficult one. I slowly pulled
myself up to look into his eyes. I gave him the look he loved so well, the one
that allowed him to loosen his tongue, release his bottled demons. I wrapped my
arms slowly around his neck and ran my fingers through his black hair, just a
little. Then I waited.
I did not wait long. “I wish I had never allowed it… I was so
young, so uncertain… he offered me what I so desperately wanted when no one
else dared. It was my sixth year at Hogwarts. I had few friends and he was one
of them. He had always hinted… but I never understood… until that year. That
day.
“We were in the common room together, working on our homework.
It was well after dinner and getting later every moment. Slowly, the others
trickled out and went to their dormitories. But he and I stayed. I was so
absorbed in my essay; I took no notice of anything around me. Soon, we were
alone… so alone…
“He moved closer to me, until he was right beside me. I felt his
leg touching mine. I was so uncomfortable. I knew. We all knew about Lucius.
But he had never tried with me… until that night.”
He paused here. It was hard for him, this part. He looked down
at me, searching my eyes for some sign that he should stop. He found none. I
gave him that look he loved again. No judgment, Severus, I remember my
promises. You know I will not judge.
He was reassured and so
he continued, “He put his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t move. I just stared at
the forgotten essay before me, praying he would stop, hoping I was imagining
the feeling that filled the air.
“He didn’t stop. His
hand moved from my shoulder to my face. He ran a single finger along my jaw
line. I must have shuddered, because he leaned close and whispered into my ear,
‘Don’t be afraid, Sev. You know I get what I want.’ His finger began to trace
around my mouth.
“I wanted to scream at
him, push him away, but I was afraid… and part of me… the part of me that was
so desperately alone, wanted it. Wanted him. His hand moved to my chin and he
turned my head so I was forced to look at him. His eyes glittered with malice,
lust, …something… He reached behind my head and pulled me to him. I tasted his
lips, his eager mouth searching me out. He pushed his tongue to my lips… forced
them apart… I let him… I never should have let him, because with that kiss… oh,
he had me. I was his. There was no stopping it after that. I became his
toy, his plaything, and his slave.
“Whenever he wanted me…
I submitted to him… his will was so strong, even then, especially then. He
would come in the night; in Slytherin, we have private rooms. He would take
from me… take and take and take… I was his enemy in every battle… such an
unworthy enemy I made. I bowed to him… I let him bite and scratch and cut. He
bruised me, slashed me open, laid me bare for the night… He spilled my blood
with that glittering insanity in his eyes, and then he greedily drank it. My
blood! He would often force me to drink it too. He would dip his fingers in my
blood, and then I would lick it from him like a kitten laps its milk… greedily,
I drank the blood… my blood that he offered, because it was on his
fingers… and I wanted him… I wanted to be worthy, to please him… I wanted him.
“I let him hurt me, out
of fear, out of need for contact… I thought it was love, for he told me it was,
and I believed him. How would I have known? I had never felt love before him,
not from anyone. And he told me it was love… he whispered it, he shouted it, he
roared it…in the throes of his passion, as he hurt me, he screamed it out, and
he called out my name… oh, I loved to hear my name on his lips. I thought it
meant something… it meant I belonged to someone… someone cared…
“I craved his touch
constantly, and yet I loathed it too. I hated him for what he had done to me… I
did not want to be so broken… but Lucius always gets what he wants… and, then,
he wanted me. I wish… oh, why was I so compliant?”
He looked at me then, “I
wish you had been there… I wish I had known you then, love. Perhaps, you could
have saved me from him.”
The pain was so great in
his eyes that my heart contracted. I wanted to reach out and comfort, but I
could not. I could not betray him like that. I had to remain strong for him. He
needed that from me, and I knew it all too well. I gave him the look again, and
it strengthened him.
“I was his and he led me
to Voldemort. But I do not blame him for that. I willingly submitted to
the Dark Lord. I will blame no one but myself for that.
“It was after we became
Death Eaters that he taunted me, made me feel like slime and refuse. We would
commit our sins together, our assignments from our master. And Lucius took such
joy and pleasure from it… it was so erotic for him, and he forced that on me
too.
“He stopped drinking my
blood, and began to drink the blood of our victims. We would use the Cructatius
Curse or a potion we had brewed… and as the victim died, as his soul escaped,
he would take me… in that hard, cold, course, violent way of his, and I would
give in… allow him that, because he told me it was love.”
He looked at me and I
saw it in his eyes… no matter how much I listened, no matter how much I loved,
I could not heal him. He knew it and he did not care, because I helped to ease
it. Not because the pain lessened, but because I brought him joy. He had never
felt true happiness, true light. He had never wanted to live, because life was
nothing but pain. Now he had me and I gave to him that small amount of light,
of good. And because of this, he understood why someone would want to live. I
was pleased that I could give him that. I would give him anything.