                            TWO MUCH MONKEY BUSINESS
        The Land Lubbers Guide To Le Chuck's Revenge
     Ahoy there swabby. Pull up a stool and grab yourself a
  grog (hmmm, I guess it'll be a near-grog) and let me tell a
  tale of pirates, treasure, spit, and love. It's an epic, so
  you'd better buy a pitcher of that stuff, and I'd better get
  started...
     Warnin': This file leads one toward, but not directly
  too, the mythic treasure of Big Whoop. Some of the
  information is so specific, however, that it must be written
 
  in the private code of the late and the great Baron von
  Count d' Crypto, in order to protect wanderin' eyes. If ye
  feel it necessary to read these cursed words (did I mention
  the curse?) simply turn each letter of the word into its
  predecessor (the one before it, swabby!) and ye'll be privy
  to their secrets.
  
  Part I: The Largo Embargo
  
     Something of the thread... Need a bit of Largo's threads,
 
  eh mate? Well you may have already guessed that MadMarty
  (poor ol' nut-case used to lights me cannon fer me in the
  old days) is the man you need to see. First, though, yer
  going to have to do a little prep work. Marty only launders
  the rags, you'll have to do the dirtying work. The answer is
  not at all original - in fact, it's a dirt-y trick straight
  out of any slapstick textbook.
     Once you've performed the dirty deed, and have proof of
  it, Marty will be more than happy to accommodate you. I'll
  tell ye that the ticket to this puzzle is in Largo's room.
 
  Search under, over, inside n' out of EVERYTHING, ya hear me
  swabby?!
  
     ...something of the head... If ye need help with this,
  I'm demotin' ya to cabinboy.
  
     ...something of the body... Now this one's nearly as easy
  as the head thing. Just understand that this is not
  necessarily a body part - any ol' fluid'll do. Scoop up
  anything of this sort that flies yer way - just be sanitary
 
  about it.
  
     ...and something of the Dead. This one ain't so hard if
  ye got the right tools. If you do find yourself without an
  Implement of Exhumation then go back and read the
  introductory walk-through in the documentation. 

  Get A Job, Ye Lazy Dog  Now that you've rid the island of
  that pock-marked, scurvy-ridden, belly-scratching dog (hope
  ye really stuck it to him, hee hee!) you got to get off this
 
  lice-bitten hell-hole. Be ya a few gold bits short? We'll
  for yer muther's sake, quit blubberin' like a Spaniard and
  get a job! If you'd acted sooner you might have had one
  already; now it's filled. However, all is not lost,
  m'friend. Mayhaps ye can unfill it, if ye catch my drift. If
  ye can find a back door to the place ye may be able to do a
  little saboteuring. Be discreet matey, or they might smell a
  rat. Har, Har!
     If you need more help with this one, here are some clues.
          -- Ye need to USBQ the SBU in the CPY.
 
          -- Ye need the TUJDL from the CFBDI.
          -- Ye need the TSJOH from the TXBNQ.
          -- Ye need some DIFFTF from the JOO.
     Ye should be able to figure out the rest.
  
  Part II: The Four Map Pieces
  
     Le Spit Contest  Hoook! Ptoooie! (Pardon me.) Can't fling
  the phlegm, eh? Well, there are a couple things ye can do to
  excel in the world of expectorations (Ye thinks it fun?
 
  Well, it's snot!). First off, an honest fella won't be
  sailin' long in this here world. Mayhaps ye can play on a
  more advantageous playing field. If you can distract that
  squirrely gamemaster a bit you might have a chance to adjust
  the odds in yer favor (visit the antique shoppe for the
  appropriate instrument). Ye might also want to augment the
  consistency of yer loogies a bit. Perhaps you can find (or
  manufacture) a substance of the appropriate viscosity and
  color. When you finally get down to it, be sure to use the
  forces of nature to yer advantage.
 
  
     MadMonkey Business  Ahoy matey! You've just won the Booty
  Island spit contest. What are you gonna do next? Why, take a
  glass bottom boat ride, of course. You can hire one out near
  the harbor from that sassy swabby, Cap'n Kate. If you've
  kept yer ears open you should have a general idea of where
  it is you wants to go, and if you've done yer homework you
  should know <exactly> where you wants to go. After a quick
  dip in the drink, raise anchor and get yer booty back to
  Booty to sell yer booty.

     Phatt County Jail  Well, ye ain't the first swabby to
  spend a night in the pen. And ye won't be the first to
  escape, neither. All I can tell you is that everything you
  need to skip bail is there. If you can't figure it out, lie
  down and think on it a while.
  
     The Wheel Of Missed Fortunes  Phatt Island's back alley
  gamblin' establishments are a big tourists draw and, it be
  seeming, a major source of income for the local peasants.
 
  It's uncanny the way they're so consistent in their winning.
  There must be a system to it - if you could only track down
  a gambler in the know...
     Which be bringing us to this hand jive business at the
  backdoor. There's no subtle way of hinting about this one,
  except to say that the code is much easier than it first
  appears. If ye be pulling out hair and stamping ye peg leg
  over this one then settle yerself down and decode this:
  JHOPSF UIF IBOE TJHOT. JU'T UIF GJSTU TQPLFO XPSE.
 
     Coffins B' We  I, myself, hates dealing with these
  salespeople types. I suggest ye put a lid on this
  character's antics. Don't bother haggling with Sam, he's as
  wily as a weasel - just nail down a price and close this
  deal.
     Alas, fer want of a nail, a treasure was lost. Well, you
  know where ya can get the right tools, you just can't
  convince the woodworking character to give them up. If this
  weren't a family type game I'd tell ya a hunnerd ways to
  convince a reluctant man, but since this is a sissified sort
 
  of entertainment ya got to think a little. Perhaps if you
  can get him to run off on an errand of sorts, then you can
  pinch the right tools (how's that fer good family values?).
  Gaze about the man's workshoppe to get an idea of what sort
  of emergency road-side service he might be inclined to do
  and then send him out on a call.
  
     Crisis In The Crypt  Don't know which crypt contains the
  correct cadaver? Perhaps a little researcher might serve ya.
  If the local library doesn't have the materials you need, I
 
  hear the local authority sponsors a wonderful book exchange
  program.
  
     The Gov'nas Gala  Well, what do you need fer a costume
  party? First you need an invitation, if you wish to be
  proper. You won't be able to get one on Booty, that's all
  I'll say.
     You also need a costume. Now the answer to this one be
  glaring at ya in bright lights. What's that now? All the
  costumes be reserved? Who they be reserved for? Well if
 
  you've been paying attention then you've already got one on
  hold, it's just a matter of proving it.
     Once at the governor's party, don't waste time pretending
  yer enjoying yourself like the rest of those gutless
  socialites; get right to business. Get that map and make
  like the wind -- blow that party. Look out fer Young
  Guybrush, though, he's got quite a nose fer treasure maps
  (which could come in quite handy in the future.)
     Reunited with yer ol' lover, you'd best do a little
  grovelin'. Being an insensitive feller won't get you far. Of
 
  course, I may be wrong - it may all end up being a whole
  lotta wasted wind.
     Speakin' of wind, it sure ain't blowing yer way today. In
  fact, it may get you hung up awhile. That is, unless you
  been fishing around for clues. Which reminds me; I hope you
  didn't go running off after that map without poking around
  the mansion a bit. Thar's something to be had for those
  who're persistent.
  
     Up A Tree  How does one get up that big bloody tree?
 
  Well, you've no doubt guessed the method, you just need the
  means. Thar be lots o' wood bits around but only one will
  work. You might want to go back to that governor's mansion
  and look extra carefully.
     As fer findin' that one map in a thousand, well, you'll
  need some extra help. If you've read The Gov'nas Gala you'll
  be on yer way.
  
     Phatt Island Falls  How does one get to that blasted,
  isolated island? Well, as you've no doubt figured, that
 
  waterfall has something to do with it. The solution to this
  one is not immediately apparent. Think about the pump -
   think about a tool - and think about a bad pun. If yer
  stumped, well then I'll spell it out fer ya. You need the
  NPOLFZ from the QVC on Scabb Island.
  
     The Cottage Map  Aarrgh! A match of livers is always
  preferable to a match of wits, at least among us seadogs.
  Unfortunately, young green ones like yerself haven't yet
  developed the stomach for a serious drinking bout. What I be
 
  saying here is don't go toe to toe with this seasoned
  swabby, you're going to need a grog substitute. You may have
  heard someone mention an appropriate substitute at some
  point during the game (it's LBUF DBQTJAF) and that person is
  the only one who can help. She won't do this willingly,
  however. Yer going to have to put her in a compromising
  situation (perhaps one in which her inventory is removed
  from her possession?) This ain't the most honorable solution
  but its the only way to get what you WANTED.
     Once you've tasted near-victory (it's a little watered
 
  down) you'll have free reign in the cottage. Once you figure
  out what the monkey statue is all about, which is pretty
  obvious even for the likes of me, it becomes a matter of
  fillin' a void and beaming in on the right point. You'll
  need an artifact from the antique shop which isn't
  immediately available for purchase.
     If ye find you keep slip-sliding away from yer desired
  destination, yer just a little off base. There's more than
  one thing ye can do to a loose brick.
 
     The Four Map Pieces  Got em' all, eh? Well, you can't
  interpret the thing by yourself, but there is a friend who
  can help (provided he can SEE the darn thing). After making
  your mission of love be sure to check out that juju b.
  
  Part III: Le Chuck's Fortress
  
     Le Fortress Le Chuck  Le Chuckie's little island getaway
  sure isn't the warmest of places (though it is drawn well,
  eh?). You'll eventually make you way to the dungeon which
 
  holds your cartographer friend. There's not much ye can do
  fer him now, except to give encouraging quips in yer
  sensitive way <smirk>.
     Dem bones, dem bones. What to make of dez bones? Ye may
  remember a certain dream sequence in which certain
  characters sang a certain familiar song which has a certain
  relevance here. If you keep in cadence certain doors may be
  opened for ye.
     Speaking of doors, Le Chuck takes no chances with his
  (you'd think he lived in New York). Don't be fooled by
 
  appearances, the answer is much more obvious than you'd
  expect.
  
     Le Chuck's Revenge?  A bit hung up on this part? Well,
  you know you can't use your hands, nor your feet, nor much
  else except, well... This puzzle is too much fun to just
  give it away. Reflect upon your inventory, then reflect off
  of something else. 
  
  Part IV: Dinky Island

     Vamos a la Playa  Caaarash!! Nice one point landing there
  ace. Welcome to Dinky beach. Take extra care here on the
  beach as there are a lot of items about, and it's easy to
  miss one or two. If you happen to get into a philosophical
  discussion with the beachcomber - just be patient, he has
  his limits.
     There's a lot of little things to do here so let's get to
  it.
     Parrot: Polly wants some crackers. One is readily
  available - as for the others, see the bag in the tree.
 
     Bag in Tree: You'll need a object from the beach which
  you've altered in an obvious way.
     Still: What does dis still do? Hold the olives.
     Box O' Boom: If you can't open it, you've missed
  something on the beach.
     'X': Mine, mine, mine. Once you've broken through, you
  may find your rope alone won't suffice. There's a catch to
  this one.
     In The Dark: Not a new situation for you, I imagine.
  There nothing to do but to feel your way (Eew!)
 
  
     Deja Voodoo  Le Chuck is more than just a minor pain in
  the rear these days - he's graduated to major nuisance.
  You're going to have to deal the final blow. As you begin
  collecting items in this odd subterranean backlot, you'll
  notice the objects follow a familiar pattern to an old
  puzzle. Work toward the same solution.
  
     Head: This one just happens to fall into your lap, so to
  speak. Once you've lightened your load - more than once -
 
   hang out around the elevator. Eventually you'll catch a
  hold of something.
     Thread: Here's my laundry list: the "grog machine" room,
  the grog machine, ten cents, and a nasty thing my childhood
  friends called "Melvyn".
     Body: A dominant motif in this game, you'll have no
  problem sniffing this one out.
     Dead: Easy.
  
     Z End  Now that you've got the goods, just shake and
 
  bake, m'friend. You're now armed and dangerous.
  Enjoy the end sequence...
  
     If you have any further questions, please feel free to
  post them on the appropriate Computer Club topic. Keep on
  Gamin' on... CGW.
  
  
  
 














































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