947) I will stop trying to see what's under the 12-inch action figures' clothes.
948) I will not carry the Legolas/Gimli Valentine in my wallet.
949) Unless someone gave it to me.
950) "Pick up some LotR valentines while you're out" cannot be used as a loophole for the above.
951) I will not giggle every time Gimli falls off the Legolas/Gimli/Arod action figure.
952) I will never type Legolas/Gimli/Arod again.
953) I will not make a Legolas/Gimli altar.
954) I will at least make a Legolas/Gimli altar where it can be easily hidden.
955) Telling prospective dates that you have a Legolas/Gimli altar may be an effective way to weed out bad choices, but you still shouldn't do it.
956) Calling it a shrine doesn't help.
957) I will never admit I like Denethor.
958) I will not rattle off possible elf/dwarf pairings at the slightest provocation.
959) I, however, will continue to do so. -Rei
960) I will not play the "evil Gimli chuckle" from the ROTK drinking game preview continuously.
961) Nor will I program my computer to use it as an error sound.
962) Haldir's elves did not come to Helm's Deep because they heard that their dwarf was in danger.
963) I will not buy a Gimli mug solely because I think it would be cool to slurp hot cocoa from his skull.
964) It is not Aragorn's fault that he's on all the "Three Hunters" merchandise, and as such I will refrain from calling him "tag along."
965) I will never, under any circumstances, frame the Legolas/Gimli valentine.
966) I will not subject unsuspecting people to my twisted Dwarf/Hobbit notions. -Rei
967) Continuing in that vein, I will no longer carry my "Long Live Balin/Bilbo" flag around in my purse so that I may take it out and wave it at random moments. -Rei
968) I will stop requesting that we all bow down to the utter glory that is Peregrin Took. -Rei
969) Legolas' "glow" during the RotK film was completely unrelated to anything he and Gimli might have been doing off-screen. -Rei
970) Legolas was not pregnant during the RotK film. -Rei
971) I will not make up my own slashy endings to the drinking game scene. -Rei
972) I mustl stop headbutting everyone. It's just not cool anymore. -Rei
973) Dying Orcs don't lie. -Rei
974) I will not steal the Dwarf's thunder. -Rei
975) I will not dream up bizarre and unlikely slash pairings with the sole intent of squicking my friends. -Rei
976) I will not ask for an all-Dwarf harem as a birthday present. -Rei
977) At least not until I'm twenty-one. -Rei
978) Dobby is not the relative that Gollum doesn't like to talk about. -Rei
979) Nor is he the sad, mutated result of Elven inbreeding. -Rei
980) No one likes a show-offy Elf. -Rei
981) Dwarves do not prefer blondes. -Rei
982) It is Elvish light, not afterglow. -Rei
983) It did not just start raining. -Rei
984) I will stop trying to fit Gimli into my saddlebag. -Rei
985) Elves do not turn mortal if you cut off their ear-tips. -Rei
986) "Ooh, pretty!" is not an appropriate way to greet the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood. -Rei
987) The Dwarf is not my pet. -Rei
988) Thranduil's nightly sojourns to the Dwarves' cells were purely diplomatic. -Rei
989) Celeborn is not constipated; he is comtemplating "higher things." -Rei
990) Bombur was not Thorin & Co.'s emergency food supply. -Rei
