16th September 2008
28 Months Later. . .
His first sensation was an aching head. What had happened? Had he put away a little too much of the jungle juice last night? No, this didn�t feel the same. There was a vague memory of an accident, falling off a sliding palm leaf. . .
As he lay pondering the circumstances behind his aching cranium, listening to the sound of the waves interminably breaking upon the sands outside, something intruded upon his thoughts. He opened his eyes, to discover with somewhat of a surprise that he was laying on a bed in the Island hospital. As this started to sink in to his returning wakefulness, the earlier intrusion upon his thoughts suddenly hit him. It was quiet. Completely quiet. Apart from the ocean�s ebb and sway, he could discern no sound from any of the other castaways.
He sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around. Spying no one, he stumbled to the door and looked outside. The entire camp was deserted. The fire pit was cold ash, no smoke was rising from Chef Cloud�s restaurant, no one was sitting around the brewery. He wandered out onto the beach in utter disbelief. He walked to Penny�s amusement park, where memory was starting to tell him he�d had a fall, which is obviously what landed him in the hospital. No one. He looked into the shady alcove of Cloud�s restaurant. Deserted. Past Robert�s model shop, with the detailed replicas intricately carved from island stone, yet Robert was not in his customary spot at his work bench. Past the brewery, the still silent and cold.
Something drew him towards the chapel. He had been too disorientated to be scared, but a hint of fear was starting to creep into the corner of his mind now. Passing through the doors, the first thing that his sight took in was the giant H, symbol of the Island�s worship. Glancing around he saw the Almighty Starbug, the Holy Dwarf. But as his eyes moved down the horror hit him.
The ground was littered with penguins. Dead penguins. As if they had come in here to pray together when something killed them all at once. Immediately the smell hit him, and the sound of the feasting flies grated on his consciousness. He couldn�t help himself, his mouth opened and his voice leapt out, sounding like thunder after the long and foreboding silence.
�Hello?�
There was a movement. Amongst the bodies, one sat up, then another, staring at him. He took a step backwards. There was something completely inpenguin about them. Their eyes, their eyes!
There was a knocking at the door near him. A frantic knocking. Fearing for someone�s safety, the Captain could not help but approach. Suddenly, the door was flung wide. A penguin wearing a white collar came stumbling out. Its eyes were the same as the others.
�Father, are you alright?� asked the Captain.
The penguin came towards him, growling, staring at him with those eyes. I�ve got to get out of here! Those eyes, those eyes have me. . .
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Captain awoke with a yell. The sound of the castaways going about their day intruded into his consciousness. He felt the shade of the tree he had dozed off under upon his sweating brow. It was just a dream, just a dream. He sat up and took a drink of water from the coconut shell by his side. Another dream. We have been too long on this island.
How long had they been here? It was so hard to tell. It seemed like a long time had passed without anything happening. As he looked across the vista before him, he watched the others at their activities. Dr Keir was sitting in front of the hospital, the second biggest hut on the beach, talking to Stu, Aimi and Simon. Sparky was busily lighting a fire at the restaurant, while Chef Cloud stood by with a sack full of peas, waiting anxiously to start cooking them. Robert was sitting by his workbench, discussing the details for a new Starbug model with Drumjay. Many of the castaways were sliding around on palm leaves at Penny�s amusement park. A few more Dwarfers were sitting with Andrew and Josh at the Brewery, by far the biggest hut in the small village that had arisen on the beach�s edge. Others were swimming in the crystal blue ocean, or strolling around the edge of the jungle, picking fruit, talking, laughing. Just another day.
Everyone seemed to have settled into this new life, forgetting about the strange occurrences that led them here. Who was the mysterious benefactor who invited them all on a special trip for the members of the Red Dwarf Webboard, who had paid for a private jet to pick them up from all over the globe, yet who had never revealed themselves? How did the jet crash onto this island, and everyone survived, yet there was no trace of the crew? Why did the numbers 737 and 1937 keep appearing, and what was there significance? What happened to the stranger they first encountered, and had he ever had Wilson returned to him? And strangest of all, whatever happened to the volcano? Whenever they thought of exploring it, they always balked, and now it seems to have just disappeared. What is this place, where such immovable things as mountains even seem to be at the whim of some strange imagination?
�Ahoy, Captain!� Bluebeard came strolling towards him, his faithful giant rhino Fluffy following on his heel. �Argh, Cap�n, it be another fine day we is having here. But something seems to be a-troublin� yer.�
�Don�t you ever find it strange, Bluebeard? Our predicament here?�
�Aye, that I do, Cap�n, that I do. Strange things be happening on this island, that be right. I still don�t understand meself a great many things. Like how on the seven seas did I turn into a pirate? And why, by Davey Jones� Locker, has this dead parrot I have attached to me shoulder still not decomposed after all this time?�
�And how did you get attached to that giant rhino?�
�Avast ye, Cap�n! Ye�ll be hurting dear Fluffy�s feelings!�
�And here we are, approaching the thousand word mark, yet with no plot development, only a feeble attempt at lampooning a movie brought about by the sheer coincidence of the time passed between episodes. And why, oh why, do I say things like this? They make no sense!�
�Argh, it all be a mystery, Cap�n, a blighting mystery.�
�And another thing. This place plays with my memory. I feel sure that some people have disappeared from the island, yet new people seem to have turned up out of nowhere.�
�Aye. And we still have the problem of Andrew being a wereflibble. Yet apart from all this, most seem to be gaining their land legs, and life is being good.�
�Maybe you�re right. Maybe I�m looking too deeply into everything. It�s true that most of the others are certainly making the best of this situation. I just can�t shake off this foreboding feeling I�ve had since we arrived.� He stood and stretched, wiping the sand off his back. �Well, I think it�s about time we had a meeting. We haven�t had an assembly for a long time. I�ll go and grab the conch.�
He walked over to the assembly area, a nice shaded spot in the sand, with large logs placed in concentric semicircles. The conch was sitting there, seemingly unused for quite some time. Picking up its gleaming white bulk, he put the short end to his lips and gave three great bassoon-like blasts. The castaways came over and arranged themselves upon the logs. The Captain stood in the centre.
�Fellow Dwarfers, some time has passed since anything has happened. I propose that we seek out some sort of action, before everyone gets too bored to bother with the rest of this.�
�We need more peas,� said Chef Cloud from the front. �I know we�ve had them b�fo, but we�re down to our last several million.�
�I�m not really sure what I�m doing here,� said Sanja. �I can�t remember what has happened on the island before today. It is a very strange feeling.�
�I have exactly the same feeling,� said Seb. A few others murmured their agreement.
�Not only that,� said Aimi, �but nothing humorous seems to have happened. It�s as if someone hasn�t been pulling their weight when working this out, as if they�re just setting things up at the moment for the next time. And as if they�re somehow using me to get their excuse out.�
�Indeed,� said the Captain, �things are not all as they seem. Dr Keir, have you been having any luck with Andrew�s condition?�
�Some progress, of sorts,� replied Dr Keir. �I haven�t been able to stop Andrew from turning into the wereflibble on the full moon, but we�ve worked some things out.�
�Yes,� said Andrew. �I�ve managed to teach my sphenisthropic side to do some hunting for us. At the moment I�m working on bringing home the catch instead of devouring it on the spot.�
�I�m just upset that I haven�t had a line yet,� said Christian.
�Hmm, yes,� said the Captain. �Are there any others who haven�t had a line yet?� Several voices rose in assent. �Well, I�m sure you�ll all have something to say very soon. I think we�ll start with Talkie Toaster. Robert, I believe you managed to reconstruct him?�
Robert stood, holding something in his hands. �Yes, I have managed to build him again, although I had to work from scratch.� There was a collective groan from everyone. �Here is Talkie Toaster!�
Robert held his bundle aloft. There was the toaster, complete in every detail. �Of course,� Robert said, �I could only use the materials around us, so he�s carved out of stone. While he�s a lot more durable than he was before, he can�t really speak. Or toast. Or do anything, as a matter of fact. However, he does make a great paperweight.�
�Okay,� said the Captain, �we must decide what we do from here. Cloud, you want some more peas. Do you know where to get them?�
�I thought I saw some peas b�fo over in the green hills zone. We have to go through that dark, scary jungle that no one�s been game to enter to get there.�
�Keir, do you have any idea about how to cure Andrew?�
�Well, I remember from university, one of the things we studied was the use of certain herbs to cure sphenisthropy. I�d like to take a look around for them.�
�Okay,� said the Captain. �I still feel the compulsion for a third choice to be added to our first two. Does anyone else have any suggestions?�
�I want to know what happened to that volcano that used to be in the middle of the island,� said FX. �It seems incredibly strange that a whopping great volcano can just disappear and we don�t even notice it!�
�Okay,� said the Captain. �Once again, strangely, we arrive at a three way decision. Do we go gathering peas in the green hill zone through the creepy jungle, do we go searching for herbs to cure Andrew�s wereflibbleness, or do we investigate the mysterious missing volcano? And before we go, there is something else I would like to mention. Oddly enough, I get the feeling there has been exactly one thousand, nine hundred and thirty seven words exactly so far.�
Which adventure shall the castaways set out on?
A - Gathering peas through the creepy jungle with Cloud.
B � Searching for herbs to cure the wereflibbling Andrew.
C � Explore the mysterious disappearance of Wendoline�s Volcano.
Vote now! A, B or C!
A - 2
B - 2
C - 9