After racking my brain for ideas for my first article, I ended up deciding on a topic, which dominates my life. I am a hearltess bitch. This face has been brought to my attention multiple times by multiple people. The even sadder fact is that I cannot deny this accusation. Even in my best hours, when I strive to be my nicest, my heartlessness shines through. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of this fact, I just embrace it along with my other faults. Gnomes, for example, are something else that I embrace. Although I am usually on good terms with them, I still have to watch out. The last thing I need, or anyone else needs for that matter, is to be chased after by a bunch of malevolent, subterranean, deformed dwarves. But I think that if I tell you anymore about them, both of our lives will be in danger.
Back to my heartlessness. Not only has this fault been pointed out by many people, but also the fact that I am going to hell. But as I reflect on this I am not too disheartened. A certain "Catt Monroy" has convinced me, that one of our holiest and most loved English teachers is going to hell. (NOTE FROM MATT: Catt Monroy completely denies this claim and has the evidence and lawyers to prove he never said such a thing) So, if even the best among us cannot make it to the Promised Land what's the point? But, that's not that big of an issue for me, because like I already said, even when I'm trying to be my best, I am still a heartless bitch.
So, What have we learned? I am a heartless bitch, even when I'm at my best, we don't talk about gnomes if we know what's good for us, and since we are all doomed for a undesirable afterlife there is no reason not to treat each other like cheap hookers. (Sorry the gnomes made me say that) |
