As you have probably noticed, this is Knicks Knacks and Snacks, on the OFFICIAL MATT CONROY HOMEPAGE. Don't be fooled by those fakes, this is the ONLY official website. One day, about two weeks ago, I was surfing the internet from my straw house in Lebanon and I stumbled upon this site. I thought it would be a good idea for me to email this poor, unfortunate soul Matt and give him some ideas to improve his site. Poverty sucks, but, man, this pathetic loser needs some help! So anyway I agreed with him that it would be a good idea to start a syndicated column section. As you can see many other uneducated, impoverished, people from around the world are writing for this Matt Conroy. What a slave driver! I work 30 hours a day, 7 days a week for Matt in the freezing cold here in Lebanon. The "writers" Conroy recruited are crazy. I've met Chark DeTweak and I swear to God he has a third arm! It's the scariest thing in the world. Well now lets get on with the important stuff. As you probably know, my name is William Skeete. I was born in 1967 in Japan. My father was a black Jew and my mother was a Chinese Muslim. Somehow, I ended up as a Catholic white-boy. After I was two, my father kicked me out and I was forced to live on a street. On August 6, 1945, while living in a sewer in Hiroshima, I saw a vision telling me to travel to Lebanon. People tell me it was just the flash of the atomic bomb but I think they're crazy. In September, 1942 I started my journey, on foot, from Japan to Lebanon. Man, That was a long walk. It took my over 4 hours! When I got to Lebanon, I was 18. It was the year, 1992. I then tried out for the Lebanon bobsled team and from 1908 to 1924 we won 5 consecutive gold medals. The next year, 2002, I built my straw hut in the middle of the Sahara desert and bought my computer. Now, I'm writing in this column. Oh Shit! My house just blew down. The snow is sooooooo cold!!! I hope you enjoy my column.
Note: Any time discrepencies are purely coincedental |