happy31

Alex was still sitting on the bed when she heard the door slam shut. The sound was still echoing in her head when her bedroom door flew open.

�What the hell just happened?� Ice demanded. Alex head jerked up to see �Taker, Ice, and LaSha in front of her. Alex could only stared at them blankly. ~Little girl? 'Taker asked. Alex put her hand to her chest, she opened her mouth to respond then she shut it again.

LaSha walked closer to her. �Alex?� she asked cautiously when Alex made a sound like she was wounded. ~What did he do? 'Taker demanded. Alex shook her head vigorously, still unable to talk.

�Alex what did he say?� Ice asked.

Alex drew a shaky breath, her hand at her chest beginning to shake. �He asked . . .he wanted to know if I loved him.� she whispered. �And?� LaSha asked, kneeling in front of her when the tears started to fall down Alex's face silently. �Alex, what did you say to him?� Ice asked. �I didn�t say anything.� She answered. �You what!?� Ice demanded. �He told me he loved me, but I couldn�t say anything.� Alex whispered. She put her hand to her temples feeling a pressure building.

�Let me get this straight. Chris told you he loved you. Then asked if you loved him.� Ice asked and Alex nodded, the tears flowing faster now; she rose from the bed and begin pacing the room. Ice and LaSha just watching her as Alex didn�t say anything for a while.

�And you said nothing?!� Ice demanded, �What the hell�s a matter with you?� Alex only paced faster; she brushed the tears from her cheek.

�You disappoint me little girl.� 'Taker announced aloud. Alex stopped pacing abruptly, and turned to him. She stared at him open-mouthed for a minute. �Do what?� she asked him, confusion written all over her face.

�You�re a coward.� 'Taker continued. �'Taker!� LaSha exclaimed. 'Taker ignored LaSha as he walked toward Alex. �Alex, that boy just told you he loved you. He was under the impression you loved him. How do you think it felt to know you�ve been stringing him along?� 'Taker asked.

�I have NOT!� she exclaimed.

�He waited longer for you than any sane man would. Stood nearby when he couldn�t stand beside you. He just defended himself to your family. How fucking patient do you expect him to be? It�s not too much to ask if you feel the same way.� 'Taker informed her.

�What do you care anyway!?� Alex yelled. �You don�t like anyone we date!� She yelled gesturing toward LaSha and Ice.

�Stop making excuses!� 'Taker yelled back. �If you love him that wouldn�t matter one way or another.�

Getting angry and not understanding why, the pressure building in her head.   Alex reached blindly grabbing the first thing her hand touched, a vase from the bedside table, and hurled it in 'Taker direction.

He didn�t flinch as it whirled past his head, hitting the wall behind him, missing him by mere inches.

�Feel better?� he asked. ~Alex? Kane whispered in her head.

Alex grabbed her head as the room went dark.

~~*~~
Alex sat up quickly in bed, �Chris.� She whispered in the dark.

She gasped when she turned to the light that switched on next to her. Alex threw her legs over the opposite side of the bed, turning her back to him. �What are you still doing here?� she asked, turning to the other light that snapped on.

�Double team. Well, this should be fun.� Alex remarked wryly.

~Little girl . . . Kane began. ~Tell me what happened. He asked.

Alex rose from the bed to pace again. �What happened to me?� she asked. �You fainted.� 'Taker answered. Still looking only at Kane, �Why?� she asked.

~I felt you spinning out of control. Your emotions were too high. Because of what happened with Chris. Your . . . .discussion with 'Taker. Kane said diplomatically.

�He called me a coward.� Alex seethed, glaring in 'Taker�s direction.

~Why couldn�t you answer Chris? Kane asked. Hoping to get her back on tract and avoiding another argument with 'Taker. Alex turned away from him; she walked over to stare out the window, crossing her arms across her chest.

~Alex? 'Taker called to her. When Alex didn�t turn or answer, �Alex?� he tried aloud.

Alex surprised herself, in that she didn�t jump when she felt 'Taker lay his hands on her shoulders. �Little girl.� He began, turning her around. �What?� she mumbled.

�Do you love me?� 'Taker asked. Alex head snapped up to look at his face. �What?� she asked in confusion. �Do you love me?� he asked again.

She rolled her eyes as she tried to move out of his embrace, �Hard to say at the moment.� she replied. 'Taker took her chin to make her look at him, smiling when Alex nodded after a moment. �And Kane?� he continued. �Yes of course I love you.� She answered.

�Was that so hard? To admit that you love someone?� 'Taker asked. �Alex you already know you don�t have to choose. This isn�t a �who you love more� contest.� 'Taker continued. �Even if you do love me more.� He added, with a smirk on his face. Alex rolled her eyes again, moving out of his reach. �Believe it or not slick, this has ain�t got nuthin� to do with you. Or Kane.� She informed him, drawling slightly.

'Taker continued headlong. �Do you love Chris?� he asked. ~Don�t answer that. Kane interrupted. Both Alex and 'Taker turning to him. �Why?� she asked. ~Cause we�re not the one�s who need to hear it. Kane replied simply.

�Where is everyone?� She asked, realizing it was incredibly quiet. �They left a few hours ago. It�s late.� 'Taker answered. �Lydia?� she asked. �After we assured her you were okay, she left.� 'Taker informed her. �Mumbled something about being stubborn running in the family. Jesse and X-Pac took her home.� He added �One of our finer qualities.� Alex assured him. ~You�re changing the subject. Kane mentioned.

Alex walked away from 'Taker and the window to pace. After a few minutes, 'Taker stood in front of her stopping her movement.

�You�re letting him hold you in the past.� 'Taker announced heatedly. Alex stared at him for a moment in confusion, then her eyes narrowed to slits. She planted her hands on 'Taker chest and pushed him away.

�Don�t you dare compare Paul and Chris!� she screamed. �This has nothing to do with him.� she announced. �It doesn�t?� he asked. �You�re afraid to love Chris because Paul hurt you.� 'Taker yelled knowingly. Alex fumed silently crossing her arms across her chest, then turning slowly to Kane. �Why does he insist that he knows everything?!� she asked through clenched teeth.

Alex stood silently for a moment, raising her hands, she fisted them in her hair, trying to reign in her temper, �This is about ME!� she shouted emphatically. �What I feel for Chris doesn�t compare to anything I ever felt for Paul.� She continued, a little more quietly. �What I felt for Paul is nothing compared to what I feel for Chris.� She continued.

�Then why couldn�t you answer him?!� 'Taker yelled. �Because I�m scared dammit!� Alex shouted.

�Happy now? You�re right.� she admitted, quieter now. �I am a coward cause I�m scared.� She repeated quietly. Turning to Kane, �Is that was you wanted to hear?� she asked heatedly.

~Scared of what? That he�ll hurt you? Kane asked, ignoring her question. Alex shook her head vigorously, frustrated at the idiocy of that question. Alex paced the floor again as she clenched and unclenched her hands.

�I . . .I don�t know how to do this.� She whispered, her voice beginning to shake.
�I feel . . .When he�s near me, I can�t think. When he�s not, I feel lost. My head spins when he smiles at me. I�m anxious to see him from the minute my eyes open in the morning. All the stupid little clich�s.   I need him near me.
When he touches me . . .I can�t breath . . . .�   �Alex, it�s okay - calm down.� Taker asked; seeing her eyes begin to tear up and her hands were beginning to tremble. Alex closed her eyes, the tears falling as she continued,
�He hadn�t said it until tonight, but I know . . .I�ve always known . . .
I�ve never felt anything this strong before . . . .just to know he loves me . . .� Alex stopped abruptly, taking a shaky breath to continue.
�He doesn�t even have to say or do anything. But when he�s near me I feel whole.�

She stopped in the center of the room, turning to be able to face both Kane and 'Taker,
�I . . .I don�t know how to handle this. I . . .I�ve never needed someone this much. I don�t want to need him this much. It hurts.� she choked out. Alex laid a hand flat against her chest; she tapped against it frantically. �It�s like an ache in my chest. It makes me feel out of control. It scares me to want something . . .someone this much.� She confessed softly, the tears choking her voice.   �I don�t know how to need someone. It scares me to need him this much.� 'Taker had been standing silently as he watched Alex rambled almost incoherent for her tears. He saw the sheer terror on her face, and moved to her when her whole body started to tremble. He picked her up in his arms and sat with her on his lap on the edge of the bed. He stroked her hair and held her tightly against his chest, as Alex rested her head on his shoulder, tears falling silently as she tried to calm herself.

Kane rose from the chair he�d been sitting in through the conversation and he crossed the room to them. Kane knelt in front of the bed, taking Alex�s chin to look in her eyes. Then did something he rarely did, he blocked 'Taker from hearing what he was saying, speaking only to Alex.

~Is the ache in your chest more painful than what you felt when Chris walked out the door? Can you live with that pain instead? Kane asked.

~You can�t live your life in constant fear, little girl. Kane mentioned. ~Are you going to let the fear outweigh what�s in your heart? Can you live with the pain of Chris not being in your life? Kane asked.

Alex let the tears fall down her face unchecked as she listened.   Alex rose from 'Taker�s lap and walked back to the window, putting her back to both of them for a moment. She continued to stare at the floor, as she sighed heavily, �I don�t know how to fix this.� She whispered. Kane shook his head, ~Yes you do. He assured her.

~~*~~

Alex was curled up on a couch, sitting quietly in the dressing room. Her sisters� had been in and out of the room all night, each had approached at random times but for the most part they knew she needed to be by herself.

She�d also steadily ignored the monitor in the room where LaSha and Austin were sitting. Alex had been staring into space for the better part of an hour when a she felt a shadow over her. Thinking it was another one of her sisters, she merely sighed as she looked up.

�Lydia?� she asked, the shock evident in her voice.

�Hey! WOW, this place is busy. Is it always like this?� she asked.

�Yeah . . .usually.� Alex stammered. �What are you doing here?!� �Your friends . . .� �My family.� Alex interrupted, �I consider them my family.�

�They said I should come down to see the show.� Lydia informed her. �Since you�ve never invited me, I took them up on it.�

Alex laughed without humor, �Wrestling never interested you.� Alex commented. �Like anything else I did.�    Lydia looked at Alex curiously, analyzing the last statement. �That�s not true.� Lydia finally answered. �Whatever.� Alex mumbled, turning back to the pages in front of her. �Maybe we weren�t always all over each other�s lives, but you were the one who moved clear cross town.� Lydia reminded her.

Alex laughed again rising from the couch to stand in front of Lydia. �You make it sound like I moved across the state.   Besides you weren�t making my phone ring even before I left.�

�I�ll take it you�re trying to pick a fight with me cause you haven�t straighten things out with Chris.� Lydia commented.

Alex�s eyes narrowed, �That�s none of your business. My life has never been any of your business.�

�I�ll take that as a no.� Lydia commented easily. �Why not?� she asked.

�It�s . . .it�s complicated.� Alex finally stammered. �Why don�t you go talk to him?� Lydia asked. �Because it�s not as easy as that.� Alex snapped impatiently. �It�s not as hard as you seem to want to make it either.� Lydia countered. Alex turned from her to pace the room restlessly. Lydia watched and muttered under her breath, �She still does that?� she asked no one in particular. �All the time.� Austin answered. �When she�s frustrated, or mad.� LaSha added.

�I hurt him.� Alex whispered. �Yep.� Lydia agreed, trying not to grin when Alex glared at her. �Then fix it.� Lydia advised.

After watching her for a few more minutes, Lydia stepped deliberately into the path Alex was wearing into the floor. �You always think when you do something wrong, that it�s unforgivable. That it can�t possibly be forgiven.� Lydia commented.

�I watched Chris yesterday.� Lydia informed her. �I went to your place pissed as hell. When Chris started talking I had NO intention of believing him, much less forgiving him.� she informed all in the room. �You�re right. We weren�t into each other�s lives that much. But that�s not anyone�s fault.� Lydia mused. �We just didn�t . . .don�t understand each other.� Lydia commented.

�I definitely couldn�t understand why you left. I thought you�d lost your mind when you took this job. It was the equivalent of joining the circus.� �You�re not too far off.� Austin commented dryly. Lydia smiled at him when she continued. �I just knew you�d lost your mind and I would just bring you home and straighten you out.� Lydia recited in what Alex always considered her, �I know everything� voice.

�But I watched those guys last night. All of them meant every word they said. They would have killed Ben if you had let them. They�d fight for you or any of the women in that room � without questions. Without a second thought.� Lydia announced in amazement. �I was so completely wrong.� She admitted. �This has been the best things for you. I can see it in you now. Not just the phone calls or emails; in you.� She emphasized. �I am glad I was wrong about this. Granted, I was given a LOT of misinformation.� She admitted. Alex only smiled as she glanced at Austin and LaSha. �Then I watched Chris as he explained himself. I saw the pain on his face when he had to tell me what he�d done.� Lydia continued.

Lydia raised her hand to Alex's face, brushing the tears that started to fall. �This is supposed to make me feel better, how?� Alex asked. �I�m getting to it, hold on.� Lydia objected. �Where . . .oh yeah.� Lydia began again. �Then I saw his eyes when he looked at you. When he told me he loved you.� Lydia informed her. �I saw a man completely and totally in love with you. Do you know how rare that is? How hard that is to find?� Lydia asked imploringly.

�And yes, you hurt him.� Lydia added. Alex rolled her eyes and turned away. �Thanks for the newsflash.� Alex replied wryly. �Alex you have to tell him!� Lydia objected. �You can�t just expect him to know. Or read your mind. Nobody can do that.� Lydia informed her.   Alex bit her tongue to keep from laughing out loud, while shooting a knowing look at LaSha and Austin.

�But I can�t just . . .� Alex stopped abruptly; looking around the room and then looked at LaSha and Austin who were still sitting near the monitor. �Where�s 'Taker?� she demanded. �I don�t know.� LaSha answered, confused at the switch in conversation. �His match isn�t until later.� Austin added.

�Hell!� Alex mumbled, abruptly throwing the pen in her hand to the floor and moved Lydia out of the way and ran toward the door.

*Kane?! Alex called. ~What�s wrong little girl? He asked, hearing the panic in her tone. Alex was moving around the backstage area frantically, trying to center on 'Taker.

*Where is 'Taker? She asked. ~We were discussing our match but he left a few minutes ago. He said he had something to do. Why? What�s wrong?

*Help me find him. Alex requested. *I have a bad feeling he�s doing something stupid.

�Alex! What are you doing?� Lydia asked, as she tried to keep up with her. Alex stopped suddenly, seeing LaSha and Austin behind her as well.

�I have to find Chris.� She announced, turning back around and searching frantically again.

*Ice!? Alex called. *Have you seen 'Taker. �He went down the hall a few minutes ago. She answered. *Which hallway? Who�s in those dressing rooms? Alex asked.

-I saw RIP and Jeff down there. They were looking for Matt. Matt is with . . . .uh-oh.

�Damn!� Alex swore aloud.

~~*~~
Taker opened the door and slammed it shut. He gave Chris credit for not moving from his chair. He was mildly annoyed that Chris wasn�t alone. He avoided the warning glare from RIP as she sat in between Matt and Jeff near Jericho.

�I want to talk to you.� 'Taker announced. �What about?� Chris asked simply crossing his arms across his chest. �We don�t have a match tonight. So we can talk about the weather if you want.�

�Don�t play with me boy.� 'Taker growled. �I want to talk about Alex.� 'Taker replied. �No.� Chris answered calmly. �I won�t discuss her with you.� Chris announced and rose from his chair heading toward the door. �Don�t walk away from me!� 'Taker ordered. �You�re going to straighten this out!�

�I won�t discuss Alex with you!� Chris reaffirmed. �This has nothing to do with you!� Chris yelled. �I know the place you have in her life. And I respect it.� Chris acknowledged. �But you�re irrational when it comes to her. At least Kane will listen to me before he breaks my neck.� Chris informed him. �That place in her life doesn�t mean you get any input into what she and I have.� Chris informed him. �Had.� He added quietly, correcting himself.

�You are NOT walking away from her!� 'Taker roared.

�That is not your decision to make!� Chris yelled back. �I�m not the one doing the walking.� He reminded him. �You don�t think I know what you or Kane would do to me if I didn�t love Alex.� Chris asked. �That it hasn�t been drummed into my head since day one?�

�If I had any doubts about your love for Alex, I�d have broken your neck a long time ago.� 'Taker sneered. �And gotten rid of you long before you could hurt her.�

�Yeah? Like you got rid of Paul before he hurt her?� Chris asked; smiling smugly when 'Taker�s eyes smoldered. �Why are you here?� Chris questioned. �Alex made herself perfectly clear last night. This is her decision. What do you care what I do?�

'Taker rolled his shoulder and Chris watched while 'Taker visibly tried to reign in his temper. �I was wrong.� 'Taker began. �You are as stupid as you look.�

�This friendly chat is over.� Chris decided.

Chris stalked across the room and was just past 'Taker when he felt the hand around his throat.

�You claim to know what I�m capable of.� 'Taker began, his voice strangely calm as his fingers flexed around Chris� throat. �'Taker!� RIP yelled, jumping out of her chair.   �STOP IT!� �You have no idea.� 'Taker pointedly ignored RIP while he sent a warning glare at Jeff. With the message completely clear, Jeff reluctantly pulled RIP back against him, holding her still.

�You�ve taken a �Last Ride� haven�t you?� 'Taker addressed Chris again.   �How about a choke-slam? On hard concrete floor?� 'Taker continued, his voice grating through his teeth. �If you think I�ll let anything or any one hurt her . . .� 'Taker continued.

�Let him go.� An impatient and weary voice from the door way requested.

'Taker only turned his eyes to the direction of the door. He saw Lydia eyes wide with fear, and Alex with her hands on her hips. Kane, Ice, LaSha, and Austin just behind them.

�NOW!� Alex demanded.

Alex felt Lydia put her hand on her arm, �Alex I think . . .� seeing Chris� face begin to pale as 'Taker�s grip tighten, Alex shook off her sister�s hand, taking a few steps forward.

�NOW dammit!� Alex demanded again.

Feeling the tension in Alex �Taker released his grip. Alex winced as if hurt when Chris staggered a few steps away, trying to catch his breath. Matt, Jeff, RIP and Lydia went quickly to his side.

Alex stalked over standing in front of 'Taker she pushed him roughly, making him take a step back. �You can�t fix this!� Alex admonished. �And not like that!�

Alex turned to Chris to see Lydia trying to check him; the color coming back in his face. Chris gently pushed Lydia and RIP away from him. �I�m fine.� He assured them, his voice scratchy.

Alex stepped away from 'Taker and walked toward Chris. She bit her lip when Chris stepped back from her, not allowing Alex to touch him.

The tension grew thick in the room as Chris and Alex just stared at each other for a long moment.

Chris shook out of Matt and Jeff�s grasp, walking toward the door without saying a word.

�Chris wait.� Alex stammered. Chris hesitated only a second as he reached for the door, he grabbed the door handle viciously jerking the door open. Chris walked through the door, pushing past Hunter, Leah, Kanike, and Storm who were trying to enter and out into the backstage area.

Alex stood in the doorway Chris had just exited. Her eyes scanned around to see that there were several people middling around. Alex felt a hand planted firmly on her back, which pushed her several steps forward, Alex simply staring at the floor.

�WAIT!� she called out again as Chris continued to walk. When she looked up again, she saw Chris had stopped to stare at her.   When she continued to only stare at the floor, he threw up his hands slightly and turns to walk away again. �Chris please.� She asked.

Chris stood there with his hand on his hip but didn�t turn around for a moment. When he did turn Alex saw that the hurt had changed to anger. �Why?� Chris snapped, oblivious to the crowd that was growing at the sound of raised voices. �It�s a pretty easy question. You either love me or you don�t!�

�Wait a second.� She pleaded quietly, as she stared at the floor.
�Just . . .wait . . .one . . .second.� She asked again shakily.   Alex began to wring her hands and then dragged them through her hair. Her heart was beating madly at what she was about to do and her hands shook unmercifully. Chris stalked back closing the open space between them and grabbed Alex by the arms pulling her up onto her toes, �Say it.� Chris demanded. �Do you love me?� he growled slowly.

'Taker moved toward Chris, angered by the way he was talking to Alex. Kanike grabbed his arm and to everyone�s surprise Lydia grabbed the other, �No.� she whispered firmly. ~She�s right. Kane stated. Kane knew Alex loved Chris; it was time she admit it to herself.   ~Chris needs to push now. Alex needs to make a decision.

She looked up into his eyes and as she looked pass the anger she could practically hear the click in her head . . .and in her heart. �Yes.� She choked out, tears in her throat. Chris relaxed his grip on her arms and held her at arms length. Alex put her hands on his arms; just to feel him or to hold herself up she couldn�t be sure.

�That first night when you told me how you felt my heart almost stopped.� She began, in a voice almost inaudible to anyone but him. �I knew I would lose my heart to you. I knew it was already gone.� She informed him, her voice starting to tremble. �I didn�t want to believe what was in front of me. I didn�t want the reality of it. If I believed in it, it would mean opening my heart again. That fear . . .� She stated quietly. �What do you want me to say or do to convince you that I would never hurt you.� Chris interrupted angrily.

Alex shook her head viciously, punching him half-heartedly, �Not of you. I have never been scared of you. I know you think that and I hate that I can�t think of something to say to make you believe that. I know you�d never hurt me, in any way. I�ve always known that about you. I don�t know how . . .I just do.� Alex acknowledged. �I�m scared of what I feel for you.� She corrected him quietly.

�This has taken me too long to say, but I didn�t know if I could do this again.� She explained. �Yes, loving you scares . . .scared me.� She corrected. �But you walking away from me scares me more. It�s only been a few months, but you are a part of me. You�re not in my heart or part of my heart. You ARE my heart.   I don�t know how to exist without you. I don�t want to.�

Alex looked again into his deep blue eyes; she wanted her voice to be steady. She didn�t want him to mistake her timidness for uncertainty.   �I love you.� Alex stated quietly but firmly the tears she was holding falling freely now. �I didn�t think I would ever be able to say that again. But you saved me and made me believe again.� She whispered. �When you said it to Lydia last night, it all fell into place.   Loving you is easy. I�m the one that�s made it hard. I love you.� She whispered to him.     �Please don�t leave.� She requested softly. Alex�s heart refused to beat as Chris just stared at her.

Around her, Lydia could practically hear everyone holding his or her breath.