| Part XXII |
Alex stood pacing the hallway outside Chris� room. She'd walked around the hotel for almost an hour, just thinking. When she looked up Alex found herself outside his door. She stood outside the door for a few more minutes, nervously biting her lip. She finally knocked almost hesitantly and Chris opened the door. Alex felt him looking at her intently and then grinning. She realized she was still biting her lip and quickly pressed her lips together. �Can I talk to you?� she requested quietly. Chris leaned out and took her hand to lead her into the room. She followed him in and stood near the bed, too nervous to sit. Chris leaned against the dresser watching her fidget with her hands. �I didn�t mean to snap at you earlier.� She apologized. �You just kind of surprised me a little.� �That wasn�t how I intended for this to go down.� He answered. �I had it all planned . . ." He paused, and then shrugged. �But I guess this works just as well.� He informed her smiling. �Alex, we�ll do this any way you want.� Chris continued, looking at her, turning serious. �I�ve waited . . .� �Would you mind explaining that please?� She asked curiously, not letting him finish. �You and I have been friends for a long time. When did that . . .� �The moment I saw you.� He interrupted. �The day you walked into my dressing room with Vince.� Alex simply stared at him; she was dumbfounded. �Why . . .why didn�t you ever say anything?� Alex asked, when she regained the power of speech. �Couple of reasons. You seem so sad at first.� He started. Alex nodded remembering, 'Taker had left on injury leave and she was incredibly sad her friend was gone. �And you were also incredibly shy. I wasn�t sure how to deal with that. But damn - if you got pissed off or something went wrong you had a fiery streak. I found the contrast incredibly sexy.� He stated, and smiled when he saw Alex blush. �Eventually you loosened up, we started playing our little �game� and just being friends. Then Kane was always around.� He continued. �I was still so new at the time, I couldn�t figure out if you guys were together. So I just enjoyed playing our little game, assuming I could move it to the next step eventually.� Chris theorized. �Then as luck would have it, I had a rather unfortunate conversation with Paul one night. He told me how he felt about you. He also told me Kane and 'Taker were running interference and giving him a hard time. I played it off and didn�t let on how I felt about you. Hell, I half offered to help him.� Chris remembered bitterly. �Now I had to decide what to do. Paul and I were friends; he trusted me with how he felt about you. I�d never been in that situation before. I was caught between how I felt for you and getting around Paul. I knew if I made a move toward you how he would react. I still didn�t know if you were interested in me.� Chris started to pace the room restlessly. Alex watched him pace in front of her and she could feel the tension in him and something that confused her - sadness. �Do you remember why I went downstairs that night?� Chris asked suddenly. Alex blinked at him and for a few moments was confused; until she remembered what he was talking about. She remembered the night they�d had to share a room. She searched her mind for the answer. �You said you weren�t tired or you were too wired to sleep . . .something like that.� She remembered vaguely. �You�d think with all the shoot interviews I�ve done that I could lie better.� Chris replied wryly. �What are you talking about?� Alex asked. Chris looked directly in her eyes; she was mesmerized by the intent way he gazed at her, �I went downstairs . . .because I couldn�t be in the same room with you all night without wanting to touch you.� Chris answered huskily. Alex backed up trying to make it to the bed. As she sat down abruptly she shifted slightly and only caught the edge before she landed hard on the floor. Chris walked over and offered his hand. He pulled her up, put his hands on her waist and placed her on the bed firmly, smiling slightly. He walked back across the room to the dresser. Alex could only stare at him as he continued, again pacing the room. �I went downstairs guessing that if I waited long enough you�d be asleep by the time I got back.� He continued. �I ran into that woman, she recognized me and started flirting. That�s when it hit me. I didn�t want to be there. She was nice but I saw you in my head and I heard your voice.� Chris explained to her. �I told myself the hell with Paul. It had been weeks since our conversation and he still hadn�t done anything. I told myself that if he was interested in you he was going to have to get around me for you - not the other way around. I had decided to come back up when that drink came. After that . . .� Chris shrugged his shoulders in a helpless gesture. Alex�s head dropped into her hands and her heart hurt, tears stinging her eyes. In a matter of minutes and in someone else�s selfish act that had nothing to do with her; her life had drastically changed. �What I did that night . . .I wanted to be with you, but I would never . . .� �Shut up!� Alex demanded, her head jerking up. She jumped up from the bed and walked over to him grabbing his arms, her nails digging into his skin. �I know that! I knew it then.� She exclaimed. �Why do you keep beating yourself up about this?� She demanded. Chris broke her grip on him and moved away from her, not able to look at her. Alex hung her head, wrapping her arms around herself and waited for him to continue. �After that night I couldn�t possibly tell you how I felt. I couldn�t get past that night and in my head I couldn�t expect you to.� Chris continued. �After that Kane and then 'Taker barely let you out of their sight. Then Paul got it together to talk to you, then you were a couple and I let it go.� Chris shrugged. �The night Kane won the title, when you found me with Paul, I was on the verge of ripping his heart out for hurting you; for using you the way he did. I had backed away, he moved in and he�d hurt you.� Chris seethed. �I�d never felt more helpless in my life. When I found you outside First Aid, it nearly killed me to see you so broken up. I wanted so badly to hold you and make it all better.� He remembered huskily. �But you pushed me away.� �I pushed everyone away.� Alex reminded him. Chris shrugged as he continued, �After that, it just never seemed like the right time. I didn�t want to be the re-bound guy. I don�t know if you remember me asking you out before you got hurt?� Chris was reassured slightly when he saw Alex nod. �Just tonight though.� She whispered. Chris nodded his understanding. �Then you got sick and I didn�t want you to mistake this for sympathy.� he sighed, and Alex was moved when he ran his hands threw his hair. The gesture was so helpless. �But I�m not backing away this time. I won�t lose you again.� He stated firmly. �Lose me to who?� She asked sarcastically. �Whom.� Chris corrected playfully. Alex groaned, �Whom then?� She replied. �Jesse.� Chris stated matter-of-factly. �Jesse!?� Alex yelled incredulously. Alex clasped her hand over her mouth when she realized how loudly she�d yelled that. After a minute she lowered her hand, and shook her head. Alex looked at Chris now thoroughly confused. �Jesse?� She asked again slowly and more quietly. �Jesse and I are just friends.� She stated empathetically. Dammit, Chris had just turned her head inside out with all he�d revealed; right this second she wasn�t real sure the sky was blue. But of her and Jesse - she was emphatically sure. �JUST friends.� She stated again even more firmly. �I know.� Chris answered. �I asked him.� �You what?!� Alex asked. �At the club the other night, when you guys were dancing I saw it happening all over again. Someone else was moving in while I waited. That�s why I bumped him in the parking lot. It was stupid and childish. But we�d had a few words at the bar and he knew how to push my buttons.� Alex remembered Jesse and her slow dancing, the �ever-so-casual� arm around her shoulder, Jesse's insistence at her sitting on his lap on the ride home with Chris in the car. �I�ll kill him.� She gritted, realizing what Jesse had done and why. �No.� Chris offered, smiling as he saw her fiery streak emerging. �He made me realize that I was being an ass. When Jesse was carrying you tonight - nice view, by the way - he knew what he was doing. Why do you think he brought you to MY dressing room?� Chris asked. The look of understanding that went over Alex�s face made Chris laugh. �Then for a while, I thought you and Matt . . .� He began. �Matt?!� She yelped. �Chris you�re making my head hurt.� She put her fingers to her temple. �Matt and Jesse? I sure seem to get around, don�t I?� She asked raising her eyebrow at him and crossing her arms. �What about me and Matt made you think . . .� �The way you are with him. It always seems so affectionate.� He tried to explain. �I realized I didn�t like seeing that; but you�re like that with everyone. I was jealous because it wasn�t me. Then I talked to Matt after me and Jesse had words at the bar.� He continued. �Matt was ready to kick my butt for being so dense. He told me that you and he are just friends. He�s known for a while that I wanted to talk to you, and couldn�t figure out what I was waiting for. But he said that if I didn�t hurry up and move it, he might just consider it.� Chris smiled. �After Jesse and I talked, I then had to listen to 10 minutes of what he�d do to me if I hurt you.� Chris informed her as Alex groaned. �Like I don�t have enough to worry about with Kane and 'Taker.� He mentioned wryly. �Forget about them!� Alex exclaimed indignantly. �You�re not dealing with Kane or 'Taker or even Jesse or anybody else right now. You�re dealing with me.� She stopped putting her fingers back to her temples; she was trying to stay calm. �Chris you have never been shy, you have never been intimidated by anyone, and you have never been one to not say what�s on your mind. Why didn�t you just say something?� She asked imploringly. Alex�s head was spinning but she felt the need to ask, because she could feel Chris was holding something back. Chris shrugged before he answered. �When we started working together, I wasn�t sure you�d mix business with pleasure.� He confessed. �I liked teasing you, but I confused your shyness for disinterest.� Alex shook her head, �No, that�s not it. There�s something else. Something you�re not telling me.� She pressured him. Chris stared at her for a moment unsure of how she knew he was hiding something. Chris then hung his head, turning away from her, unsure if he wanted to tell her. When Chris lifted his head, he still didn't look at her, not able to meet her eyes. �That night everything changed. I had nightmares for a few weeks.� He started. He couldn�t stop himself from cringing when he heard Alex gasp in shock. �I don�t remember anything after walking toward the elevator to come upstairs . . .until I woke up on the floor in the room.� Chris hesitated and Alex watched while he wrestled with his thoughts. �But sometimes having an active imagination is not a good thing. In the nightmares, I kept imagining the moment when I hit you." He informed her softly. "I saw it from different angles, different ways I could have done it. I was outside my body watching myself. Begging myself to stop . . .� Chris choked. He slumped into a chair and sat there silently looking down at his hands. Alex's eyes were glistening with tears at his confession, overwhelmed with the pain and guilt he was still feeling. She crossed the room to kneel in front of him and took his hands in hers. She brought them to her lips, as the tears ran down her face and kissed them. She then took his face in her hands and kissed him. Chris� hands slid around her waist as the kiss deepened and Alex wound her arms around his neck. �Did that feel like still I hold that night in question? Or ever did?� She asked breathlessly, her forehead on his. �Did that feel like I�m not interested? Or that you�re the re-bound guy.� Chris held her tighter in response. Sitting back on her heels Alex looked up at him, �I�ve known for a little while that you were interested and you�re right. I have had been pushing you away, but only because I wanted to be sure. Sure that you wouldn�t think I was using you to get over Paul or make him jealous. Then everything with Tori happened, then I got sick and everything got pushed to the back.� Alex rambled. �If you�re willing to help me muddle through this, I�d like to find out where this could go.� Alex whispered. �I want to be the one to make you happy.� Chris informed her, brushing her hair from her face. �You have such beautiful eyes.� He whispered, placing a kiss on each eyelid. �It hurt so much to see sadness in them. I want to see you smile again.� he added, cupping her face he traced her bottom lip with his thumb. �I want to see it in your eyes, when you�re truly happy.� �This isn�t going to be perfect.� She warned him. �Would you want perfect? Perfect is boring.� He informed her. Alex shook her head and caressed his cheek. �I want you.� She whispered. �I want to find out how we could be.� �Are you implying I�m not perfect?� He asked indignantly, making her giggle. �Well . . .you did take forever to even ask me out.� She reminded him. �But you�re kinda cute, so I guess you�re forgiven.� �Well if you weren�t so hard-headed about things. Or maybe . . .� Alex silenced him with a kiss, then �This isn�t going to be perfect . . .but it�s damn sure going to be interesting.� She acknowledged. |