Well, one year has past since I have been left alone. It happened so quickly no time to say.. "Love You, or See You". Funny how your life can change in a heartbeat. So much to do, plan, people to call, things to do, people coming and going and my head was in a spin. No matter how often you help with funeral arrangements, it is so different when it is happening to you! Your life becomes a roller coaster of emotions and you don't know if you are up or down. Insert word numb now!.
So it's over, everyone is gone, vanished. I sat and thought I AM alone! Now what do I do. Good question, not like I wasn't asked that question by every human I came in contact with. Good thing my son thought of the Insurance Policy and called the company! But there I sat thinking and making plans when my dear friend started to push me forward and gently. She told me who to call, questions to ask, and wrote down the replies. Now that I needed and didn't know it! Thank you "Sis"!
So now life goes back to almost normal. Now the bills, they must be paid. I looked in the desk and found what I needed and set up my own agenda for bill paying. Car repairs, inspection, a clogged sewer line, a bad tree, HA the decisions were mine and no "himself" to talk it over with. well Ok I made them. I felt proud of myself. I knew then and there that there would be other decisions to make on my own. Yes I have the boys but I want to be on my own. (Ain't quite ready for 3 daddies)
All the first were hard, to be expected, and I was forwarned by two friends who guided me though that. I made it though the holidays as you all know, but the first Wedding Anniversary, Valentines Day and my birthday, made me feel like an empty shell. I made it through! The first anniversary of his leaving was terrible. I was alone and I never felt so vulnerable in my life. I kept busy all day and prayed for night to come and a new day to dawn. Dawn it did. Much to my surprise I felt peace.
When you loose a loved one and you have children, well you put yourself on the back burner when you talk to them. It's hard for children to loose a parent, no matter what age they are, so you do the best you can for them, but never loose sight of the greiving you have to go through.
The lesson I learned so far, is be strong, face it, go through it and you'll come out stronger on the other end! Never ever let loose of your faith.
I want to thank all my friends who have helped me through this first year, and you all know who you are.