CHRISTMAS 2003
Today I am an adult facing another Christmas. This time alone. Am I brave enough to do it? Will I be able to make our sons comfortable enough to enjoy Christmas? So many questions, and not many valid answers. I will do my best . You know that old �mom� feeling kicks in big time when your kids hurt. This is one hurt I cant kiss and make better. Now I have to use logic and follow their lead as to the answers I give. Why can�t I go back to Christmas on Selfridge ST. It would be so easy to run away from it all that way. For one day to be a kid again.
Christmas on Selfridge St. was wonderful! All the family hustling and bustling and dong this and doing that. .The good smells coming from the kitchen, the family running from house to house helping with preparations for Christmas Eve. That was my favorite time. Christmas Day was nice too but Christmas Eve..wonderful!
The shopping the cleaning the visits to the different churches to see the trees and the �putz: The streets decorated and the trees lit, the house dressed in their finest Christmas finery.The smells from all those houses coming home from school and sometimes going. Those ladies were up at the crack of dawn doing things.Let us not forget they had no food processors,no gas stoves, no refridgerators,no electric mixers, How did they do it? The ladies were amazing!
Oh for the comfort of home as a child where nothing hurt me. I am an adult now with kids and grands and great grands of my own.I have to follow the lead of those who dealt with it before me and take advice from so good good friends and family.
I will bake and cook and decorate, I will make a tree for his grave and I will try to smile and laugh all I can. NO not to be cold but to let our sons know it�s ok to laugh, even in the face of sadness. They have to learn to do it for their children and darn..I will do my best to push that �
I didn�t put a place setting upside down on the table for Thanksgiving ..instead I pushed his chair in and lit a votive candle on the place mat. It was gentler for the everyone to accept. That was a suggestion from a friend and it was a good one. I imagine Christmas Eve at our youngest sons house, where we will all gather will be hard� but Christmas is the time of miracle and I am sure hoping for one that night..one that will ease their pain and mine.
Never let go of what you have treasure it, remember it and validate your love for your family.
I wish to all, a Merry Christmas and much much happiness.and actually that�s all we need . Our familes around us and we are happy!
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