You know something Greg, I love this holiday. More than Halloween, more than Thanksgiving, heck, even more than Christmas! Because on July 4th, i'm the man at the helm, grilling succulent ground beef patties to absolute perfection.
*Greg nods. He's sitting in a lawn chair with a Sprite in hand and a silly looking fisherman hat on his head, decked out in a Hawaiian shirt and colorful shorts. He takes a sip of his beverage and stretches out before looking at his friend.*
Considering your in ring return is tomorrow Dust, i'd say you're at ease. Perhaps a little too much?
Don't be ridiculous Greg, if there's any cardinal sin in the world of professional wrestling it's overlooking your opponents, I don't intend on doing that.
Well being that i've only been a camerman and not an actual wrestler myself, I guess I shouldn't try to disagree, but I don't think barbequeing is considered scouting.
Do you think i've been grilling 24/7 all week Greg? Give me more credit than that. I was watching lots of tapes, studying what he's got, trying to figure out strategy, i'm not reckless.
What about the time you...
Not as reckless as I used to be, how's that?
Better, much better.
I'm not some stupid 21 year old rookie anymore Mr. Dixson, i've grown up, and I know the finer arts of scouting, don't worry so much.
*Greg gets up from his chair and throws away the now empty can of Sprite. He walks over to the grill and lifts it open, seeing that the food is well past burnt. He regrets the decision to let Dusty man the grill.*
Well don't you think you should be working out today instead of eating all of this fattening food?
*Dusty looks Greg up and down, wondering why the pot is calling the kettle black.*
Don't look at me like that! Don't you think it's possible you could be a little...you know? Rusty? In the ring?
*Dusty puts the cover back on the grill, Greg looks on in terror at the food he paid for being burnt to the level where a dog wouldn't touch it. He fights back tears and ponders the idea of ordering pizza.*
Greg, I don't think my lack of time in the ring as of late will translate to "ring rust", no no, I think it translates to a well rested me, rearin' to get back out in the ring and prove myself. Now, does that not sound much more positive than "ring rust" to you?
Well of course it's more positive, but you could very well be looking at it through rose colored glasses. It isn't about being positive, it's about being REALISTIC!
Greg, chill, i'll be ready, ok? Just like these burgers will be in a couple more minutes.
*By this point Greg's eyes are about to pop out of his head the way Brett Haynes' penis pops out of his pants when he watches Backstreet Boys videos.*
Besides Greg, I don't think me losing my focus is the main concern here. It seems that Brian Pearlman is overlooking ME. After all, he did say that I was "Just in his way." What he's really wanting is a piece of Pat Carroll. I understand that beef there, but as much as I try not to toot my own horn Greg, Brian Pearlman better be focused on me, and there's no reason he shouldn't be focused on me, because when you look at those Elite Rankings and go back into the archives, all the Rages, all the big events, Dusty J is there. As much as I hate to say it, I don't think that HE knows who he is dealing with. I'm ready Greg, I just don't think Brian Pearlman can truly grasps what's going on. Sure he's a nice wrestler, but that's all he is, he's 3rd or 4th chair in the symphony of EFW. Does he even realize what facing me means? It puts him up in the card, it pays him more money, it gives him the opportunity to wrestle in venues and for championships he hasn't even foreseen is his fantasies. This is the big time, not some tag match with 8 Ball Inc. where he's overshadowed by the bigger names, not some match with one of the new guys in the company, but Dusty J, the face of Elite Fantasy Wrestling now and forever, i'm just wondering, by focusing instead on other people, where his head is at?
*Greg anxiously eyes the grill, wondering if the thought of taking the food off ever occured to his friend. He nods along with whatever he's saying, but mainly just standing there lackadaisical.*
So you think you'll win?
See, this is where confidence comes in. I know i'm going to win, and that's 100% confidence over cockiness. I've been through the wars here and in DHW. No disrespect to Brian "Bman" Pearlman, but he's not TJ RocKeR, he's no DJ, nor Nemesis, Jake Snypes, or even his partner Shawn Hunt. Brian Pearlman is simply put, a "Nice wrestler."
*After what seemed like a millenia to Greg Dixson, Dusty finally takes the meat off the grill, charred to burnt perfection, as always. Dusty watches as everyone gulps in fear of the blackened meat and bites into it. He sits down in the chair Greg was in and takes out a Coca Cola from the cooler before resting himself, falling out of consciousness. He is awoken moments later by Greg.*
Damnit Greg, this better be real good to wake me up...
Just look into the sky Dust, something is going on here, and I don't like it, I don't like it at all.
*Dusty looks up into the clouds, no longer is it a sunny Los Angeles day, and no longer is there a blissful July 4th BBQ going on, now it's cloudy, and rain is imminent, the party has dispersed. Dusty gets up out of his chair and exchanges a curious glance with his friend. Rain begins to lightly trickle from the sky as a shadowy figure appears on Dusty's roof.*
What's that?
*Suddenly, the figure laughs loudly and a dastardly sounding villianous soundtrack begins to play.*
And where the hell is that music coming from?
I don't know!
*The figure suddenly jumps down from Dusty's roof with a 360 frontflip, landing on his feet. He then slowly walks toward Dusty before tripping over the plates of food that Dusty's friends thought sucked.*
Ouch.
*The figure gets up and takes the gross charred burger out of his mouth and tosses it aside before laughing once more.*
I am Bman!
You've got to be kidding me...
I kid you not Dusty J, I am Bman, and i've come to destroy you!
And just how do you plan to do that?
By using my powers of course!
Uh huh....sure you will....and if you try anything, i'll use MY powers!
*Bman looks at Dusty and scowls.*
HA! You don't have any powers! You're merely bluffing in a futile effort to scare me away.
Am I? Why don't you try me?
*Bman laughs and begins shooting lasers from his eyes at Dusty and Dixson. The two leap behind the grill as Bman destroys all that's in his path.*
I think he called your bluff!
I seem to have noticed Greg! But thanks for pointing it out!
What are we going to do?
I've got it!
*Dusty lunges out at Bman from behind the grill and kicks him in the chest, sending him into the pool. Then, battle music begins blaring loudly as if from out of nowhere. Bman grabs onto an inflatable raft and jumps on, then begins firing more eye lasers, Dusty moves and the bolt hits the grill, deflecting off and hitting Bman! Bman falls into the water. Seeing this, Dusty plays the stupid face, jumping in and pulling Bman out, he lays him on the grass.*
Bman? Bman? Can you hear me? Say something!
*Bman's hand wraps around Dusty's neck, in desperation, Dusty grabs one of the disgusting hot dogs he grilled and stuffs it in Bman's mouth. Bman, tasting the horrendus Dusty J concoction, dies. Dusty looks over at Greg, who is still hiding behind the grill.*
What the hell just happened?
I think you just killed your opponent...
This has to be a dream, quick, Greg, give me a burger!
*Greg comes out from his hiding spot and gives Dusty one of the burgers, Dusty bites into it and swallows, then is awoken by Greg.*
It was a dream! Yes yes yes!
*Dusty looks up, it's night now, and Greg is standing above him with a whole fistful of pop its, ready to strike. Dusty gets up and runs like hell, Greg chases, hurling the fireworks at him.*
Happy 4th of July!