| Ryou-chan: okay, it�s angsty an sad�don�t read it if you like a happy duo! ^_~ please R&R, it�s like my first fic�oh the song is space dementia my muse. (oh yeah and gw isn�t mine�it�s bandai�s, sunrise�s an whoever else owns it, blah blah..). >_< Space Dementia Mmmmm, Height � is the one for me It gives me all I need And helps me coexist With the chill �It�s been three years since I last saw him. Three years tomorrow, actually. It�s not that I can�t let go; I have. I�ve moved on. Hah, but the ironic thing is, I know he hasn�t; he�s still the same person he always was. Even though I haven�t actually seen him in person, of course I�ve seen him on TV. With her� Always solemn and silent, glaring eyes downcast and his hand poised, hovering just above the gun holster on his belt. But he doesn�t appear to be so full of hidden violence anymore. Since the war ended, all of us have had a hard time becoming accustomed to peace. Being trained as a living weapon takes its toll when weapons become outlawed. Most of us have had it okay since then, I myself certainly don�t miss war. Although having said that, I�m still not, well, settled I guess. I know I�ve coped better than some, but it�s not really any consolation. Anyway, I�m getting off track. I�d like to see him now� heh, see if he still hates me� I wonder if he ever married her? God I hope not, I think that�s the one thing I couldn�t cope with. Bad enough that he�s her bodyguard. I�m such a fool. You make me sick Because I adore you so I love all the dirty tricks And twisted games you play On me Why can�t I just leave it alone? I think�that if I ever want to put it behind me, I�ll have to go to the Earth. To him. See that I�m not needed, and most of all, not wanted. That wouldn�t bother me, I guess. I am used to it, after all. But even so� I know what I have to do. The I can finally get on with my life, right?�and not always be wondering, what if? I know it�s probably a bad idea. Hell, I�m always full of them. Guess it�s part of my nature. But I�m going to do it. Even if it means being pushed away and patronised. Just like he always did. * * * Space dementia in your eyes and Peace will arise And tear us apart And make us meaningless again Well, I�m back and it�s over. It�was different to how I thought it would be, but the end result was, of course, the same. I didn�t really expect it to turn out differently, but I always had a vague hope� I don�t really know what for. Something I suppose I�ve never admitted before, event to myself. �So when I arrived on Earth, I went to find him. Well, not actually him, because that would�ve been damn near impossible, knowing what he�s like. So instead, I just found her. Not so hard � can�t really hide the whereabouts of someone that famous. Because after all, where she was, he�d be sure to follow. Might as well be her goddamn shadow for all the time they spend together. I finally saw him, three years to the day after we had parted, and he didn�t even care. God I wish I could hate him. He just kind of mumbled at me for a while, and then made up some kind of pathetic excuse about how he had to go and do something really important. Bastard. He hasn�t changed a bit. I must�ve looked like such a fool, just standing there staring after him in disbelief. It had been three years and he didn�t even show the slightest flicker of emotion when I purposefully came to see him. Well, maybe that�s a lie. He did look kind of surprised. * * * Once again I�m at a loose end. I thought about maybe going and visiting the ruins of Maxwell Church, but then that would just depress me even more. I don�t think I could face the memories. God I wish things could be like they were before. I was happy once, for a while before the church was destroyed. Things were simple when I was a kid. Even before the war ended it wasn�t so bad; I knew who I was, what I was doing, and I had a purpose in life. We all did. I guess a part of me died with the end of the war. I sit in my dingy apartment room, the rain running down the window, watching the grey clouds casting a dark shadow over the area below. I don�t even know why I�m writing this. Just for the sake of it I guess, got nothing better to do. I�ve thought about getting another job�the scrap yard thing didn�t last long, but I don�t really feel I�m ready to have an normal life yet, even after all this time. Often, I wish I had managed to self-destruct. Yeah�that option sounds pretty appealing, even now. Mmm, yeah You�ll make us wanna die I�d cut your name in my heart We�ll destroy this world for you I know you want me to Feel your pain I sit down on the creaky bed in the darkened room, the only light coming from the occasional flashes of lightning outside. The thunder rumbles. My hand is shaking as I unscrew the lid of the pill bottle. I hate myself, still. Hate myself for being such a coward. My chestnut hair flows down my back. I never could bring myself to cut it after what happened at the church. I take a deep breath and gaze around at my dismal room; at what my life has come to. This is it. I shake some of the pills into my quivering hand, bring it to my mouth, swallow them. And again. And again. And the it�s empty. I feel myself growing lethargic, blackness fringes the edge of my vision. Guess this is the end. I am Shinigami, after all. And I�m glad. Space dementia in your eyes and Venus will arise And tear us apart And make us meaningless again. owari back to oneshots |