The Captain’s Log

DAY ONE:

Woke up next to strange woman. No idea what happened last night, but I know there was rum.

Lots of rum.

DAY TWO:

Giselle (strange woman) getting awfully clingy. There is an answer for this.

Must be rum.

DAY THREE:

Woke up next to even stranger woman. Said name was Scarlet.

Bloody rum.

DAY FOUR:

V. bad day. Giselle found me with Scarlet, enormous bitch-fight ensued. Escaped amidst the scratching, clawing, and mud-wrestling.

Wish I could have stayed.

Stole boat from cross-dressing lesbian friend. Actually, she did offer it to me a few months ago in exchange for . . .

Maybe not lesbian after all?

DAY FIVE:

Stolen boat apparently had leak. Am v. miffed as there was no warning label anywhere.

Sinking. Bloody boat.

Later

Still sinking. Bloody boat.

DAY SIX:

Have spied land. Perhaps I will live.

Had celebratory rum. Followed by post-celebratory rum.

Dammit. All drunk up and no one to shag!