If you are bored and lonely on a hot summer day, here 's what ya do. You go watch your favorite porno, DO NOT MASTURBATE! Then go outside and catch yourself about 25 flies or however many it may take to cover your nut sack. Place the flies in a jar and proceed to rip off their wings and place these creepy crawling insects on your testicles and this my friends shall give you extreme pleasure at its best.
On a cold night when your balls are shrivelled do not try to loosen them by holding a match under, you'll go up like a forest fire--trust me.
When you go tiger shark fishing, use really big bait because the tiger sharks are large animals and they laugh at the site of a fucking worm.
When driving with your friends under the influence, it is best to remember where you are going.
When having sex with a new chick try not to be nervous and if you feel you're getting that way, just remember you are the one sticking something in her.
If a girl calls you and says "You got me pregnant" do what I did. Say " No I didn't." |
