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| I used to get very stressed, angry and abusive. Often I would get violent. Some would call me 'geezer bird' due to my filthy mouth. I have now learned to contain my rage by using these calming tips. My life is now greatly enhanced. |
| If you're feeling stressed, try something different. Peel an orange or roll up your sleeves. |
| Try adding a hint of lavendar to your bath and soon you'll soak yourself calm. |
| Procrastination is the thief of time. |
| Don't fuck with me or I'll cut your balls off. |
| Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealng with men. |
| Matt is very small, this pisses me off greatly. |
| Write down your concerns, you'll be surprised how quickly they disappear when you see them on a piece of paper. |
| I once killed a man. |
| Have calm thoughts. Picture calm scenes. Recall calm sounds. And guess what you'll be feeling.... |
| Pretend it's saturday. |
| Sometimes, I just want to punch Hilary in the face, really hard! |
| Every time a man masturbates, a child in Ethiopia dies. |
| I hope, as a result of reading my wonderful life changing tips, you will all be really happy, just like I am all the time. Now fuck off. |
| Another way of reducing stress is by eating. I like to eat a whole load of things when i'm stressed, from burgers to cakes, ice creams, chocolate - you name it i'll eat it! Look how happy i seem in this photo, I got so stressed on that day that I ate two burgers AND a hot dog! |
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| Look how happy I am now!! |
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