Ok, the jokes section is divided into three different mini-sections...
jokes (you know, like story jokes, that take a while to get to the pun.)
knock-knocks (the classic stupid joke that only about 5 people in the world actually like.)
riddles & brain-teasers(the things that drive you crazy, especially when you hear the answer, which is really simple.)
Again, they are in that order.
JOKES
3 guys went hunting in the woods. The 1st guy goes in, and comes back
with a 10-point buck deer. The other 2 guys say, "Woah! Where'd you get THAT?" The 1st guy says,"Me see tracks, me follow
tracks, me get 10-point buck deer." The 2nd guy goes into the woods, and comes back with a big black bear. The last guy
says, "Woah! Where'd you get THAT?" The 2nd guy says, "Me see tracks, me follow tracks, me get big black bear." The 3rd guy
goes into the woods, and dosn't come back for about a month. When he does come back, he's in a body cast, a wheelchair, has
an IV, black eyes, missing teeth, bumps and bruises galore, and no animal. The other 2 guys say, "Woah! What the heck
happened to you?" The 3rd guy says, "Me see tracks, me follow tracks, me get hit by train."
There were 3 guys who didn't know how to talk. The 1st guy got a job at
a music store, and learned how to say, "Me, me, me, meeee!" The 2nd guy got a job at a restaraunt and
learned how to say, "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!" The 3rd guy got a job at a candy store and learned how to say,
"Goody goody, gumdrops! Goody goody, gumdrops!" All 3 guys were driving in a car. A cop pulls them over because there is a
dead guy on the side of the road. The cop says, "Do you fellas have any idea who might'a done this?" The 1st guy says, "Me,
me, me, meeee!" The cop says, "Ok, how'ed ya do it?" The 2nd guy says, "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!" The cop says, "You
know you're gonna be in jail a long time for this." The 3rd guy says, "Goody goody, gumdrops! Goody goody gumdrops!"
3 guys were on top of a building. There is a myth that if you jump off and
say something, you will land in a million of what you said. The 1st guy jumped off and said, "$100 dollar bills!" and he
landed in a million $100 dollar bills. The 2nd guy jumped off and said, "Motorbikes!" and he landed in a million motorbikes.
The 3rd guy was about to jump off, when he tripped on his shoelace, fell off, and yelled, "Crap!"
*****PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS JOKE DOES NOT IN ANY WAY SUGGEST JUMPING OFF BUILDINGS. IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING
JUMPING OFF OF A BUILDING AND MAKING A WISH, I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU RE-CONSIDER. THIS JOKE IS MADE UP AND YOU WILL NOT
LAND IN A MILLION OF ANYTHING IF YOU JUMP OFF A BUILDING AND WISH FOR SOMETHING. THANK YOU.*****
3 other guys were on top of a bulding that wasn't magic. The 1st guy
threw a quarter off the roof. The other 2 guy said, "Why'ed ya do that?" The 1st guy said, "I want some kid to find it and
be happy." The 2nd guy threw a dollar off the roof. The other 2 guys said, "Why'ed ya do that?" The 2nd guy said, "I want
some kid to find it and be happy." The 3rd guy goes to the side of the roof, and throws off a bomb. The other 2 guys say,
"Why'ed ya do that?" The 3rd guy replies, "'Cause I wanted to." They all run down the stairs to see what happened to the
stuff they threw. They see a kid crying. They ask, "Why are you crying?" The kid says, "I looked up in the sky, and a
quarter fell in my eye!" The guys see another kid crying and they ask him the same question. The kid says, "A dollar landed
in my potato salad!" Then the guys see this old guy laughing. They ask, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I farted and
my house blew up!"
Ok, we have more jokes, but we want to save them for another time, so we
we'll actually have new material for you. After a while, we'll post these again so you can read them again if you want to. :)
KNOCK-KNOCKS
Knock knock!
Whose there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just a joke.
Knock knock!
Whose there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Whose there?
Banana.
Banana who?!
Knock knock!
Whose there?!
Banana.
Banana who?!?!?!
Knock knock!
What do you want from me?!?!............... Whose there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Yes.
Ooooooooookay. Now I'm bored just WRITING knock-knocks! So I'm not gonna put anymore on here.
RIDDLES & BRAIN TEASERS
What goes up a chimney down, but not down a chimney up?
AN UMBRELLA!
You are a bus driver. You drive the bus to the first stop. 5 boys get on and 3 girls. At the next stop, 2 boys and 1 girl get off and 6 girls and 3 boys get on. At the NEXT stop, all the girls get off, no boys get off and 3 girls get on. Now, what color are the bus driver's eyes?
I can't really answer this for you, but, if you recall, I said YOU were the bus driver. So what ever color eyes you have, that's what color eyes the bus driver has.
What's word has a mile inbetween the first and last letters?
sMILEs
Ok, I don't have many of these, so I'll save 'em for now.
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