09/05/2001

It's been a few days since the dramatic waking up, and almost the entire
time, Neelkan has spent reconditioning himself. Being pretty much prone for
a month is /not/ good for the muscles. The Yellows gave him a bunch of
herbs to replenish lost muscle tissue, and give him more energy. He's also
avoided most people for some reason (including Kaomi and Zaidah as best he
could manage), going as far as even locking himself in his own room during
the day using his quarters for his work-out. Except for running trips out
at the Grove, he hasn't left the room, much less the Tower. His food is
even brought to him. Some people probably don't even know he's awake yet,
and perhaps that's why he's trying to remain low-key. He's not quite
perpared to face everyone yet. 
This is one of those moments when he's left his door unlocked because he's
expecting someone to bring him lunch and fresh water, and he doesn't want
to have to get up to answer it. His bed has been pushed to one side of the
room, and all his furnature to another far wall, leaving a large space for
movement and other such things. He's stripped to the waist, doing a basic
muscle workout (including push-ups at the moment) and has a determined look
on his face. And from the sweat, he's been doing this for a while. The open
window letting in a light breeze does help make this a more comfortable
enviroment, but none-the-less, it isn't ideal.

Just when you think you're alone and you can get some peace and quiet to
work out... is just the time when you're not. Zaidah's voice cuts through
the rhythm of your push up's like the burning edge of Raeth's bladed staff.
"So that's what you've been up to. I was beginning to think you had a
harlot in here or something. You certainly spent enough time for one."
There is an umistakable edge of.. hurt to Zaidah's voice. She walks in,
closing the door silently behind her and walks over to a chair, flopping
down in it and dangling one leg over the arm, as she has a habit of doing,
especially when she's annoyed. "It took me a while but I finally figured
out your schedule. Food should be coming in 2 minutes." She smiles with
acid sweetness. "I hope you don't mind company." Because it looks like
you're getting it whether you want it or not. She actually doesn't do too
bad a job of hiding it... but... she's not just angry. She's furious. All
she went through and you -avoid- her?? And expect her to be -happy- about
it? Not fucking likely.

There's a pause in the push-ups, and a soft grunt that certainly isn't from
over-exersion. Blue-green eyes close and Neelkan continues with the
push-ups until he reaches the count he was going for, though they aren't
quite as steady this time around. Once he's finished, he stands up, eyes
opening to look at her. As soon as his lips part to speak, he's distracted
by the maid coming in with the food. She doesn't say anything, but she
looks surprised to see there's someone inside with him, but not /too/
surprised. She's probably one of the ones who helped Zaidah figure out the
schedule. Neelkan waits until the door is closed again before speaking,
"Zai.." his voice is really dry, and he swallows to work in moisture, "I..
don't mind. I just.. I needed... blood 'n ashes." he swears softly and
moves over to the tray to get a drink of water. Even looking at her very
long seems to be difficult for him. Or perhaps painful is a better word.

Zaidah looks at him long and hard, more confused than anything else. When
he looks away though she stands up again. "Ok. I understand." Though from
her tone she obviously doesn't. "You have to do what you have to do. I
guess I just thought you'd want to know... I guess I was wrong." She looks
like she's about to cry... especially since he's already seen her do it.
But she restrains herself. She'll wait until she gets outside the door...
which is exactly where she's headed.

Perhaps the moment that follows is very long, it probably seems so to them
at least, but before she reachs the door, Neelkan says softly, "Wait...
Wait..." In a moment he's moving, and he grabs her from behind, pulling her
back against his sweat-slicked chest, arms wrapping around her to grasp the
opposite shoulder. His skin is incredably warm, due to the workout, but
oddly he's shaking as if he's cold. He speaks softly into her ear, voice
still quite rasped, "It's not.. it's not 'at I don't want t' b' 'round ya..
I d'.. Light.. I just.. I can't fail ya 'gain.. I have t' b' ready.. 'n..
'n I know it wasn't real.. But it still... it feels like it was.. 'n..."
And it hurts? He's ashamed of everything that happened? He doesn't feel
worthy of being with her, or being Kaomi's Gaidin, or Aidou's brother, or
Denn's friend? Or worthy of being called a man? Oh, that's true, and more,
but all he says is a even softer. "I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry."

Zaidah stiffens when his arms go around her, but mostly because she was
afraid he -wouldn't- stop her. That fear aside, she closes her eyes and
melts against him, turning her head to nuzzle it into the crook of his
sweaty neck. "You didn't fail me, Neelkan. Even if it were true... you'd
have given me the happiest last moments of my life. You did everything you
could... it's not your fault. Besides, it's time you stop thinking about
the past. It's time for you to think about the future..." She sounds a
little... nervous... but then... she tried very hard to avoid just this
position for a long time. She never wanted to fall in love or... or... get
herself tied down or do anything but have fun. And now she finds herself
not only inexorably tied to a man and a place and a job but... then -this-
had to happen. "How do you.. uh... feel about.. uh... parenthood?" She
grins sheepishly... afraid on one hand that he's... not going to be happy
about this at all and... scarred that she's not ready for it but... glad...
for reasons she can't really put her finger on. Glad and... awed, more so
than she ever thought possible.

For a moment, the fine tremors stop completely. It's her first words that
make them stop, and Neelkan's hold becomes less harsh and he just lets his
arms embrace her for a while, closing his eyes and happy that she isn't
upset. But then again, she might not know about what happened with Kaomi in
the false world after she died. He isn't sure what all they know about what
happened. But since she isn't mad, she probably doesn't know, and he
certainly is not going to bring that up. And then of course she asks her
question. For a brief second, the tremors return, then he pulls back, hands
grasping her shoulders so that he can look into her eyes. He seems to be
trying to judge her emotions, but he doesn't really seem to have much a
chance picking apart the myriad of them and figureing out what it means.
But then again, he never was good at judging woman's reactions. The only
really disconcernable emotion about him is startlement, and a lot of
restraint. Whatever he's restraining is probably known only to Kaomi,
because he's /feeling/ what he's restraining, just keeping it from showing.
"Zai.. ya.. are ya..? D'ya want..?" He can't even say it or he'll lose his
delicate hold on his restraint.

Zaidah laughs softly at his stuttering and looks up at him. He may be
restraining himself but... she no longer needs to. She doesn't want to hide
from him, not anymore, and her eyes are open an honest. She's a little
scared, but more excited too. She reaches up to take one of his hands off
her shoulder and place it over her stomach. "You're going to be a daddy..."
Does she want what? To keep it? She wouldn't -dream- of aborting his child.
At least... not unless he told her he didn't want it. Then she'd be torn
between her own fear of motherhood and... the intense desire... no... need
she has to protect this baby. "Barbara Sedai thinks it's going to be a girl
but... she said it's too early to tell really." She bites her lip softly
and looks up at him. Is he going to mad? Is he ever going to want to see
her again?

These tremors are very very different from the ones that were coming from
him before, or at least, they have a different exact cause. Different
emotions behind them. Neelkan stares at her, blue-green eyes widening a
little bit with every word, and his hand shakes slightly against her
stomach. He doesn't really respond until she looks up at him like that. His
free hand moves to her cheek, and he traces the scar there with his thumb.
Only then does he stop trying to restrain himself. The smile that appears
is probably one of the best she's ever seen from him, and he leans forward
to kiss her, once, twice, again... After about the fifth kiss, he starts to
chuckle very lightly, and pulls back just barely, and drops to his knees.
Still laughing, he presses a few kisses on her shirt, then proceeds to just
hug up against her, arms around her legs, cheek resting against her
stomach. Two guesses how he feels about this particular revelation?

Zaidah melts in the warmth of his smile and would probably bask there
forever if he would only keep the lamp turned on. But then she grins as he
kisses her and laughs as he drops to his knees and starts kissing her
tummy, resisting the urge to push him away 'cause it tickles. It's bearable
though. And it's much better than the brooding and not getting to see him.
She didn't like that at -all-. "I haven't told anyone yet. I figured... you
should be the firs- er.. seco- er... third or fourth unless B told
somebody... which... knowing her she probably has but... well... it's the
thought that counts, right?" She grins at him lopsidedly, letting her hands
rest on the back of his head, her fingers finding gentle perchase in his
colorful locks.

Yeah, the sulkiness is definately gone. For at least the moment. Neelkan
stays hugging against her, then finally says (voice still quite dry and
raspy), "It counts... It counts." He pulls back to press another couple
kisses, then pushes himself so he can stand and smile at her a bit longer.
"I wonder what Kaomi'll say." He pulls away with a laugh and looks around
the room, "Well, blood 'n ashes, guess now we can't drink t' celebrate...
'n... 'n m' ma's prolly gonna kill m' f'r gettin' ya pregnant, if Kaomi
don't." He scratches at his hair. Man, he knows what he should be doing,
but he's kinda afraid she'll kick him for it. And poor Kaomi's probably
wondering why that knot of emotion went from determination and sorrow to
deleriously happy in the span of a minute.

Zaidah blinks at Neelkan. "Why not?" About the drinking to celebrate part.
There's a -reason- this woman never intended to have children. That
whole... having to change her habits to accomidate this other person inside
her thing just... never really clicked with her. She hasn't stopped
drinking or practicing, or wearing obscenely tight clothing... though the
pants are starting to get a little -too- tight but... she had to wear a
bodice that bound her breasts -flat- for a year. This is nothing in
comparison. She chuckles softly at his wondering what Kaomi will say. "I
think it's better not to think about things like that. She's just... a
mystery. She'll probably be happy about it. Or whatever else is the exact
opposite of what a normal person would do in her situation." Don't get her
wrong, she likes the Amyrlin. She did after all spend a great deal of her
time with the woman when the men folk were away, but that doesn't mean she
understands her. Zai grins at him. "Your ma will have to go through me
first." She certainly doesn't look afraid. But then.. she's never seen
Neel's ma. And she's only heard about his log throwing sister.

Neelkan blinks lightly as she doesn't seem to understand why she can't
drink now, and he scratches his head. She's going to kill him before his
mother gets the chance to. "Zai.. ya can't drink. I may not be an expert on
'is stuff, but I got five older sisters, 'n some of 'em had had kids 'fore
I... left home. Ya... ya have t' b' careful. Ya have t' eat right 'n..
stuff." He flinches a little, expecting her to come flying at him, and adds
hastily, "I'll stop drinkin' too, so we're e'en..?" She /never/ liked being
told what to do. He's really expecting to end up with bruises in a few
seconds.

Zaidah arches her scarred eyebrow at him. She has to do what? Normally..
she would get mad. But she came too close to losing him and... and... she's
never had something as serious as a new life to look out for either. She
glances down towards her stomach and grumbles a little, then she smiles and
kisses him softly. "All right. I'll be good." Yeah right. If you believe
that, I have one of the Tar Valon bridges to sell you. She lightly runs her
fingernails along the back of his neck, leaning against him as he stands up
and batting her eyelashes up at him. "But I hope you don't plan to take
away -all- my fun." Hey! She's had to do without for a long time! You can't
expect her to jsut forget that!

Neelkan actually manages a skeptical look at her words, but he'll trust
her. To an extent. If he catches her with a bottle in hand she better have
a good excuse though! But at her next set of words, the skepticism fades
behind a bright blush. Still can manage to get a blush out of the young
man. He clears his throat lightly, then adds, "Well, actually... I've heard
'at it's better t' keep... 'havin yer fun' f'r a while. 'r at least I o'er
heard m' ma say it t' m' sis yet." And at the time he had been completely
grossed out. Who would want to /touch/ one of his sisters, much less do
/THAT/ with them.

"Oh -really-?" Zaidah grins at him like the cat that got into the cream. In
a word? Smug. At least there aren't any worries about Zaidah wanting to do
/THAT/ with one of his sisters. She's got the only il'Sharil she really
wants. And on that note.. she starts to gently push him back towards the
bed. "It's good to see I haven't lost my..." ahem "touch." She reaches the
hand that isn't on his chest, gently pushing him backwards, up to his
cheek, gently touching his blush and winking at him.

Fade out.