09/23/2000

Denn'ryiel sits in a small oaken chair that has been positioned to look out
the window upon the snow covered city. Her mood looks as bleak as the grey
clouds that don't seem to want to leave well enough alone. A tea cup and
saucer lie upon her lap.

Well, Neelkan can't offer much to take the mood away, but suddenly there's
a knock on the door. He doesn't even wait for a sign that he can enter,
because he came without an escort this time, which means he shouldn't be up
here, but he is anyway. He steps inside and mutters, "'ey Denn." He looks
to be surrounded by a couple gray clouds himself. If not black ones.

Denn'ryiel turns her head towards the door, and smiles as Neelkan enters.
She doesn't seem to notice that he entered without her sayso. "Hello
Neelkan... are you well?" Concern touches her voice as she sees his state.
She sets the saucer aside and stands up from the chair.

Stepping further into the room, Neelkan doesn't say anything more at first
and just walks over to where she's standing up and wraps his arms around
her, pulling her into a tight hug. It only lasts a few moments before he
pulls back with a grump and mutters, "I just... needed t' do 'at is all."
He sounds a little bit confused. And looks it too... Along with the dark
clouds.

Denn'ryiel returns the impromptu hug warmly, but with a somewhat startled
look on her face. She becomes confused as well as concerned at Neelkan's
actions. "Do you need to sit down?" she asks. Something bad is coming,
Denn's sure. She's felt it coming all day.

Neelkan sighs and shifts around a little bit where he stands, then nods
slowly and moves over to flump softly down on the bed. He likes the bed
more then the chairs after all, and he'd rather lay back and look at the
ceiling. "Light..." He doesn't know how to say this. Grrr. So he'll start
simply, eyes focused up on the ceiling above, "Espi's back in the Tower
'gain. Kaomi 'n Wyn 'n m' brought 'er back. 'n Varcel too." Varcel is
completely an afterthought. He doesn't seem to realize that might not be
the best way to start.

Denn'ryiel blinks, and moves over to the bedside quickly. "Espiria and
Varcel are back? No one mentioned it to me yet." She doesn't dare smile
yet. As much as she likes Espi and Varcel, if this were anything other than
bad news, he would be smiling now. She opens her mouth to ask a question,
but shuts it as she realizes Neelkan would proceed more quickly without
someone questioning at every point.

"It happened kinda suddenly. I.. m' 'n Wyn both.. had a dream." Neelkan
shakes his head as if that wasn't really the important part. He squeezes
his eyes closed and reaches his hands up to press the palms against his
forehead. "I don't know what happened 'xactly, but.. 'ere was trouble. I
didn't want t' ask 'er what all happened, 'cause she was a'ready upset 'n
sick 'nough 'at answerin' would only make 'er worse..."

Denn'ryiel swallows a bit. She reaches up with her hands as though to
massage his temples for him, but thinks better of it. He probably wouldn't
apprieciate that. She nods her head as Neelkan continues. "If this is hard
for you to say, you don't have to, Neelkan."

There's a long sigh and Neelkan lets his hands drop to his sides and he
glances over to look at her. He notices the hands reached out towards him
and raises his eyebrows, then nods and says, "No, it's a'right... It is
hard t' say, but blood 'n ashes..." He shakes his head again and looks back
at the ceiling. "She said 'at Salamas Gaidin, 'n... Verbena... died keepin'
'er safe." He sighs. There. He's said it.

Denn'ryiel's eyes widen to saucers, and she draws back. You could swear she
mouthed the word "Bloody." Her eyes to the white shawl that lays on her
dresser. "I..." Her shoulders slump and she turns away from Neelkan. Some
acts are not polite to show to others.

Sigh. Neelkan knows exactly how she feels. He closes his eyes for a moment,
then quickly sits up, then stands, opening his eyes and going to where her
back is facing him and just wraps his arms around her from behind. Face
pressed into her hair he mutters softly, "I don't know what happened t'
'em... she was so upset... I didn't want t' upset 'er more... Light, Denn..
I just.. I dunno..." He trails off and just pulls himself closer against
her back.

The White doesn't feel like she has much strength. Lean into her too much
and she's likely to fall over. She brings a hand up to her eye to wipe away
the tears she is silently shedding, and lays her head against Neelkan's. "I
thought she would be here... She was my anchor..." Is that why she feels
like she's drifting away?

Neelkan lets her lean against him, still having his eyes closed and wanting
to cry himself. "I know... I liked 'er. She was... I dunno, but she wasn't
like most women at least. 'n I owed 'er f'r gettin' us outta 'at Fort...
Blood 'n ashes..." He sighs and pulls her tighter again, as if that'll
help.

Denn'ryiel leans into Neelkan more, filling her unconscious need for
support. After all, one of the legs of her table was just knocked out.
"She'd frown at me right now... crying like this... I'm a tenth of what she
was, if even that."

"She didn't think so. 'n niether do I." Neelkan says softly, tightening his
arms while rubbing a hand up and down her own. He closes his eyes and
presses his face into her hair somemore. And so much for not crying
himself, there's a few tears finding their way out, but he'll probably deny
them later.

Denn'ryiel finally begins to turn around within Neelkan's arms. If she
doesn't throw her arms around something soon. Her hug is a bit stronger
than would be expected from the Sedai. Her head finds its way to Neelkan's
shoulder. "Don't... don't go too..." she whispers.

Sighing, Neelkan lets his arms tighten around her again, and moves til his
mouth is near her ear, speaking in a soft whisper as well, "Sshhh. I'm not
goin' anywhere. I have t' protect ya, remember?" He presses his lips
lightly against her ear before adding after a small pause, "Would ya mind
if I stay the night up 'ere?"

Denn'ryiel shakes her head quickly. "No, please stay... I..." Neelkan is
the only thing keeping the loneliness away right now. "I don't know if I
could let you leave right now," she says, with the hint of a jest.

Neelkan smiles softly and lets out a brief laugh, though with little force
behind it, as he says, "Well, it'll be m' pleasure t' stay up 'ere. Light
knows it'll be nice t' actually sleep in someplace 'at's not freezin' f'r a
change." There's a pause, then he adds a little more seriously, "'n I don't
want t' be alone now either."

Denn'ryiel chuckles weakly at Neelkan's return, and brings a hand up to her
eyes to wipe off the tears. She opens her eyes and sees Neelkan's face.
With a gentle smile, she reaches up to brush away his tears as well.

Eh? As soon as she reaches up to brush away his tears, Neelkan starts
blinking quickly and mutters something about how it rubbed off on him is
all. He isn't a cry baby or anything. Feh. He reaches up and thumbs lightly
at her nose and says a little more clearly, "D'ya want m' t' go see if I
can have a servent bring up a pallet f'r m' t' sleep on?" Huh? He means to
sleep on the floor? Well, it wouldn't be proper to steal her bed while
/she's/ in it too... Though when was he ever concerned with being proper?

Denn'ryiel chuckles a bit at his childish response to her touch. She then
shakes her head. "And deny you the chance to get a full night's sleep on a
feather bed? I can make due:shakes her head. "And deny you the chance to
get a full night's sleep on a feather bed? I can make due on the floor.
There are plenty of extra blankets, now that much of Tar Valon has left to
go back home."

That earns a snort. "Yer not sleepin' on the floor, Denn." Neelkan looks
around, then back at the feather bed. Well, perhaps he isn't exactly shy,
but this is different, really. He shrugs and says, "'ere's room 'nough f'r
both of us, if ya don't mind sharin' with a bandit." He can't help but say
that as a jest. Yeah, even in the bad times he has to try and make a joke.
It's just who he is.

Denn'ryiel frowns a little bit at his chivalry, but then can't think of any
good reason to reject the compromise. "Alright, I suppose I can survive
/one/ night with a thief," she says, with a small smirk. "You don't snore,
do you?" She is still hugging him for support as she asks.

"Um.. No." Neelkan answers, reaching up and scratching at his hair. He
doesn't snore, no, which is good, but... "I'll d' m' best not t' kick ya 'r
anythin', but I can't really tell the dreams t' leave m' 'lone... If I do
start, ya can just shove m' off the bed." He keeps one arm around her, but
the other one stays in his hair.

Denn'ryiel shakes her head. "I don't think I can, you're much too big to
push," she jokes. The heavy undertone that has dampened most of the humor
in her words is lifting slowly. "I think I'm going to go straight to bed
then... I don't want to stay up and do nothing but... think about what
happened."

"A'right... I should... um... leave the room f'r a while so ya can..."
Neelkan waves his hands around in such a way that says he has no idea what
he's trying to say, backing out of the hug a little, "I'll just..stand out
in the hall. Wouldn't want t'... embarass ya 'r nothin'..." Not like he
would be embarassed. Really...

Denn'ryiel shakes her head once more. "No, I'm going to go to bed wearing
this," she says, glancing down at her green dress. "I... Sometimes when I'm
this tired I just plop down, like you did when you entered," she says with
a small smile. The main reason goes unvoiced though. With a small smile,
she says, "You never embarrass me, Neelkan... at least, you never do it
where I wouldn't mind the embarrassment. But, if you want to, um, change or
something I can do the same thing. Not that I have much you can wear."

Running his hands through his hair again, Neelkan nods slowly, "I'll
remember 'at." Guess he should have figured a woman thirty years older then
him would be difficult to embarass. "'n I won't borrow yer clothes. I had
five sisters, but burn m' if I e'er had t' wear 'eir clothes." He grins,
then says, "I could go down 'n get somethin' from m' room. 'r I could wear
'is. 'r at least some of 'is. It's too hot up 'ere t' wear all 'ese
layers." Which he has a few of them. More then most trainees would. He
really dislikes the cold after all.


Denn'ryiel has reversed her decision apparently wearing her day clothes to
bed. She has changed into a simple white woolen nightgown, that falls all
the way to her ankles. She is curled up with her hands around her knees at
the moment, stoking the fire in the hearth with an iron poker.

Neelkan doesn't come back dressed for bed. If he had, that would have
sparked one too many questions if he got caught. He just put his top layer
back on over the pair of loose trousers he plans to wear once he gets back
up there, as well as a small bundle of clothing so he can change in the
morning. And if anyone asks, he's carrying laundry for an Aes Sedai. Not a
total lie... He opens the door and pushes his way in, raising eyebrows at
the nightgown, then smirks and says, "'ey. I'm back." He closes the door
and walks over to drop the bundle against the wall and adds, "But ya prolly
guessed 'at."

Denn'ryiel turns her head from the fireplace and smiles weakly. From her
eyes, it is apparent that she has been thinking more about Verbena. "I was
just about to head to sleep... there's not much else I can do with the
fire," she admits. "Can I fix you a cup of tea or something else before I
do?"

It's pretty obvious from the helpless expression that crosses over him that
he wants to walk over there and hug her again, which might seem odd since
he rarely seemed to want to do that before... Neelkan just stays where he
is and shakes his head, "It's fine, Denn. 'lot warmer 'en m' room." He adds
that last bit with a small grin. "'n I don't want any tea, 'anks."

The White Sedai seems to understand Neelkan's expression, but she still
turns with a soft sigh towards a vase of fresh white roses. The only plants
that seem to be alive now are the ones Denn tends to, with all of the snow
outside. After a moment of silent meditation, she starts walking over to
each of the oil lamps. "I can keep these on, if you wish," she asks. Most
of them look mostly empty; it's been hard to get Tairen and Mayener oil
these days.

Shaking his head, Neelkan reaches to start to untie the sash (which has
come in handy more then once already) and responds, "No. Ya can put 'em
out." He drops the sash to the floor and then bends down to start pulling
off his boots. Yeah, for the guy who practically squeeked when he thought
she was going to bathe him the first time he met, he seems rather casual.
Of course he's only on boots and sash right now.

Denn'ryiel nods her head and starts extinguishing the lamps one by one, and
pulling the shades over the window. Pretty soon the only illumination in
the room is coming from the coals in the fireplace. That and her
familiarity with the room are enough to lead her to the bed without
tripping over everything. "There's a changing screen, against the back
wall," she points out, as she flops onto the bed. Similar to how Neelkan
did earlier.

There's a soft sound of relief, that is quickly covered up with a soft
cough and Neelkan moves over to step behind the screen, moving slowly in
the lack of light. He finishes undressing down to just a pair of loose
trousers, and then comes out, scratching at his hair with his free hand
before going to drop his discarded clothes over near his boots. Oddly
enough, he leaves his earrings and necklace on. He rubs hands through his
hair one more time, then heads over to the bed to sit on the edge of it,
back to her. This isn't something he does every day either.

Denn'ryiel seems to be unconciously laying down as far over on the bed as
she can, to allow Neelkan as much space as he wishes. A soft sigh as she
rests her head against the pillow seems to indicate that the memory of the
fallen White is going to keep her up far longer than she would have wished.
"I feel like I'm back at the fort," she whispers.

There's another soft sigh and a minute later Neelkan is on the bed, under
the blankets up to about his stomach and reaching over to rub her arm
lightly with his hand as he lays there on his side. "Nawh. 'is place smells
'lot better, 'n softer, 'n more room t' sleep... 'n I'm pretty sure I'm a
lot cleaner 'en I was in 'ere."

Denn'ryiel smiles a little bit at Neelkan's touch. "I guess I meant how we
were sleeping next to each other. And how Verbena was there, but I couldn't
reach her.And now I never will." Closing her eyes, she expels her breath.
"I'm sorry, I'll shut up now."

Closing his eyes a moment, Neelkan stays still a little while, then quickly
draws his hand back to scrub at his face. He won't cry, burn it! He runs
the damp hand through his hair, then says softly, "No.. no.. It's a'right.
I know what ya mean..." It was a shock for him to hear, but he shoved it
away because Espi was practically hysterical at the time, and he couldn't
get upset and leave her like that. He was starting to think Aes Sedai
couldn't die.

Denn'ryiel rolls over to face Neelkan. Her reddened eyes are holding back
tears as well. "I'm... I'm glad you agreed to keep me company tonight," she
says, in a slightly choked voice. "It means a lot to me."

Burn it. Grrr. Neelkan bites his lip and has that helpless expression
again, but this time he sighs and scoots over across the bed and moves the
arm that he isn't practically laying on around to her back, trying to pull
her closer to him. "'greed? If I 'member correctly, I asked if I could
stay." He says with a weak grin, then says, "But I'm glad I stayed t'."

Denn'ryiel moves over a little bit closer to Neelkan as she's pulled, and
smiles weakly in response. "I'm glad you asked then," she says, bringing a
hand up to deal with the tears that are now rolling down her cheek slowly.
Between the tears and the smell of trainee, these sheets are definately
going to need washed tomorrow. "At least... at least she rescued Espi."

Smell of trainee? Heh. Well, hopefully they won't ask too many questions.
Neelkan nods slowly, "Ye'h. 'ere is 'at t' be glad f'r." He sighs and
closes his eyes, downcasting his face in an attempt to keep her from seeing
that he's starting to have a difficult time keeping the tears in. He
mutters, "I'm sorry 'at she's lost t' ya. I can't help but feel I should've
done somethin' t'... I dunno."

Denn'ryiel shakes her head quickly. "No... don't please. No what ifs... I
have a hard enough time keeping myself from thinking them." She looks down
as well, keeping her eyes from what Neelkan doesn't want her to see. "If we
second guess everything we do..."