08/09/2000

Courtyard, The White Tower, Tar Valon

Marble tiles gleam from a straight path which leads from the Gates of the
Tower to the wide double doors which announce its entry point. Soft grass
and well planned patches of flowers can be found to either side, with the
occasional shady tree. Accepted and novices sit on stone benches, some
practicing their Power to the dismay of uneasy petitioners passing through.
To the side there is a stable, near the fenced entrance to the clearly
visible yard where shirtless boys go through sword forms through the day.

Guards take the weapons of those wanting to enter, though the Gaidin spread
about the courtyard, seemingly about their leisure, look ready to pounce on
any men who "forgot" a dagger at the gates. Aes Sedai pass through on
various errands, some nodding to acknowledge bows or curtsies. The
atmosphere is busy, but calm.


Espi's had a long sight of crying. And really, it seemed as though her
heart would never stop breaking from what happened the other night. She's
finally managed to pull herself together enough though to come outside for
some air. She's leaning against the tree, sighing as she looks skyward and
shakes her head. Why me? Why does this happen to me? She sniffs a few
times, looking back to her dress as her hands nervously smooth out the
material. Get a grip girl. What would someone say if they saw you in this
state?

Yes, well, Espiria wasn't the only one who had a tough time last night.
Neelkan didn't even come back to the Tower. No doubt to the /un/shock of
his Trainers. He stayed out in the city all night, not even returning to
the Tower, much less his room. Luckily though, he didn't miss any
schedualed lessons. But no doubt he will get in trouble for this (and
figures a Gaidin would be here to do it). It's another day now, and he's
calmed down and feels he can return to the Tower now and heads in one of
the gates, moving in the direction of the practice yard, his espression
oddly... calm... Which isn't odd for some people, but it certainly is for
this guy.

Salamas comes walking out of the practice yard, his usual thoughtful
expression on his face. He pauses to bow to a few Sedai, then, by some
Gaidin instinct seems to spot Neelkan wandering in. He watches him for a
momment, letting him get almost into the Practice yard before saying in a
firm voice loud enough for him to hear, "Trainee Neelkan. Come here."

Espiria sniffs a few times, red rimmed eyes raising to look over in the
direction of the voice. She blinks, head tipping to one side. Is that Neel?
Oh..and that Gaidin I met the other day too. Utoh..He looks like he's not
all that happy either. She frowns, watching from her seat and hands
nervously gripping the material of her dress. Nerves? Of course. Who
wouldn't after the week she's had.

It's hard not to recognize Neelkan. Unless one day he decides to dye his
hair, he stands out like a sore thumb. Poofy white-streaked
yellow-highlighted red hair. And he's usually just radiating some emotion
or another. Today though... he's calm. Or he is right now. He slow to a
hault at the voice of the Gaidin, his mouth twitching towards a scowl
before he smooths it back and moves over to do his signature half-bow
towards the man. "Yes Gaidin?" He still doesn't notice the Accepted yet,
which right now is probably a very good thing...

Salamas nods slightly to the bow. "Are you just now comming in Neelkan? If
so, I hope you have a good explaination for where you were all night."

Espiria widens her eyes, listening carefully to what's being said and
keeping herself as small as possible. Not that she doesn't want Neel to
know she's there, but she's always seen Neel as someone who would rather
get punished in private..than to have an audience. She sighs softly, biting
her lip and wondering how all this happened. First the novice....then all
three of them nearly fighting one another. And Espi... She winces, shaking
her head. She never wanted anyone to be hurt. None of her friends and all
she seems to do is give pain..in some way or another. Is she really bad
luck?

There's a pause, and Neelkan's jaw tightens for a moment. He glances away
from the Gaidin and... sees the Accepted. And that whole calm seeming about
him just shatters for a moment. All kinds of emotions surfacing and showing
in some way. His fists clench, his eyes harden, his brow creases. But only
for a moment. Then it all settles down and he offers a small smile in her
direction and looks back at the Gaidin. "I have 'n 'xplaination, ye'h, but
it's private."

Salamas tilts his head slightly... his look becoming curious. "Can you tell
me the nature?" he asks calmly.. and quite curiously. But then this Gaidin
seems to exude both of those emotions almost continually.

Espiria blinks a bit, glancing down again before she sighs. Nope. She
didn't see Neel look over to her. She's got too much on her mind. But her
eyes do dart up for a moment as Neel mentions it being something private.
She bites down on her lip, going back to her examining of the flora near
her bench and trying not to make life harder on Neel than she already has.

"I needed some time t' m'self f'r the night. I don't have 'at 'ere, 'cause
I share a room with three other boys." Neelkan answers plainly, even
shrugging a little. It's basically the truth... If he would have seen any
of his friends, or... a certain person... last night he probably would have
gone and punched someone, and that would have been bad. "I spent the night
in 'n Inn."

Salamas nods slightly. "Which one?" he asks, no doubt so that he can
corborate the boy's story, though he does sound and look as if he believes
him. Perhaps it's just standard procedure. He has not noticed Espi yet...
has his back to her in fact.

Espiria heaves a sigh, rising from her seat and thinking it might be better
for Neel if she wasn't seen by him any longer than is needed. She's already
done way too much to those she cares about. Way too much and it hurts her
worse than anything the Dark could ever think of doing to her at the
moment. She wipes her eyes and moves away, slowly so that she doesn't
disturb the discussion. Maybe there's another place..farther away from the
pair that she can sit and not be seen...

Which one? Neelkan actually has to think for a moment. He is so bad with
names sometimes. Which is why he usually ends up shortening them if he can.
After a few moments he has it though and nods, responding, "The Wandering
Flame." Not the most... respectable Inn in the city. But then he tends to
perfer places that aren't 'respectable'. Call it the bandit side of him. He
blinks suddenly as he notices Espi moving and his eyes follow her for a
moment. He curses softly under his breath, not knowing that she's just
moving to another place, thinking she's running off on him or something.
Then he quickly looks back at the Gaidin, as if hoping to be dismissed, "Is
'ere anythin' else?" He sounds a little impatient now...

Salamas looks behind him and notices Espiria.. then looks back to Neelkan
with eyes slightly narrowed. "Only a warning. You had best be careful how
you step Neelkan. There are those here who would not mind seeing you kicked
out at all. And Novices and Accepteds are the quickest and easiest path. As
for your romp in the city.... We all need time to ourselves at times. Next
time tell a Gaidin before you go. Understood?" He is not being mean... in
fact his tone is almost friendly. He certainly isn't one of those 'people'.

Espiria sighs softly, taking a seat further toward the Tower and away from
the gates. There...that should help things. Or she hopes they will. Maybe
if she can just stay away from her friends their lives won't be such a
mess? At least they won't be involved in her life..which /is/ a mess. She
closes her eyes and just sits for awhile, withing it would all go back to
normal for a change.

Novices and Accepted? Making it sound like he's picking apples in a patch
or something. But Neelkan nods. "Ye'h, ye'h. I know all 'bout the bloo--
the rule 'bout not gettin' romantically 'entangled' with Tower students."
Though he'd rather like a defination of what exactly they consider a
romantic entanglement. He won't ask though... that'll just make them think
he's planning to walk the line, and maybe even jump right over it. "'n
ye'h, I know half the flami-- the Tower wants m' thrown out. 'ey make
'ey're opinions quite clear on 'at." Though his own opinions are ignored,
if not squished. Women. "'n I would've informed a Gaidin if I could've, 'n
I'll try t' next time."

Salamas holds up a single finger. "Don't throw my words away Neelkan. You
may know the rules, and you may know your enemies. But often you do not
have to break the rules to be convicted of breaking them." His words are
quite serious, but then he smiles slightly and looks about... "Now.. run
along and do /try/ not to get into any trouble." he teases..

Espi doesn't hear the rest of the conversation, since she's further away
than she was. And she's not looking up at the moment either because she'd
rather just study the flowers at her feet. Maybe she won't hurt them? She
sighs deeply, rubbing the side of her face that still feels puffy from the
night in her room. She wraps her arms around herself for a moment, wincing
as she thinks of all that's happened to her.

"I'll do whate'er I have t', Gaidin," Neelkan says plainly, with a small
shrug. He doesn't usually try to cause trouble... Alright, yes he does. But
he when he does he usually (...sometimes...) has a good reason to do so. Or
at least a reason... Oh feh. The Gaidin should be worried... He does a
half-bow and them moves across the Courtyard at a quick walk towards his
Accepted friend.

Salamas watches the trainee go then shakes his head slightly and walks over
to a tree, sitting down benieth it and looking up through it's branches.

Espiria sighs staring at the ground for the time being. That is till she
sees Neel heading over her way. She bites her lower lip and gulps back
something before it can surface before he would get to her to really tell
what was happening. She sighs, looking back to him with sadness in her eyes
and hoping that..maybe just maybe he doesn't hate her.

Striding over until he's right in front of her, Neelkan had a neutral face
the whole way over. But once he's close to her he kneels down a little to
get at her eye level and beams a playful little grin at her, "What's with
the long face, Espi? Ya look like someone just stepped on yer favorite
flower." Something happened last night that might have upset her? Really?
He almost seems like he hasn't the foggiest idea what that could possibly
be.

Espiria sighs softly, glancing up to Neel's face with a great deal of pain
in her eyes. "I'm..bad news for everyone, Neel. Everyone I know...every
person that I care about ends up getting hurt because of me. In one way or
another." Her voice cracks on several places, showing the way her mood is
running at the moment. "I...wouldn't be surprised if you hated me, Neel. Or
anyone else for that matter..." She closes her eyes, sighing heavily.

Christabel comes walking quickly out of the Tower, almost as if the Dark
One himself where on her heels. Her face is flushed and the quick glance
anyone gets of her face shows.... tears? She heads towards the Plaza gate
without speaking to anyone.

Salamas looks down from where he is as the Sedai enters the yard, then
seeing her mood he simply tilts his head slightly.. standing to give an
unseen bow.

Sigh. Neelkan moves forward and puts a hand on her own, still kneeled down
in front of her, "'at's not true, Espi. I wasn't hurt. Wyn's not gettin'
hurt 'cause of ya is she? What 'bout Redd? Stop bein' so flamin' hard on
yerself, a'right?" He's not going to mention Varcel... though. "'n I don't
hate ya. 'n I doubt none of yer friends do either. So just... lighten up,
a'right?" He offers a kind smirk, squeezing her hand lightly. He glances
over as someone walks past him. Oh, it's the Evil Gr---eh? Is she crying?
His grin fades into a frown, and... surprise, surprise, he actually looks
concerned.

Espiria looks over from where she is sitting, heaving a tired sigh as her
eyes catch someone hurrying by. She blinks. Is that Christa? She tips her
head to one side, temporarily forgetting herself as she watched the AS rush
by in tears. Oh my..just another thing that she could probably blame
herself for. If she could find a reason to. She glances back to Neel,
frowning. "I...oh I don't know anymore, Neel."

Sigh again. "I know 'at ya don't know. I don't know a lotta thin's anymore.
But I do know 'at 'ere ain't nothin' 'at could happen 'tween us 'at would
e'er make m' hate ya. E'er. 'n I can promise ya 'at." Neelkan stands up,
still holding on to your hands and gives them a small tug, "Come on. Let's
go f'r a walk 'r somethin'. 'ra ya hungry? I'm sure we can scrounge up some
cookies 'r cakes up in the kitchen if we try."

Espiria sighs, sniffing a bit more before she rises from her seat. "I..I
guess so. I..wasn't all that hungry this morning." She sighs, red rimmed
eyes turning back to you as she squeezes your hands for a moment. "Thanks
Neel...I still feel like bad luck, but...at least I feel better about
having friends around me again." She frowns, "I..I just don't want anything
to happen to any of you..."

"Espi..." Neelkan says with a sigh, then squeezes your hands back again and
just pulls you towards the Tower, though not as much as he could be if he
really wanted to. "Let's get ya somethin' t' eat 'en. I could use somethin'
sweet m'self." He didn't eat much last night after the thing in the Grove.
But you better stay away from /milk/ and cookies... "'n 'en..." he trails
off and shakes his head, changing his mind on whatever he was going to say
there. Then what?

Espiria glances over to Neel, eyes fluttering slightly confused for a
moment before she sighs and nods to Neel. "Let's..umm..go before the
novices eat everything up." Was that a joke? Or maybe an attempt? It's hard
to say, since she moves toward the Tower and for the common wing.


Dining Hall, White Tower, Tar Valon

One may see, here, a huge buffet table full of every type of food
imaginable, from nearly every part of the known world. Occasionally empty
plates are removed and replaced, for there is no common eating time for any
but the students. Most eat when they remember to, or find the time. Other
tables are present. Some have broad cloths thrown over them, in the color
of the Ajah that normally sits there. Others are left plain, indicating a
table at which anyone may sit.

Bobbing lights, produced by the One Power, emit a soft glow, replacing the
need for candles and lamp oil, whose supplies are growing short each day
and which are getting quite expensive. Occasionally as some fade an
Accepted will walk in and replace them. The floor, white, is kept
meticulously clean and scrubbed. No sooner does some morsel find its
accidental way to the ground than someone is along to sweep it up and throw
it away.


Letting go of your hands halfway to the Dining Hall, Neelkan continued to
grin over though, and as soon as you're in the hall he motions you to sit
down, then moves over to the tables, looking around for things that qualify
as sweet. He picks up a plate and jumps in lines here and there, not
carrying if he butts in front of a Novice or an Aes Sedai, though he does
resist butting in front of any Gaidin. He packs his plate down with sweet
fruits and cookies, and honey cakes, then balances the plate on his arm
while he carries two glasses of chilled cider. He skipped the milk. Duh. He
sets the plate down near both their reach and puts one glass in front of
you, and one in front of him, "'ere we go."

Espiria sighs softly, glancing around the room at the other happy people
who just happen to be here at the moment. She pokes her fingernail at the
table's woodgrain, staring at it sadly and examining it as though it were
holding the answers she seeks. But..then you arrive with the plate of
goodies and et the glass before her. She stares at the food, feeling that
she'd like to eat something, but that her appetite just isn't up to par.
Well..maybe just one. She reaches out for the smallest thing she can find
and nibbles on the side of it.

Neelkan looks across the table at you and grumbles something before shoving
the biggest honey cake down his mouth. He watches as you nibble on it and
then he does something drastic. He aims a kick under the table at your
foot. A light kick, but still a kick. He narrows his eyes and leans
forward, poking a finger at your forhead and says, "Espi, yer actin' silly.
Sittin' 'round mopin' 'n blamin' yerself f'r things 'at are outta yer
control is just plain silly. 'n I should know. I'm still blamin' m'self f'r
not gettin' Verbena out, e'en though I promised 'er I would. So don't e'en
say I got no idea why yer mopin', cause I do. So stop. Eat. Enjoy yerself.
'n if ya don't...."

Espiria jumps a bit, feeling the foot connect with her foot. She blinks,
startled since her mind wasn't even on what she was eating at that moment
and sighs, "I'm..trying, Neel. But...something is weighting me down.
Something that I never wanted to happen.. It's..like a big hole in my
heart. One that's been ripped there... I...I..just don't know what to do
about it." She closes her eyes, resting her chin on one of her hands as she
looks over to you. Then she recalls the other thing that you said and
manages a slight smile, "If..I don't?"

"Well, I can't tell ya want t' d' 'bout a hole in yer heart, 'cept 'at ya
should try t' fill it up if ya can." Neelkan isn't going to offer
suggestions on how to fill it up, and it would be better if he didn't.
Because what he might offer... well... luckily the question with the slight
smile makes him grin even wider and he reaches forward to pick up a
strawberry from the pile of sweet food and says, "Oh, I dunno. I might just
have t' do somethin' t' cheer ya up." He says this while looking at the
fruit, then he pops it into his mouth.

Espiria raises a brow as you speak again, biting her lower lip. Oh she
knows what to do..but unless the other party is willing..how can she do it?
It doesn't work if only one side is wanting it. She sighs, looking at the
plate again and taking something else to nibble on. Her eyes dart upwards
to you, slightly sparkle entering her eyes that can be thought of as a hint
of her old humor trying to come back, "Oh? You know what would cheer me
up?" She takes a bite of the cake in her hand, eyes still staying on your
face. And yup..there is still the hint of a smile there also.

"Actually, I haven't a clue how t' cheer ya up, Espi." Neelkan says
honestly, but with a smile. He doesn't understand women anymore then he did
when he first came to the Tower. He has no idea what would cheer her up.
"But 'at doesn't mean I won't try, 'n ya know what 'at means, I'll prolly
end up makin' a big fool of m'self 'n e'eryone'll get t' laugh 'at m'." But
he sounds like he'd be willing to make a big fool of himself...

Espiria widens her eyes at the thought of her doing something to make you
hurt. "No..No..Neel. Don't do that... Please? I...I'll really try to eat
something." She sighs, reaching out for some of the fruit, frowning
slightly. "I..don't want you doing that to yourself, Neel. You're better
than that.... and I have no right to make you do it just because you don't
want me to be sad." She shakes her head, taking a bite of the pear in her
hand. "I..Just don't know what to do, Neel. Varcel....I mean..I always seem
to hurt others around me. I try so hard not to...but then something happens
and it's all ripped to pieces."

"If Varcel's hurt, 'en let 'im be. Ya tried t' 'xplain t' 'im what was
goin' on. If he didn't want t' listen 'en it's /his/ fault, not yers."
Neelkan nudges your foot again under the table lightly, then adds, "'n I
wouldn't mind makin' a fool outta m'self if it's make ya stop feelin' bad.
Yer m' friend 'en I l... I like ya too much t' let ya blame things outta
yer control on yerself." He reaches forward and plucks up another cookie to
take bites out of.

Espiria sighs softly, looking back up to your face as you speak about
Varcel. She frowns slittle though, feeling that she should do /something/
at least in the way of fixing this. It's eating at her something terrible,
but then....her past always does that to her anyway. And if she hadn't
fallen for him before the memories hit..well, they just made matters worse.
She looks at your face as you speak, brows furrowing as you alter what you
were going to say. She blinks, and wonders if she was hearing things?
Didn't that happen before? In the grove too? But..he's her friend..right?
She shakes her head, thinking herself very silly for thinking what she just
thought. "Neel...I'll try not to kick myself, but..I care very deeply for
Varcel and I..I know I hurt his feelings somehow in asking for your help
over his. I..didn't /mean/ to though and I can only hope that he'll forgive
me... But..to have a good friend like you..to stick by me like this." She
sighs and smiles, "I'm just glad that I do..."

A good friend... yeah. That's all Neelkan is to you. He tries his best to
not let his smile fade any, but it does for a moment. Just a moment. He
waits until he's finished with his cookie and washes it down with some of
the chilled cider before responding, "I know 'at ya care f'r Varcel a great
deal.. 'n if he cares 'bout ya as much as.. as much as ya care f'r him..
'en he'll forgive ya anythin'." He shrugs, and glances off around the room
for a few moments, then grabs another cookie and starts to munch on that
one. His expression is a little... sadder for some reason now. He swallows
the bite he was working on and adds, glancing back at you, "So talk t' 'im.
I'm sure he'll come 'round."

Espiria sighs and nods, "I plan to, Neel. Just as soon as Wyntere Sedai can
fix up that place in her office for us to talk." She sighs, taking another
cookie herself after taking a large drink from the glass. "It's..so hard
sometimes to know what to do..or if I do anything if it will be the wrong
thing to do. But..if I do nothing..isn't that just as bad?" She throws her
hands up, "I..just don't know anymore."

Wyntere enters the dining hall looking a down. She makes her to the kitchen
to pick up a bowl of chopped peaches covered with sugar and milk. (very
good meal) Then glances around the dining hall making her way to a table
near where Espiria sits with Neelkan. Hearing Salia, she nods in return.
But seems very quiet today.

Sitting at a table with a plate full of sweet things between him and
Espiria, Neelkan looks a little grumpy for a few moments while chewing on a
cookie. Then he finishes it and looks across at the Accepted and says,
"Well, just... do what ya have t'. I'm sure it'll work out. 'n if it
doesn't..." he trails off with a shrug. He notices Wyn heading offer and
switches over to a smirk for the Aes Sedai, nodding his head briefly in
respect. Luckily he doesn't see what she has with her yet...

Salia's hair has a slight tint of green to it still, though it's hard to
tell as for once it's tightly braided.

Espiria looks up after offering a nod to Neel's words, offering a tired
smile to Wynt as she rises long enough to bob a curtsey to her. "Light
Shine, Wyntere Sedai. Finally taking a breather for a quick meal?" She
grins, slipping back into her seat, head tipping to one side as she looks
at the plate before her and Neel. Grudgingly, she takes up another piece of
fruit from it while sheraises a friendly wave to Salia.

Glancing over to Espiria, Wyntere gives her a nod. "Actually, I've been
taken off duty for a few days and told to rest. So... I might as well get a
bite to eat." Oh that doesn't mean no one is watching over the students.
That just means, it'll be something major to get Wyntere involved and that
only makes things worse. Besides, when does Wyntere get a break at the
tower? She dips a sppon in the bowl to take a bite of the cut peaches.
Hmm.. yes, this is still good.

Salia blinks a bit as she looks at Wyntere, she moves quietly to the table
set for accepted to be seated at and carefully sits down, looking at the
Aes Sedai quietly.

Neelkan glances in the direction of Espiria's wave, but he doesn't know who
the girl is so he doesn't say anything. At least he doesn't end up glaring
at her. Something must really be wrong with him right now. He usually
glares at women he doesn't know. He smiles at Wyn, and then he sees... what
she's eating. He coughs once, then again, then quickly stands up and says,
"I have t' go." He actually looks a little... scared?

Espiria blinks at Wynt, raising a brow of her own. Time off? She opens her
mouth and is about to say something when she hear Neel. She blinks, looking
at his face and then following the look of his eyes to the bowl. Hmm..Now I
wonder what caused that reaction. "Umm...Okay, Neel. Thnak you for being
there to talk.." She offers a weary smile and a nod. "Light keep you safe,
Neel."

Following Neelkan's gaze, Wyntere frowns. "It's just peaches, Neelkan. But
if you must go, Peace favor you." Wyntere then moves over to Espiria's
table to sit down. "I don't think you'll mind me joining you?" Soft blue
eyes look at the accepted hopefully.