08/08/2000

Courtyard, The White Tower, Tar Valon

Marble tiles gleam from a straight path which leads from the Gates of the
Tower to the wide double doors which announce its entry point. Soft grass
and well planned patches of flowers can be found to either side, with the
occasional shady tree. Accepted and novices sit on stone benches, some
practicing their Power to the dismay of uneasy petitioners passing through.
To the side there is a stable, near the fenced entrance to the clearly
visible yard where shirtless boys go through sword forms through the day.

Guards take the weapons of those wanting to enter, though the Gaidin spread
about the courtyard, seemingly about their leisure, look ready to pounce on
any men who "forgot" a dagger at the gates. Aes Sedai pass through on
various errands, some nodding to acknowledge bows or curtsies. The
atmosphere is busy, but calm.


Sitting on the bench out in the Courtyard, Neelkan is leaned forward,
waiting for his next lesson in... oh... a long time. Or so it seems to him.
He's hoping to get to do something new today. Something he doesn't already
know. His elbows rest on his knees as he watches some Novice sweeping up
the stone walkway up to the Tower. Well, he's not really watching the
Novice... more the bugs flying around the girl. Bite her! Bite her! his
eyes seem to scream. Not only that he's singing softly under his breath.
Hmmm.

Varcel is sitting int he courtyard also, and would seem to be lounging, but
those who know him would say he's being introspective instead, for his gaze
is locked on something infinitely far away.

There is the soft sound of someone opening the door's to the Tower and then
closing them. The person doesn't move for the time being, leaning on the
doorframe as she seems to wipe angrily at some tears on her face. She takes
a deeply shuddering breath, shaking her head and muttering about getting a
grip on herself and then turns to face the courtyard. She's not seen either
of you as yet, since her mind is also a very far way away. Into the past.
And into things she'd rather not recall.

Come on!! Bite her!! Bite her!! Neelkan leans forward, still singing softly
under his breath, just waiting for the bugs to swoop in and bite the girl
when she lifts the broom and bats them away. Blood 'n ashes! So close! He
actually looks disappointed and slumps a little, his song fading off
completely as he rests his chin on his hand. Oh what to do now? He glances
around the Courtyard again... and up the stairs and... He blinks at the
sight of Espiria, moving to stand up.

Varcel might be lost in thought, but Espiria always provides a handy map,
leading him back to the here and now. He watches her quietly, content to
just admire from a distance.

Heading out toward a place to sit, Espi does see Neel standing up. She nods
to him, face slightly less expression filled than it usually is. Usually
she smiles, but for some reason there is no smile on her face and only a
weary sort of pained expression. "Hello, Neel." She sighs, dropping on the
seat and raising her eyes to look out into the courtyard. Varcel? Her eyes
widen just a bit and a nearly there smile crosses her lips, but it's a hard
fight to get as much of a smile as she has. Her hand raises to him, gentle
wave of recognition before she glances at Neel again. "I'm..sorry if I seem
a bit out of sorts. I..Had a very bad night."

"'ey Espi." comes a return greeting then at the wave he glances over and
sees Varcel. Oh yeah, /he/ can bring out a 'nearly there smile', huh?
Neelkan grumps a little after looking from Espiria to Varcel a few times,
then he moves closer to stand nearby, pushing the grump off of his
expression and planting a smirk there. Nothing is wrong in Neelkanland.
"Oh? It's a'right. We're all 'lowed a lil' outta sorts days 'ere 'n 'ere."

Varcel tosses Espiria a quick wink that's out of keeping with his normal
solemn demeanor. At first content to stay put and leave her time with
Neelkan, he catches the glance from the same and changes his mind. He
slowly stands, taking a moment to stretch indulgently.

Espiria sighs softly and nods, face forming into a sad state. She closes
her eyes and more tears slip from the sides of her eyes. "Oh..Neel.
I..understand what you mean now about..dreams being so hard to take
sometimes." She shakes her head, hands going to her face for a moment
before she shivers. "I..wish I'd never seen what I have."

Dreams? Neelkan's eyes narrow for a moment, then he glances at Varcel
heading over before looking back towards Espi. He presses his lips into a
thin line, instead of a grin, and moves to put a hand on her shoulder,
"'ey, couldn't be all 'at bad, Espi!" He reaches over and ruffles her hair
in a playful fashion. "'n it was just a dream. I mean, f'r ya they are..."
Right...?

Varcel approaches quietly, but not stealthy, an eyebrow quirked. "What was
a dream?"

Espiria looks up to meet Varcel's eyes and then closes them again. "I...I
had a very disturbing dream last night." She visibly gulps back a wave of
panic, "It...was a memory of what happened....umm..a very long time ago."
She rubs her face, but it seems her skin has gone pale again from the
thought of it.

Oh. Neelkan suddenly slumps a little in his stance, moving his hand up into
his white-streaked red hair. So it wasn't just a dream... "'ey... it's
a'right. Espi. I know dreams can be bad sometimes, but ya just..." he
glances towards Varcel as if this is something he doesn't want to go into
with the other young man around, but then he sighs and continues, "Just...
remember 'at what yer dreamin' 'bout isn't /now/, a'right?"

Varcel reads Neelkan's glance, and concludes that he's familiar with
Espiria's flashes of memory as well. Hmm, interesting, but not for
discussion right now. He looks to Espiria. "Do you need to talk about it?"

Espiria glances at Neel, nodding for a moment before she looks over to
Varcel with the hint of a fighter's smile. She's trying at least.
"Oh...I..I don't know if either of you would want to hear what I've seen.
What....happened. It was horrible. Worse..then anything..I ever want ever
to remember."

Neelkan chews on his lower lip for a moment, a soft grumble here and there,
but for what reason...? He shakes his head and offers a small smirk right
back, "Ya don't have t' talk 'bout it. Trust m' on 'is. I know 'at the last
thing ya wanna do is talk 'bout it." He feels the same way all too often.
He reaches down and squeezes her shoulder lightly, then takes his hand away
again after looking at Varcel.

Varcel pays no attention to Neelkan's looks, instead just nods to Espiria,
offering her an ecnouraging smile. "You've got to do what's best for you,
but you know I'm here if you need me."

Espiria sighs softly, lifting a shoulder to shrug and offers a slight smile
to Neel. "I...I know that I should though. I talked with Wyntere Sedai
about it. Got most of..the hurt out then, but...the images." Her hands go
to cover her face, "People on fire...the..horror of what happened sticks
with me like...like...something alive."

People on fire? Neelkan closes his eyes for a moment and shudders a little
himself at the description. Though honestly he doesn't mind fire all that
much... "I told ya, Espi. Just remember it's the past, a'right? It's not
happenin' now." And hopefully it will never happen in the future. That's
one thing he can no longer tell himself though when it comes to /his/
dreams.

Varcel nods slowly. "He's right, it's not here, it's not now. It happened
long ago, and you couldn't have done anything to stop it."

Espiria winces a bit at Varcel's words, eyes opening to look at him.
"Couldn't I have?" She shakes her head, biting her lip painfully to keep a
grip on her sense of 'self'. For some reason this memory is especially
painful to her it would seem. "I...sat by and watched it. I didn't know it
was going to happen, but when it did...I ran like everyone else instead of
standing up to it. It..caused everything that's happening now. It
caused..the Dark One to get free for as long as he was..before he was
sealed back. I was /there/ and saw it all." Her face has gone pale again as
she shivers, "I..saw people..eaten up by that fire. Killed in the blink of
an eye by the force that crept out of the...hole made. It was all our
fault. I should have told them to be more careful... I should have maybe
been there to stop it..if I'd felt something was wrong. I..should have died
with the people...my place was with them." The tears fall freely now.
"I...Oh Light..what did we do. We didn't know...but looking back that was a
poor excuse..."

Umm.... Um... Neelkan's eyes widen as he listens to all this. This is new
information to him, that's for sure. He needs to sit down... He plops down
on a seat next to Espi, but a good foot between the two and stares off for
a moment. Then he takes a deep breath and turns back to Espi once she is
finished and says firmly, "That was /not/ you." And for once, he doesn't
have his annoying accent. "It wasn't either of you." He slips back into his
accent again now, "Havin' someone elses memories is one thin', 'n
rememberin' it... but it wasn't /you/. Yer Espi. 'n yer Varcel. 'n I don't
care how strongly ya remember, Espi, 'r how strongly yer sure 'at he's...
/him/. Yer not. It wasn't /yer/ fault. Either of ya. A'right? It's the
past. 'ey were different people." Or that's what he's going to believe.

Varcel nods, stepping forward to rest his hands on Espiria's shoulders
lightly. "He's right. It's not your fault. You mustn't let this burden you
like that. Release it, and do better."

Espiria tries to get control of herself, feeling the strength of Varcel
just in the gentle placement of his hands on her shoulder. "I know..I
know..but it..eats at me. I..was then...and I'm now too. But..the feelings
of...who I was are stronger..older than who I am now and it's hard for me
to keep them apart sometimes." She sighs, lifting a hand to touch Varcel's
for a moment as she smiles to the both men standing by her. "I'll really
try...I just don't know how much more of this..I can take. Sometimes...I
feel like I'm drowning and I can't keep my head above water. And
this...this dream I had was the worst yet."

Drowning? ... Had to use that analogy, didn't she? Neelkan growns a might
paler at that sentance, and he looks extremely sympathetic for a moment
before glancing off into the Yard a little. Varcel seems to be the one
bringing her the most comfort, so he can just sit here for a minute and
stare off and try to dismiss the horrible drowning.

Varcel leans forward to kiss Espiria on the forehead lightly, chastely,
regardless of who might see it. "You're strong enough to deal with it. If
you weren't, it would have been someone else. Trust that this is true."

Espiria sighs softly, nodding as she reaches out a hand to pat Neel's arm.
"I..just don't know what I would do without either of you." She manages a
slight grin to Neel, reaching over to ruffle his hair. "The best friends
that a person could ever hope for..." She tips her eyes up to Varcel,
smiling a bit more from the kiss and sighs. "Now..if they would just find
out who did that to the Novice..then maybe life would go back to normal.."
She chuckles, "Or at least relatively speaking..."

Just watch Neelkan's fists clench as he watches Varcel and Espiria. Ahem.
Even the ruffle and all the 'best friend' talk doesn't seem to phase his
clenching fists. At least he refrains from growling or something though.

Varcel smiles back to her, and opens his mouth with more words of
encouragement. ANd then a stern voice calls to him from the training yard.
Seeing a Warder with a scowl on his face, Varcel decides it's best to deal
with that problem first. He tosses Espiria a Look (tm) and then nods a
polite farewell to Neelkan.

Espiria sighs softly, watching Varcel go before she glances over to Neel
with slight concern in her voice. "I hear they have left the room as it
was..when it happened. I'd be curious to see what happened. Hmm...What do
you say Neel. Want to play investigator?" She slips a smile to her lips,
brow raising slightly at the question. "Maybe..if we put our heads together
we can come up with an idea of who did it?"

Blink? Neelkan straights from his glare which was following after Varcel.
He lightens it with a grin, then lets it settle into a serious expression.
"Investigate?" He raises his eyebrows, then nods. "A'right. We could try
'at." He's a bandit, so he knows a little bit about what to /not/ leave
behind at a crime scene. "We're gonna be breakin' a rule 'r somethin' b'
investigatin', won't we?" Sounds like something he's looking forward to.
Rule breaking!

Espiria bites her lip and catches that gleam in your eyes. "Hmm..Possibly.
I know they probably wouldn't like people poking around the room too much
and would probably be upset that an Accepted and a Trainee went looking on
thier own, but I honestly want to try. Maybe we can think of something that
others haven't?" She rises from her chair, "I'll understand..if you'd
rather not." She grins, bit of a challenge in the tone and a grin on her
face.

"'ey! What, ya think I care 'bout 'eir stupid rules?" Neelkan steps up to
the challange, instantly standing up and grabbing your arm, starting
towards the Tower and pulling you with him if he can, "Let's go! If we can
help Wyn in the investigation 'en I'm sure 'ey won't punish us too harshly.
Not 'at I care 'bout gettin' punished! I dare 'em t' punish m'!" Though
oddly, he doesn't speak very loud, despite the excitement in his voice.

Espiria giggles and gets dragged along, smile crossing her lips as she
hurries to keep up. "I'm sure you're right, Neel. Of course..that is
probably exactly what will happen." She chuckles, patting your hand since
your grip is kinda tight, smirking playfully. "Umm...mind loosening up with
the fingers? I know you're happy, but..umm...my arm isn't a pike." She
giggles, heading for the doors.