08/02/2000

Amyrlin's Study, White Tower, Tar Valon

A simple office, matching the temprament of the woman who works here. A
carving of a man balanced on one leg about to throw a javelin, done in
polished wood, is present on a small table. An old desk, battered and
comfortable rather than polished majesty, is present as well, along with a
few simple chairs. What need for externals when the woman herself is able
to provoke so much awe? Papers are kept in neat arrays across the desk, and
a few boxes, warded, hold sensative material.

Dominating the wall is a huge map with push pins within it, detailing the
movements of armies across the world. A supply of pins hangs from a bag
from the frame of the map. Black is for Dark armies, white for Light
armies, some with little flags detailing where each army originates: red
for Manetheran, etc. A soft blue carpet covers the floor.


Escourted in by Tower people, Neelkan has had time enough to change his
clothes and more thoroughly wash down so he doesn't smell like he just
escaped from a prison, which he did. He looks like he's especially grumpy
right now, his face twisted in a frown and eyes glaring at the floor in
front of him. Once inside he drops into a small bow.

Kaomi sits curled up in one of the big fluffy chairs. She looks the Child
Amyrlin, though her ebony eyes are anything but childlike. "Come, have a
seat, Neelkan. I just want to get your impression of events." And test some
things, but she doesn't say that yet.

Moving over to sit down in one of the chairs, Neelkan continues to glare at
the floor and such. He really is grumpy about something... In fact, he's
grumpy about a lot of things. He stays silent for a long moment, then
shrugs a little, "What d'ya mean m' impression?" Perhaps he's playing dumb
for some reason, when actually he just doesn't want to talk about it, but
he will once he understands what she wants. Unless she wants to listen to a
long rant about how pissed off he is.

Kaomi lets out a sigh. "Neelkan. I need to know what you saw, both at the
battle and what happened while you were in prison. Your version of the
escape would be nice as well. I have already heard Espiria's. She was the
one who sent the mice and the birds. You should thank her." She pauses,
letting the silence sink in for a moment. "Without her idea, there would
have been nothing I could have done to get the three of you free. Now I
understand that you may not be in the finest of moods. However, you and I
have been friends for awhile. So I should think you would trust me enough
to talk to me."

Wyntere knocks on the door and walks into the study. "Kaomi?" Suddenly she
stops. Why would the Amrylin have someone in her office? She's not the
Monster. Seeing Neelkan, Wyntere coughs a little. "Excuse me, Mother. I..."
She gives her respectful curtsey. People present. Got to. "Peace favor,
Neelkan. Welcome back."

Neelkan blinks and glances up at the mention of Espiria being the one
behind the animals, then he nods his head, knowing good and well that his
freedom is now in the hands of /two/ women. He's the /guy/. He's supposed
to do the rescueing. Then the rest of the talk causes him to grumble under
his breath, "But /three/ of us didn't get out, blood 'n ashes." He looks
over as Wyntere enters and he stays seated where he is, looking... well...
grumpy. "'ey Wyn."

Kaomi simply waves Wyntere inside as well. "Yes, I know all about Verbena
Sedai's...stunt. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Espiria's
impressions were...limited." She doesn't pick up on the reason behind
Neelkan's malaise. Women, in her eyes, are the ones to be doing the
rescuing. Blame it on being raised by Aes Sedai and being one of their most
powerful.

Wyntere nods to Kaomi and closes the door. She heads over towards the
three. "We missed you Neel. I have a sleeping accepted in my room that
wishes to see you." Yes, that would be espi. Wyntere looks to a chair
nearby and then to kaomi. "May I Mother?" She asks politely. "Espiria has
told us what she could. Even that the mice are back safe and sound."

Why can't they understand why he's /angry/?! Bah. Neelkan nods towards Wyn
first, saying, "I'll go see 'er later." He reaches up and runs his hands
through his hair, which is finally half-way decent looking, then tries to
think over what to tell the Amyrlin exactly, "A'right.. the battle was..
well.. I wasn't really payin' attention t' anythin' but what was goin' on
'round m' 'n Denn. I guess she saw Verbena get grabbed 'n went after 'er,
'n I went after Denn, 'en 'is guy got m' with 'is sword 'n I got carried to
'at Fort by a Trolloc." And luckily didn't get made into a tasty treat.
"'en we all got thrown int' the cells, 'en... well... we 'scaped
e'entually, with help..."

That was articulate. Still, Kaomi simply nods the whole time like he is
being the most articulate guy she has ever met. She embraces the source,
then. Complex weaves of Air, Fire, and Spirit begin to form. She touches
them lightly to Neelkan's forhead. "I know how hard things can be in those
prisons," she says, leaning forward, speaking in a low intense voice. "But
you want to tell me the truth." She pauses, letting the weave sink in as
gently as possible, looking regretful that she feels the need. But from
what she heard, Tetrarch /did/ just let these two walk out. It could have
been because of his weird sense of honor or respect, because he got amused,
because he felt like it, or for more sinister reasons. "Do you still follow
the Light, Neelkan?"

Taking a seat, Wyntere looks over to Kaomi. Yes, the monster can see what's
going on. She leans back and puts her hands in her lap. "She'd like that
Neel. Just make sure she doesn't over do anything right now." Wyntere is
really wondering what the Mother is doing, but isn't questioning it. She
knows what's best. She's the Amrylin.

Peacock blue eyes blink a few times as the woman approaches and touches his
forehead. Neelkan doesn't exactly distrust /her/ completely, but part of
him wants to jerk away just because she's a woman. He doesn't let himself
though, because she's Kaomi, and she's always been nice to him, even if now
that he sees her again she really /does/ look like Tetrarch a little.
Wonder what-- then the weave sets in, and the question is asked. He does
want to tell her the truth. He wouldn't /exactly/ want to lie to her. He
just wouldn't want to tell the whole truth. But there's some problem
answering the question. Still serve the Light? Before he came to the Tower,
this young man couldn't care less about the Light or Dark. It didn't
directly effect him. And unless it /directly/ effected his friends or
himself, then he probably would have still cared less. Still served the
Light? He never technically served the Light... After a pause though he
does give an answer, "I serve myself and my friends, and my friends serve
the Light." And almost all his current friends are women. Sigh. But that's
about the best answer he can give that remains completely truthful.

Kaomi releases the weave and nods, satisfied. "Good enough. Now, Neelkan,
are you alright? Is there anything you need? I want to make your transition
home as easy as possible. I know that it can be...difficult."

Wyntere looks to Neelkan and nods. Hmm... Not much she can do right now. So
she sits quietly. Leaning back, Wyntere is relaxed as if outside in the sun
and no war was going on at all.

There's a small frown, then Neelkan just nods and leans back a little,
still looking grumpy as before. "/I'm/ just blood fine, Kaomi, 'anks." Only
the first part sounded harsh at all, and he doesn't sound sarcastic at
least. "'n what I'd like is some weapons 'n a horse 'n go back t' 'at Fort
in beat up some people 'n bring Verbena back." That part is a little harsh.
Because he promised himself, and both of them, that he would get them out.
And he didn't. /She/ got him and Denn out. Though obviously what he wants
is a little... well... rash and stupid.

"I can understand the impulse, but I cannot let you do that." Kaomi
replies, calmly. "I'm afraid for now we are simply going to have to leave
her to suffer the consequences of that particular foolish action of hers."
Which Kaomi still doesn't understand the reasoning behind. Espiria wasn't
able to give a clear enough picture.

Tightening his hands into fists, Neelkan glares down at them where they
rest on his knees. "Ya don't understand! She won't make it in 'ere by
'erself! She was... Grrrr! I should've just given 'er the bloody seditive,
but I didn't know she was gonna do 'at. She looked /better/. I'm startin'
t' 'ink 'at was 'er plan all 'long. She... she ordered m' t' take Denn
outta the Fort 'n t' protect 'er o'er all else..." Though he would have
done that anyway... The order just made it easier for him to decide between
continuing on with Denn, or going back for the Aes Sedai.

Kaomi taps her finger against pursed lips. "Espiria said that there were a
lot of people channeling at her birds. She probably felt that and
anticipated a problem." A pause. "What was she doing while in there,
Neelkan?"

"Well..." Neelkan seems reluctent to talk about this. Really reluctent. His
anger fades for a moment and he actually flushes a little, still looking at
his hands. Luckily his hair falls down to obsure some of the flush. "She..
was.. uh.. talkin' with 'is tatooed guy a lot. Gettin' us 'ings like food
'n water 'm soap t' clean with..."

Kaomi nods, okay. Tatooed guy? She raises an eyebrow at that one. "Not a
bad idea." Though her tone expresses a certain amount of doubt that she was
capable. Kaomi, apparently, does not think much of that particular Aes
Sedai.

"She e'en tried t' get 'im t' take 'er out f'r a walk so 'at she could get
the layout of the Fort, but 'at didn't work, obviously." Neelkan lowers his
head with a sigh and grumbles. "I just... she should be the one sittin' in
'ere givin' the report. Not locked up 'gain..." Or dead... or worse...

Kaomi shakes her head. "Guilt is not going to get you anywhere, Neelkan."
She folds her hands in her lap. "Each of you had to make the decision that
seemed to make the most sense to you at the time. But the fact that you
realized that there was little you could do and took the opening offered
tells me you are intellegent. Not a coward, not a bad person, someone who
weighs the risks and takes it from there."

Yup. That would be a good dose of guilt that Neelkan is suffering from. He
shouldn't be though, because it was her choice, and she did order him to
get Denn out, and... well.. technically she got them both out. But at the
words of wisdom from the Amyrlin he at least forces a small smirk and sits
up a little, "I dunno. I just wanted t' get Denn out 'n if I would've tried
t' go back 'n get Verbena..." Then all three of them could be whereever the
Aes Sedai is now...

"I doubt the Asha'Cor would have been amused." Kaomi points out. She thinks
for a long moment, wanting to make Neelkan feel better. "Tell me
something...you escaped into the courtyard first, right? When you were
escorted through,did you happen to notice how far through guarded areas you
might have had to get through before making a clear escape? I do not know
the layout of the Fort offhand, though I suppose I could have Nerine draw
me a map sometime. Still, just for curiosity's sake."

"Um... I..." Neelkan frowns, thinking on it. Once the birds cleared out it
was a little easier to get a look at the place. He explains it as best he
can, but no doubt a few things are inacurate and lacking in detail. He was
a little upset when he went out of the fort after all. "It would've been
hard without the distractions, both the birds and Verbena. E'en with 'em it
prolly would've been nearly impossible... But 'at Tet-somethin'-'r-other
let us go."

Kaomi nods and says, "Now. Had you thought to, and had you been able to
sense saidin and saidar--well, had you been a woman, I suppose, but I know
how much /that/ would pain you..." an ironic smirk (and that /really/ makes
her look like Tetrarch) "I am certain you would have done the same thing.
However, without that ability...well, it would not have worked. And had you
sedated her? You would have had to drag a half-concious woman along as
well, lessening your chances. Had you returned for her? Well then, perhaps
the Asha'Cor's mood would have shifted yet again. He might have become
angry, and things would have been worse for the both of you, so you would
have succeeded, only, in invalidating her courage." Kaomi shakes her head
in disbelief. She just can't picture that woman being capable of such.
"Therefore, you did the right thing on every count."

There's a loud snort at the idea of being a woman and and for a few moments
the poor boy looks sick at the thought. Ew! That's one thing Neelkan would
never want to have happen to him. Not that the likelyhood of finding
himself in a woman's body is very big at all... but it still just... bleh.
He does however recover and nod, "I'll take yer word f'r it, but I still
feel like I should've done somethin' different t' help 'er..."

"If you can tell me one thing that you think might have actually worked,
Neelkan, I will allow you to feel guilty. Otherwise, you are under orders
to stop beating yourself up." Poor Kaomi, she thinks she can actually order
feelings away. Well, she finds your feelings illogical, and, not being
terribly in touch with her emotional side, has trouble understanding why
Neelkan insists on having them. To her, she'd have done whatever was
necessary and that was that. You don't feel bad about necessities. Of
course, she forgets she was going through agonizing bouts of guilt over the
possibility of leaving all 3 of them without any Tower aid only days
before.

One thing that might have worked? If Neelkan could have thought of one
thing, he would have done it. The problem was, he couldn't. He used all his
ideas on trying to get a lock pick, and a weapon.. and.. The rest he was
still mulling over when the mice appeared in his cell. He gives small nod,
not saying anything on that. Though the guilt won't go away for a long
time. He's an emotional person. Necessity is reserved for... other people.
He made his choice on emotion, not necessity. He was /had/ to get Denn out,
so he chose her over Verbena. When he does speak he moves to sit up in his
chair. "Is 'ere anythin' else ya need of m'?"

Kaomi shakes her head. "Not at all, Neelkan. Thank you for coming up to
talk to me."

Neelkan stands up from his seat and lowers down into a small bow. Not as
deep as it probably should be, but it's deep considering the person giving
it. "Yer welcome." Then he turns and heads out, only slightly less grumpy
seeming then when he entered.