Ithialin pulled his parka hood farther up his head, and snuggled his bare hands into his pockets to protect himself from the chill. It was a breezy day, cold and desolate, and Ithialin still wasn�t sure why he�d come out to the hatching sands to see the newest clutch of eggs. It was the minor sands, hard enough to get to as it was, and more out in the open. It was realistic to believe the ten little hard mounds that represented the dragon eggs would freeze if it weren�t for the underground heating ducts that Amera had insisted by built using the steam from nearby bathing pools.
Ithialin shook his head clear of all thoughts. He didn�t come out here to think; he came in hopes that this time one of the eggs would take a liking to him, and decide to choose him over the other candidates. For five hatchings Ithialin had been the odd one out, and he�d always left the sands alone. This time Ithialin swore it would be different. This time he�d make sure one of the hatchlings would want him. He didn�t know how he�d accomplish that, but there had to be a way. And everyone said the best way to get yourself in a dragonets mind was to make your presence known. So Ithialin was down here on the minor sands with something to prove, he supposed. He�d prove he could catch the attention of a dragonet
The desire to be a dragonrider didn�t drive at Ithialin the way it did with other people who stood candidate. Some people had to be near the dragons, had to have one for themselves. Some people couldn�t function without a lifepartner. Ithialin felt something between disgust and envy for those people. He couldn�t imagine needing something so badly, but he realized these people almost always Impressed. Then, as always happened whenever Ithialin actually stopped for a moment to ponder the ways of life, he had to wonder if the eggs were repelled by him. It wasn�t a comforting feeling, to think that baby dragons not only ignored you, but they detested you. Ithialin couldn�t help thinking that was how it was, for he was nearly twenty, and he had been trying to Impress since he was fifteen.
Oh Corru, why can�t you be here to help me ignore all this? Ithialin�s mind called out for his dead love, and then Ithialin was struck with a wave of soft nostalgia. He remember Corru teasing him, pulling at his long hair in affection, Corru leaning forward for a light kiss, or the pair of them leaning together under a tree for the protective shade from a hot summer afternoon.
It was no surprise that Corru had Impresses a little green dragonet during his first stand, and Ithialin had been so enamored with Corru�s little beauty that he easily forgot he didn�t have a hatchling of his own. But right when Corru had convinced Ithialin that both of them would have dragons, and that Ithialin�s future brown would fly little Tenneth, Corru had come down with a horrible fever and died
Ithialin had been crushed, Corru had been the only person he�d ever really cared for, and now he was dead. In a vain attempt to keep a part of Corru, Ithialin had tried to re-Impress Tenneth. The green hatchling had refused, and killed herself from a broken heart. Ithialin didn�t blame her for dying, most dragons couldn�t be re-Impressed anyway, and any dragon who looked to Corru would ever find anyone else satisfactory. There was something about Corru that drew people to him; Corru was the object of everyone�s thoughts, and Ithialin had him. But then Corru was gone, and Ithialin was all alone, not even able to take comfort in anyone else, for everyone else only tolerated him for Corru�s sake. Ithialin�s quiet deepness upset everyone. Ithialin didn�t appeal to people the way he�d appealed to Corru.
Stop thinking about it fool. Ithialin chided himself, and sat down on one of the cold, stone "benches" that made up the stadium seats of the minor sands here at DawnSisters. The white dragoness, resting peacefully on the warm sands, looked up at Ithialin, and grunted. Ithialin swore she�d never noticed him before, in fact, Ithialin took the dragoness�s critiquing as a good sign, for no dragon save the one that searched him had ever bothered to acknowledge his presence. Maybe this spoke well for the hatching that was to take place soon.
But Ithialin knew that the mother�s view of him had little to do with what the hatchlings would think. Maybe he should go touch the eggs? No one was out here, no one would know......
"Hey there." A soft voice purred from somewhere above Ithialin�s head. Ithialin looked up, upset at being disturbed, and saw a girl sitting farther up in the stands. How could he not have noticed her? Well, she was a small little thing, full of curves Ithialin noticed, but still very slight. Her short, silky hair whipped about her face in the breeze, and Ithialin noted that her large eyes sparkled. Without meaning to he blushed. Apparently the girl didn�t notice, but she seemed friendly enough, because she continued talking.
"Sorry to bother you if you wanted to be alone." The girl breathed, and she smiled at him. "Lot�s of people come up here to be by themselves ya� know? Sometimes they get snappish when you bother them." The girl sighed, and leaned back a little, a small innocent smile playing about her lips. Ithialin got the impression she was smiling more for herself than for him. Well, why would she smile for you? If she�s a candidate here, she�s bound to know about Corru, and what girl chases a boy-lover? But to Ithialin, this energetic girl held a small amount of attraction. Her mannerism and appearance were attractive enough, like Corru�s enough, to catch Ithialin�s attention.
"Don�t worry about it." Ithialin told her shyly. "I didn�t come up here to be alone." He lied through his teeth, for that was the exact reason he had come so far up the stands. He didn�t want to be bothered. But the girl just shrugged, and stared intently on the largest mound in the sand.
"I wasn�t worried." She explained to him, and Ithialin couldn�t help but note the way her voice lilted, rising and falling dramatically, as she spoke. "I just wanted to apologize in case I bothered you. I didn�t plan on leaving if it did."
Oh. Ithialin thought painfully. She�s just like Corru, except she�s shorter! Oh Cor, why couldn�t you just stay here with me? I could have used you to figure this out. Ithialin already knew he was being pulled towards this girl the same way he was with Corru. But Ithialin knew it was wrong. He had loved Corru, he enjoyed male company. Of course, his family hadn�t known about that, so mentioning this girl would keep things safe around his homophobic mother for a time.........No. Ithialin shook out his head and sighed quietly, avoiding being heard. He was just confused. This girl had been in his life for ten seconds, he had no right to decide how he felt about her yet; he didn�t even know her. Taking one last glimpse at the eggs, Ithialin stood up to leave. He�d come back another time.
"Where�re you going?" The girl asked him, and Ithialin looked at her in surprise. He raised an eyebrow, and he saw the girl smile warmly. "Did I mention I didn�t come up here to be by myself either? Why don�t you come sit with me? Us candidates should get to know each other better." The girl wrinkled up her cute face and sniffed. "Weyrwoman Amera says so anyway."
"Weyrwoman Amera says a lot of things." Ithialin countered, mimicking her overly respective use of the word �weyrwoman�. But he found the girl intriguing enough to spend time with, so he climbed up a few rows of seating and sat next to her. "I�m Ithialin." He said, offering his hand. The girl took it and shook it over-enthusiastically.
"Yarua." The girl said, and nodded her head towards the eggs. "Which one do you want?" She asked him, and Ithialin shrugged.
"It doesn�t work like that." He told her, and he noticed her roll her eyes.
"Of course not. But if you could choose, which one would you want? I don�t understand why the dragons always get to do the choosing. Sometimes I think that violates the agreement of an equal partnership."
Ithialin snorted.
"Equal? Who ever said having a dragon was an equal partnership? The dragons rule everyone�s lives, they control the planet without really knowing it. If the dragons banded together and decided they no longer wanted to fight Thread, there�s nothing we could do about it. We�d just all die off from starvation and fear."
"Cynical." Yarua remarked cheerfully, and then soured. "But true." She said more quietly, and turned back to the eggs. "But they�ll never do that, so why worry for it? I�d much rather envision a time when a person earns the right to claim a dragon egg, and whichever dragon hatches from that egg will by Impressed to that human."
Ithialin was shocked at what she was saying. It made no sense at all, and had so many gaping holes that it was impossible to imagine.
"But, how do men fare when they claim golds? Or women when they claim bronzes? Do the dragons just change sex depending on the person who 'claims' them? And what�s to stop the cruel and undeserving people from Impressing? Pern would fall to ruin if the dragons allowed that."
That small smile played at Yarua�s lips again, and Ithialin was starting to interpret that as more of a threat than a smile. He listened while she argued her answer.
"You don�t understand. I�m merely suggesting at least then we�d have a fair turn of tables on the dragons who�ve controlled us for so long! The dragons would still search out the worthy, and it would be those people who Impressed, but each person would also have to undergo a series of tests to ensure they�ll be worthy for a dragonet, and the pressures of Weyr life. Then they claim the egg they want...... Of course there�ll be a way around all the cross-sexing. If males Impress golds, then there�ll still be girls that Impress golds, and the like! It could work, and finally we�d have control of our planet."
"We already do." Ithialin said quietly, and was disturbed by the pleading look in Yarua�s eyes. Ithialin immediately got the feeling Yarua never controlled anything in her life, and this was her mind�s way of playing out a future in which she�d have a small amount of control at least. He decided to let her have it.
"How old are you?" Ithialin asked quickly, for suddenly it was important for him to know.
"Eighteen." She replied. "Why?"
"Because I figured with ideals like that you�d be a child yet." He stated honestly, and then quickly covered it up when she gave him a threatening look. "I mean, er, you look fairly youthful, and usually it�s only the very young that spout imaginative ideas like that. Usually by the time people are older, they�ve given up on that, and taken in reality."
Yarua laughed then, a sweet husky sound. "You seem so sure that only children can dream. Well, what�s your dream Ithialin? Is there a future you�ve envisioned for yourself, that doesn�t coincide with reality?" Ithialin felt his heart sinking, and he stood up, ignoring Yarua�s confused look.
"Of course there is." He snapped. "But the person I love isn�t here to share it with me, so I suppose that does mean my dream doesn't 'coincide' with reality!" Ithialin stormed off, still ignoring Yarua�s apologetic cries for him to come back and talk with her.
Foolish you. Ithialin thought to himself. You think maybe you�re not as twisted as you once were. You think maybe you could like a girl who is so much like your Corru. What would a girl know about how hard it is to be a man? Men are supposed to know everything, to implement what the girls dream up for civilization. Does she know how hard that is? What would a girl know about love between men?
What would I know about love anymore? Ithialin thought, and his day was ruined.

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