denne2

�Move Yavi, we have to hurry.� Denne whispered to her colt. The little bay must have sense her urgency, for he moved more quickly through the night. She thanked Faranth that she�d had a runner like Yavi to aid her on this journey. If she�d had the leisure to take two, then poor Yavi wouldn�t have to work like this. But she hadn�t, so there was no point thinking about it. Denne did anyway. What did I expect? To think Livicas would have actually allowed her to leave! To a Craft at that. I wonder what made me think to ask him�.I know, I don�t need to think of the reasons..I know. He�s not hidebound, he�s not cruel, and he�s always been kind to me. He gives me whatever I want, so I thought he�d give me this too. I�m so spoiled�.was spoiled. No more. Denne was determined now, more than ever, to make her own way through this world. She wanted nothing of marriage. She never had. Especially when one didn�t love the person one was marrying, that made it that much more horrible to imagine. Then she realized it wasn�t marriage, but holdlife, that she found horrible to imagine. The same thing day in and day out, ever dull, ever boring.
�Shards that�s not for me!� She exclaimed out loud. She was almost embarrassed to say it, but then she figured no one�s listening, no one cares. Why should I? She was almost happy in the beginning of her journey, and a sense of adventure filled her. She realized that there�d be hard times ahead, but they weren�t upon her now. So think good thought until then! Denne thought brightly, and began to whistle softly to keep herself amused. I wonder what real work will be like? But I can�t wait to apprentice, and Master! I know I can, I just have too. What do I want to do after that? Even if I only ever make Journeyman�Journeywoman, I still have to choose a future. Taking care of Hold runners maybe? Like Linolin? Denne thought fondly of the Journeyman that ran her Father�s stables. No, I�m through with Hold life. I�m sixteen now, even if they find me they can�t make me go back. Suddenly Yavi stumbled, nearly tossing Denne from her seat. Fardling beast! She thought, Bred like a dog, legs are too short! As she righted Yavi, stopped him, and checked his legs to make sure they weren�t hurt, an idea dawned on her. The people who bred him didn�t realize that a long stallion and a pony-mare would produce a runner with legs too small for his graceful body. She mounted Yavi, assured that he was fine, and began to think some more. Do I want to breed runners? Is that what I want? Excitement swelled in her as she planned her future, out loud.
�I�ll have stables full of the best runners on Pern!� She laughed happily. �I�ll breed racers, and pullers, and long-winded horses for distance traveling�I can see it! Oh Yavi, I know that�s what I could do, what I want to do!� Denne had never felt the giddiness that accompanies someone planning out their future, so she reveled in the feeling, laughing and talking to Yavi throughout the night. Morning saw her camped in a cave, rolled up in hides, sleeping soundly while Yavi munched on grasses outside. It had completely escaped Denne�s mind that Thread was falling that day.

Two sevendays later�� Denne was sitting in the Weyr, absentmindedly peeling tubers. She�d hardly said a thing to anyone since she arrived here, thirteen days ago. Sure everyone had been nice to her, kind, polite..The list went on, but Denne felt stupid and lowly for forgetting the one thing that dictated everyone�s life and hers as well. They�d known who she was, even though they hadn�t asked. When the rider found her, Threadscored and leading the frightened runner, he�d immediately taken her back to his Weyr. Beach Shards it was called. Denne had heard of it, and she accepted her fate with the usual compliance that was starting to define her character. They�d all called her Denne since the second day. But one of the women in the Lower Caverns, Denne�d guessed she was high-ranking, pulled her aside and told her that no one had to leave the Weyr against their will. If Denne wanted to stay, she was welcome. If she wanted to leave, she would be given transportation back to her family�s Hold, and nowhere else. Denne chose to stay. One prison was as good as another in her eyes. She�d passed the time with the animals of the Weyr. They were in surprisingly poor health; apparently the Weyr cared nothing for any creature that wasn�t wrapped in dragon hide. She�d treated sick runners and herdbeasts, fed litters of orphaned canines and felines, and even helped the creatures� caretakers develop a more sanitary holding for the livestock. They were so impressed with her knowledge of the �dumb� beast, that they sent her to work immediately, teaching the weyrchildren all about proper animal care. But Denne had enjoyed that. She found she enjoyed instilling information into others� minds. It gave her a sense of accomplishment and well doing. But as much as she tried, she couldn�t get over her embarrassment of being out in Thread.
So as she sat and peeled the tubers in the kitchen, she didn�t chat with the other women and girls. She didn�t talk about the eggs on the Sands, and who would Impress. She didn�t talk about the handsome bronzerider, visiting from another Weyr, and she didn�t talk about who was expecting their fourth child, and who was expecting their first. She�d never enjoyed sitting down and talking, it had bored her to death. But now that she thought she�d find comfort in meaningless chatter, she found herself unable to communicate.
�Don�t you think so Denne?� Denne looked up at the old woman who had spoken her name.
�Think what?� The woman rolled her eyes, and glared at the girl. �You�d not heard a word I said have you?� Denne shook her head slowly, embarrassed now. But the woman smiled kindly.
�I know how that is�young girls�..you�ll be think�n about all there is to life aside from the Weyr, but you�ll realize you belong here in the end.�
�What?� Denne couldn�t make sense of the woman�s words.
�Like I said, you�ll be glad they brought you here. Where was it you was meaning to go?� The woman�s voice asked sweetly, but Denne saw past that.
�I wasn�t planning on coming to the Weyr. I wanted to go to the BeastCraft Hall.� It was the first time she�d said that aloud, and was expecting gasps of shock from the women at the table, but instead most of them nodded knowingly. Another woman spoke to her.
�Yes, we get a lot of people looking for that Hall. It�s because we�re so close to it. But you�ll not be wanting to go there�a girl such as yourself.�
�What�s that supposed to mean?� Denne asked more sharply than she�d intended. Some women snickered, some girls giggled, but mostly they just looked at her oddly. Denne rolled her eyes in exasperation.
�Now don�t get up in airs like that with us young girl, you�ve no rank here if you�sa disowned your famly.� The old woman told Denne. Denne looked at her, wondering why she had chosen Denne as a target for ridicule. But she�s not. Denne thought, before she could help it. Denne immediately put that thought down, but her mind struggled a bit, and her good sense won over. The woman didn�t do anything Denne hadn�t provoked, and it certainly wasn�t the woman�s fault Denne cared about what these people thought about her all of a sudden. Denne sighed.
�I�d still like to go to the Hall, I must find a future after all. Would a�.would a ride adragonback be denied me?� Denne spoke the words cautiously, and fearfully. She�d never been on a dragon, save her �rescue� and the thought of riding again sent chills and excitement up her spine. The old woman spoke.
�Yes girl, because you�re Holder bred, you�ve famly lookin� for ye. Stayin� in the Weyr�s the only way we can keep ya from�em if they want you back.�
�But I�m my own person, not theirs! I shouldn�t have to stop being myself because they want me too! I�m absolutely sick and tired of being someone I�m not.� Denne�s outburst startled the entire group. She was usually a calm, quiet girl; she was a little wrapped in her own mind, true, but still good at heart. But the old woman laughed.
�What ladies? Never seen a willful girl before? I�d expect you�ll all be hearin� more of her after now. Now if ya�ll don� mind, I�m off to find Brenna,� she looked hard as Denne, �there�s somethin� I might need to discuss with her.� With that the woman stood up and walked stiffly out of the kitchen, leaving Denne alone with the other women.
�Girl, you�re not cut out for Craft life, no matter your talent. You�d be glad our rider pick�d you up.� Another girl, very young, told Denne.
�I will not be glad I came to this dreadful place! If I didn�t have to face my family in embarrassment, I�d be leaving to go home right now!� Denne stood up, throwing down her peeling knife and the tuber, and walked out of the kitchen. She heard the whispering start among the women, and once she was out of their sight, began to run up to her little �room�. The place was actually a space carved into the stone walls. It was tiny, only enough room for a cot and a small table and chair. But Denne grew fond of it rather quickly, and now she ran there. Throwing herself on the cot, she began to cry. She thought of all that�s happened to her, all the things she�d planned, all the stupid things she�d done. She thought her dreams were dumb, and she hated Yavi for letting her take him to escape. She was mad at her father, and then at her mother for dying. The only person she didn�t hate at that moment was her oldest brother, Livanal. She missed the way he always told her exactly what she was thinking, and how he would always find a way to make her laugh, even though she wasn�t much of a smiler. That thought stopped Denne cold. She wasn�t much of anything. She didn�t smile, she hardly ever cried, the tears on her cheeks right now were irrelevant. She didn�t have many hobbies, save the spending time in the stables, and she really didn�t have much character either. These thoughts began to pile in on Denne until they were so heavy she nearly suffocated herself to escape them. I�ve never been a person. She thought, I�ve only been one long, complicated thought.
�I want to be a person�� She murmured, into her bed, lost in thought. But how does one become a person? How does one decide what kind of person they are? And want to be? Denne began to think about that more seriously than anything she�d ever thought about before.