| The Truth and the Promise By Lauren Newby Written between 5/20/01 and 4/8/02 Keywords: post-ep, MSR, Will-fic,song-fic Rated:PG-13 at the most! Spoilers: Everything up to and including "Existence." If you don't know what happened in the last 2 minutes of that episode- don't read this! Summary: "Before, I wouldn't trust this man as far as I could throw him. But I trust you. Tell me Scully. Tell me and I'll leave. I won't do it for anyone but you. Not Kersh or the conspiracy or Dogget or Skinner. Only you. Tell me Scully. Tell me what to do and I'll do it." -Mulder Author's notes: It took me almost a year to write this, my return to fan fic after a few years. Actually, it took "Existence" to bring me back to this wonderful world that I've dwelled in for so long. Leslie told me this is a song-fic. I honestly never even intended to put the songs in, they were a last minute addition. Hope it was worth it. Oh, and I hope the formatting came out ok, I had to do some last minute adjustments...My other works (from way back when) are posted to Gossamer. Look them up there. Please be kind with the feedback, and send a lot- I've got some other ideas for stories... Disclaimer: No they're not mine- oh, but if they were! Well, it's OK now, though because we've learned CC's the biggest 'shipper of us all! Tracy Chapman and Jon Bon Jovi own the lyrics at the end. Great shipper songs...;) Dedication: Well, there's obviously Melissa and Kristen. Melissa, you got me hooked on XF in the first place, so this is all your fault. Kristen- you're a saint for putting up with us! Then, there's my DSU buds, esp. SARAH (bestest roomie ever) and Steph... Yeah, yeah- you say I'm weird for sitting 2 feet away from the TV on Sunday nights from 9-10, and that I don't answer you when you talk to me.. well, too bad! Thanks for putting up with my..... quirks! Love all of you girls. And finally, to Leslie- who told me to keep writing even when I didn't want to, and cheered me on when I sent her crappy first drafts of short sections... you're the best babe! Feedback: YES PLEASE! [email protected] (this is my updated e-mail address for all my stories. Any other addy has since been terminated. Please send all mail here.. thanks!) XXXXXXXXXX They broke the kiss slowly, languidly. Their eyes met and it was more than a stare or a glance. It was a question, and a hope, and a promise of something more. Mulder opened his mouth, words forming in the back of his throat. Feelings he didn't know how to express, but he knew the moment was now. Even if it came out horribly wrong and incoherent, he had to tell her now. Yet Will, barely a week old, knew nothing about what was going on above him. He couldn't see the emotions in his parents eyes, he couldn't sense the importance of the words that were about to pass through his father's lips, or the need for his mother to hear them. All he knew was that he was hungry. He began to squirm, the rumbling of his small, empty belly was uncomfortable. Mulder looked at his baby boy, smiled and readjusted him in his arms, and then turned his eyes back to Scully. "Maybe," he began, "we�" but before the words could even form in his brain, Mulder was interrupted by his now pink-faced son's squalling. His gums bared and his arms waving, he knew of no other way to get his mother's attention. A look of horror descended Mulder's face as he began to try to rock him. "Hey, Will, c'mon guy. What's wrong? Huh?" Mulder brought the baby up to his face, cradling his head and bouncing him gently. Scully followed, one hand on Mulder's back, the other on Will's, a concerned look on her face. "Are you tired? Hungry?" As Mulder said that, Scully's head turned towards the clock. It was 5, way past Will's feeding time. Between the Gunmen and all the calls she had been receiving she completely forgot. A smile came over Scully's face as she lifted her son from Mulder's arms. "I know what's wrong," she said with a smile on her face as she lifted her son in to the air then settled him into her arms. "You haven't had dinner. You're just like you're dad.. you get cranky when you don't have your food!" She turned and smiled at Mulder as she sat on the bed. He could only smile back, slightly embarrassed. "Mulder, get me one of the cloths from the counter," she said as she began unbuttoning her night shirt. He dutifully did as asked, and shied his eyes away he handed the cloth to her at the same time as his son latched himself onto her breast. He gave Scully a shy half smile and began to leave, the moment ruined, and not feeling totally comfortable where he was. "Mulder?" The question rolled off her lips quietly, and immediately he knew it's meaning by the intonation of her voice. It wasn't "You're leaving?" or even "Where are you going?" but rather a bewildered, "Why are you going?" "I, uh," he quietly began as he turned, his eyes telling of his embarrassment. "I thought you might like to do that in private." Mulder had never been embarrassed around his partner because of her body until now. He'd seen her naked, battered and bruised. He had always been highly aware of her body-- it's stance could tell volumes about her mood, or what she was about to do; and of course he was aware of her beauty, but he had suppressed his arousal and learned to rather admire and become comfortable with her. Never was he embarrassed, until now. It was one of the most natural moments they could share, and he didn't exactly know why he was so disturbed. It should be beautiful to him. Scully was obviously very comfortable in front of him, little Will latched to her breast with his mouth working furiously. And then he knew. He may know her body backwards and forewords- but never had he been with her as a lover. They had skipped the very right of passage that should have brought Will into the world, and that left him shy and nervous as a school boy when she bared her breast. Scully could see his mind working, and his eyes downcast. As much as she wanted to share this with him, she knew he wasn't yet ready. She blushed slightly as she realized she had bared herself in front of him. Their relationship had silently changed so quickly, she was still finding new footing with him. "You're not leaving, are you?" She brought her head up and her eyes met his. In them shined a beauty so bright, Mulder was stunned. It was the beauty of love, and of a new mother. He couldn't refuse her silent plea to stay. "Will will probably go down for a nap after he's done." "Uh, why don't I go get us something to eat?" he needed to do something to fill the time. "That would be great." A smile spread across her lips; one of the huge, gleaming ones she rarely flashed him. Ten Minutes Later Mulder returned as quietly as he could to find Scully in the kitchen sipping tea. They exchanged shy yet gleaming smiles. That one heart felt kiss had made things so comfortable, yet as awkward as a high school romance. "Subs," he offered, raising the paper bag in his hands. "Great," she said as she turned to get plates out of the cabinet. As she turned back Mulder had placed the dinner on the table and was taking his leather jacket off. She just watched him move for a while. His arms sliding through the soft leather as his T-shirt clad torso twisting back and forth as he removed the sandwiches from their bag. It was such a simple, human, and Mulder thing to do. Months ago she had been sure he was dead- and now she was here with him, he was here with their son, and they were a family. They weren't perfect, but they were a family. She stopped mid-motion, hands full, and tears sprung to her eyes. "Scully, I hope you like Italian subs," Mulder began as he set the table. He began to turn as he didn't feel her join him, "I think I remember you getting one once on a stake-out but..." His words died as he saw the tears in her eyes. "Scully, what's wrong?" His voice trembled as he rushed the few steps to her side. He took the plates and tea mug from her hands and placed them on the counter. He turned and took her hands, bringing them to his chest as his eyes probed hers for any clues as to why they were red and upset. After a few quiet seconds Scully flung herself into his arms and sobbed into his chest. He buried is face in her hair and caressed her back with his strong hands. As she continued the wracking sobs her hands roamed his arms, neck and back; confirming that he was here, he was real, and not a figment of a dream. "Scully, what's wrong?" Mulder quietly pleaded. He couldn't understand why she was so upset, and would do anything to stop the heart-breaking cries and tears. "God, Scully, please tell me." His words were whispers, meant to be pleading yet comforting. Her sobs began to subside and she pulled away from him slightly until she could look into his face. Her puffy red eyes searched his concerned ones deeply. She could see his eyes watering at her distress. Scully moved her hands up to his face, tracing his cheeks, his eyes, his nose, his hair line. She gulped back a sob and quietly let out the words, "You're here. I thought you'd never be here again." He had been alive and back for weeks, yet so much had stopped her from truly thinking about it. Now, the emotion flowed out raw and untamed. "You're here and we have Will," she let out with flowing tears. Mulder's eyes teared as he searched her face. So many emotions had overwhelmed him as he returned to the living. For a while he was even doubtful as to Will's paternity. But they never explored the feelings right below the surface. He never realized that she had suffered so much, nor did he think that Will might have grown up without a father. Now he saw. Now he knew deeply of the truth that he had spoken. It was a deep, undying love that had slowly crept up on them when they weren't paying attention. Mulder's hands went to caress the tears away from Scully's face, and her red eyes closed as her cheeks rubbed up into his palms like a small kitten. Slowly, he brought his lips to hers. Her lips were wet with tears, and the salt from them stung his soul. Scully again wrapped her arms around him, willing him to never let go as their lips began to kiss wherever they could reach. Nose. Ear. Cheek. Eyebrow. Chin. They were placed everywhere as the two held each other. "I'm sorry." It was a heart-wrenching whisper Mulder planted in her ear. "I'm so sorry." She didn't have to ask for what. She knew. "Don't be. It's nothing you can be sorry for. I've heard too many 'sorrys' in these last few months. I don't need you to say I'm sorry, I just need you to be with me." It was their truth; they needed each other like the air they breathed. They had both seen what their worlds would be like without the other- and didn't want to face that reality. Their embrace was simple, and to anyone it would seem nothing more than that of lovers. Yet, there was something honest and desperate about it-- as if they could never let go. Scully nestled her head into his chest. Breathing in his scent, breathing in him. She was surprised when he began to push her away. She was afraid that she had said too much. But her kept her close, letting her get only far enough to see his face. He looked at the floor, but when he brought his eyes back to hers, she saw tears and emotions of great determination. "I can't promise you that I'll always be with you Scully. Too many things have come between us that have been beyond our control. But I can say, that while there is still a breath left in my body, I'll do anything to make sure I'm always with you and William." So logical, she thought. At a time with so much emotion he was able to think so straight. Such a beautiful mind. "I know that Mulder. I'm just asking... well, I--" "Marry me." "Yes." The exchange was so quick and casual he could have been asking her if she wanted tea, or if she locked the front door. There seemed no words necessary now. They smiled at each other for a long, happy moment where they were the only two in the world. After a few moments they were interrupted by the ringing of her phone. The smile still on her face, Scully slowly left Mulder's arms and went to the phone. "Hello? Hi. It's so great to hear from you." Mulder slowly moved back to the table and began putting the sandwiches on the plates. "Oh, well thank you. Mom was so excited too." Mulder couldn't help but smile. "William." "Yeah, it's in both our families." He couldn't help but notice the beauty and warmth she effused when she talked about Will. "I was thinking about making a trip up there in the next few days, so Mom'll give you a call and you can stop by." "Great. I can't wait either. Bye." As Scully came back Mulder gave her a questioning look. "Mom's neighbor, Louise. She wanted to call and say how happy she was and Congratulations." Mulder nodded as she sat down behind a sandwich. They ate silently, smiles and glances doing all the speaking necessary. As Scully slid the dried dishes back where they belonged, Mulder crept into the bedroom to the crib of their sleeping son. His small chest rose so little that for a moment Mulder thought he had stopped breathing. But with a twitch of his tiny fist he saw that his son was only dreaming. 'What do babies dream about?' he thought. He was sure that it was nothing like his dreams. They know very little about the world yet. Do they dream about their mobiles? Their next meal at their mother's breast? Do they have amazing baby dreams? His train of thought was broken by the feel of Scully near by. He turned his head to her and she joined him at the side of the crib. He whispered, "I was just wondering what he dreams about." Scully slowly tipped her head in her gaze at William, as if in deep thought. As if she could see into his little baby dreams she began, "He's dreaming," she paused, gathering breath and turning to Mulder, "Of how wonderful it's going to be to have his Daddy and Mommy with him." They gazed at each other, and Mulder brought his hands to her face. Scully began to lean into them. Slowly, a smile passed across his features. It seemed like he couldn't smile enough now. He thought back to the times he could remember, strapped to the metal chair- needles and drills and saws prodding and cutting him open. All he could utter was her name. He fought for his life every day to see her again. For it was in those months that he found the truth he so ardently spoke about earlier. He knew he loved Scully, knew he needed her, and to keep himself alive he convinced himself she needed him. When he had returned to find her pregnant, partnered to another, handsome man, and from all outward appearances moving on with her life, he wanted to die. He had come back for her, but she didn't seem to need him. But she did need him, and slowly, she had shown him that. Now, he could never doubt or hide what he felt, and he knew exactly how she felt. They could be happy. He could try, for the first time in his life, to put everything else behind him. He had a son and a fiancee. He wanted the most perfect, beautiful life for both if them. Scully saw indications of his emotions run across his face. She knew he was deep in thought, but after he didn't move or utter a word for a few moments she spoke. "Well, G-man, are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to kiss your future wife?" A smile passed his features as his lips slowly met hers, soft and tentative at first, but slowly they became demanding. He was asking no more than she wanted to give, though, and their mouths melted together in a passionate caress. Their tongues dueled, trying to become one as their bodies pulled each other closer. Their souls met and twined in this beautiful moment, this beautiful kiss that seemed to bind them to one another. Their mouths moved away for a second slowly, enough for them to see the other's eyes. Mulder kissed Scully's forehead, and pulled her to his chest. From their kisses came a sudden freedom to hold her close to him like he had wanted for years. Their mere admissions that night had brought them to a new life, completely. Come Monday nothing would be the same. Deep in his heart he felt a small ache for the old days, the witty repartee and early X-Files before they were bound in tangled webs of conspiracy. But as he heard William sneeze in his sleep and felt Scully's body pressed to his, he knew he was in for a new adventure, and his memories shouldn't be mourned, but cherished. Those early days were what brought him to this point, and no matter what had happened, they had forged this unbreakable love they now understood and shared. A quiet yawn from Scully broke his reverie. He nuzzled his face next to hers and whispered, "Tired?" into her ear as if it had been a caress. Her only reply was to rub against his face as she laced her arms around his neck. A deep "mmmm" came from her throat- it was almost a purr. Before she knew it Scully was in Mulder's arms and he crossed the few paces to her bed. Gently he laid her down and began to tuck her in. He turned away to leave the room and let her sleep, but she grabbed his arm. "Come to bed." Her simple assertion wasn't a question, and it was quiet but pleading. So many meanings and emotions were in her whispered words, and all of a sudden Mulder could see his future, sleeping with her every night, curled up around her in bed, her warmth surrounding him and their love protecting them- little William down the hall, snuggled in his own bed. Mulder bent down and kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear. "Just turning the light off." He did so, and on his way back to the bed shed his shoes and took the ankle holster and gun off and placed them on the bedside table. Scully turned towards him as he eased himself under the blanket, and reached out for him. They embraced, and immediately their lips were pressed together. Legs and arms entwined until Scully didn't know which were hers or his. Suddenly she wanted him. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted any man in her life. She wanted to feel his fingers roam her bare body, she wanted to feel him in her, she wanted to feel ecstasy with him. Her pulse quickened, her body tensed, and she was aware of every inch of her skin as it touched Mulder, of their tongues dancing and of the deep emotions she felt. Rationally her mind told her that her body would not be able to engage in any sexual activity for months because of the trauma of birth, but she couldn't fight the burning she felt for this man. The man she would spend the rest of her life with. The man she would follow to the ends of the earth. She couldn't hold her emotions in any longer. If she couldn't make love to him, she would make love to his brain, telling him all she felt, sharing for the first time all she wanted to say. The shrill ring of the phone stopped them dead. Their tongues froze twined together and their eyes shot open. They'd spent so many years forced to avoid this it felt like they were somehow caught. The second ring sent William into screams, upset his nap was interrupted by such an evil noise to his small ears. Mulder and Scully slowly backed from each other and by the third ring they were out of bed. Scully running to her disturbed son Mulder looking for the portable phone. By the time he spotted it in the living room the fourth ring had sounded and Scully's machine had picked up. "You've reached Dana Scully. I can't come to the phone, so please leave a message and I'll call you back." The machine beeped and suddenly AD Kersh's voice filled the room as Mulder picked up the phone. At the sound of his voice he momentarily froze. "Agent Scully? Agent Mulder? If either of you are there you must pick up immediately. This is..." "Assistant Director Kersh?" Mulder's voice was thin and puzzled. "Agent Mulder, is Agent Scully there?" "Yes, do you want.." "No, you better sit down. And put her on another phone if one's available. You'll both want to hear this." xxxx After AD Kersh's rushed explanation, it was all Scully could to to contain her fury and emotions. Tears dripped down her face when she would have rather been bawling like a baby. William played with his fingers and gurgled happily in her arms. She wanted to hug him so tight, until he was part of her again and she knew she could protect him. Mulder was behind her, the portable phone pressed to one ear, while his other hand desperately held Scully's. The simple contact felt so futile considering what they were against. "They want to kill Mulder?" It was all she could do to speak without breaking down. "Yes," The AD was controlled, but there was an emotion behind his words, as if he didn't want to reveal he was worried. "It's imperative that he leave immediately, with no traces." "And why should we believe you?" Mulder's words were barely controlled anger. He shifted his weight, restless because of the emotion coursing through his veins. "This Knowle Roar, these men... you have no proof to offer us. And they've found Scully before when she tried to disappear- you think they won't find me?" "They found Scully because of the chip." Scully looked up at Mulder, her eyes wide. His hand tightened around hers. "They'll always be able to find her because of it. Had you stayed in the hospital and completely transformed they'd be able to find you, too. You were supposed to be one of them." "And they're going to kill him because of that?" "All I know is that they're looking for you, and they're not happy. I've been cut out of the loop, and that scares me more than anything." Had they been there they would have seen the beads of sweat on the AD's face, the tightening of his muscles as he thought about what his absence from these plans could mean. "Agents, I've told you everything I know. I'm telling you now that Mulder should disappear, and soon. As soon as possible." The Ad hung up and placed his head in his hands. xxxxx Mulder I won't let you stay!" Scully's voice was a barely controlled whisper. There was sadness, but anger for his stubbornness in her voice. Scully stood over William's bassinet as he played with his toes. Mulder paced behind her. "What if he's lying?" His tone was angry, but filled with pleading and concern. He went to Scully and spun her shoulders around so she was facing him. "What if he doesn't know what he's talking about? What if it's William they want? Or you? I couldn't forgive myself if I left you here and something happened!" "And I couldn't forgive myself if I let you stay and something happened. Mulder, he's right. They'll always know where I am. They could get me anytime they wanted. Remember the ship in Oragon? It threw me back Mulder. It wanted you. They want you now." She sighed and pulled him to her, begging to be enveloped in an embrace, which he quickly did. "I can't let them get you again. I can't live through that again." Tears sprung to her eyes. He held her, his face buried in her hair. His words were like burning whispers. "When I was taken Scully, it was one of the worst times in my life. I can't remember much but the pain. But to save you and William, I'd go through it for the rest of my life." He took a breath. Bringing his hand to Scully's cheek to wipe away the tears he knew were there. "Before, I wouldn't trust this man as far as I could throw him. But I trust you. Tell me Scully. Tell me and I'll leave. I won't do it for anyone but you. Not Kersh or the conspiracy or Dogget or Skinner. Only you. Tell me Scully. Tell me what to do and I'll do it." At his words, she broke down, the tears flowed fast and furious. When he pulled her face to look at his, she could see it was also tear stained. "I'm not asking you to take the responsibility." "Mulder," she choked on the words, "You have to go. I can't lose you again, but if it will keep you safe, you have to go." And suddenly his mouth was on her, in a furious kiss. It was passionate and deep and full of the sexual energy Scully had felt before. Her mind went limp and all she knew was Mulder's touch. It seemed like forever until he slowly took his mouth off of hers and buried his face in her hair. "We're gonna be ok, Scully. Just you see. We've always been ok before." His whispers were as much to convince Scully as they were for himself. Scully's heart wrenching cry made him want to die. "We've always been together before..." It was another minute before Scully spoke, desperation creeping into her voice. "Take us with you. We'll go together." "They'll find us Scully, that's why-" "I'll take it out." Her voice was flat, but determined, and it scared Mulder to death. "I'll take the chip out." "No." "Mulder I need to be with you." "And I won't let you die!" Scully's desperate plea for togetherness desolved when he almost shouted at her. She broke into tears, going limp in his arms. Catching her, Mulder brought her gently to the floor and wrapped himself around her. Her words were strangled through a horse throat... tears flooded from her soul. "I can't do it again Mulder. I just can't. Waiting everyday to hear from you.. hoping and praying that you're not dead in a ditch somewhere, wondering if my baby's going to grow up without a father... I don't want to do it again, Mulder. I can't..." It was an utter and complete break down for Scully. As she shook, Mulder tightened his grip, unsure of what to do, or how to help her. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay with her and Will forever... He just held her, held her until she stopped shaking. 45 minutes later. Scully's living room had been transformed into a rag-tag military headquarters. The three Lone Gunman had appeared, toting along tons of equipment. Computers had been set up everywhere as they started on their monumental task- make Mulder disappear. Mulder had gone to his apartment right after they arrived, and now a few large suitcases filled Scully's living room. He was sitting on her couch, talking with Langly, as Scully looked in from the doorway to her bedroom. She felt so ashamed for how she was acting. The emotional breakdown was a horrible moment for her. She had always been the one who hold it together in times of need. She had always fought her emotions, especially at work and in front of Mulder. No matter if the explanation was hormones or stress, she still felt embarrassed. In a way, however, she was relieved. She held no secrets from him, and he knew her most intimate emotions. It was something she had always hoped they'd share. Every few minutes she'd glance back at their sleeping baby, and wonder just what their fate was. Mostly, though, she was consumed with taking in Mulder; his every feature and nuance. She knew she might never see him again, and that she'd have to live off her memories this time. She wasn't given a chance to say goodbye before. Now, though she was dreading it, she took advantage of it. "No, we can't send him there!" Byers yelled at Frohike, making everyone in the room turn to him. Sheepishly he explained, "Frohike wanted to hide you in the first overseas Hooters." While Byers was embarrassed, Frohike was quite proud. "Seems they need a new manager! You don't snap that position up, I just might have to.. true, it's in Bangladesh, but it's worth it!" Mulder laughed at his friends' joke, but half hartedly. He turned his eyes down then spoke with only a hint of happiness. "Nah, I need you here Frohike. You guys have to keep Scully and Will safe for me. Besides, the only Hooters you'll see in Bangladesh are owls.. Those women cover up like there's no tomorrow." While Mulder's joke got a few tiny laughs, it reminded the Gunmen of the importance of their job. With Mulder gone, Scully would need someone to trust. And they'd be there. Without Mulder, their jobs would be a lot tougher. So they continued their work, a little quieter, and a lot more serious. After a few moments. Scully walked out of the doorway, her eyes were still red-rimmed, but no one cared, as they all wanted to burst out in tears. "Mulder?" she quietly asked. Silently he was up and by her side. She guided him into her bedroom. After a silent second, Langly spoke up. "Man, this sucks." "I know." Said Byers. "Dude, this is horrible. I mean, he just comes back- they have this great kid, and now this shit happens." Frohike didn't look up as he spoke. "Well, at least we can help." Byers added "Help? Bullshit. Helping would be to stop these people. We're sending Mulder away- probably forever. Separating them isn't going to help." "Well, what do you want us to do Langly?" Frohike whispered vehemently, "We're doing what we can.. a bunch of old hackers can't go out and do what Mulder does. And we'll stay here, keep Scully and Will safe. And we'll be Mulder's connection. Keep him moving and safe, too." Frohike was so passionate about his words, Langly's jaw dropped. Byers was stricken and bowed his head. After a second they all went back to their computers. In Scully's bedroom "What?" Mulder asked as his hands went to caress her face. Alone, he couldn't keep his hands off of her, away from her for a second. Out with the guys, and in the world, he could pretend. But not when they were alone. "I..." Scully lowered her eyes, all of a sudden ashamed and embarrassed of why she had called him in here. "I wanted a kiss." Mulder smiled at her. "A kiss?" "Well, I want to be able to remember it. To memorize it." She felt so silly, like a girl caught drawing hearts around her crush's name. It seemed like a good idea- yet so silly now. "Why to memorize it?" "So I can remember when you're gone." The smile fled from Mulder's face. He knew what she was thinking- that gone didn't mean for a week, or a few months- it meant forever. And while he couldn't help but think the same, he also fought each thought like that, swearing to himself he would come back, no matter what. "Scully..." He whispered with understanding and longing. She brought her eyes back to his face, and as she did, he leaned in to kiss her. It was soft and slow and gentle. but soon it picked up fire, and Mulder broke it then, knowing his resolve wasn't that strong, and he could never love her the way he wanted to right now. So instead he loved her with his words. "Scully. I will come back. I know what you're thinking, and I can't say it hasn't entered my mind. But do you remember what I said before? I'd do anything to be with you. To love you, and to come home to you and William. I will not let him grow up without a father. I will not leave you. I will come back. One day. Some how. If I have to move hell and earth to do it. I will come back." Tears sprang to Scully's eyes as he spoke. She threw her body at his, hugging him and holding on for dear life. "I know you'll try, Mulder. I know you will. And I'll be here, working so you can come back, so you can come home to us." 20 min. later "All mail will be rooted through us. Only one of us will know where he is at any given time after the initial move. For the next two days we'll all know where he is, in case anything changes. Mulder, You'll also keep your cell phone for the next two days. On Monday, you have to discard it. We don't care what you do- but erase all numbers, and get rid of it. From there, he'll be moved to the location in this envelope. You'll have a new life, a new name. Basically it's our version of a witness protection program." Byers carefully laid out the final parts of their plan to Mulder and Scully. They sat across from the three men. They held hands seated next to each other on her couch, and listened intently. Frohike interrupted. "This is gonna be hard. We're going to give you both a new phone number for us. It's kind of like the bat-phone and commissioner Gordon. Only you two will have the number, so we'll know that if you're calling there, something's really wrong. As soon as you have it memorized, get rid of it." "We'll do our best to keep you two in contact," Langly stated. "It'll be hard. We'll set up e-mail accounts for you. I'm working through a normal mail server, but I'm trying to scramble the signal. I've almost got it completed, so when it's done, you'll know. I'll have it worked out for you guys as soon as possible. If that doesn't work, I've got a mail system figured out. Five associates of ours have agreed to be a part of a mail chain- making it impossible for anyone to trace anything. It'll take a while, but it should work." "Do you understand everything?" Byers asked. Mulder looked at Scully, she looked back. They knew it was more than just a look, but even after knowing them almost a decade, the Gunmen couldn't quite crack what was going on between them. After a second Mulder looked back at him and nodded. "Thanks guys." "We'll be back at 5:30 tomorrow morning to get you out of here." Byers explained. Langly looked down, "We'd give you more time together, but to do this right it's just not possible." Scully put her hand on his reassuringly. "We know. Thank you all for everything you've done." "We'll go now," Frohike said as he got up. The group slowly made it's way to the door. Silently they left. As Scully locked the door she heard Frohike mumble, "Six hours just aint enough time..." and thought to herself that it definitely wasn't. She felt Mulder circle his arms around her waist, and she instinctively leaned back into him. "C'mon," he said, "Let's go to bed." "No," she moaned with her eyes closed. "I can't sleep, not with so little time." "C'mon," He coaxed as he lead her in toward her bed, their bodies still entwined. "Just a nap while Will's asleep. We don't even have to sleep, just rest, ok?" Mulder kissed her behind her ear and smiled into her neck. "Just you, me, and your king-sized, extremely soft bed." She was not hard to convince. It wasn't late, but one of the first lessons she earned as a mother was that sleep was hard to come by. So she let Mulder lead her to her inviting bed. They climbed in together and turned to face one another. She barely was able to wrap her arms around him before her eyes fluttered closed and sleep overtook her. Mulder smiled to himself as he saw her breathing slow. She had fought so hard... But a more morbid thought overtook his mind: this might be the last time he ever would get to see her like this. His hand reached to touch her cheek as sadness crept over his face. It was times like these when his insomnia was a blessing. He felt no urge to sleep, so instead he took Scully in his arms and began to memorize her. He memorized the way she looked while sleeping, the smell of her hair, the tiny space between her lips as she breathed deeply. An hour later Mulder slowly crept from the bed as he heard William begin to fuss. He picked him from his bassinet and the boy settled in his arms, his fussing turning into soft cooing. Mulder, walking the boy in laps around the living room, memorized his features as well, but felt no comfort in this. He knew that the next time he'd see his son he'd be bigger, his eyes wouldn't be the same baby blue, and that his tiny blondish hairs would pick his brown or Scully's red. Mulder's heart skipped a beat when he realized that the next time he might see his son he would be grown up, walking, talking, maybe even old enough to date. And finally it struck him he might never see his son again. Before tears had the chance to materialize in Mulder's eyes, William squirmed in his arms, commanding his immediate attention. "I know that squirm," Mulder said softly, "that's your 'dad, I'm hungry' squirm." Mulder gently rocked him as they went into the kitchen and found a bottle of breast milk in the refrigerator. Mulder held up the bottle and Will reached for it. "Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this dad stuff." As he placed the bottle into he microwave to warm, Mulder continued to babble to his son. "now just don't ask me to do diapers; I'm not that good of a dad yet. But I want to be." He took the bottle out and tested its warmth as he sat down. "Now, I know you want the real thing, but this will have to do for now." Mulder said as he began feeding Will. After a few seconds, Mulder continued on his previous train of thought, hoping that Will would understand it all. "I want to be here, Will. But it looks like I won't be able to be for a while. I have to go away to keep you safe. Now, I know that sounds like a lot of BS, but it's true. I'd never do anything that would put you or your mom in danger for one second. I want to see you grow up, but more than that, I want you to grow up safe and happy with your mom. You two are all I have now, and I'll do anything to keep you safe." Mulder blinked back tears as Will finished his bottle. He would let the terrible feeling inside fester later. Tonight was all he had to be happy. He put Will on his shoulder and put the empty bottle in the sink. "Mulder!" Scully's frantic cry from the bedroom put the fear of God into Mulder as he carefully rushed in there, little William clutched to his chest. "Scully? What's wrong?" He sat next to her on the bed as her panicked face flooded with relief. "I thought- I thought I had slept through the night and you left without saying goodbye." With his fee arm, Mulder pulled her to him. "Never. I was only feeding Will. I didn't want to wake you right away." With a relived sigh, Scully pulled back and kissed him, then shook her head and looked down. It was a move Mulder was accustomed to, but usually she was shooting down some outrageous theory. "What?" he questioned with a smile. "You," she stated as if it needed no more explanation. "Me?" "Yeah, you. Just- Even through all the time I wanted to have a baby, your baby, and all the time I was pregnant, I still never saw you as a dad with four AM feedings and diaper changing and all." "What did you expect me to do?" He laughed at her and she smiled back. "I don't know. I honestly just- never thought about it." "It's all I've thought about." "Pat his back." "Huh?" "Pat his back- he needs to be burped." She smiled at Mulder. He was trying, but there were just some things he just didn't know yet. He gave her a look of revelation before he lightly started to pat Will's back. "It's all you've thought about?" She looked at him a bit surprised. "Well, yeah. Since you've asked me really. I wanted to do it right, ya know?" He looked at Will. " So many things about my childhood and my relationship with my parents were messed up, I wanted more for our baby." Mulder looked down, a slight blush painting his cheeks. "I know you said that I didn't have to be involved, but I did. I do. I always knew I had to be. I would have told you earlier but.... well, I got an out-of-this-world invitation I couldn't exactly say no to. You know where I hide all those books that aren't mine? Well, now I hide a lot of books that are. 'So you're going to be a Daddy,' 'What to expect when you're expecting,' you should really see my new library." "'What to Expect When You're Expecting'?" She shot him a questioning glance. "Kinda caught me up on the three months of morning sickness I missed." Mulder shyly bowed his head. It was again Will who unknowingly upset a potentially important moment in the lives of his parents. As Mulder was about to make a confession of his activities the last few months, Will's stomach could no longer take it, and he spit up. Confused, Mulder pulled Will away and turned to see the slimy white substance as he felt it slide through his shirt and down his back. "Eaw, buddy, you've got to warn me the next time you do that." Mulder made a face as he handed Will to Scully. "Aww, my poor babies!" Scully was so playful about the incident, more for Will than Mulder, but he enjoyed her happy, light voice as well. "That's why Daddy should have put a towel over his shoulder, right Will? Silly daddy!" She lifted Will in the air as she got out of bed. "Now Will needs some new pajamas, he's all dirty!" "So does daddy!" Mulder joked as he took off his shirt. He was amazed at how Scully's attitude could change so quickly and easily into "Mother mode." There she stood, smiling and giggling to keep Will's attention as she changed his diaper and sleeper, while he knew she was dying inside. He knew, because he was, too. As she snapped up the last few snaps on his blue sleeper, Mulder walked up behind her and pressed his bare chest to her back as his hands joined hers around their son's tiny hands. He stooped so his head rested on her shoulder, and they just stood like that for quite some time, smiling at their son. But the embrace was broken soon enough. Mulder followed Scully, William in her arms, to the bed. She laid down and placed William on the bed beside her. Mulder laid across from them, smiles passed between Mulder and Scully as they lay, engrossed in each other and the miracle that was their son. For those few moments in time he didn't have to leave, Will would never grow up, and there was no evil. All was right with the world when Mulder had Scully and they had their son. xxxxxx The morning air was chilled. She had been awake all night, but there was something different about the morning air that made her cold. She couldn't help but feel that it was because they had left the safety of her bed, of the togetherness that they had shared. She had felt whole. Now she was cold. As she clutched William, she could hear the shower running. She could imagine Mulder in there, wet, naked, beautiful. While she wanted to step in there with him and take advantage of a last chance to be intimate with him, it would only leave them both frustrated, and of course William couldn't be left alone. So instead they opted for a stolen kiss and embrace as Scully stepped out of the shower and Mulder passed Will off, heading in himself. She stepped through the hall and into the living room and just stared at the suitcases laying there. In less than twenty minutes the Gunmen would come and take him away from her. She felt torn. How could she sacrifice one of the men she loved for the other? How could she let him leave? But she knew she had no choice. As easy as it would be to ask Mulder to stay, it would be just as hard to live normally and to raise William while on the lam. As she looked down at William to see his eyes heavy with sleep the sound of running water stopped. She was suddenly filled with an urgency to spend her last few moments with Mulder preciously alone. It was entirely selfish; but she couldn't help but think that as William napped, it would be ok to steal these final minutes. She quickly but gently put the half asleep baby in his bassinet, and ran to the bathroom door. She stopped just before going in, though. With a deep breath she slowly opened the door, and found Mulder standing in front of the sink, shaving, clad only in a towel. He turned his head, and her breath caught at the overpowering emotions that she felt. He just stared at her, one small stripe of lather left on is face. He wanted to ask how long they had, or even beg her to tell him to stay, but there were no words for what he felt. "Will's sleeping," Scully broke the silence first with words barely above a whisper. "Oh," was all that Mulder could say. Dumbfounded for words, he turned back to the mirror and shaved off the last area, then dipped his head to the sink. As he washed his face he could feel her moving closer. His body was very aware of hers, and the feelings he had, what he wanted to do, caused pure adrenaline to pump through his veins. His hand went to his left, searching for a towel to dry his eyes, but suddenly, Scully's hands were on his face, drying his eyes with her soft, terry-cloth robe. He blinked them open, and found her staring back at him. He pulled her body to his. She clinged to his body like she never had before; wishing she were bigger so she could hold him to her, wrap herself around him. Yet, she also relished in being small, being held so tightly to his freshly showered body. He moved his head to place a fervent kiss on her forehead. "I don't like this Scully. I don't like it any more than you do." Scully let out a deep sigh, her eyes unfocused and far away. "I wish I could tell you to stay," she whispered. "I wish I could say yes." Mulder nuzzled his face in her hair, pulling her closer to him as if she could will her to become a part of him. He wasn't even conscious of the desire he had felt before. All he knew at this moment was the woman he loved was in his arms, and no matter what he did, he would have to leave her. He wanted to make this moment last forever. Scully, too, was unaware of the need she had felt before. As she held Mulder to her, her happiness was no longer defined by sexual pleasure, or The happily married nuclear family. She knew that she would not feel complete happiness again until Mulder was back with her and William. This man had become a part of her soul. And from that moment on, to her, it was no longer how can I always remember now- it was how to bring Mulder back. It seemed like an eternity for them, standing there, holding and caressing each other. No words were necessary. Occasionally they planted a kiss in random places. To them, time slowed, but outside of the bathroom door, time marched on. Outside, an old Volkswagen van pulled up at the curb to the building, and the Gunmen stepped out. "Guys, c'mon," Frohike quietly said, "We can give them a few extra minutes..." "Yes, I suppose we could." Byers was uncomfortable and saddened by this horrible task. "Just not too much. We have a time table if we want this to go off properly." Langly was adamant about sticking to the schedule. "Jesus, Langly!" Frohike was getting mad. "Don't you have a sense of romance? Decency?" "Of course I do! But if I think about this too much I'd never be able to do it. God knows they deserve each other more than anything! I just want to get it over with." xxx When the doorbell sounded, Scully was the first to pull away, but Mulder quickly pulled her back to him. "Wait," he whispered. his eyes searched hers in a dramatic moment. Suddenly his mouth was on hers in a fevered kiss that was sensual yet sexual. He slowly pulled back from her, and whispered, "I love you." "I love you, too." She paused, tasting her lips, wishing she could feel his on hers just one more time. "You better go get dressed, I'll get the door. It should be the boys." She bowed her head and started to walk towards the door. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her. When she turned her head back, he looked her dead in the eyes, "I WILL come back. Come hell or high-water, I will come back to you." With no breath left, and tears threatening to spill over from her eyes, Scully mouthed, "I know" before leaving the bathroom to get the door. Mulder, still only in a towel, went into her bedroom to get dressed. Once he was clad in his jeans, black sweater, and black leather jacket, he paused over his sons bassinet. He could hear a few whispers from the living room, but still stopped over his son. Will was sleeping so soundly, so content. Mulder took a brief second to prey that he would never know the pain and horror of all that they had fought to get to this point in their lives. Mulder leaned down and placed a kiss on his son's forehead. Before he ventured out into the living room, he placed a simple white envelope on Scully's bed, "Dana" written on it. "Boys," Mulder courtly greeted his friends as he entered the living room. "Mulder..." Frohike wanted to say something, show him that things could get better, but there were no words. Mulder understood and placed a hand oh his shoulder. "All your stuff is in the car," Langly was again all business, but the downward turn of his eyes and slight darkness in his voice told Mulder and Scully he was not as cold toward this as he seemed to be. "Byers is down there waiting for us, so...." "We hate to rush you, but we have a schedule to keep..." Frohike said this slowly and quietly. He needed to get Mulder out of here, but he couldn't deny them what they deserved; time. "It's ok, Frohike. We know." Scully's no nonsense tone told him that they had already said goodbye in private, anticipating this moment that neither of them could handle well. They stood so close together, yet didn't touch. "Go ahead boys, I'm right behind you," Mulder said. He watched as they slowly headed out the door, leaving it open a crack and stepped far enough into the hall way to grant them some sort of privacy. Mulder stepped the small step that kept them apart till they were nose to nose. Scully's hand went to his face, cupping his cheek. "This isn't goodbye." Though her words were strong, her voice wavered slightly. "No. Never goodbye." Mulder smiled at her. "It's only a beginning for us." He saw the tears threatening to spill in her eyes. He fought his own. While he was still strong enough to do it, he pulled her hand from his face and brought it to his lips. After a moment, he slowly stepped back their hands entwined. She followed him to the door. With a last glance, they let their hands go. She watched his back until it disappeared down the hall. With tears spilling down her face, she closed the door. xxxxx With tears spilling down his face, Mulder got into the van. He tried to hide his face in the shadows, thinking the Gunmen didn't see. They did, but wouldn't say a word, because as they drove away, they each had their own tears dripping. "C'mon boys." Mulder said strongly. "The faster I get out of here, the faster I get to come back. Let's get this show on the road." xxxxxx Scully locked the door behind her, tears flowing freely. Slowly, she walked back to her bedroom. It was Sunday morning, and she still had some time to sleep before William should wake up. She needed sleep, a sweet oblivion from the emotions she was feeling. As she approached her bed, she saw a small white envelope with her name on it. Obviously from Mulder. As she picked it up she sat on the bed. From inside she pulled out a letter and a cassette tape. Reading the first line of the letter, she broke into deeper tears. Dearest Dana, I could not leave without saying some things, but I'm just not strong enough to say them to you in person. This, I hope, will leave you a little bit of me. Carmina Burana wrote, "Love me faithfully! See how I am faithful: With all my heart and all my soul I am with you though I am far away." I am with you always. I don't know where I'll be, or how long it will be until we are together again. But in my heart I am with you. You have made me a real, whole person. If I never knew you, if I had not experienced our love, I would not understand as I do now how precious life is. Our love is not something fleeting, or sudden from pressure. Our time together has borne a friendship and trust that cannot be matched, from that, came the love of two lost souls, searching for the one that will make it complete. I love you. I need you to know that I will do whatever it takes to get back to you. I will murder, steal, lie, anything. But, if for some reason I cannot come back to you, I need you to move on. You have Will that needs you. Continue your life, live your life, and do not feel guilty for whatever you may do. We'll meet in another plane of existence after this life is over. And there's Will. I know you will love him like there is no one else on the earth. Not that I have a doubt, but I want you to tell him about me. If nothing else, Tell him I love him every night before you put him to bed. I will come back. I have to. I cannot abandon you and Will. You are my only family now. The only family that has ever loved me. I will come back. I love you. Mulder She could not hold back the tears. Scully sat in her bed, clutching the letter he left her. "You'll be back Mulder. You'll be back very soon. I want to believe that. I have to." Her softly spoken words, combined with the sound of her sniffled tears were enough to wake William. She quickly went to cradle him in her arms, biting back her own tears. After a few moments of unsuccessfully trying to quiet William, she went back to her bed and picked up the cassette. In her head she heard Mulder, "Ten to one it's not something you can dance to." The memory prompted a smile to her lips. "Well, Will, how about if we see if your daddy left us something to dance to? huh?" She sniffed back another tear and carried William into the living room, tape in hand. Turning the tape over she saw by the morning light sneaking in through the curtains that on one side, in Mulder's scrawl, was "The Truth." She put that side in. The first guitar riffs of slow music that flowed over the speakers jogged Scully's memory. She couldn't place it, but she knew she knew it. Smiling down at her son she asked, "Shall we dance?" Scully began to lightly sway while the tenor of Jon Bon Jovi filled the air. Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know 'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my head And some blond gave me nightmares I think she's still in my bed As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead With an ironclad fist I wake up and French kiss the morning While some marching band keeps its own beat in my head While we're talking About all of the things that I long to believe About love and the truth and what you mean to me And the truth is baby you're all that I need I want to lay you on a bed of roses For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is And lay you down on bed of roses Well I'm so far away That each step that I take is on my way home A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night Just to see through this payphone Still I run out of time Or it's hard to get through Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you I'll just close my eyes and whisper, baby blind love is true I want to lay you down on a bed of roses For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is And lay you down on bed of roses The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry The barkeeper's wig's crooked And she's giving me the eye I might have said yeah But I laughed so hard I think I died When you close your eyes Know I'll be thinking about you While my mistress she calls me To stand in her spotlight again Tonight I won't be alone But you know that don't Mean I'm not lonely I've got nothing to prove For it's you that I'd die to defend I want to lay you down on a bed of roses For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is And lay you down on bed of roses As the song finished, Scully went to stop the tape. Tears were no longer in her eyes. A smile had grown on her face as she sang the lyrics, rocking her son. No truer words about them had been spoken, yet it was written before they ever met. Just as her finger was about to stop the tape, Mulder's voice filled the room. "Don't push stop just yet, Scully." She could hear the smile in his voice, she was startled, but just stood there. "I'm giving you what I can. A letter of how I feel, a tape of a beautiful song that speaks my truth to you, and my voice." He paused. She could hear the emotion he was fighting back, and in true Mulder style he came back with a joke. "Sorry- the clone wasn't quite ready. Scully, from now on, every step that I will take is 'on my way home.' and the truth is that you're all I need." Scully couldn't help but smile as Mulder quoted the song. "This is not an end. It is only the beginning for us. I'll come home to you and William. I will. That's my promise. I love you." The smile spread to her eyes as she again approached the stop button. This time, it was the soothing strains of a guitar that stopped her. If you wait for me then I'll come for you Although I've traveled far I always hold a place for you in my heart If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile Then I'll return to you I'll return and fill that space in your heart Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace I'll find my way back to you If you'll be waiting If you dream of me Like I dream of you In a place that's warm and dark In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace I'll find my way back to you If you'll be waiting I've longed for you A and I have desired To see your face your smile To be with you wherever you are Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace I'll find my way back to you Please say you'll be waiting Together again It would feel so good to be In your arms Where all my journeys end If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep I vow to come for you If you wait for me And say you'll hold A place for me In your heart A smile spread across her face as the song ended. She waited a few moments before hitting stop, making sure he left no more surprises for her. She rewound it and listened again, holding William in her arms. She was now sure he would come back. It was their beginning. After the strains of guitar died for the second time, Scully walked the now sleeping William back to his bassinet. "Guess it was something we could dance to, huh? Puts you to sleep, too." She smiled at him again. For a second she missed Mulder remembering how this morning how he had stood right here with her, holding her and wondering at their son. But hope and determination quickly filled her. She walked to the bed, again following her cardinal rule of motherhood. Scully carefully folded his letter and placed it on the bedside table. Sliding herself under her blankets, she closed her eyes, and pictured Mulder's face. She could feel him with her. She always would. She knew now she was his truth, and he was hers. And he promised her he would be back. He would, she'd make sure of it. Fin |