| Title: Pieces of the Soul 2: Reconnection By Triple Pirouette Written on 4/29/02 - Key Words: Post- ep William, MSR, some Scully POV Rated: Spoilers: Up to William, after that it veers off into my own little universe.YOu MIGHT want to read Pieces of the Soul to understand this;) But Forget about Jump the Shark- that NEVER took place in my mind. LONG LIVE THE LONE GUNMEN! Summary: She's found him...but how does he react? Disclaimer: No they're not mine- oh, but if they were! Well, it's OK now, though, because we've learned CC's the biggest 'shipper of us all! Dedication: to Leslie who ALWAYS asks for more.... and smut ;) Feedback: YES PLEASE! [email protected] AN- this was archived on gossamer, but when I moved it here I updated the e-mail and pen name, neither of which I had when this was written. XxXxXxXx 247 Lanark Road. Milwalkie, Wisconsin. She had found it. Or so she believed. She'd been standing outside so long, clinging to the tiny sheet of paper that she wasn't even sure she could feel her hand anymore. Her thin windbreaker did nothing for the unseasonable chill that crept through her. Her hair was messy, greasy and unkept. her eyes were bloodshot and welled with tears. He could be right inside, watching the news. Or he could be a million miles away. She was not ready to face the second possibility. She had been living out of her duffel bag for the last four weeks, sleeping in the dilapidated car she had bought for practically nothing, washing her clothes at laundromats and letting them dry on the back seat as she followed the next lead. She fealt hardened and like a vagrant. Twice she had woken up to nose bleeds and prayed to god that it was only the cold air irritating her nose. But she knew she was running out of time. She had made a promise to herself one of the cold nights where she could swear she was face to face with death of frost bite. She promised herself that if he wasn't here, she'd go back and get beter, then try again. No matter how determined she was, she couldn't find him dead. And she knew he was still alive. He was still alive because he was moving. Weather he foudn out someone was on his trail, or he just constantly kept moving, she was missing him by days, even hours at one point. he was alive, and with a little more preperation, she could have caught him that first night. Now, she was three weeks into her journey, and she was tired. No matter how much she wanted it, she couldn't kill herself for him, not if he was still alive, and she could still see him. So, for now, this was her last chance... One last door to knock on before she drove home in defeat. Scully hugged her arms against her and began to walk up the drive. she attempted to tame her wild hair by tucking it behind her ears. She slowly trodded her way up the three small steps to the door, and, takign a deep breath, knocked. And she waited. After a minute, she knocked again, harder. Still nothing. Finally she threw herself at the door. She was sure he was here, she was sure of it. She banged her fist against the worn wood, tears spilling from her eyes. Exhaustion and stress caught up with her. "No! NO! MULDER!" Her body slid down the door as she heaved in convulsive sobs. She had hoped so hard, prayed and wished. For anything, anyone. Even for a new tenant to have a clue as to where he might have gone. But no, nothing. Scully melted into a sobbing mass on the front porch. She had no energy and could not force herself to move. As her sobs subsided she told herself that she would get up, and at least make it to the car. But soon enough her eyelids drooped with exhaustion. xxxxxxxx He knew that it wasn't the best area of the city, but he didn't expect t find a bum on his door step. Juggling an overflowing bag of groceries in one hand, he fished for his keys in his pocket while trying to decide how to deal with this vagrant. It's stringy brown hair and dirty jeans and winbreaker showed no sign of age, but rather use. And she, or at least he assumed it was a she, was small. From his car he wondered if she was a runaway, looking for the former inhabitants of his apartment, but his mind told him he was being too creative, and should just politely ask her to leave his door step. As he got closer, though, his heart began to pound. The form was so familiar. The hair no longer brown, but a very dirty red. His mind told him he was inventing things; that he was seeing what he wanted to. He shielded his face witht he groceries as he got closer. "Excuse me, Miss," he ignored the thumping in his heart as he approached her. "You need to leave." Scully, only half-conscious, heard the voice. She heard the monotone she knew so well, but only registered the words. With a sigh she whiped her hair away from her face. Her voice was tired and horse as she spoke. Slowly she got to her feet. "I'm sorry. I was, uh, looking for someone, but he's not here. I'll be on my way." He stopped, his limbs went limp and he dropped the groceries. Scully, already half way to her car, slowly turned to help him. "I'm sorry, let me help you." She was so ashamed, so embarassed that she wouldn't raise her eyes. But he could see her. As she beant down to pick up his jar of peanut butter that slowly rolled toward her feet, he saw her perfect roman nose, rosebud lips and her veiled eyes. She was worn and battered, but it was her. She had come for him, just like he always hoped. She was so out of it, so exhauseted, that she had no idea. He couldn't move, was stunned and ecstatic. he just watched as she slowly approached him, her eyes lowered, and her arms bearing banannas and peanut butter. He couldn't move, couldn't utter a word until she was barely a foot away from him. Slowly she heald out her arms and offered the fallen foods. Then he said it. "Scully?" was his breathless whisper. She dropped the groceries herself as her eyes widened and her jaw fell open. Her head tipped up ever so slowly until she was looking straight into his eyes. "Mulder...." She was in shock and disbelief. "Mulder...." Wordlessly they both crossed the foot between them and crashed into eachother, grasping on for dear life. Mulder smoothed her hair back and pulled her closer to him, "Scully," He whispered as the smile on his face grew. He planted tiny kisses on her forehead, and he feat tears slip from his eyes. "Oh, Thank God, Mulder. Mulder." Scully clutched him for dear life. Her hands quickly weant to either side of his face and her eyes flew up to his. She searched his face, she searched his features. She knew this man like no other. He was the missing piece to her soul, and now, she was again complete. Mulder's eyes searched hers, searched her face, and his thumb quickly went to her cheeks to whipe away teh tears he saw there. Then, he couldn't wait any longer. he had to kiss her, he needed to feel her lips under his, to feel that they were real, that he wasn't just dreaming like he had dome every night since they'd parted. Suddenly she fealt his lips on hers, and she leaned intot hem, frantically returnign the kiss. Her mind went back to cold, lonely nights where all she could think of was his kiss. Breathless, she pulled away, a smile on her lips. She had done it, she found him. "Come inside." He could barely breathe, but he knew that it would be dangerous for them to stay outside much longer. Still looking at her, he found the key in his pocket and opened the door. She followed him insides, and as he closed the door, he took her again into his arms. "Scully, my god, what are you doing here?" He kissed her head. "How did you find me?" "I had to Mulder." Her voice was muddled with exhaustion and sleep. her eyes were already closed. "It's all gone to hell, Mulder. I needed to find you. I couldn't fail." She paused, emotion catching in her throat. "For a while there I thought I did." She stepped back from him. She needed to tell im about William. At first, she saw concern inhis eyes, but then she saw his expression change to fear as her world went black. xxxxxxxxx She could feel warm, strong arms around her. She was encased in something soft, something warm. She could feel him pressed against her, held to him. Her skin fealt clean and her hair cascaded softly around her face. She had dreamnt this dream before, and she learned not to try to wake up, becasue he was never really there, and she always woke up cold and alone. Then she fealt his arm caress hers, and she knew she wasn't dreaming. She moaned, and she could feel him move in reaction. She snuggled closer to his chest. elated that she was with him. She fealt his arms tighten around her, and she slowly opened her eyes. There was his beautiful face, unchanged, staring at her from across the pillow. "You scared me there, Scully." His hand went to her face, brushing back her now strawberry hair. He paused, waiting fir her to say soething, but when he saw shame and discomfort in her eyes, he changed the subject. "I hope you don't mind, I gave you a bath. You were semi-conciuos, but you really needed one." He paused again, stumbeling on his words. "Not htat you smelled or anything, but you looked like you'd appreciate one. And I didn't have any clothes for you, so I did the best I could." Sculy smiled awkwardly as she looked under the blanket to see a pair of cotton boxers and a New York Yankees T-shirt clothing her, "thanks." she looked up to him. " I didn't get a lot of time to spend in fancy hotels. You're a hard man to find." "That was kind of the point." Scully's eyes clouded over. "But I needed to. I..." She got chocked up again, tears springing to her eyes, "I couldn't keep him safe, Mulder. Even you staying away couldn't keep him safe. I failed, Mulder. I failed." She threw her arms around his neck and burried her face in his chest. "Scully, tell me. Tell me what happened." His mind was running frantic now. He knew it was not a good idea to leave them, but he would have done anythingto save his son. "Tell me Scully." His words and tone were soothing, but his thoughts were of catastrophe. Slowly, she recounted the visit of Jeffrey Spender. Her certainty that it wasn't him, but the nagging question in her mind that it could be. She explained the events that sent William into the hospital, and ultimetly, intot he home of another couple. All the while, Mulder held her, and carefully listened. His heart seemed to stop whe she told him that she gave William up for adoption. His only son, and he would never see him again. But, faced with the alternative, a life such as his, Mulder not only wished his son happiness, but was proud of Scully for making a choice that he could not have made. His words were soft as he began to speak, choked with emotion. "You didn't fail. You did what you had to do. you... You did something that I never could have done. And you thought about what he needed more than what you needed." "But why does it feel so wrong? So horrible?" "I don't know. I just don't." They held eachother silently. Possibilities ran through Mulder's mind. I William was normal, he'd have a wonderful life, free of fear. And, if William was safe, Mulder could come home. He could go home. He could be with Scully. The loss of William was a crushing blow, but it somehow made it OK, as long as he would be safe. And Scully obviously needed him now. "Mulder, there's still something that I didn't tell you." Her voice was pained and her head was burried in his shoulder. "What?" "I, um. I couldn't risk being followed. I couldn't risk your life. so.." She hesitated. He wasn't going to like this. "I know." His words were not happy, but they were matter-of-fact and worried. "How?" "When I was washing your hair. I saw the scab." He paused. "You shouldn't have done that, Scully. You really shouldn't have. My life's not worth yours." "To me it is." "How long?" "About four weeks." "Where is it?" "Agent Doggett has it." Mulder nooded, and kissed her forehead. He wasn't goignto tell her about the nose bleed she had suffered while she was unconsious. bUt he was very worried. The chip worked once. There was no guarantee that it would work again. "Ge some sleep. We'll leave in the morning." "Leave?" Her voice was already heavy with sleep. "Back to DC." "No, Mulder, it might not be safe..." "You're not goingto win this, Scully. We're going back, together." There was a pause, a heavy question in the air. He was waiting for her to fight back. But all she said was a soft, "Thank you, Mulder." He knew things must be bad if she relinquished control so easily. xxxxxxxxx When Scully woke up, she was alone in the bed. An early morning lightstreemed through the windows ans she shielded her eyes. She must have slept at least 12 hours, if not more. The last day, the last few days were a blur to her. But where was Mulder? Did he leave her? ditch her? Did she imagine all of it? No, she couldn't have imagined all of it. She was cleaner, and wearing new clothes. As she sat up, she heard the running of water from someplace close. It sounded fast, like a shower. She couldn't remember the last time she took a real shower, one that had real warm water and in a stall that was clean. She got up and slowly followed the sound of the water. As she passed the kitchen, she stopped in and took a doughtnut out of the box on the counter. It wasn't exactly fresh, but it seemed like gourmet to her. She was soon at the door to the bathroom, and indeed he was showering inside. The steem rose out of the crack below the door and beckoned her. As she finished the doughtnut and licked her fingers, she contemplated just walking right in there and Joining Mulder under the hot water. Sure, he had cleaned her off last night, but she still fealt grimy. And, she knew, that there were some places that he didn't clean for fear of not being a gentleman. She wnted to be clean right now. She needed to feel the warm shower rain upon her and the dirt and grime slide off her body. Quietly she turned the knob and entered teh bathroom. she closed the door to stop the steem from escaping. Mulder poked a soapey head around the shower curtain. he smiled at her, whiping suds fromhis forehead and back into his hair. "I'll, uh, be out in a minute. You can help yourself in the kitchen..." "Already did." Scully said as she began to undress. "And I don't want to wait- I want to be clean now..." Her actions didn't seems sexual, nor did her mind tell her they shoudl be. Yet, Mulder was faced with a very real fantasy right in front of him; the woman, the love that he had dreamed of every night for almost a year had come back to him. Scully stepped into the shower infront of Mulder, stepping directly below the running water. Mulder just watched as her face ralaxed and a look of ecstacy appeared as she let the heated liquid drip down her body. He was aroused, but not fully. For some reason, there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong, not whole. He wanted to make love to her, but there was a feelingof dread that kept him from responding. Scully turned her back to him to allow the water topour down her face and chest. Mulder stepped into her body, cradeling her naked form to him. His arms went around her, one around her belly, the other around her shoulders. Scully placed her hands on his, and leaned into his embrace. She leaned her head to his shoulder and just stayed there the warm water falling onto them. xxxxxxxx Their shower had been a beautiful thing, Mulder mused. He was quite confused as to why his body had not reated as he thought it would. By all means, had it been any other time, he would have made love to her. But he hadn't fealt it, the lust or the need. But he knew he still loved her, and knew that his lack of primal needs was not from lack of love. He was packing what littel there was to pack as Scully tried to piece together soemthing to wear from his wardrobe. He pulled out the alarm clock, his address book, and a few knick knacks out of the drawer and placed them in the bag. Then he went back for the last thing, the last thing he always packed so he would see it the longest: a picture of Scully and William. Frohike had sent it to him. It was a bit grainey, and William was less than a month old, but it was all that he had of them for so long. And then he knew what was missing, what had caused the feelign of dread and emptyness in his stomach. Tears silently rolled down his face for the loss of his son. Poor William, whom he knew only briefly, was a pawn in this game, not by choice, but by birth. How could they have been so stupid to think that he would be anything else? How could they have hoped that he would make it all go away? And suddenly he was angry, so angry that she had given him up. So angry that she didn't come to find him. He was filled with rage that he had fought so hard for a child, one that he despertly wanted now, and it was all for naught. Will would not fill their lives, he would not complete Scully. She had thrown that away. he couldn't stand the thought of what happened, and rage bubbled within him. With a strangled roar, he hurled the picture across the room. It flew as if in slow motion. It sailed across the room, and hit a wall. The wooden frame cracked and the glass shattered into tiny shards. As he watched the anger melted from his face. he ran across the room and tried to put it back together, to replace the only picture of William he would ever have. The photo was crumpled, he straightened it, and didn't notice when blood began to drip from cuts on his hands. he became frantic, the picture symbolizing all he had ever really wanted; a stable family, a happy life, and a reason to wake up in the morning. his hands, blood covered and shredded by the glass shards he chose to ignore, worked furiously to try to piece the frame back together. "Mulder!" Scully swung herself around the door frame to the bedroom. She had heard his cry and came running. She saw the blood, and Mulder's tear streaked form lying over the glass and ran to him, a gasp on her lips. "Oh my God, Mulder, what did you do?" She lifted his hands, and carefully pulled the picture from them. SHe began to pull out the larger chunks of glass with her finger nails as he tried to speak. "He..... Scully... I..." He was breathless and panicked, tears flying down his cheeks. She lifted one of her hands from his, whiped the blood sopts off on the towel that held her hair, and began to push unruly locks from his forehead and whiping tears away. "Breathe Mulder, just breathe in and out." She caressed his face, and slowly the panic fled, replaced by infinate sadness. After a few tries, he looked her dead in the eyes and spoke. "William." Tears flooded his eyes again, and without another word, Scully knew exactly how he fealt. Tears flodded her eyes as well, and they slowly reached for eachother. Together, they sank to the floor, a tangled mass of arms and legs, and cried for their son; a pawn in a game he was never meant to play. xxxxxxxxxx The X-Files Office was a meloncholy tableau; John Dogget a shell of himself. After recieving Scully's note, He had called Skinner and Rayes. They tried to find her for a few days, But Skinner convinced them that it was a lost cause. If Scully did not want to be found, she wouldn't. So, he kept the small vile with him at all times, protecting what could be her only salvation. Day after day he sat, going through potential X-Files, a frown on his face. Today was no different, he sat at his desk, jacket off and his sleves rolled up, midlessly reading a report from the midwest about a man-eating jack rabbit. The phone rang, and he grabbed it, happy for any distraction. "hello?" "Agen dogget? It's Mrs. Scully." "Hi Mrs. Scully, how are you?" "Oh, not bad today. Has there been any word?" "No, not yet. You know I told you I'd call." "I know, but I feel like i need to do something." "I know, Mrs. Scully. Call as often as you like." "Thank you, Agent Dogget. Thank you." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." Dogget put the phone down, and leaned back in his chair, thinking. Before he got very far the phone rang again. "hello?" "Agent dogget? It's Mulder." Dogget stood in his surprise. "Mulder? Where have you been?" "That's not important right now, what's important-" "No, it's very important, Scully went looking for you, her life-" "She's with me, Dogget. We're on our way back. I need you to meet us at the Lone Gunmen office." "OK, I'm on my way." "Don't forget the chip." "Not on your life." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "MULDER!" Scully called across teh apartment from her bedroom. "I'm coming!" He yelled as he jogged from the living room to her, "I"m coming, what's the matter?" He walked in the room and to her bedside, she lay in bed, sweat laden and her face scrunched up in pain. "It hurts, Mulder. it hurts so bad..." He climbed up on the bed and gathered her into his arms. "Where?" SHe curled into a ball in his embrace. "Everywhere." "And you headace?" He caressed the hair away from her face, and his thumb automatically went to her temple and started to rub soothing circles. She only grunted in pain in response to his question, but moaned softly as he began to massage her. Since they'd reinserted the chip, she'd suffered dibiltating pain. He insisted on taking her to the hospital, and the MRI showed that her tumor had reappeared, but after a week, another scan had shown that it was getting smaller. It's been almost two weks since they'd reinserted the chip, and she'd escalated from a bad headache, to migraine, to debilitating pain. Mulder figured that she had started to get better, she no longer was lying in the fetal position, any moement causing her pain. she as ableto eat a littel now, too. "It'll all be over soon, Scully. It will, and we'll never have to go thought this again." Scully painfully wound her arms around Mulder, and heald on tightly. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Five years later The red, white, and blue pennants flew freely in the cool breeze. The sun was almost down, but the little leage field was completely illuminated by the field's lights. The stands on the first and third base lines were filled with parents and kids; some parents in casual wear, some fresh fromt he office, but everyone's eyes glued on the field. The kids ran about, some playing catch, other just chaseing eachother. A little boy with a black shit walked up to the plate. The coach behind him placed the ball on the tee, and the boy swung the bat with obvious conviction. Everyone in the stands cheered when he hit it, and as he scrambled to first base. The boys in the field, clad in green shirts, scrambled to get the ball. The boy in black took first just as the boy at third base held up the ball in victory. They walked across the park, holding eachother's hand. Her stomach rumbled with nerves, and his wasn't much better. They appraoched the green teams bleachers as the boy fielding the pitchers mound caught the ball and threw it to first. The first baseman missed it, and the batter took first, jumping up and down in victory. "Well hi there." A plump woman with a smile on her face greeted the pair. They were unfamiliar to her. She peaked over att eh game, then back at them. She was a pitite red-head, her hair held back losely by a clip, he was taller with dark hair hidden by a baseball cap. They were both dresses casually, jeans and tshirts, she had sunglasses on. They seemed interested in the game, but she didn't recall ever seeing them before, and seeing as there were only 4 t-ball teams in the town, she would have recalled if they were someone's parents. "I'm Arlene Van de Kamp." "Hi, I'm William, this is my wife Katherine." "It's nice to meet you." She extended her hand and they both shook it. She tactfully broached her worry, it wasn't that she was afraid of the people in front of her, but in this town,it wasn't often to see strangers, especially hanging around the little leage field. "I'm sorry, you're not familiar. Is your little boy on the other team?" "Katherine" seemed to be uncomfortable, but shrugged it away. She put her arm around her husband before speaking. "No, Mrs. Van de Kamp. Actually, were were looking at a house neerby, and we saw this going, decided to stop. Our son will be six soon, and this looks like something he might enjoy." "Oh, how wonderful! You were probably seeing the old Gardener place. Was it on Dontan st?" Arlene calmed down, and kept one eye on the game, and one ear on the gossip. She loved to keep in touch with what was going on in the town. "William" shifted his weight and tipped his cap to keep the sun out of his eyes. "Yeah, that's the place. It was gorgeous. This seems to be a great town, a great place to bring up kids." There was a hint of something in his voice that Arlene wasn't able to catch, it was a technique, he was asking a question without ever asking one. Something an investigator would do. "Oh, it's just wonderful. Will, my son, is so happy here."Arlene missed the deep intake of breath the woman took and the emotion that passed over the man's eyes. She was busy searching for him in the field. "He's over there, playing left field. Well, actually he's more interested in the bunny over by the trees it seems. But he's a pretty good hitter when it's his turn." She smiled back at the couple. "It really is a great town. Nice and quiet, a safe place for the kids to play, good schools." "Yeah, we're glad we got to see it." Katherine's words were almost brimming over with emotion, but she was trying to hide it. Arlene thought better of exposing it. "William" knew exactly what was wrong though. "Well, we better be off, but, just another question-" "Sure, in a second, my son's up at bat... could you just wait a second?" "William" chocked on emotion, "Of course." Will got up to the place, and concentrated hard. His cupid's bow moth was drawn in concentration. His nose had gotten a little bigger, almost a tad to big for his face. His hair was brown, poking out from his baseball cap, but tiny red highlights could be seen in the sun. His eyes were a light hazel, and his face had his father's intense look of concentration. He swung, and smacked the ball right to center field. All the kids ran for the Ball and William ran for first base. Arlene jumped out of the bleacher, clapping her hands and screaming. William looked from first base at her, and smiled a child's smile- missing teeth and all. She couldn't take it any more. She turned and ran. He took a look, and saw Mrs. Van de Kamp engrossed in Will, and made a mad dash to catch up with his wife. Once inside their silver SUV, she said only one thing as she whiped the tears from undernieth her dark sunglasses. "Drive." A few minutes passed by, and once they were on the interstate he dared to open his mouth to her silent tears. "Scully?" It was soft, questioning yet understanding. He heard her sniff, and looked over. She slowly removed her sunglasses to show that her eyes were red and puffy. a sad, defeated smile came to her face. "At least,"emotion choked her, but she contimued, "at least he's happy." Mulder reached a hand over and grabbed hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "It's what we wanted." His voice was horse, a plethora of feelings leaving him confused, yet somehow bereft. "I know that now it seems so simple, it seems so easy to say that we could have kept him, Scully. But things have happend that we could have never have counted on. Who could have forseen that Kersh was working from the inside? That when Cancer man died, that Spender was working to overthrow the conspiricy? How could we have know about the vaccine?" He looked at her, a tear spilling from his eye. "But the fact still remains, Scully, that for whatever reason, they wanted him. If you knept him, you never would have come to find me. If you kept him, they would have never left him alone. Just becasue we think that it's the end, it may not be. There are still so many things we don't know." "I know, Mulder." SHe squeezed his hand. "but I keep thinking, that could be me, sitting in those stands, cheering for my baby, watching you coaching him. I just keep thinking about all the thing I missed, and will miss." "Think about the life he'll live, Scully. It's a life we might not have been able to give him." "Do you think he'll ever know? Do you think he'll understand?" "If we suceede, he'll never know. And I pray that's how it is, Scully. I pray no one knows the sacrifices we've had to make for their sake. We're so close to having it be all over." They both focused on the road ahead for a few silent moments. "It'll never be over, Mulder. We'll never be able to have a normal family. I'll never take a little girl to ballet lessons and you'll never have one-on-one's in the back yard with our son." Mulder gave her hand a genbtle squeeze, he could see the tears welling up in her eyes again. "Don't say that, Scully. Don't be so pessimistic. There's always a chance. You have to believe." "I want to believe." |