| Title: Somehow By Triple Pirouette Rated: G Summary: Their first I love you and the truth Spoilers: The Truth, Triangle Dedication:This one is for Leslie who can't bear to live without these wonderful characters. Hope this makes you smile Leslie. Yeah, no smut, get over it ;) Disclaimer: um, do I really need one of these anymore? Ok. they're not mine- you happy now? AN- This is also archived on Gossamer, but I've updated it here with my new e-mail and my pen name (neither of which I had when this was first posted) Feedback: PLEASE! [email protected] XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX The man they say is Knowle Rohr isn't Knowle Rohr. I did the autopsy myself. The proof is overwhelming. Yet they somehow were still able to convict Mulder to death by lethal injection. Sitting there in his cell the other day, I told him that I couldn't bear to get him back, only to possibly lose him again. And I can't. I remember the fear in his eyes, a reflection of mine as I said that. He doesn't want to die any more than I want him to, but he feels he needs to be strong for me. I needed him to be strong, but now I just need him. And all I could think of was that I have never told Mulder that I love him. My love for Mulder runs deeper than I ever thought it could, but I could never express it, never open my mouth and just say it. He's always been there, effusively reassuring, always there for me when I needed him, but was most afraid to say it. I bawled today; uncontrolled, heaving sobs. They came after Doggett told me about the decision. I think that I scarred Doggett and Reyes. They ran to my side and tried to calm me down. Hell, I scared myself. I can't remember a time when I cried with such intensity. I gave myself a headache, my eyes were puffy and my vision blurred. Their reassurance was only slightly comforting. I felt Doggett kneel in front of me and place a hand on my shoulder. He looked at me, I tried to look back to him, but I could not. He stood up and swore, and I could feel the tension, as he paced around the room. Reyes was tense and concerned. A minute later, Doggett was on the phone with Skinner, his words were hushed and hurried for Skinner to meet us at the park around the corner. He hung up, then he was kneeling before me again. "Dana?" He said softly. I looked up, his face a swirl of color. "We're gonna break him out." There are no words for what this man has said to me. He just offered me my life back. He's risking his life for Mulder's, they all are. I feel his and Reyes' hands on my shoulders, they are strong and reassuring. We know the truth, and we'll die for it, but not passively. We won't let Mulder do this, and we won't give up the fight. I wipe the tears from my eyes, and stand. I'm a bit wobbly, but I make it to the bathroom. I put a cold towel on my face, and as I try to compose myself, all that I've lost flashes though my mind. Most prominent: William and the chance for a "normal life." But before tears spring to my eyes, I'm struck with how much I've gained. I'm a much stronger person for all that I've been through, and I've learned so much more about who I am, where I fit in, and about the possibilities that exist for everything. Extreme possibilities. And I've loved more than I ever thought I could. Suddenly I feel energy surge through me, and I felt like I felt all those years ago, during our first cases, and a few years ago, before things got awkward, and just a year and a half-ago, when things were wonderful. I felt human and needed and loved and trusted. I felt like myself again. We were going to bust Mulder out of Prison. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX I don't remember what happened, really. The adrenaline coursing through my veins was all that kept me moving. My body was exhausted emotionally and from lack of sleep, but I was going to see Mulder again, we would be together, and somehow that was all that mattered. Together we could face anything. >From the time Doggett and Reyes ushered Gibson and I out of my apartment till the time I drove to the deserted country road I remember very little but the feeling that I had to get there. It consumed me until my hands shook and my body was on the verge of convultions. We had one chance- I had one chance to have him again, and this was it. How I've been so composed until now, I have no idea. Every time I saw him I wanted to cry, to fall into his arms and never let go. When I saw Mulder get out of the car- orange jumpsuit and all, a shaky sigh escaped me. It was going to end. Somehow we'd be safe. We were together again. But then Kersh stepped out behind him, and I was immediately on edge. The adrenal that had slowed at the prospect of being with Mulder again, allowing him to take charge for a bit, was now flowing through me. I was not ready to trust this man yet. And, I could tell, neither was Mulder. The investigator in me went rampant, almost psychotic when I saw Kersh, and even though in the back of my mind I knew he had to be part of the reason Mulder was standing before me, I couldn't accept it. How I made it in the car, I'll never know. Mulder sped off, and all I could think of was if we should listen to Kersh. Was he genuinely helping? Or was he lying? Mulder, as always, knew exactly what to do. Trust no one. We went south. And suddenly it poured out. Sleep deprivation. The stress. The adrenaline. The tears flowed down my face freely, though I didn't want them to. Part of me was still all business, and knew that we weren't out of danger at all. I quickly swiped them away, hoping Mulder wouldn't know. But he knew. He always knew. He snaked a hand into mine, his eyes never leaving the road. "Why?" He asked. I knew exactly what he was asking, but no words would come. I tried to move my mouth, but only small hiccups of sound came out. After a few feeble tries to respond, I felt his thumb begin to caress my hand. It was such a simple gesture, but so calming, so soothing. "I love you Mulder." It wasn't really an answer, but in a way, it was. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. And somehow he seemed to understand that. He gently squeezed my hand and took his eyes away from the road to lock them with mine for just a second. "I love you too, Dana." He took his eyes back to the road, but by the dashboard light I could see a tear drop from his face. "I didn't- " He began, but emotion strangled him. Mulder cleared his throat and started again. "I didn't want to die." "I know that, Mulder. But you thought you had to." "I thought... I thought it was the only way. I even thought that somehow we'd win, that somehow we'd be right and prove them all wrong, prove what we've been working so hard for." "I know that Mulder." "Scully, " He slips back into our old routine, surnames and hypothesis. He does that when his mind is working, when his beautiful mind is thinking. "Scully, how could you have known that-" "The same way you knew about William. The same reason that you could forgive me for that and that we're together now. You're the only one I really trust, Mulder, and we trust each other. Together, they can't stop us. We have something that goes beyond friendship, or even love. It's the truth we both know. The truth you spoke of." He looked at me again, and gave my hand a final squeeze before he removed it to navigate a turn. Suddenly my hand felt so empty, so alone. But his voice soon filled my heart. "I don't know what we're going to do." By his body language I could just see the wheels turning in his head. "I don't know how long we can hide, and this time it's for real. In a few days I'll be a wanted criminal, for murder." I cut him short. "Not if we can prove otherwise." "I don't think you can." "We almost did." He turns to me, and gives me the best smile he can muster. I do the same. He grabs my hand again for a second, then his hand goes to caress my face. "I've got a plan for now. I don't know where it will get us, Scully, but I've got a plan for now." "As long as I'm with you it doesn't matter." I close my eyes, sincerity laden in my voice as I lean into his palm. He's all I've got now. "Go to sleep. You need it." His hand leaves my face, only to join with my own hand again. I go to object, but he's right. I need to rest while I can. "Ok. Just a little. Wake me if anything happens?" "Of course." The road quickly lulled me to a dreamless sleep. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX We finally got in contact with Skinner almost a month later, when we deemed it safe. He informed us that everyone was ok, even Gibson, who was now living with Doggett and under constant protection. AD Kersh has even begun to help them, Skinner said. Mulder warned him, but it wasn't anything that Skinner wasn't already thinking himself. Kersh's involvement was kept to a minimum for now. They were getting ready to present a case to a higher Military tribunal- this time with a lawyer who knew Military law. Skinner also told me that my Mother was worried about me, and called him all the time to find out about us. I told him to pass on the message that we're fine. And for now we are. We move every few months, it's been almost a year since that night we ran for Mulder's life. We change names and we've deyed our hair more times than I can count. We're running out of places to live in Canada, and are considering a move to Europe for a while. Yet throughout our moves, one thing has remained constant. We're together. We've taken to wearing wedding bands, though we've never had a true marriage ceremony. And though I've always dreamed of walking down the isle one day with the whole nine yards, now, it's just a formality. We've belonged to each other for a long time, and there is no force that could ever change that. Sometimes, late at night, I think of William and what's become of him- if I've done the right thing. But then I think of our lives, and know that I have. I pray for him a lot. We take precautions now. I've seen the loss in Mulder's eyes, and though nothing could make us more complete than to be able to have a real family- somehow I feel that it will never be truly possible for us. Other nights, with Mulder's long arms wrapped around me, his tousled head buried against me, I think about how long it told me to tell him I love him. It seems so simple now. He'll send me off to the store with a "Love you" and a quick kiss, or as he leaves for one of the odd jobs he's picked up I'll throw him a quick "I love you" as he walks out the door. It took me nine years to say three little words that I knew the first minute I met him. He knew then, too. But he said it before I did, he was ready before I was, and he accepted all I was ready to give. When I brushed off his heart felt words after pulling him out of the Bermuda triangle, he knew that I just needed more time. He always knows. Somehow. And that's out truth. It's what's kept us together through so many hardships and our few joys. We love each other, we are in love. It's a bond that transcends everything I've ever felt before. It's the truth we both know, the truth we've always known. Somehow, it's always been enough. |