| On DStrayCat |
| Why I am single: A1. Many people ask me why it is that I've never gotten married. The answer to this simple question is not so simple to respond to, as there are several issues that have resulted in my preferring singularity. But, first it is important to understand that nothing is written in stone and depending on the person, situation and circumstances, I could and would change my stance on any issue. To quote Agnus Heller from her book "Renaissance Man"..... A wise man understands the times he lives in and adapts to the changing times. I like to consider myself to be fairly wise..... A2. If you read other parts of my Philosophies, I think you'll develop an overall understanding as to why I am single. My mentality starts in my Universe and blends into other philosophies and my ideas on who and what I am. In one discussion I list three elements that I like to see in all people and think they would be an absolute necessity in a relationship with anyone. I look for a woman's self-worth, self-confidence and her self-actualization. If she has all three of these then there's a good foundation for a relationship, without all three there is no possibility at all. A3. If I find that a woman needs constant reassurance then, she is lacking in self-worth and self-confidence. If she needs to be with me all of the time or needs help with things constantly then I feel she's lacking all three... I like a woman who knows what she wants and takes it. I like an emancipated woman who does not NEED me or any other man, for that matter but chooses to be with someone. This sort of person can see what she wants and that makes my life so much more simple, predictable and organized. When I am always running around, putting out fires for someone else, I am not attending to my own business and it eventually becomes a strain on the relationship. A4. On the other hand, if a woman is interested in me, then she will make time for me and visa versa. I do not feel that I should have to be there 24/7 and have found that when my time is so occupied with one person, my life in general, suffers. In other words, I do not enjoy being someone's entertainer, only there to make them feel good about themselves... To keep their mind occupied, so they don't have to think about the person that they are... I demand time to myself and expect that a partner will want time of their own... When I find that I cannot get time to myself, I am sliding into a co-dependant relationship and I bail out fast... A5. I have a watering hole. That's a place where I can be alone to think, meditate and have a glass of wine or whatever. It is a sanctuary that I do not permit a partner to come to. Moreover, its a place where I keep very closely guarded and tell no one of its whereabouts. There are 3 rules to my watering hole. 1) I never bring a woman to my watering hole, 2) I do not date women who frequent my watering hole and 3) I do not date the waitresses who work at my watering hole. If I find that the people at my watering hole are becoming too familiar with me, then I change my watering hole. It is a place for me to be alone with myself. A6. This might sound very strange but I insist that my partner have a similar place to call a sanctuary. It doesn't have to be a Pub, but I feel that everyone needs a place where they can be alone and have no interruptions. Mine just happens to be a pub on 113 Street at Jasper Avenue... lol NOT..... Hahaha!!! A7. Back to the topic of singularity... I find that people who come together out of a choice are more well rounded and confident than people who get together out of some need are. I understand that when the need is removed, there is nothing there to keep the relationship going. I find that Dysfunctional people generally migrate to eachother out of some need and add to the dysfunctions of the other. I tend to cut off a relationship built on such needs and hence, I am single as everyone has one form or another of dysfunction. People who are dysfunctional generally offer themselves as a hostage to their partner and in return they expect their partner to become their hostage. I will not ask for or become a hostage. A8. In my quest to make the world a better place and to fulfill my purpose in life, I feel I need to be single. It is only a feeling and not a pure truth to me, but I like to follow my heart and my intuition. I could be wrong. However, I do enjoy being single and feel there is little to be gained by attaching myself at the hip with someone, as I become a burden for them and they become a burden for me. I prefer to choose to be with someone and like them to choose to be with me. That way there is never a burden for either party and no one is a hostage. A9. Commitment is not a word that I am unfamiliar with. I have owned and operated several businesses and know very well, the "commitment" that is required to make a business work. I understand and have experienced the struggles and the growing pains and the dedication one needs to make an endeavor successful. When I am accused of avoiding "Commitment" I get very angry. My commitments just lie in an area that does not seem to include the accuser. When I hear such words like, "you're afraid of commitment," I consider the source and that source is a dysfunctional person trying to lay the foundation for a hostage taking. A10. "You will find your treasure where your heart is". If I do not find a relationship to be desirous for me or if I cannot see any profit in being in a relationship then I won't even consider one. I find that when two people are Ga-ga over one another, their hearts are attached and that is where they want to be. That is where their treasure lies... If I find that its too difficult to get together with someone, I have to assess where our treasures lie... If she cannot seem to find time for me or I cannot seem to find time for her then our individual treasures are in other things and there is nothing to be gained by pursuing the relationship. Very often, that is the case with many people... "Two ships passing in the night..." ...More to come........ |
| My Background: B1. Dad was 44 years of age when he married the little 22 year old, 5', blonde, bombshell, known as Gwen. When I was about 5 years of age, my mother left my father. Dad was a compulsive gambler and mom feeling she missed her youth, decided to go and get drunk. That left mom with custody of 5 kids and no income... What to do? She decided to place 3 of us including myself, into orphanages and the youngest 2 stayed with my grandparents. B2. Abandonment issues... of course. Hence the nicname "DStrayCat"..... We all know, if we think about it... What exactly a StrayCat is and how they become StrayCats... They are abandoned... So, with that in mind, there is a strong and automatic distrust for humans... I know me, and trust me to keep myself happy and have no "need" of someone to fill that position. That is why I choose to be with or not to be with someone. B3. Having grown up as a welfare kid with my brothers and sisters (I was the middle baby), we learned to be better than survivors. I went on to achieve degrees in two fields, my brother became a Ph.D in psychology and all of us, dysfunctions included, did pretty well for ourselves, considering none of us were expected to live beyond 25... lol B4. To my credit I have written 3.5 novels, one law text and am a very good artist. On the flip side, I'm Red and Green colour blind and dyslexic, so reading and writing have not been my strong suit... I often have to re-read sentences with the aid of a ruler, to stop the words from dancing on the page. Reading 20,000 court cases was a real challenge for me, in the cataloguing them for my law book. B5. It has been said, several times, of me that, "I do everything, well." I won't state my IQ as its only a number anyway, but I will say that it goes right off the scale. But, I did not always know this. For many years of my life, I thought there was less than average intelligence here and figured I was less than the sharpest tool in the shed... In fact, my nicname, in my youth was "Dumb-dumb". My dyslexia played a major roll in my lack of self-esteem as did the colour blindness. When I was asked to stand up and read in class, it would take me a great deal of effort to read at all and found it very humiliating, not to be able to read as easily as the others. In fact, I had been criticized by several teachers for my inability to read. When I went to work in the Yukon, it was like my French Foreign Legion... My escape from the real world where I felt like Forest Gump... B6. Little by little, I began to see things that contradicted my self-portrait and began to see that I was more intelligent than I had thought... As I began to develop confidence, I began to take on projects and ideas that changed my level of confidence and I gradually became self-aware of the genius that was, for so long, hidden deep inside me. I had been told by several people that I was very intelligent but could not or would not believe it. It took my recognizing it for myself, before the lights would come on and when they did, it was blinding... B7. I think my underlying distrust of humans prevented me from believing that I could be intelligent. I had been lied to before and these pretty words were just tinkling bells to me. But when I saw it and witnessed it and finally felt it myself, I turned the greatest corner of my life. The thought that those people had not lied to me, enabled me to trust some of the advice and information that came from others... Maybe, just maybe, some people weren't lying... More importantly, I learned to trust myself, have confidence in my decisions and to take the bull by the horns... For more on this see: DStrayCat On Intelligence B8. Now I know that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to accomplish. I know what and who I am and no negative words from anyone can ever deminish my self-worth, self-confidence and self-actualization. I have had many people try to put me down since the lights came on, but I dismiss their remarks because "I know" who and what I am and nothing anyone can ever say can dent the armour of my knowledge. I've accomplished too much that no one else could ever accomplish given the same set of cercumstances. I know that I am very, very unique and my ideas follow... If I ever think I could be wrong about something, I state my openess to further dialogue... But, when I see that there is only a conflict in Egos then I shut out any further consideration. ...More to follow....... |