Commish’s Corner

                                               

 2008 Mid-Season Team Report Cards 1

                                                                                

 

Like years before, this is an objective view by the Commish on how each team did by position at the halfway point of the season. It makes for a good bathroom reader for those soon to be cold nights.  Comparing position totals from last year, we get completely different results. Last season the quarterbacks, receivers, and defensive scoring was up, and running back scoring was down. This season is the complete opposite. Running back scoring is up by 370 points, an incredible 65% increase. QB’s are down by 78 points (10.8%), receivers are down by 206 points (21.9%), and D/ST scoring is down a little by 14 points. Kicker scoring is up this year by 5 whole points. Overall, total points were up slightly, by 75 points (2%).

And now, for the first time ever, the Commish will try to make some bold predictions for the end of the 2008 season. I realize I will get a lot of heat for this:

Super Bowl 19: Glazed Donuts over Hell’s Angelas

Toilet Bowl 19: Ned the Dog over Benchwarmers

Money Cup (most points scored): Glazed Donuts

1^st pick in 2009 Draft: Hoochie Mommy

     As always, the following are just one football geeks opinion and should not be used as a betting tool.

 

 Hooters (6-1)  

 

Quarterbacks (D):  9^th in Qb scoring. Considering he lost 1^st round pick Tom “Terrific” Brady in Week 1, this score is not bad with basically one QB. Kurt “Pop” Warner (48 pts, ranked 6^th) has been a solid pickup, scoring at least eight points in five of the six games. Joe “The Flake” Flacco (14 pts) did not pan out, and Kerry “Give me a Tom” Collins (12 pts) did not score in Mr. Warner’s bye week. The Hooters are hoping Matt “Nolan” Ryan (20 pts) can be a solid backup if Kurt goes down.

 Running Backs (B-):  6^th in RB scoring. Before going down with an injury, 4^th round pick Reggie Bush “League” (30 pts) was on fire, scoring in all but one week and three games with 12 points. After combining for 108 pts. last year, 2^nd round pick Ryan “Ulysses” Grant (6 pts) and 5^th round pick Earnest Graham “Cracker” (18 pts) have been good in rushing yards, but poor in scoring. Grant is 11^th in rushing with 464 yards while Graham is 13^th with 456 yards. Grant’s lone score did not come until Week 7. Chester “The Molester” Taylor (10 pts) scored 42 points last year when AP went down, so the Hooters owner is wisely keeping him on the back burners in case that happens this year.

 Receivers (C): Fifth in receiver scoring. 8^th round pick Santana “Hannah Montana” Moss (24 pts) seems to be back on track after a miserable season last year, where he only scored 18 points. 6^th round pick Jerricho “Slow Mo” Cotchery (18 pts) has already scored more points than last year (12) thanks to the arrival of Mr. Canton-bound Favre. After Santana and Jerricho, the receiving scoring starts to go bad. After scoring 72 points last year, 3^rd round pick T.J. “Hooker” Houshmandzadeh (18 pts) stats have suffered with the injury to Carson Palmer. Patrick “Need Stickem” Crayton (12 pts) scored 42 points last year, but keeps dropping passes this year. Amani “OK, it is a” Toomer (6 pts) really is a fantasy cancer now and Reggie “Charlie” Brown (0 points) has on six catches this year.

Kickers (B+): 2^nd in K scoring. As usual, the first kicker taken in the SFFL draft never seems to finish first in scoring. 9^th round pick Stephen “The Big” Gostkowski (52 pts, ranked 11^th) is doing a respectable job, but probably won’t equal the 137 points he got last year on that “almost” undefeated Patriots team. Thanks to him scoring 16 points in Week 6, David “Green” Akers (57 pts, ranked 7^th) has outscored the Hooters Number One kicker thus far.

Defense/Special Teams (B): Fourth in D/ST scoring, the Philadelphia “Desperado” Eagles (20 pts) have already surpassed last year’s total of 12 points and the New York “Bennie & The” Jets (14 pts) are about on pace to equal their 32 points they scored last year.

Overall (A): When the Sagging Hooters lost first round pick Tom Brady in Week 1, it looked like his season was going to be a repeat of last year, where they lost 4 of their top six picks in the draft to injuries at one time or another, and finished in last place with a 3-11 record. But after losing to the Headbutts in Week 1, they have won six straight games, averaging 35.5 points per game, and are sitting in first place at the halfway point. They are only 5^th in total points. They have no real superstars carry the team, but they are just consistently getting the job done. Should be a shoo in for a playoff spot.

 

 Hell’s Angelas  (5-2)

 

Quarterbacks (C): 7^th in QB scoring. The good news for 8^th round pick Donovan “Old Slab” McNabb (32 pts, ranked 12^th) is that he has not been injured this season (yet). The bad news is that the old injuries are taking their toll and he is dangerous, but no longer in the “elite” group of QB’s. Newly acquired 40 year old Brad “Grand dad” Johnson (4 points) has NO mobility and can’t throw the ball more than 20 yards.

Running Backs (B+): Fourth in RB scoring, this is a very solid group of backs. 1^st round pick Adrian Peterson (30 pts) has been running everywhere (684 yards), but is scoring sporadically. He has scored all five of his TD’s in just three games. 2^nd round pick Marshawn Lynch “Mob” (30 pts) was a nice second back that has scored in four of the first six games. After scoring only twice in 2007, 5^th round pick Thomas “Fragile Bones” Jones (24 pts) has already doubled his output. Newly acquired Dominic “Dusty” Rhodes has scored 18 points the last two games substituting for Addai.

Receivers (C-):  7^th in receiver scoring, this revolving door of players has only one player that remains constant. 3^rd round pick Larry “Scary” Fitzgerald (30 pts) is putting up big numbers and has scored in four of the first six weeks. Newly acquired rookie Donnie Avery “Labels” (12 pts) seems to have found a special connection with Marc Bulger and is now the go-to-guy in St. Louis. Now the floor seems to give out with the rest of the receiving crew. After scoring 48 points last year, Wes “Luke Sky” Welker has yet to score and might not still be on this roster by the time this report comes out. Isaac “Footloose” Bruce (24 pts) scored 4 TD’s in 3 games before J.T. picked him up, and hasn’t scored since. Same could be said for Eddie “Casino” Royal (12 pts), who scored 2 TD’s in the first two weeks, and none since. Coach B. is hoping re-acquired Javon “Anakin Sky” Walker (6 pts) can cure his receiver scoring problem.

Kickers (B+):  Tied for 3^rd in kicker scoring, Matt “The Traitor” Prater (57 pts, ranked 7^th) already has four games in double-digits and is making everyone in Denver forget about some dude name Jason. Mason “Bing” Crosby (56 pts) was an excellent backup, but because of duplicate bye weeks (Week 8) with Prater, Coach Biddison dumped him in favor of Jason “From Mile High to Dome” Elam (61 pts, ranked 2^nd), who then responded with a whopping 2 points.

Defense/Special Teams (C):  Tied for 6^th in D/ST scoring. After combining for 56 points last year, the Jacksonville “Smallville” Jaguars (12 pts) and the Indianapolis “500” Colts (8 pts) are just under the hard deck to remain average.

Overall (A):  While all eyes have been focused on the Hooters incredible season, Coach Biddison has quiet ly won his last three games and snuck into second place. If he can get some better production from his receiving corp. to combine with his very solid running backs and kicking game, he will be shooting for his third Super Bowl title in the 21^st century.

 

 

Flounders (4-3):

 

Quarterbacks (A):  Second in QB Scoring, the Fish have two good ones with the same bye week. 12^th round pick Aaron “Mister” Rodgers (66 pts, ranked 1^st) is probably the steal of the SFFL draft thus far and has the Green Bay fans all but forget about some guy named Brett. He was inconsistent last year, but 7^th round pick Jay “Elway” Cutler (52 pts, ranked 4^th) has matured quickly (at least 8 points in 4 games) and would be a starter on any other fantasy team.

Running Backs (A): With two of the top RB’s in scoring, it is no surprise that they are first in RB scoring. 5^th round draft pick Lendale White (48 pts, ranked 1^st) has scored in five of the first six games and has already surpassed last year’s output of 42 points. 3^rd round pick Clinton”Funkadelic” Portis (42 pts, ranked 2^nd) is thriving under Jim Zorn’s offense and has scored in five out of seven games. Frank Gore (30 pts) seems only to play well when he is on Chunky’s roster. The only puff of smoke in this quartet is Ricky “Up in Smoke” Williams (6 pts), who probably has no idea he is even playing football.

Receivers (D):  8^th in receiver scoring. After lighting up the league with 23 TD’s in 2007, 1^st round pick Randy Moss (24 pts) has been lost in space without Mr. Brady. And sadly, he leads this Motley Crue in scoring. The remaining five receivers could not even be sold on EBay. Muhsin Muhammad (12 pts), 4^th round pick Roy Williams (12 pts), Chris Cooley (6 pts), and Anthony Gonzalez (0 pts) combined for a total of 17 TD’s in 2007; this year they have combined for 5 TD’s. The laugh has been on Chunky as rookie James Hardy “Har Har” (6 pts) has yet to score since his acquisition.

Kickers (C): 8^th in kickers scoring. Despite his age, John Kasay (57 pts) has been solid thus far this season and is recovering from his dismal 99 points last season. After two games of scoring at least 12 points, Olinde Mare (44 pts) and the grounded Seahawks are having a hard time crossing the midfield line.

Defense/Special Teams (B): 3rd in D/ST scoring. The Green Bay Packers (36 pts, ranked 2^nd) defense was the last defense picked in the SFFL Draft and still has scored in four of the first seven games. The Washington Redskins (0 pts) are one of three teams that has yet to score this season, yet Coach Seaver has started them in five of the seven weeks. Go figure.

Overall (B): Thanks to excellent quarterback and running backs scoring, the Flat Fish have scored at least 38 points in five of their first seven games, and are second in total points. Take away the tough over-

time loss to the Geeks on Call, and they would be sitting in a tie for 2^nd place. If they play the defense that actually scores and improves on their receivers and kicking game, they should have a shot at returning to the playoffs after a five year hiatus.

 

Headbutts (4-3):

 

Quarterbacks (C): Sixth round pick Eli “Detector” Manning (38 pts, ranked 10^th) is not the flashiest QB out there, but he consistently scores at least 4 points every week and is doing better than brother Peyton right now. 11^th round Jake “Half Bake” Delhomme (28 pts, ranked 15^th) is very hot and cold, but was hot the week  the Headbutts started him during Eli’s bye week and he responded with 8 points.

 Running Backs (C):  8^th in RB scoring. When healthy, the fragile 2^nd round pick Brian Westbrook (36 pts) can be a force, as evident when he scored 5 TD’s in the first 2 games. However, the Headbutts have to constantly monitor the injury report to check whether to play him, or his backup Correll “Reef” Buckhalter (18 pts). After scoring 66 points last year, 4^th round pick Jamal Lewis (12 pts) has been disappointing. The Headbutts dropped the wrong Lions back; the Bengals knew what they were doing when they cut Rudi Johnson (6 pts).

Receivers (C): 6^th in WR scoring. 1^st round pick Terrell Owens (30 pts) and 3^rd round pick Greg Jennings (24 pts) are doing their fair share of scoring, but they are not getting much help from the other receivers. After both scoring 42 points last year, Jason Witten (12 pts) and Heath Miller (6 pts) have all been forgotten around red zone time. Chansi Stuckey (18 pts) scored in the first three weeks, but is now blanked out. Kevin Walter (18 pts) also scored early, but now Andre Johnson is healthy for the Texans.

Kickers (C+): 6^th in kicker scoring. Though he might not match his 133 points in 2007, Rob Bironas (47 pts) has done a decent job for the undefeated Titans, never scoring under 5 points in a game. Backup Josh Brown (42 pts) has been extremely hot and cold like the Rams, but he scored a cool 13 points in his only start in Week 6.

Defense/Special Teams (B+): 2^nd in D/ST. While the San Diego “Powerless” Chargers (16 pts) have done a decent job scoring this year, it has been the 16^th round pick Tampa Bay Buccaneers (24 pts, ranked 3^rd) who have been the biggest surprise, already surpassing last year’s season total of 18 points.

Overall (B): After starting the season 4-1, the Headbutts have lost their last two games. Seventh in total scoring, this team is very up and down, scoring 58 points one week and then only 14 in another. A healthy Brian Westbrook and some second half turnarounds from Jamal Lewis and a few receivers (Kevin Curtis off IR?) could push this team back into the playoffs and a chance at a consecutive Super Bowl appearance. Otherwise, it is a 7-7 season with a possible first round pick for next year.

 

Hoochie Mommy (4-3):

Quarterbacks (B): Seemed crazy at the time, but picking up Brett “Viagra” Favre (52 pts, ranked 4^th) in the fourth round has paid dividends. Of course, the 24 points he scored in Week 4 has helped pad his stats. Rose was smart to dump the injured Carson “Lip Balmer” Palmer (14 pts) and pick up surprisingly reliable Kyle “The Big Pile” Orton (40 pts, ranked 8^th).

Running Backs (A-):  3^rd in RB scoring. Though 1^st round pick Joseph Addai (24 pts) and 2^nd round pick Larry Johnson (18 pts) have done an adequate job at their position, kudos goes to the Mommas for drafting rookie Jonathan “The Duck” Stewart (30 pts) in the 7^th round and then picking up rookie Steve “Mountain Man” Slaton (30 pts) off waivers.

Receivers (D):  9^th in WR scoring. Every receiver in this bunch is having a disappointing year. Of course the Hoochies did draft most of her receivers late in the draft. 3^rd round pick Plaxico “No Stress”  Burress (18 pts) had 72 points last year; Santonio “Spurs” Holmes (6 pts) had 48 points. Jabar “Jafar” Gaffney (6 pts) and Tony “Slowpoke” Gonzalez (12 points) both had 30 points in 2007. Sidney “Fried” Rice (6 pts) even had 24 points  last season. Jerry “Fetch the” Porter (0 pts) was last seen in a “Where’s Waldo” book. To sum it up: a group that scored 204 points (34 TD’s) last year has a lowly 48 points (8 TD’s) this year.

Kickers (D-): Last in Kickers scoring. See disappointments above in Receivers.  Same story here. Two kickers (Adam “Veal” Vinatiera (30 pts) and Matt Stover (33 pts)) that had combined for 225 points last year have a mere 63 points this year so far. They have scored more than 8 points in a game only twice this season.

Defense/Special Teams (C): Tied for 5^th in D/ST scoring. Both the New York “Little” Giants (8 pts) and Tennessee “Remember the” Titans (12 points) are doing a fantastic job of stopping other NFL teams offenses, but they are not doing much scoring themselves, especially after combining for 48 points last season.

Overall (B): No telling where this team can be at the end of the season. Big bark, little bite. Quarterbacks and Running backs cannot carry this team all season. Someone in the receivers and kickers groups needs to get hot in the second half for this team to compete.

 

Glazed Donuts (3-4):

 

Quarterbacks (A): With two of the top three QB’s, it is easy to be 1^st in the league in QB scoring. 1^st round pick Tony “Homo” Romo (56 pts, ranked 3^rd) was living up to his high draft pick with four 12 point games, but he is now out with a “pinkie” injury (insert joke here). Not to worry, because 10^th round pick “Kill” Phil Rivers (64 pts, ranked 2^nd) is playing just as good (four 12 point games) and should easily pass his total of 90 points last year.

 Running Backs (C+): 7^th in RB scoring, but moving up quickly. 2^nd round pick Brandon Jacobs “Ladder”  (36 pts) has been the brick holding the wall together, scoring 6 TD’s in the last 4 games. Free agent pickup rookie Chris “TBone” Johnson (24 pts) has scored 3 TD’s in the last 3 games. But “Slick” Willie Parker (18 pts) scored all of his points in Week 1 and hasn’t scored since. Rookie Felix “The Cat” Jones (24 pts) was getting his share of points in Dallas until he got hurt.

Receivers (A): Tied for 1^st in WR scoring. Took some chances in the draft and they paid off big time. Anquan “Texas HoldEm” Boldin (30 pts, ranked 1^st) squabbled about his contract and threatened not to play, but he has since passed Larry Fitzgerald as the Cardinals #1 receiver. 4^th round pick Calvin “& Hobbes” Johnson (24 pts) has been the main man in Detroit and sent former front man Roy Williams packing.  When healthy, Chris “Secret” Chambers (30 pts) is now the first look in San Diego, and has already surpassed his 2007 total of 24 points. The backups, Lance “The Boil” Moore (12 pts), L.J. Smith (12 pts), and soon to come off the IR Dallas “Dark” Clark (0 pts) have been average, but won’t be needed after the bye weeks unless there are injuries.

Kickers (B-): 5^th in kicker scoring. Josh Scobee “Doo” (46 pts) and Jeff “Please Feed” Reed (45 pts) are pretty much interchangeable and doing a decent job. Scobee does have a slight edge with 3 games of 10 points or more.

   Defense/Special Teams (C): 5^th in D/ST scoring. The Buffalo “Wings”  Bills (14 pts) and the Baltimore “Stark” Ravens (12 pts) are about as vanilla and plain as they come, so not much to write about.

Overall (C): First in total points, how does this team have a losing record and not at the top of the standings? Despite averaging 36 points per game, the Donuts have lost all four of their games by six points or less. But his running backs are starting to get hot and his injured players are starting to heal. Reserve him his usual spot in the playoffs…

 

Woglom’s Warriors (3-4):

 

Quarterbacks (C): After promising not to release him again, 2^nd round pick Drew “Winter” Brees (48 pts, ranked 6^th) has been producing as projected and has 3 games with 12 points. After going through quarterbacks (Jeff “Cherry” Garcia, Matt “White” Cassel) like toilet paper, Jason Campbell “Soup” (28 pts) will get tested in Week 9 during Mr. Brees bye week.

 Running Backs (B): 5^th in RB scoring. Maurice “Hold the Phones”  Jones-Drew (30 pts) was a solid 1^st round pick and the Warriors have a knack for  drafting good rookies by taking Matt “Hold the” Forte (36 pts) with the 5^th pick. Drafting “Michael” DeAngelo Williams (24 pts) in the 4^th round was a stretch, but he has done better than expected. However, the Chris Perry “Project” was a failure as he managed to score only 12 points.

Receivers (F): Last in WR scoring, the Warriors have used almost every free agent pickup to improve this pathetic group, but nothing seems to work. Five NFL receivers have scored more points than these receivers combined. The only remaining drafted player, 3^rd round pick Marques “Invisible”  Colston (0 pts) has been injured since Week 1. Tony “The Chef” Scheffler (12 pts) and Anthony “Pasano” Fasano (12 pts) have also played sparingly due to a variety of bumps and bruises. Antonio “No Kobe” Bryant is leading the Bucs in receiving, but can’t cross the end zone. Antwaan “Can’t Handle” Randle-El (10 pts) is getting lost in the shuffle in Washington thanks to career years by Portis and Moss. It is pretty bad when Ike “No Like” Hilliard (18 pts) is your leading scorer.

Kickers (B): Tied for 3^rd in kicker scoring. Nate “Don’t Hate” Kaeding (56 pts) has had three games where he has scored 12 points. But he has also had two games where he had less than 4 points. Backup Rian Lindell (51 pts) has been a little more consistent, also scoring in double-digits in three games, but never scoring less than five points.

Defense/Special Teams (A): 1^st in D/ST scoring, the Warriors grabbed the same defenses he had last year, and it paid off. It is no surprise that the Chicago “Care” Bears (40 pts, ranked 1st) defense are near the top as usual, though scoring 18 points in Week 7 has helped them tremendously. Backup D/ST Carolina “Skinned” Panthers are nothing to write home about, but they have already matched last year’s season total of 12 points.

Overall (C): The Warriors put themselves in a hole by starting off the season 1-4, but they have won their last two games. It is hard to win in this league when your team is getting automatic zeroes in the WR slots. Especially if you play a receiver in the flex position. The Warriors are very strong in every other position, but if the receivers don’t wake up and pick in up in the second half, it could be another 8^th place finish and the Toilet Bowl for them.

 

 

 Benchwarmers (2-5): 

 

Quarterbacks (D):  For some strange reason, the Commish drafted the Headbutts QB combo from last year that only managed to score a “C” on their report card. Thus far, 2^nd round pick Peyton “I’m a hatin” Manning (32 pts, ranked 12^th) stock is falling from the 142 points he scored in 2007, and has only one game in double digits. David “Hit Hard” Garrard (22 pts) did give the Commish 10 points during Peyton’s bye week, but otherwise has been hiding in the Witness Protection Program.

 Running Backs (D):  8^th in RB scoring. After 1^st round pick Marion “The Mad” Barber (42 pts), this team’s got nothing. After scoring 48 points last year Willis “Nanny” McGahee (12 pts) has been hobbling all season and splitting carries with McClain and Rice. Rookie Darren “The Toe” McFadden (6 pts) has been suffering from a turf toe and the Commish doesn’t understand why he just doesn’t cut the toe off.  The only glimmering light might be free agent rookie Tim “Don’t Climb The” Hightower (30 pts), who hopefully will steal carries from The Edge and have a good 2^nd half.

Receivers (B+): 4^th in WR scoring. This average bunch of guys isn’t burning up the league, but are at least scoring periodically. 3^rd round pick Brandon “U.S.” Marshall (18 pts) scored three TD’s in the first four games, but hasn’t scored since. On the other end of the spectrum, 15^th round pick Bernard “Bar”Berrian (18 pts) did not score in the first four games, but has scored a TD in the last 3 games. My yearly gift from the Warriors, “Rowdy” Roddy White (18 pts) has also scored 3 TD’s in the last three games. Vincent “Rice” Jackson (18 pts) is nice to have in your lineup when Chris Chambers is injured. After being injured most of the year, Marvin “The Martian” Harrison (18 pts) is not yet scoring as frequently as previous years. After scoring 42 points last season, Torry “Lightning Bolt” Holt (6 pts) has been a major letdown.

Kickers (C+): 7th in K scoring. After scoring 131 points last season, Nick “Egg Yolk” Folk (45 pts) is not getting the field goal attempts like last season. Likewise for backup Neil “Nice” Rackers (43 pts), despite the Cardinals winning season.

Defense/Special Teams (F): Last in D/ST scoring. Two of the most dominating defenses in the last few seasons have choked. The New England “Clam Chowder” defense scored 50 points in 2007, but are one of two teams that have yet failed to score this season. The Pittsburgh “Purse” Steelers (6 pts) had 34 points last season, and have scored only one time, in Week 4.

Overall (D): This team is pathetic. The Commish took some gambles on draft day and they are not panning out. The Benchwarmers are last in total points. Ironically, the Commish was 2-5 last year at this point and won the Super Bowl. But unless I get more gifts from George, the best the Commish can hope for is a Toilet Bowl victory and a high draft pick next year.

 

 Geeks on Call (2-5):

 

Quarterbacks (F): Last in the SFFL in QB scoring, ten quarterbacks have scored more points than both the Geeks QB’s combined. After scoring a total of 156 points between the two, injured Matt “Leave Pat Flat” Hasselbeck (8 pts) and part-time starter Marc “Booger” Bulger (12 points) have sucked big time. With nobody decent left on the free agent market, the Geeks could only make a slight improvement by picking up Trent “Half Bent” Edwards (20 pts) and Chad “Not all Bad” Pennington (24 pts).

 Running Backs (F):  Last in RB scoring. Probably the most disappointing player in the league this year is the overall #1 pick of the entire SFFL draft, LaDanian “Tumbling” Tomlinson (24 pts). He had 112 points last year and scored 24 pts in Week 6 alone. After scoring 42 points last season, Edgerrin “Takes the Blames” James (18 pts) is losing touches to Tim Hightower. Though we saw it coming, Deuce “Back of the Caboose” McAlister (6 pts) has not seen the field much thanks to the emergence of Reggie Bush. Free agent Sammy Morris “The Cat”  is just losing touches to injuries.

Receivers (A):  Tied for 1^st in WR scoring. 3^rd round pick Reggie “So Vain”Wayne (24 pts), Antonio “Pearly” Gates (24 pts), and Lavernues “Red Hot” Coles (24 pts) are all near the top in receiver scoring. On any given week, Donald “Designated” Driver (12 pts) and Steve “Sly” Smith (12 pts) are capable of a big game. Rookie DeShaun “Not a Pawn” Jackson (6 pts) in getting more involved in the Eagles offense as the season goes on.

Kickers (A): 1^st in K scoring. Basically took the kickers from the Warriors team last year and is riding high thus far. Ryan “Kickin It” Longwell (62 pts, ranked 1^st) has three games in double-digits and should easily surpass his 99 points scored from a year ago. Robbie “Solid” Gould (60 pts, ranked 3^rd) is a dependable kick that could be a starter on any other fantasy team (see Ned the Dog or Hoochie Mommy).

Defense/Special Teams (D): 9^th in D/ST scoring. The Dallas Cowboys (6 pts) and the Seattle Seahawks (6 pts) scored their one paltry TD in the same week (Week 2). After combing for 62 points last season, it is time to put out the “Help Wanted” signs.

Overall (D): This team is puzzling. First in receiver and kicker scoring, and near or at the bottom in every other category. After starting the season 2-2, the Geeks have lost their last three games. Unless Tomlinson starts regaining his form of yester years, it will be difficult for this team to get their third straight winning season.

 

 

    Ned the Dog (2-5):

 

Quarterbacks (B): Though spoiled with Tom Brady last year, the Dogs still have two solid, yet inconsistent QB’s to choose from. Ben “Evel Knevel” Roethlisberger (36 pts, ranked 11^th) is nowhere near his 140 points from last year, but still has scored at least 8 points in 3 games. 13^th round pick Matt “Day Job” Schaub (40 pts, ranked 8^th) has scored double digits in 3 games, but came up missing in two other games. Third in QB scoring, Pete must have a hard time deciding who to start every week. 3^rd in QB scoring.

 Running Backs (A):  Tied for 3^rd in RB scoring. This team seems to score in bunches, especially the bench. 5^th round pick Michael “Afterburner” Turner (36 pts) was a nice pickup, though he has cooled down from his 5 TD’s in the first 3 games of the season. 15^th round pick Ronnie “Big Town” Brown (46 pts) seems to have recovered fully from his injury last year, and scored an amazing 28 points in Week 3. Unfortunately, he was on Ned’s bench. 1^st round pick Steven “Little Action” Jackson (24 pts) has spent more time on the sidelines than on the field, but he did score 18 points in Week 7-on Ned’s bench. 8^th round pick “Orange” Julius Jones (12 pts) won the starting job out of the gates, but now seems to be a backup (again) to Maurice Morris.

Receivers (B+):  2^nd in WR scoring. Though this group is underachieving compared to last year, there are other fantasy teams that are drooling to get their hands on some of these players. Hines “Mental” Ward (30 pts) has regained his spot as being the top receiver in Steel Town. After starting off slowly, Lee”Bob”  Evans (18 pts) and Andre “The Giant” Johnson (12 pts) are starting to heat up. If Carson Palmer gets healthy again, Chad “Makes you Mad” Johnson (12 pts) could start scoring. Derrick “Free” Mason (6 pts) is the Ravens leading receiver, but it is usually the backs doing the scoring. The biggest disappointment has been Braylon “The Barbarian” Edwards (12 pts), who scored 96 points last year, but afraid of the ball this year.

Kickers (D): 9^th in K scoring. Nothing like having the kickers to the two winless teams in the NFL to bring your report card down.  Shayne Graham “Cracker” (32 pts) missed two games to injury (How do kickers get hurt?), but no way he comes even close to being on pace to match the 130 points in scored in 2007. Likewise, Jason “Haunted Mansion” Hanson (33 pts) will not equal the 122 points he scored in 2007 thanks to the Lions feeble offense.

Defense/Special Teams (D): 8^th in D/ST scoring. The top defense in 2007 with 62 points, the Minnesota “Yellow Stockings” Vikings have scored only 14 points this year. The Detroit Lion “Cubs” are not much of a backup as they have a mere 4 points this year.

Overall (D): Usually a team this strong in six of the eight positions (QB, RB, WR) is on the top of the standings. After all, Ned is 3^rd in total points scored. But here is the kicker (pun intended): The Dogs lead the league in bench points. Though sometimes it can’t be helped, they left 51 and 47 points on the bench in two weeks. With six solid starting receivers, here is Dr. Commish’s  prescription: 1) call in lineups and make sure nobody has a bye week; 2) trade some of those good WR’s to other fantasy teams for say, a top kicker, defense/special team, or another position; 3) just Win.