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| It was September, I was 33 and I NEEDED a party. I had been tryin to be a better Dad, my relationship with the kids was better,BUT, I needed a party! I got my pay check, called a few friends and told them to meet me and come prepared because I needed to cut loose.We met at my favourite strip joint( I think I might have died that night, I was prepared to put as much poison into me as I could get ahold of , just to catch up.) As we partied , I had 6 or7 whiskys and was watchin the girls,and as I sat there with the smoke and the booze and the drugs and the music and the nakedness,,,I noticed I was quickly falling away from everything I had been working towards all summer. All around me I noticed a lack of control, everything was out of control and I was not able to control it .How strange! I thought of all the things I thought were important as a child and saw I had none of them but the "Adult" things. I realized that I was just doing what I always did..I remembered someone sayin once that " if you keep doin what your doin , you'll keep gettin what your gettin" I didn't like what I was gettin anymore,, for some reason. I thought all I was good at was screwing up peoples lives.All I can do is screw up my life.I also had no love, no real direction and mostly no peace.I forgot for a moment who and where I was and all of a sudden thought of Jesus and what I had heard of him.I thought of how out of control my personal life was.I didn't want to drive my life any more because I keep going in circles.Its just too friggin hard!!!"Why cant somebody else drive"???? Then it came to me! "I DO NEED JESUS''.!!! Right there in the strip joint, amongst the strippers, the booze, the laughin and all my friends ,I stood up and said" I dont need this garbage,I DO need JESUS!!" I ran outta that place like my boots were on fire and I was bawllin like a baby, the realization just opened the floodgates and I felt lighter ,like I was about to lose a great weight,heading for something totally in control but unbelievable. I jumped in a cab and went home.I m sure the cabbie wasn't sure what to make of this longhaired, bearded, leather wearin crybaby runnin out of a bar talkin about jesus and home..I cried the whole twenty minutes home and the guy never took my money, just took right off!! Anyway,I ran upstairs to my apartment and I hit my knees,I couldn't get down low enough for the way I felt.I remembered hearing that I could tell JESUS I was sorry for all my sins and he would forgive me.I cried and talked for hours and I felt him there as if right beside me,the more I confessed the lighter the weight on my shoulders, and when I could think no more I remembered I had heard that jesus was standing ,waiting ,with arms wide open waiting for me to turn to him.And I did,I accepted jesus into my heart,into the drivers seat and I don't doubt for one second if that was true because he wrapped his arms around me and held me and I felt warmer and more secure and at PEACE at that moment than I had felt in my entire life. I woke the next morning and wanted to tell everyone about GOD.He took control of my life and changed it.He was in the drivers seat,He drove me away from drugs and alcohol and drove me to church and a church family,He drove me back to school , he drove me to christian "Brothers" that dont provide me with drugs or booze but patience ,guidance, love, support and real friendship.God gave me a new life, a new relationship with my family, a new marriage to my ex,ex wife Sue,and new eyes to see the truth in life.I see life differantly now and the only high I have now is on JESUS CHRIST ,my Lord and savior!!!What an awesome,awesome GOD! Thank you for reading my testimony God Bless You Dan Howard |
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