If you are considering measures to stop or limit unwanted interference in visitation, asserting your rights to know what is occurring with your children's education and health care or trying to get the custodial parent to actually spend child support money on the kids and not themselves, the options are few, costly ($10,000+) and usually not successful. At best your hope is for a moral victory where the Judge or Master verbally chastises the mother but does not issue a written ruling against her.

The reason for the reluctance of Judges and Masters to hold custodial parents accountable for their actions is two fold. One, as a matter of public policy, i.e. the stereotypes of men and women's abilities to care for children is well entrenched in the legal system. For all the promises of equal treatment under law guaranteed by the Constitution, equality and Best Interest of the Children Standard, the perceived notions of those who administer the legal system is the lens in which they view the world. To summarize this public policy, "the only viable single parent is a woman." This is blatantly obvious by the overwhelming number of physical custody awards to women over men even in joint custody awards. It becomes even more blatant when one observes the reasons for those men who do receive custody, normally they only do so because the women in those cases have either abandoned the family, i.e. left both the husband and children or have severe drug and alcohol problems or are in jail. Even more ridiculous is when these very women decide at a later date to obtain custody of the children, the court doesn't have a problem with changing custody from the father. In other words, the question was not about the male's fitness to be a parent, but that there was no one else (woman) qualified to be a parent. The male only receives custody through default. The second reason, which may be more of an excuse for the first is the perceived revenge response of men by the legal system in retaliatory filings against women who win their cases. This perceived response of revenge is ascribed to all second filings usually by men to complain and counter the legal maneuvers of women.

In attempting to bring contempt charges against custodial parents, their are major barriers. The first major barrier is that of credibility, anyone can make an accusation, however, as a male non custodial parent (NCP), documented proof is essential to show the existence of violations of the court order. As a female, this burden of proof is not necessary, she needs only to make an accusation based on the stereotype of men. When dealing with a controlling custodial parent you will get frequent attempts by her claiming miscommunication as the reason why the kids aren't available. Normally the Judge or the Master will accept her excuse. Your lawyer must continue to drive the point to the Judge and the Master that any excuse offered by the custodial parent is a defacto admission that the incident occurred.

The second barrier is even if it can be documented that the custodial parent did in fact violate the court order, the male accuser must also show intent/motive. He must prove "Willful Intent" of the custodial parent to violate the court order. Most reasonable people would think when a pattern of behavior is shown by repeated similar acts that this in and of itself would demonstrate a person's intent, however, this is not the case. The custodial parent must clearly state that they know they are unilaterally setting aside the custody order over the objections of the NCP. The only way to do this is via written correspondence or witness(es). That witness can not be your current spouse if you remarried. Even with written correspondence such as email, this may not be enough to satisfy the judge or master. Your lawyer needs to file a written protest with her lawyer each and every time an incident occurs and of course her lawyer will respond making excuses, denying the incident or claim you are making false accusations. The most important point for your lawyer to convey in these letters is to remind them of the court orders stated requirements of both parties, demand that the behavior not occur again and reference the previous incident if it repeats in the next protest letter. These letters will become part of the case to pursue a Contempt of Court hearing or an Emergency Hearing to demonstrate Willful Intent.

The other forms of documentation is that of a police report asking the police to help enforce the court order. Make sure that the incident in question is after business hours of the court, otherwise the judge or master will dismiss your calling the police as putting the kids in the middle and harassment of the custodial parent. Which brings us to Emergency Court Orders before the Duty Judge during business hours. Emergency Orders are just that, an emergency, i.e. an immanent threat to the welfare of the child. Just because the custodial parent withholds visitation or takes the child out of state, the court will not consider this an emergency.

If the custodial parent has been previously "ordered" by a judge to obey the custody order, a continuing pattern of behavior will then be seen as "Willful Intent." The most effective incidents will involve the custodial parent not having the children available when you go on vacation or for a long holiday such as Christmas and Easter Breaks from school. It is important to put prior agreed upon specific dates and times in writing. It is important to determine as soon as possible if she is going to cooperate in having the kids available for pick up. Typically, not having the kids available by the custodial parent is a form of baiting or punishing the NCP. Do not yell, raise your voice or make any hand motions that in any way could be used against you in court. Always stay beyond arm's length reach in face to face conversations. If she moves toward you, step back and keep stepping back as long as she advances. Tell her you disagree with her reasons, that she had agreed in writing for the exchange and that you had plans for the kid's time with you. Then promptly leave, do not accept alternative arrangements otherwise you "condone" her actions and have no basis for a complaint. Call the police immediately, bring over your written agreement to show the police.

If the Master's decision is not favorable for the Contempt Hearing, you have the right to Appeal to the Family Law Circuit Court Judge. The cost is minimal, since only the evidence previously presented will be considered and only the lawyers will be making their case based on specific "exceptions" to the Master's ruling. You have only 10 days from the reading of the Master's decision to appeal, so take notes during the reading of the decision on any inconsistencies of a factual nature that the Master based that decision. Remember, for the contempt ruling to occur, there must be "Willful Intent" shown.

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