People's actions are consistent with their character. People of good character are consistent about how they treat others, they treat everyone with respect unless there is a clear cut reason to do otherwise. People of bad character are not consistent how they treat others, they treat certain people better than all others based on their utility. People of bad character use others for personal benefit, whereas people of good character benefit others as much as they do for themselves. People of bad character deliberately choose a relationship based on their personal hidden agenda, people of good character choose relationships with anyone who is willing to reciprocate without ulterior motives. When a person does something bad, whether it is an error in judgment or a mistake vs. an act of character, is determined by how the person handles the consequences. A person of good character accepts responsibility and all that it entails vs. a person of bad character will not accept responsibility, make excuses and blame others.

Red Flags of Bad Character

1. Maturity - Does this person generally rejoice at the accomplishments of others or do they belittle and minimize? Are their own accomplishments more important in their own eyes than reality would indicate? Do they acknowledge their own faults or do they blame others? Do they take personal responsibility for mistakes or do they make excuses in order to seemly repeat the action in the future. Personal responsibility does not necessarily mean being solely guilty or having total culpability, it does mean acknowledging if they had done something different they would have avoided the situation and would do otherwise in the future (gross negligence vs. negligence.) Does this person sacrifice the long term good for the short term gain (self indulgent)?

2. Self Esteem - Do they have low self worth? Do they see themselves as a survivor and a contributor or a victim in need of continual support. A person with low self worth sees themselves as a victim, has little respect for themselves and as a result very little for others. A person of low self esteem does not believe they can realistically be consistent, personal standards are relative based on the circumstances. A person of low self esteem does not understand the difference between "acting" and being "real", the difference is consistency. They do not maintain consistent high standards of ethical and moral conduct for themselves. They are jealous of those who maintain personal standards of conduct. They tend to over idealize one individual with whom they don't have a personal relationship. When they do get into a relationship with that person, whom they set up on a pedestal, they very quickly begin to demonize or vilify and find fault in order to bring them down to their own level.

3. Commitment - Is it mutual, does this other person truly invest as much as you do in the relationship, or do you find yourself repeatedly making excuses and discounting the "red flags" as individual exceptions? Do you find they are making an effort to contribute as much monetarily or are they making excuses claiming lack of income? Do they make the effort to get a better paying job or just get some else to pay? Does this person become resentful when they find themselves giving or contributing more than you at any point? Does this person make a big deal out of doing something for you as though they were sacrificing, when you regularly do things for them?

4. Honesty - When this person shares personal stories, is it about others or themselves? Are the personal stories negative about themselves or others. Do they tell the truth even when it may have negative consequences for themselves or do they cover up their faults, blame others for the negative consequences? Are their stories ones of revealing personal confidence or relating what was heard from others? Does this person share as much about themselves as you do or are they keeping secrets or withholding pertinent information?

5. Other Centered (Golden Rule) - Do they view their actions in terms of how it impacts others beyond themselves or is their world view strictly how it affect themselves in the short term. Do they regularly act without regard to the negative consequences on others? Do they show remorse if their actions hurt someone and in response give back or make restitution?

6. Common Religious Beliefs - Morality does dictate theology. Is their conduct consistent with what they espouse? Or do they have a double standard, one for themselves and a higher one for all others? Is their strength of belief based on their conduct or what they approve of or is their conduct a reflection of their belief?

7. Common Philosophy of Life - Are they telling you just what you want to hear or do they disagree with anything you have to say? No one completely agrees with anyone. Do they focus obsessively on the externals such as clothes, cars, possessions, straightness of teeth, grooming in order to present an image? The other extreme, do you find yourself walking on eggshells, obsessing over making a mistake that may start another argument or disagreement with this person?

8. Integrity - Does this person return items when they borrow without being reminded or do you have to ask repeatedly, get numerous excuses or a guilt trip about why they should continue to use the item or keep it because they claim the person who lent has sufficient resources. Does this person believe they are entitled to have or take things they did not pay for or earn through a mutually agreed upon process? Do they repeatedly set up circumstances where they receive the benefit of an agreement first and then when it comes time for them to fulfill their agreement they make excuses and delay? Do they use last minute circumstances to not allow you to fully consider your options for the decision they want you to make? Do they make promises or representations to do something if you do something for them first? Are these promises or representations greater than what they are asking in order to induce you into something you ordinarily wouldn't do?

9. Expectations Clearly Stated - Do they have hidden personal agendas? Do you find there are other reasons for actions not immediately obvious or first clearly stated. Are there windfall benefits not revealed at the beginning from certain decisions and actions that you were talked or convinced into going along. Do they tend to gloss over and vaguely word things on items they know you might object? Are they evasive when you press for details, never really answering the question?

10. Openness - Are you able to share family, friends and acquaintances without the other person considering them as competing for your time? Does this person insist on a mutually exclusive relationship with you to the point they complain whenever you spend time with other loved ones such as parents, siblings, cousins, children or friends? Do you find yourself over time inexplicably not seeing other people as you once did? When attempting to talk with other people you use to talk allot, you find them strangely aloof or distant? When you finally do get them to talk you find that your partner has said something very negative concerning you that they believe?

11. Lifestyle - Is it sustainable? Do their activities fall within their incomes on a regular basis or do they frequently get other people to support their activities? Have they declared bankruptcy, skipped out on apartments with back rent due, frequently moving car(s) to forestall repossession? Are we talking about one excuse or a litany of excuses? Do they engage in negative lifestyles with negative long term consequences such as adultery, drug abuse, alcohol consumption to the point of drunkenness, multiple sex partners, serial dating or numerous very short term personal relationships, foul language when things don't go their way,

12. Past Family History Examined - Does this person have a troubled childhood? Divorce, molestation, truancy, abuse, juvenile criminal activity, alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. While these may be an indicator of possible future problems, how does this person view their troubled childhood? A victim or survivor? Does this person acknowledge that they have bad habits in themselves and need to unlearn the behavior? We learn from our parents, we go with what we know. What they see as normal, may not be normal to us.

13. Views of various groups - While generalities are deceptive of true circumstances since a generality discounts individual response of character, they at least can be a starting point to identify a red flag. Do they demonize any particular group due to a bad personal experience? Negative experiences with people of different groups, i.e. race, gender, age, nationality, region, etc. When a person obsesses about a certain group, especially in jest, making a group the target of humorous jokes and stories, it is an indication of their lack of respect for others and ultimately their own low self worth. Do they elevate generalities to the level of truth and dismiss non-stereotypical conduct as an exception? e.g. He is sensitive for a man; she is logical for a woman; he is messy for an Asian, he is family oriented for a black man, etc.

14. What is Truth? Line of Argument or All the Facts. The best lies are those told with the facts. Does this person believe that truth is the desired perception or the sum of all the facts, even when those facts that are not convenient? Do you find upon further questioning, that all the relevant facts have not been told so as to give a different conclusion? Does this person act in a lawyerly or deceptive manner when all the facts are revealed indicating a different conclusion as to what you were lead to believe? Does this person continue to insist upon a blanket statement even when previously confronted with contradictory facts? Does this person lie with a straight face? Does this person exaggerate negative claims about others? Does this person frequently use the excuse there was a "misunderstanding or miscommunication" when confronted with the facts that are contrary to their statements?