Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, nor am I making any money off of this pointless and stupid story.
Summary: Some bloopers (as if this game was being filmed) and alternate scenes of the three games. I tried my hardest not to spoil any of the plot twists for those of you who may have not played one of these games. Enjoy!
And...BEGIN!
*at Freedom Memorial, Gabriel Logan and Anton Girdeaux have a conversation*
Take One:
Anton: Gabriel Logan...always the optimeest! *hops down off the statue and slips on something leaking out of his backpack*
Gabe: Your pack's leaking...*points to the stuff dribbling out of his the Frenchie's pack*
Anton: Ack! Shut up and help me up, you imbecile! *looks like an overturned turtle*
Take Two:
Anton: Gabriel Logan...always the...*forgets his line* Uh...non-pesimeest!
Gabe: *going along for the heck of it* Yes. Yes indeed. I am so non-pessimistic, you wouldn't believe it.
Anton: Uh-huh. *nods vigorously and his visor of his helmet clamps down over his face* Ack! Can I get a cut here! That hurt...
Director: Whatever. Cut.
*At the PHARCOM warehouses, during the heated battle of blue guys versus white guys*
Blue Soldier: This is pointless! Why don't we just resolve our differences and live peacefully?
White Soldier: I agree. Let us lay down our weapons and make peace.
*Gabe bursts out laughing from behind a crate he was hiding behind*
W.Soldier: What's your problem, pal?
Gabe: I thought you said make love, instead of make peace! *falls over and triggers his grenade launcher, destroying a nearby building.* Whoops...
*At the PHARCOM reception, just before Gabe goes to follow Phagan around the building*
Lian: There goes Phagan. He's heading for the Stonehenge exhibit, Gabe. Gabe?
*Gabe is passed out on the floor, a wine glass in his hands.*
Lian: Dear God! He's been poisoned!
Gabe: *waking up, slowly* Huh? Wha...? Did someone call me? Have we started shooting?
Director: Who hired this guy? Cut!
*At the Dino-Rama exhibit, Aramov and Phagan are having a nice little chat*
Director: ACTION!
Phagan: So, you free this weekend?
Aramov: *snorts* Why would I go anywhere with you?
Phagan: C'mon! Lower your standards a bit! I did... *SLAP*OW! Huh? We've started filming?
*In Washington, D.C., Gabe fends off the attacks of terrorists while a C.B.D.C. agent tries to diffuse a bomb*
Agent: Cover me! *begins working on the bomb*
Gabe: Pssh. Whatever, pal. *kicks the plastic prop across the bank, hitting a terrorist in the chest*
Agent: GAH!! You've killed us all!
*Gabe looks at the director and frowns*
Director: He takes his role seriously. Cut!
*In Washington Park, Gabe chases Marcos around in the hedge maze*
Gabe: *holding his shotgun in one hand* Where'd he go? Marcos! I won't hurt you if you come out! *pumps his shotgun*
Marcos: Liar! You're gonna kill me!
Gabe: You have no proof... *blows away a terrorist*
Marcos: Eep! He's gonna kill me!
Director: Those are blanks in that gun...right?
Gabe: *blows away another terrorist* I have candy!
Marcos: *stops running* Candy?
Director: No! Don't go Marcos! He doesn't -- *Bang!* *splat* ...have candy. *dials up on his cell phone* We're going to have to hold auditions for a new Marcos...
SYPHON FILTER 2
*At the Crash Site of the plane, Archer escapes on a helicopter while Gabe tries to snipe him*
Archer: Uh-oh...*slips and gets his leg caught on the helicopter. He hangs upside down as the chopper flies through the smoky air*
Gabe: Muhahaha! I wish Lian could see this! *takes careful aim*
Archer: *bullets ricocheting around him* I'll get you for this! Call a cut!!
Director: *snoring loudly*
*At Club 32, Lian goes to meet Gregorov*
*Gregorov walks onto the dance floor and starts breakdancing. People cheer him on, while Lian watches from the balcony above, her head in her hands.*
Lian: How did I get caught up with these people?
*The Colorado Train Ride; Gabe stands on the locomotive, talking to Lian*
Gabe: This train isn't going to stop in time! *stands on the front of the train as if it were a surfboard* Woohoo! Hang ten! Lian! You should try this!
Lian: Gabe! I'm trying to save your life! *coughs into the microphone*
Gabe: Eww...Gross. Lian, you gotta quit smoking.
Director: That wasn't dramatic at all...
*The final fight with Unit One (name left strictly anonymous so all of you who have not played will not get the ending spoiled), Gabe runs around the parking lot, hefting his UAS-12*
Unit One: You can't stop me Logan! Nyah nyah nyah! *flies back as a bullet from Gabe's gun slams into his chest* OW! Damn that stung. You'll pay for that!
Gabe: Oh!I'm so scared of the man in his indestructible armor! Oh wait...I should be... *hides behind the helicopter*
Unit One: Come out and fight you big sissy!
Director: C'mon! This is supposed to be serious!
Gabe: *hopping over the dead body of another unnamed person, running into the parking lot booth* Betcha can't hit me!
Unit One: *tosses a grenade* Eat that!
Gabe: You cheat! *runs from the explosion*
Director: Guys! We have a script! *holds it up and gets it shot out of his hand* Logan! You get a pay cut!
Unit One: *stops running* Did he say cut?
*In the darkened tunnels of the Colorado Highway Tunnel, Gabe sneaks around with his nightvision goggles*
Gabe: *obviously very bored* The wheels on the bus go round and round...*kills a spook* ...round and round... *throws a grenade* ...round and round. *blasts a spook's head off with his shotgun*
Director: Maybe all we need is a sound edit...
Gabe: Gabe and Lian sittin' in a tree, f-u-c--
Director: CUT!!
Director's Assistant: I had no idea...
*In that dumpy trailer Teresa owns, Gabe, Lian and Teresa sketch a plan on what to do next*
Lian: Do you trust this Mujari?
Teresa: With my life. He's responsible for that serum you're taking now.
Gabe: *in his sandpapery voice* I'm relieved to hear that...already tested, huh?
*The women glare at him*
Director: I hope Konami doesn't find out you said that. You want to get sued, Mr. Logan?
Gabe: But Snake is my hero...
*It's a Deathmatch game! Set in The Surreal, Lian and Dr. Elsa Weissinger fight to the death to claim Gabriel's heart*
Lian: I'll scratch your eyes out! *fires her .45 in the general direction of the good doctor, but misses*
Elsa: I'd like to see you try! *fires off a few rounds from her shotgun, but also misses*
Gabe: *watching nearby* Man, these chicks can't anything. *yells* You're fighting for ME!! Fight dirty! Take off your clothes if you must! *gets blown up by a grenade*
Director: He can't always win...
SYPHON FILTER 3
*In the senate building, Gabe sneaks into the bathroom to hear two terrorists talking while relieving themselves*
Terrorist #1: Didja hear about that new spy game that's coming out next year?
Terrorist #2: I hate those games. They're never like the real thing.
Gabe: Are you talking about Syphon Filter 4?
Director: Shut up! You're not supposed to know about that!
*In the Cargo Plane, Rhoemer and Gabe blast at each other with automatic shotguns*
Rhoemer: Give up Logan!
Gabe: Pssh. Forget that. *shoots again and misses* My aim is totally off today...
Rhoemer: Probably because you are drunk!
Gabe: That might have something to do with it... *fires again and hits Rhoemer square in the chest, sending him flying out the open cargo door*
Rhoemer: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! *pulls his ripcord for his parachute*
Gabe: *decides to aerate that parachute by putting a few holes in it with is 9mm* Have a nice trip Rhoemer!
Rhoemer: This will effect the outcome of the game! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! *splat*
*On the terrorist train with Mara Aramov, who is holding a hostage, Gabe tries to think of a plan*
Mara: Looks like your aim still sucks Logan.
Gabe: Hey! I'm the one who got a head shot on you in the DC Subway way-back-when...
Director: That's not in the script...
Assistant: I wasn't even sure this game HAD a script...did you write the ending? *waves hand in front of his face* Pee-You!
*The director scowls, but says nothing*
*Gabe climbs on top of the subway and prowls around with his AU-300*
Mara: Hey...Where'd you go? *breaks out of character and talks in a New York accent* He's not where he's supposed to be!
Director: No wonder we went through three Aramovs in three games...
*Playing in a Deathmatch game set in Paradise Ridge, Ninja Gabe and the Bag Lady duke it out to see who is more powerful, once and for all...*
Bag Lady: Why didn't you help me across the road?!?
Gabe: Dammit lady, we went through this before.... You're too damn ugly!
Bag Lady: You'll pay for that! *launches a volley of grenades at Gabe with her M-79*
Gabe: EEP!! *runs off the ledge he was standing on, diving for cover. His ninja suit gets singed*
Bag Lady: Now who is more powerful?
Director: *lecturing Gabe on what to do next, since the mini-game isn't integral to the plot* Use the MIL-15 shotgun! It's sitting in the corner!
Gabe: Tell the whole world, why don't you? *dives for the gun, but is torn apart by the Bag Lady's incendiary grenade*
Assistant: I'll call for a janitor, sir.
