Don’t Leave Me

Stronger Than You

By Ann

Things around her haven't changed much
It's all pretty much the same stuff day after day
The only thing that keeps me going
Seems to be our baby girl I'm trying to raise
She's my life, my morning angel
Always seems to find the rainbow after the rain
Lately she's so busy growing
I don't even think she knows you've gone away

I held her small hand as we walked through the neatly trimmed grass. The sky was a bleak-gray color and the clouds threatened rain. But we came today, just as we have every Sunday since it happened. I sat in the grass in the same spot I did every week, and she silently sat on my lap. We were there for several minutes before she spoke.

"Mommy?" She said, looking up at me.

"Yes?" I said back.

"Where's Daddy?" She asked me, her curious blue eyes questioning me. She had your eyes, and sometimes when she smiled I could see you in her.

"He went to heaven, Baby." I answered.

She finally learned to say goodbye
She's sleeping through the night
She don't wake up crying
And she's walking on her own
She don't need no one holding to her hand
And I hate to admit she's stronger than I am

"What's heaven like?" She asked after a moment.

"It's beautiful, and everyone is happy there." I told her.

"Why did Daddy go there?" She asked softly.

"Because God decided it was time. He didn't want to go, he wanted to stay here with you and me. But he went to heaven and watches us now." I said, trying my best not to cry.

"I miss him." She whispered. I kissed her cheek softly.

"I do too." I said back to her. She stood up and touched a rose on the gravestone.

She ain't cracking under pressure
First one step then another she goes along
If she falls and skins her knee
She cries awhile and smiles at me and just goes on

"Does he know I am here?" She asked, looking up toward the sky. I nodded. She sat back down on my lap. "Can I talk to him?"

"Yes." I answered. She held my hand for a moment then she spoke.

"Daddy I love you. We miss you. I wish you were here with me and Mommy. Mommy tries to be strong, but I know she misses you alot." She said, and I watched her in awe. "I rode my bike without training wheels yesterday. I hope you are proud of me." She told you, and looked back at me. "Do you want to talk to him, Mommy?" She asked and I nodded. I walked over by the stone, it felt cold and damp as I traced your name with my fingers.

So many things that she can teach me
Full of like and so completely innocent
She still says she loves her Daddy
Goes on just like nothing happened
Forgives and Forgets

"Brian, you should see our little girl. She is getting so big now, and doing so many things on her own. Your Mom says she is as rambunctous as you were. She is so smart, and so strong. Without her, I wouldn't have made it this far." I said, my voice fading away. I wiped the tears away from my cheeks. We sat there, completely quiet for a few moments. "I love you Bri." I said, and I felt a drop of rain fall on my arm. She took my hand, and we walked back to the car.

As we drove back home, I glanced at her as she slept peacefully next to me. It was late at night, I didn't realize we had been there so long. It was dark as I carried her into the house and in her bed. She reached out and found the teddy bear you had given her when she was born. I kissed her cheek, and she mumbled goodnight. She held the bear close to her as she drifted back to sleep. I closed her door and went into our room. Your favorite shirt was folded on top of a pile of clean clothes I hadn't put away yet. I undressed and put it on, along with a pair of your flannel pajama pants. I settled into bed. I could still smell you, feel you here with me. But your side of the bed remained empty. I shut off the lamp, hoping for sleep to come. I felt those familiar tears begin to flow, those ones that only came out at night. I wish you were her to hold me now. I wish I was stronger, and that I could let go. But I can't. And I will always love you.

She's just like her old man
Stronger than I am

Email Ann