Chapter 5:
Brotherhood
AJ's back with us! It's amazing what a break can do to change our
state of mind. Just a month ago, we were all in a it real deep because we
didn't know what was gonna happen with AJ... We were just praying that he'd be
well enough to come back.
This whole thing definitely provided us some time to sit back and
really get some perspective about our lives and what was important to us. I
mean, the press was all over us about tour dates and performing, in a way we
just had to take a stand and say, "You know what? That's not what we're
thinking about right now. AJ's health is most important and everything else is
secondary." I think it took the public by surprise a little bit. But it's
what needed to be said.
When we first
got AJ back, it was real scary. I mean, it was great seeing him and all, but we
knew he really shouldn't be back in his old environment and I for one could
tell it scared him to death, too.
Kev's been watching him like a hawk; well all of us have really,
but Kev's the most obvious about it. I can understand that. I mean, and I know
AJ's been through a lot, but I think also that we need to trust him. He was man
enough to come to us and say he needed to get help. Now he's back and we can
all see he's changed. Personally, I think we gotta respect him and his
decision. It's a thin line to walk but I think we oughta try.
Our first concert date back on the road, I noticed something
different about AJ when we were praying before we went onstage. He seemed, I
don't know, real peaceful, though I don't know if that's the right word or not.
He just seemed together.
"Hey, Rok?"
Well, imagine that. AJ's outside right now.
I shut my notebook and walked over to poke my
head out the door, and see what he wanted.
"Yeah?" I asked. He looked a bit nervous
and I invited him in, flopping down on one of the beds and motioning to the
other expectantly.
He sat, and watched to make sure the door was
all the way closed before he started to speak. "Hey Brian, I uh. Can I
talk to you? Serious?"
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sure. What's
up?"
He took his shades off and rubbed a hand over
his face before answering. "I don't know, I just...I need someone to talk
to." Looking away he continued quickly., "I just...had a
question..." he let the sentence hang, and eyed me briefly as if waiting
for permission.
"You know I'm an open book, bro."
"Okay...Well this is gonna sound weird as
all shit, but what's that song you were always singin' a while back? I'd always
walk by your room and hear you singin' it...even when I was just going out at
1:00, 2:00 in the morning...sounded kinda like a church song or
something?"
Silently, I racked my brain, trying to think of
what specific song he could've heard me sing. His "church song"
reference only narrowed the list slightly, since I know a number of those.
"It was about, like, all the stuff that
you were giving to God--passion, strength, pride--you know the one I mean,
Rok!"
And then it hit me. The song I had been singing
was a song that I had only heard once before myself. I had heard it in church
fairly recently, and I didn't even know it's real title, or who wrote it.
Nodding slowly, I started singing, just kinda waiting for him to acknowledge if
it sounded familiar or not.
“I give You my pride, I give You my strength
I give You my foolish desires.
I give You my passion, I give You all of my
heart
Knowing that they can't compare to You...”
I opened my eyes and saw AJ nodding slightly.
So I launched into the chorus.
Holy and broken; learning to stand on bended
knee!
I wanna be wrecked before You, Lord
Holy and broken; on my face before Your holy
throne!”
"Yeah, yeah! That's it! So how's the rest
go?"
"That's all I remember," I told him,
kinda sorry that I didn't know more. He never seemed overly excited about any
"church song" I sang before, so this was a little odd for me.
I stretched and glanced at the clock between
us. It said 2:19 a.m. I sighed and glanced over at Aje, who looked wide awake.
I guess some things die hard--I figured his embrace of the night life was one
of those things.
"So, ya doin' all right?" I couldn't
resist asking, especially when it was apparent he wasn't going anywhere.
He looked down and fidgeted with his shirt
before answering. "I don't know. It's some scary shit comin' back out here
after all that time in that little bubble, ya know? I wish the world was like
that out here."
"Seemed like a nice place," I
offered. I couldn't think of much else to say. I mean, what do you say to that?
"Brian, um, I guess the real reason I
wanted to come in here, is.... Well, you know I'm different now, right?"
AJ tucked an arm behind his head and waited.
"Of course you're different, you're
healthy now. And we're all proud of you for it." I said, feeling a little
uneasy that he needed this much reassurance.
"No, Rok, that's not how I mean. I mean,
like, with God and stuff..." his voice trailed off. "I figure with
you being so religious and all, it'd be the most obvious to you," he
looked disappointed.
It took a minute for stuff he was saying to
really register, and when it did I about busted with being so happy for him.
"Alex, that's awesome, man! When you were gone?"
"Yeah," he admitted. "I guess I
just wanted to let you know, because I think you get it more than the other
guys. I wanted to tell you so that you could know that this is how serious I am...about getting myself better, and about
staying better."
I walked over to him and slung an arm around
his shoulder. "Ya know, I know it's not the greatest situation that you're
even in right now--back on the road until tour's finished and all--but if you
need to talk, pray, whatever, I'm here."
"Thanks, bro."
I glanced at him, and in that split second, something
passed from him to me, and I understood.
Now, Alex truly was my brother.
The End