Chapter 20

As they expected, there were complications besides Nick’s desertion. Soon after Nick’s note was discovered, another obstacle was brought to light. The trinicerite and coglyceride had damaged many of Howie’s vital organs during their battles to control his body. So Brian and A.J. agreed to take him to St. Gabriella’s while Kevin stayed and tried to find Nick before he did something stupid.

“What did I do?” Howie asked quietly, studying the floor of A.J.’s BMW.

Brian glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. He took his gaze off the road and put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “Nick wasn’t thinking right, D. He didn’t mean what he did.”

From the backseat, A.J. piped in, “Yeah. We don’t know what he went through all that time.”

Howie nodded numbly. “Yeah, I guess.” He said nothing else for the rest of the drive to Gabriella.

When they reached the hospital and Brian and A.J. started to follow Howie and his doctor, Howie told them he would go alone. Slightly insulted and confused, his friends went to the waiting room. Once there, they sat in silence, sending the doorway bemused frowns every now and then.

“Any idea why we were shafted?” A.J. asked finally, cutting the silence.

Brian gave A.J. an annoyed look and returned to chewing his fingernails to the nubs.

A.J. sighed exasperatedly. “O-kay, won’t talk to you,” he muttered, looking away sharply.

Rolling his eyes to the ceiling wearily, Brian said, “I don’t know why Howie wanted to go by himself, A.J., but he’s probably got a reason.” He said this in a patronizing tone that made A.J. glare at him.

“Why are you being such an ass?” snapped A.J.

Brian’s scalding eyes shot to meet A.J.’s. “You sure you want to ask that, Alex? ‘Cause if you don’t, you shut the hell up,” he barked.

A.J.’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, Brian,” he said, deathly quiet. “We’ll do it your way. How ‘bout you tell me why you’re being such a dick and I’ll lay off, deal?”

Brian straightened his back, still glowering at A.J. “All right. For starters, I just spent a whole year worrying that one of my best friends – close enough to me to be my brother – was going to die any day. Howie had two heart attacks. Two. You didn’t have to hold him while he was unconscious, A.J.! You didn’t have to feel how lifeless he was! I thought he was dead, I really did. Then I had suspicions that one of my other friends could have tried to kill him! And then my best friend – my little brother – tells us he has bipolar and he tried to kill Howie. Now with all that, you’d think that was enough to fuck me up for the rest of my life, but NO! Just when I think nothing could possibly get worse, my best friend runs away! Runs away! I don’t know if he’s ever coming back, I don’t know where he is, and I don’t know how to help him! Does that qualify me for being an ass, Alex? Does it?”

A.J. studied Brian’s furious expression in awe. He hadn’t given much thought to the possibility of Brian having difficulty with the situations they had been thrust into. He had been too worried with his own welfare and Howie’s health to be concerned with much else.

“I’m sorry,” said A.J. softly. “I didn’t… I didn’t think…”

“That’s always been your problem, A.J.,” returned Brian, rubbing his eyes vehemently. “You never think before you say something.”

Left without a viable answer, A.J. fell silent and took to studying the paintings on the walls instead. He added snapping at Brian to his list of things in his life he wished had never happened. He picked his fingernails idly, unaware that very soon he would have to add something else to the list.

<~*~>

Kevin was willing to bet Nick’s cell was dead. Nick had left in a hurry, so it seemed, and even though most of his room was empty, he had left several vital things in his wake. His cell charger was one of them.

Every time Kevin dialed the number, he got the same message. “The party you are trying to call is unavailable…” He never heard the remainder of it. He always hung up before it could finish.

Nick was gone. Howie was sick. A.J. was a wreck. Brian was fraught. And Kevin had to take care of them all. Now more than ever they were stranded and alone and it was up to Kevin to bind them all together again. It would be more work than he would ever have in his life, more than he would have believed possible to undertake. He could not find Nick, nor cure Howie, and A.J. was only concerned with Howie’s health, but he could help Brian. Brian was struggling with a torrent of emotions he refused to let loose. That he could handle.

Kevin decided not to report Nick’s disappearance. He knew he was probably risking Nick’s health, but whatever reasons Nick had conjured up for leaving had to be respected if he ever expected Nick to trust him again. Nick’s mental and emotional state were at stake and if Kevin put them at risk, they would lose Nick altogether.

But without a disappearance to report, Kevin had nothing to do until the others came back. He could worry, but he decided against that. He could certainly find something more constructive to do than that.

So he turned to man’s modern best friend, the Internet.

He browsed Google, the web browser for a few minutes. He searched for sites dedicated to himself for a while until he became bored of the never-ceasing “I Luv Kevin!” “Thank Heaven 4 Kevin!” and “If u ever read this, Kevin, I luv u! Will u marry me?” homepages, he started searching for something more useful.

He didn’t know why but something about Nick’s words rubbed him the wrong way. It just didn’t click with him. So Kevin searched for a medical source. He received hundreds. At random he clicked a medical university in Texas. He typed in “bipolar” in their encyclopedia and clicked “Search”. As he was waiting, an IM message popped up on his screen.

            BackStreetGrl94: hey, are u Kevin Richardson?

Kevin cursed. He hated AOL sometimes. He ignored the message.

            BackStreetGrl94: heellloooo?

“Go away,” Kevin muttered, clicking the X at the upper right hand corner of the box angrily. “Go bother *N SYNC.”

            BackStreetGrl94: u type slow

“No shit.” Kevin Xed out of the box again. The page still hadn’t loaded completely. “Come on!” he snapped.

            BackStreetGrl94: sigh fine have it ur way. Is Nick there?

Kevin glared at the IM box. The nerve of this girl! “Get a frickin’ hobby,” Kevin growled. Usually he would have responded to the fan and chatted for a few minutes but he was stressed, tired and worried. He had no time for small talk with twelve year olds.

            BackStreetGrl94: I saw him on my block like 2 hrs ago

Kevin did a double take. The page had finished loading but he was suddenly very interested in the fan’s words. He typed rapidly.

            KSR1971: You saw Nick?

            BackStreetGrl94: oh NOW u wanna talk?

            KSR1971: Where did you see him?

            BackStreetGrl94: I dun wanna tell u anymore. Ur mean.

            KSR1971: Listen, I need to know where he is.

            BackStreetGrl94: is he like missing?

            KSR1971: No, I just need to know.

            BackStreetGrl94: yeah I saw him on my block

            KSR1971: You said that already. Where do you live?

            BackStreetGrl94: how do I noe its really u? U could be a poser

            KSR1971: Look, I’m busy and I need to finish something. Nick’s missing and we’re worried about him. Would you please just tell me where you saw him?

            BackStreetGrl94: wuteva. I live in florida

            KSR1971: Where?

            BackStreetGrl94: I can’t tell u that! U could be a stalker or sumthig

            KSR1971: You know what? I don’t have time for this

He gave her a few minutes to stop him, but she didn’t send anything more. Frustrated, he turned his Away Message on. He didn’t have the patience to deal with some twelve-year-old claiming she knew where Nick was.

The page had finished loading at last, and Kevin began his research. Bipolar, he read, was a very serious disease that caused serious mood swings from hyper and active to depressed and moody. Kevin clicked his tongue impatiently. Nick was like that all the time! He needed something tangible to base Nick’s story on. It was all too strange. Why would Nick leave? If his story were true he would have stayed to prove it. It wasn’t like him at all.

Twenty minutes later loaded Kevin with a heap of unimportant rubbish about medication for bipolar and message boards victims and their families could go to for support. All his information said nothing about various personalities… All in all, Kevin learned nothing about the disease except that it was comparable to the mood swings of a woman during that time of the month. Nothing about split personalities… Had Nick lied?

Just as Kevin tore the phone cord from his laptop in exasperation, a loud slam erupted throughout the otherwise empty house. Footsteps pounded on the staircase and just as Kevin turned in his chair, A.J. appeared in the doorway to his room, face flushed and sunglasses held shaking in one hand.

Kevin stood immediately, brought to worry by the look of fear in A.J.’s eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked instantly.

A.J. pointed weakly to the door. “He…he…”

Kevin gripped A.J. by the shoulders, frowning. “What? What’s wrong, Alex?”

A.J. choked on some invisible lump in his throat. “Nick poisoned him! The bastard was lying! The antidote wasn’t coglyceride…” He forced in a quavering breath. “It was… It was rat poison. He mixed it with the coglyceride. He knew all along!”

Kevin frowned. “What are you saying?” he said in a low tone.

Setting his eyes directly on Kevin’s, A.J. growled slowly, “Nick was acting, Kevin. He poisoned Howie with rat poison. He only mixed in the coglyceride to slow things down! You wanna know why he left?” Here he gave a brutal, humorless laugh. “Because he didn’t want to be around for the trial.”

“You’re not making any sense, A.J.,” Kevin said impatiently. His fingertips dug into A.J.’s shoulders tensely.

“You gave him rat poison, Kevin!” yelled A.J. He was shaking violently by now, his hands wringing his sunglasses as if they were rags. “Can’t you see? Nick planned all this! By claiming to be crazy, what he did wasn’t lawfully wrong! The courts won’t see him at fault! You were the one that actually gave Howie the rat poison! If he dies, you’ll be put in prison for manslaughter!” A.J. shook his head, his eyes beginning to water. “Kevin, Howie’s… Howie… He’s going to… For real this time…!” He hung his head and started to cry.

And though Kevin didn’t ask questions before or after he drew A.J. into a tight, reassuring hug, he felt a pit of lead embed itself in his throat. Nick had finally proved his worth as an actor and an intellectual. He was a genius. He had made his band mates believe him and trust him again even after they had revealed his intentions of killing Howie. Nick wasn’t bipolar. Nick really was crazy.

Kevin’s eyes snapped open as something else dawned on him. Howie was still alive…and Nick was gone.