Chapter 3:

 

Awkward Silences

The next day I was sure to be at the studio early. I got there almost thirty minutes before everyone else. Once the boys streamed in, I sat in the corner and became a silent observer. I was curious how long it would take any of them to acknowledge that I was there. I watched as Kevin came in with muffin in one hand and coffee in the other, closely followed by Brian. A.J. was the next one to enter followed by Howie. I watched as Howie and J exchanged warm hugs and couldn't help but smile only because the old J would never let you be that touchy feely with him. I watched as Kevin and Brian laughed about something that happened at their get together last night, and I watched as the four of them stood around the catered table joking, and talking. They all looked so natural together. I felt as if I was invading their space.

I was broken out of my thoughts by Howie.

"How long have you been sitting there kid?"

"Yeah Nick, why are you in the corner are you in trouble or something?" Of course J had to get his two cents in. I suddenly felt all eyes on me. I didn't like it.

"Sorry, I got here early and am just zoning out."

"Well, that's a new one, Nick zoning out huh?" Kevin said as he chuckled under his breath and went back to eating his muffin.

Now that my hiding place was discovered, I decided to get up and try to reacquaint myself with the four guys I admired so much. I picked up the bag I had brought and made my way over to A.J.

"Hi J, I brought you something" A.J. turned to me and gave me a strange look before noticing that I was holding a gift bag.

"Woah dude what's this for?"

"Your anniversary J.Congrats on being sober for a year. I'm sorry I missed the party." I then handed the bag to him and gave him a hug. I was a little relieved when I felt the hug returned. I bought him a great cowboy hat I found while I was in Sweden, I knew it would be perfect for him. He took it out of the bag, placed it on his head and gave me a smile.

"How does it look? Do I look like a pimp daddy?"

I laughed "Yeah J, you look like a pimp daddy" I then slowly made my way over to Brian. "Hey Brian how's things?" He looked up at me and then quickly looked down again avoiding eye contact completely.

"Good, how about with you?"

"Great" then there it was for the first time in the almost ten years that I had known him; an awkward silence. We stood there just kind of looking at each other for about five minutes before A.J. came over and saved us.

"Hey Rok, did you see the hat Nick gave me?"

Brian glanced at it and said "nice"

"It's my anniversary present"

Brian then looked straight at me and said "Well, he should have shown up on that day to give it to you" and then he walked away.

"don't mind him Nick, Rok's just being pissy" I just stood there almost in shock. I felt lost and hurt.

The rest of the session was okay, it went by pretty quickly because we had a lot to do. During breaks I chose to sit alone and read instead of exchanging uncomfortable silence with the guys. Howie walked up to me, sat down and made me put down the book I was reading.

"You want to go out tonight?"

"Sure. Is it all of us?"

"No man, just you and I. J stays away from clubs and the other two married folk are officially boring." I felt angry, was the only reason he asked me to go with him because no one else was available?

After thinking about it for a couple of minutes I said "Okay I'm in"

He then got up and said "Good, it will be nice. We have a lot to catch up on"

Before we left the studio, j came up behind me and gave me another hug."Thanks again Kaos. See you tomorrow. Behave yourself with Howard, I don't want to bail anyone out of jail tonight."

I laughed "Very funny Bone"

Yea, we were back to bone and Kaos. Maybe things would be okay after all.