Chapter 2

Kevin slid his cardkey in the lock and was rewarded with a tiny green light. Turning the knob, he entered the Suite that he and the others would be sharing for the next two nights. The space was tastefully decorated and had a generous living room area, complete with large screen television and entertainment system. A tiny kitchenette was off to the left, as was a breakfast table bedecked with fresh flowers and a large fruit basket. He allowed himself a small sigh of satisfaction: they certainly had come a long way in what they could afford. It didn't seem like that long ago that they were sharing much more humble and cramped accommodations: five of them to two beds, running water and three-channel television as luxurious as it got. Those were the days when Nick and Brian could curl up on a couch to sleep and neither fall off…

Nick.

He paused, a pained frown sweeping across his face. The argument from the practice room replayed in his memory, and he could see the hurt and confusion on the blond's face. At the time, he'd been so angry that his words had seemed justified, but now…

What in the world had he done? Why had the words erupted from his mouth, and why had they been calculated to hurt?

He sank down on the couch, running a hand over his face as he shut his eyes. When had things gone from simple to complex? It was a question that haunted him more frequently these days. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good day, or laughed, or even found something remotely amusing. He'd tried to chalk it up to increased pressures from touring, from interviews and photo shoots and guest appearances that never seemed to end. But the other guys hadn't been complaining. They had simply continued on as usual, still able to joke and kid around and uphold the positive, happy image the band was famous for.

What had happened that made it different for him?

He should be happy. He had a wonderful wife, a great career, a strong family behind him, and more money than he could ever hope to spend in a lifetime. Music, his true passion, was a daily part of his world. It simply didn't make sense.

He'd done a lot of soul-searching over the last few weeks and still wasn't any closer to finding an answer. That's why, when Nick had confronted him, he'd pushed back so hard. If he, at the very center of the problem, couldn't figure things out, Nick had less than a zero chance of truly understanding. The younger man's insistence that he could help had sparked an anger in him, and he'd lost control. He wondered exactly what damage he'd done with that particular outburst, and not just to Nick. A small part of him had been all too aware of the shocked looks on three other faces before he'd left.

The headache that had been building slowly since that morning had now reached epic proportions, and he wanted to do nothing more than take something for it and lie down a while. A glance at his watch told him that he had four hours before dinner, plenty of time to do as he pleased.

Getting up carefully, he walked over to the pile of luggage that had been delivered and sorted through it until he found his four suitcases. Picking up two, he walked down the short hallway to the bedroom doors. There were three rooms to choose from, and he arbitrarily picked the one on the right. Since each room had two double beds, he put his suitcases on the spare one and retrieved the rest of his things. He knew that no one would want to room with him; lately, there hadn't even been a discussion on the matter. The others had made sure to give him a wide berth.

He didn't have the energy or inclination to unpack. Instead, he rifled through his smaller bag and found the Tylenol, fishing two out of the bottle before tossing it back. He took the pills, willing them to work quickly, and sat on the edge of his bed. Knowing he had a few free minutes, he picked up the phone and tried, once again, to reach Kris.

This time, no busy signal interrupted the ring and he leaned forward, eager to speak to the most important woman in his life. The click in his ear sounded just before he heard her sweet voice.

"Hello!" she said.

"Kristen, it's-"

"No one's home right now," continued the voice brightly. "I'm so sorry I missed you… please leave a brief message and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Thanks, and have a nice day!"

Kevin felt his throat tightening in bitter disappointment. He hung up before the recording tone sounded, not wanting to talk to a machine. His headache increased several degrees.

He rose and crossed the room, drawing the blinds shut. The action made the room comfortably dark, a relief to his eyes. After a second he shut the door that led to the main suite, not wanting to be disturbed. Thus isolated, he sank back on the bed, not bothering to remove his shoes. Despite his expectations, sleep overcame him within minutes, pushing his troublesome thoughts aside if only for a little while.

**********

Howie signed his name with a flourish… or, rather, his assumed name… and pushed the guest register back towards the man behind the counter. His action was met with a smile, and he was rewarded with a cardkey.

To the four, the man said, "We've tightened security, as requested. Your Suite can only be accessed through the private elevator, so that should help a great deal. There will be staff on duty twenty-four hours a day to take care of any requests you might have, and you may feel free to ask for me personally at any time."

"Thank you, Mr. Shannon," Brian said politely. "This is really a beautiful hotel."

The manager beamed with pride and said, "Columbus might not be New York or L.A., but we do have our charms."

"Speaking of which," Howie said, "we were wondering if you had any recommendations on what to see nearby. We've got several hours this afternoon and want to take advantage of our free time."

Mr. Shannon retrieved a few pamphlets from behind him and spent the next few minutes giving them advice.

"This will be great," Brian said, nodding thanks. "The hard part will be deciding what to do first."

"Is there anything else I can do for you gentlemen now?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah," Nick said, somewhat shyly. "First of all, could you tell us if Kevin Richardson has checked in yet?"

"Yes, Mr. Richardson checked in about forty-five minutes ago. I haven't noticed him come downstairs, so perhaps he's waiting for you in the Suite."

"I'll bet," AJ muttered, low enough for only his friends to hear. It earned him a nudge from Howie.

"And secondly?" Mr. Shannon asked.

Nick cleared his throat. "This might sound like an odd request, but I'd like a special arrangement made." He glanced at his bandmates, waiting until they took the hint and stepped away to give him privacy. "It's about tonight…"

A few minutes of details later, Mr. Shannon nodded enthusiastically.

"That's easily accomplished," he said. "I can guarantee the view will be quite spectacular. But are you sure you want just the one chair?"

"Positive," Nick said, glad the man hadn't laughed at him.

"Consider it done," he said with finality.

"I really appreciate this," Nick said sincerely.

"My pleasure," came the answer. "Anything we can do to make your stay the best it can be."

The manager watched as the four young men crossed the lobby together and waited for the private elevator. The group had certainly not been what he'd expected; instead of demanding, petulant, mega-star snobs, the Boys had been polite, forthright, and quite down to earth. It was refreshing to see successful young people who still had the capacity to act human. Even young Mister Richardson, the one that had checked in earlier, had been perfectly civil… a bit distant, perhaps, but not cold or disrespectful. Yes, it was quite refreshing.

With a smile on his face, the manager of the White Star Hotel began making arrangements for the special request, as promised.

**********

Nick worriedly chewed on his lip for the entire ride up. What if Kevin were there, and they got into another ugly fight? He didn't think he could face that twice in one day. Or worse, what if Kevin refused to even speak to him? That was a good possibility; AJ had received the silent treatment for two days over something a whole lot more trivial than today. If that logic followed, Nick would be in for at least a week of silence. He wasn't sure he could take that.

"Hey, Frack," came Brian's gentle nudge, "swipe that look off your face, will ya?"

"Yeah," Howie said. "Don't borrow trouble."

"Huh?" Nick asked, not sure what Howie meant.

"It means, don't worry about something until it actually happens," provided AJ. There wasn't a trace of smugness or sarcasm in his voice this time.

Nick nodded his understanding and realized his friends were right. But, like a lot of things, it was easier said than done. He did his best to school his statement and push his worry aside. A moment later the elevator pulled to a gentle halt.

After walking down the short hallway, Howie did the honors for the group and unlocked the door to the Suite.

"Hey, not bad," AJ said approvingly.

"Very nice," agreed Brian.

Nick studied the assortment of luggage, then saw the closed door beyond the living room.

"Kevin's taken his stuff to his room already," he informed them. "It looks like he doesn't want company."

"Maybe he's just cooling off, getting some rest before dinner," Howie said. He noted the apprehension in azure eyes but didn't quite know what to say to the youngest Boy.

"Hey, check out this game system," Brian said, hoping to distract Nick for a moment. "With a screen that large, playing should be a real blast."

Nick turned, taking in the entertainment system with a critical eye. Then, with real interest, he moved closer.

"Sweet," he said, nodding. "Better than what we got on the bus, for sure. Now I can whup your butt in an even bigger way, Frick."

"Dreamer," Brian said, grinning at the spark in Nick's eyes.

"We'll see," predicted the blond.

"Which room do you guys want?" Howie asked, nodding towards the hall.

"Me and Bri will take the middle," Nick said.

"Hey, wait… how come it's always you two together?" Howie asked with a slight frown.

"Because AJ would kill Nick within five minutes," Brian said wisely. "Remember that time in Arizona when we tried that, and-"

"Oops, yeah," Howie grinned. "I wonder if we're still banned from that hotel?"

"Hey," AJ interjected, "that was all a misunderstanding…"

"Cops and management pounding on the door at three AM because you two got into that ridiculous screaming match, all over a pillow…" Brian said, shaking his head.

"Let's get our stuff in our rooms and get out of here," Howie said, forestalling yet another replay of the incident. "Some of the suggestions Mr. Shannon made sounded really fun."

"Right, oh Wise One," Brian said, giving a theatrical bow.

Nick smiled, enjoying the banter. A quick glance at the closed door on the right made the smile fade, just a bit. He ignored it and got busy, ready for a distraction that would last a few hours, at least.

**********

Kevin blinked at the small bedside clock and scowled. How had he slept for that long? He got up carefully, noting with dismay that the headache had faded, but not disappeared. It was a questionable improvement.

He listened for a moment, wondering if the others had arrived at the hotel. Hearing nothing, he went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. The reflection that met his gaze didn't do much to improve his mood. He looked bad, like he hadn't slept in ages; the three hour nap had been for naught.

He debated whether to unpack or not. He stared at the closed door, knowing that the others could be waiting for him… knowing that he'd have to confront them eventually. Hoping to gather a bit of courage first, he put off the inevitable and opened a suitcase.

Ten minutes later, clothes were hanging in the closet or resting neatly in drawers, the empty suitcases secured out of sight. A small framed picture of Kristen sat on the nightstand, the same picture he'd carried with him since the first time they had parted. He didn't want to think about how long ago that had been.

With a sigh, he clenched his jaw and forced himself to leave the relative sanctuary of his room. With relief he found himself alone in the Suite; all the baggage was gone, so he knew the others had arrived and chosen rooms.

A note on the coffee table caught his eye and he recognized Howie's flowing script: 'Kevin, we've gone for a little tour around town, will be back in time to go to the restaurant together at 7 PM. ~Howie'

Even after everything, the guys… well, Howie, anyway… had cared enough to leave a note. The gesture sent a pang of guilt through him. He knew he'd been treating everyone poorly as of late, and none of them deserved it. He wished, for the thousandth time, that he could put a finger on what was at the root of his problem.

He knew he would have to make amends with the guys, but that wouldn't solve the underlying issue. Kevin was aware that if things didn't turn around, he would lose control more and more often until he made a mistake he wouldn't be able to apologize for. It was beyond frustrating.

Realizing he had some time before the others returned, Kevin decided to take a shower and get cleaned up before they got back. He tossed the note into the trash basket and proceeded with his plan.

Unfortunately, the shower did little to relieve his tension, and the heat made his headache worse. As he began dressing, he tried to think of a plausible excuse to avoid dinner with the group. He got the feeling that having a headache wouldn't be enough… knowing them, they'd order room service and he would be stuck. He couldn't say he wasn't hungry, because he really was. Skipping lunch, and only having coffee and toast for breakfast, hadn't been the smartest idea in the world.

With an irritated sigh, Kevin realized he'd have to endure dinner or suffer excessive concern from everyone involved. That, he couldn't stand. He'd make the minimal apologies, go down to dinner, keep quiet, eat his meal, and excuse himself as quickly as possible. With any luck, they would get the message and leave him alone.

The phone caught his eye and he stared at it for a moment. He wanted to speak to Kris so badly that it hurt, but he wasn't sure he could take another disappointment. After a minute's debate, he lifted the receiver and dialed.

This time, to his surprise, Kristen answered on the third ring… the real Kris, not a recording.

"Hello?" she said.

"Kris?"

"Kevin?" she asked, sounding as surprised as he.

"Yeah… I've been trying to get you all day long," he said.

"I've been busy," she said offhandedly. "I actually have to go out soon."

Kevin blinked. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

There was a hesitation before she said, "Of course. How are things? Where are you?"

"I'm at the hotel in Columbus, Ohio. We got here early. The guys are out… somewhere, I don't know."

"Why aren't you with them?" she asked.

"I…" he swallowed. "It's a long story. They're due back here so we can all go to dinner at 7."

"That's nice," Kris said distractedly.

Kevin's eyebrows raised a bit. He’d truly expected her to ask for an explanation… was she even paying attention?

"Honey," he said, "are you okay? You seem kind of… spaced."

"I'm sorry, Kev," she said quickly. "This has been one of those days, you know?"

He gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I can relate."

"Look, sweetie, I'd love to chat, but I'm kind of pressed for time right now…"

"Something happen?" he asked, suddenly worried.

"Nothing major… I got a call from a good friend earlier and I promised to take care of some things for him."

"Him?" Kevin asked slowly.

"Yeah, he's an… old buddy of mine. He's in a bind, and I agreed to help him out."

"Anyone I know?"

"Mmm, I think you've met," she said elusively. "Kev, it's so wonderful to hear your voice, but I'm afraid I really have to get going. I'll give you a call later, okay?"

"All right," he answered, trying to hide his confusion and disappointment. "Kris…"

"Yes?"

"I… love you, honey."

"I love you too," she said warmly. "Bye."

"Bye," he said, hearing a click not three seconds later.

Him? he thought, a sinking feeling in his stomach. What's going on? Why was she so evasive? He shook his head. Surely I don't have to worry about Kristen's behavior… she's always helping people out… just because the friend is a guy doesn't mean a thing… Right?

His frown deepened. Had he been treating her the same way he'd been treating the others? Pushing her away, despite her attempts at communication and support? With despair he admitted to himself he hadn't been exactly the most stellar of husbands lately. He hadn't called her anywhere near as much as he had when the tour started… lately it had been squeezing in the obligatory phone call in between concerts, sharing a few photos online through Howie's laptop… No, it hadn't been much. He used to collect souvenirs from each city to surprise her with… send her cards whenever he got the chance… even would have flowers delivered in the middle of the week, 'just because'. When had that stopped?

He loved her more than he could say, but had he shown it lately?

A painful sensation grew in the pit of his stomach, and he knew it had nothing to do with hunger.

**********

"I'm warning you," half-shouted, half-laughed Brian, "if you don't give it back to me I swear I'll kill you, Alexander James!"

"Make me, Brian Thomas," came the taunt.

Brian faked him out with a quick move to the right before practically tackling him to the hallway floor. At the very last second, AJ tossed the package in a mad throw to Howie, who caught it neatly.

"Looking for this?" Howie said with a wide smile, waving the prize.

"Traitor," Brian growled, lunging.

"Catch!" Howie cried, flinging the object to the tall blond.

Nick, who had been laughing at the entire scene, had to stretch to his limits to seize it before it hit the wall. He held it high, knowing Brian would have to work hard to wrest it from his grasp. He grinned, wiggling it temptingly.

Brian, having years of practice, was not about to play fair. He slowly advanced on his best friend, a rather evil look on his face. Nick's statement went from smug to somewhat less confident to downright fearful. Brian knew all his weaknesses- such as his worst tickle spots- and wasn't afraid to exploit them.

When the shorter man had backed him up against the wall, making ominous wiggling motions with his fingers, Nick gave a small cry of desperation and looked frantically around for an escape. AJ, who was standing by the room door, waved his hands wildly. Without thinking, Nick sailed the package through the air, hoping Brian would go after it instead of him.

The toss went wide and missed AJ by a good three feet, looking to strike the door square in the middle…

**********

Kevin's solitude was interrupted by a loud thump that echoed from the outer wall of the Suite. He rose from the couch, wondering what on earth was making the incredible racket. As he neared the door, he knew the answer… he could hear his bandmates' yells and laughter.

A flash of irritation swept through him. Surely they knew better than this! Another thump sounded, this one coming from the floor. What in the hell-?

Angrily, Kevin gripped the doorknob and inhaled deeply. As he yanked the door open, he started to speak…

When something flew directly into his chest.

WHOMP!

Silence.

Heavy, total, ice-cold silence as time seemed to freeze the scene. Brian, a wince on his face, stood gazing at his cousin as Kevin snapped his attention to the bundle now on the floor. AJ stared at the doorway in disbelief at the perfect… or imperfect… timing that had just occurred. Howie, who had just gotten to his feet, took an instinctive step backwards. He glanced at Kevin for a second, then darted his eyes towards Nick. The youngest Boy wore a horrified look on his face. His blue eyes were wide, his mouth slightly open in either protest or apology. Howie suppressed a groan and looked back to Kevin, who had just stood upright.

"What. Is. This."

"S-sorry," Nick said, his voice breaking on the single word. "Kevin, I didn't mean to… I didn't think-"

Green eyes flashed anger, cutting off Nick's words as effectively as a knife.

"Where have I heard that before?" Kevin said through clenched teeth.

"We were just fooling around, cuz," Brian said, putting his hands up in a placating gesture. "None of us knew you'd open the door just as it got thrown."

Howie licked his lips nervously and said, "Are you okay, Kev?"

The question stopped Kevin cold. He blinked as the words hit him hard. The question, so simple sounding, was resonating on much deeper levels. How in the world could he answer that?

He looked at his bandmates, noticing there was an incredible tension in the air. He blinked again. Kevin realized, with a shock, that the strongest emotion he could sense was fear. The four people he regarded as brothers, his closest friends, were afraid. Of what he'd do, of what he'd say. All over something as trivial as this.

The anger he'd felt disappeared with the thought. In its place came despair, and regret. What had he become?

"Kev?" came the soft question.

He raised his emerald eyes to Howie, who was watching him with true concern.

"It's… I'm okay," he uttered, knowing it was really a lie. His lack of volume clearly confused the others, judging by their looks.

Warily, Brian drew near and took the bundle from Kevin's hands. "It's just a gift for Leigh," he explained. "A little stuffed beanie bear thingy wearing an Ohio State University shirt. Kinda stupid, I suppose."

Kevin looked at the object, seeing it clearly for the first time. "A souvenir," he said in a distant voice.

"Uh, yeah," Brian replied, frowning. "Kev, are you really all right?"

"I'll be fine," he said hollowly, turning back through the door.

For a moment, the four remained in the hallway, totally puzzled by the reaction. Then, with a shrug, Brian followed his cousin into the Suite. AJ gave Nick an odd 'who knows?' look and did the same.

Howie turned to Nick and said, "Come on, let's go inside."

"Why…" Nick began. His voice dropped to a whisper and he continued, "Why didn't he… get mad? I thought he was going to go nuclear…"

"I don't know," Howie said. "It doesn't make sense."

"Unless," Nick breathed, "he's so angry-" A look of fear crossed his face. "Oh God, D, what if he wants to kill me, I mean, really kill me? He knows that it was me-"

"You're borrowing again," Howie interrupted gently.

Nick ran a hand through his hair in frustration as another thought struck. "Damn," he said, his shoulders slumping. "There's no way he'll agree to tonight. I should just call the whole thing off."

"Don't cross it off the list of possibilities yet," he said as he patted his younger brother on the shoulder. "Let's see what happens."

As they followed the other three into the Suite, Nick shook his head. Despite Howie's words, he knew deep down that he'd stepped over the line. He had, for all intents and purposes, sabotaged his own plan.

**********

The silence was awkward.

Brian quietly put the souvenir with his things and returned to the group. He could almost see the tension in the air. Kevin seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, whatever they might be, and stared out of the large window at the cityscape; the statement on his face was unreadable. AJ looked like he was itching for a cigarette, his fingers tapping silently on his knee. Howie kept glancing between Kevin and Nick, his dark eyes speculative.

And Nick… Brian couldn't remember seeing him look so full of despair. The blond was seated on the couch, his head bent down as he stared at the floor. It pained him to see the contrast from minutes before… it was hard to believe it was the same Nick that had been laughing so loudly in the hallway.

He rubbed his eyes, and decided that if the tension was going to be broken, he'd have to do it himself.

"Well," he said in his best upbeat tone, "it's about time we go on down to dinner."

"I'm not hungry," came the muffled reply from the couch.

"You?" Brian tried to joke. "Come on, Frack, your being hungry is a Universal Constant."

"I don't feel like going," came the corrected reply.

"We all have to eat," AJ reasoned. "That fruit basket over there ain't gonna do it for me. Come on, it's just dinner, we aren't even leaving the hotel."

"Right," Howie added. "Unless we want to have room service."

"No," came Kevin's voice unexpectedly. "Please, no room service tonight. Eat downstairs."

"You're coming too," Brian said firmly. "All five of us, one dinner."

Instead of arguing, Kevin surprised him by nodding his head in acceptance.

"Okay, then, let's go," Brian directed. Before anyone backs out, he added silently, his eyes going from Kevin to Nick once again.

It was a very quiet ride down.

*********