“…Howie. Brian and I had a talk… a serious
one. He told me about how you helped him. Howie, I cannot…”
“Hello?”
Howie grabbed the phone off the hook. His “hello” was ragged, as he was
short of breath from just running in through the door. The answering
service had been taking the call. Why hadn’t anyone answered the phone?
Howie wondered, then his eyes fell upon the note on the refrigerator.
Oh, gone shopping.
“Hello?
Howie?”
“Kev?”
Howie said, “How are ya?”
“I’m…I’m
good Howie. Real good, now,” Kevin said, “I uh, just called to tell you
that I talked to Bri, and he gave me your message.”
“Message?”
“Yeah,”
Kevin said, Howie could hear the smile in his voice, “He told me that you said
to stop and smell the roses.”
“I
don’t recall saying that,” Howie said in a light tone.
“Well
you basically said something like it,” Kevin said with a sigh, “Howie, I let
you down, I’ve let everyone down.”
“Huh?”
Howie hadn’t been expecting to hear that, “How?”
Kevin
was silent on his end for a moment, then began, “I know you guys all looked up
to me as the big brother…and well, for awhile I couldn’t live up to that.
I should have been the one trying to hold everything together, making
these calls, Howie, not you.”
“Kevin,
this has nothing to do with diffusion of responsibility. Everyone has
problems and no one expected you to solve yours and ours at the same time.
No one expected you to do anything, but be you… That’s where we all let
ourselves down. Nobody was themselves…”
“Yeah
… except Nicky,” Kevin said sounding miffed, “The baby out of all of us, is the
one we have the most to learn from. He was excellent. Sometimes I
really felt he was…”
“…The
only reason why you bothered to go on with another night of touring?” Howie
filled in the blank for Kevin.
“Yeah,”
Kevin said sadly, “I’m so sorry about that. Howie, Brian told me about
what a hard time you were having getting over your sister’s death. He
told me about him and Leighanne, and the more I heard the sadder I felt.
How come I never troubled myself with talking to you guys? I always
talked to you before when you seemed upset. Why is it so different now?”
“I
don’t know Kev, I guess this was just the first time we’ve all had problems
we’ve had to deal with at once. We overloaded ourselves,” Howie said
untangling the phone cord.
“Yeah,”
Kevin agreed,” but it’s good that we are talking now. I don’t want to
lose the group over this, or you guys.”
Howie
nodded, knowing Kevin couldn’t see him, but he couldn’t speak. Everything
was falling back together finally. They could work it out; he had already
proved that they could. His throat clogged up with the suppressed
emotions of love, joy, and most importantly, relief.
“Did
you get a hold of AJ yet?” Kevin asked sounding curious, and nervous.
“Yeah,”
Howie said smoothly, clearing his throat,” It went good. He was really
having a rough time Kev. It scared me as I realized just how out of touch
with AJ’s life I really was… Kev, his dad’s trying to worm his way back
into his life.”
Howie
could feel Kevin flinch through the phone, “And is he gonna let him?”
“Well
he was at first, but then he found out his dad’s real intention, the deadbeat.
He’s getting remarried, and since his new wife can’t have kids…”
“Let
me guess, he wants his old one back,” Kevin growled, “That no good son of a b…”
“But
that’s not all… The woman he’s marrying is terrible, and basically let AJ
know right then and there what her and his father clearly wanted. And
that was the only reason why they had even thought to contact AJ. The man
calls and molests AJ constantly about trying to be the father he wasn’t when AJ
was a kid,” Howie explained, “He doesn’t even want to take responsibility for
his leaving. He doesn’t realize that ever since AJ was young he always assumed
it was his fault. He never… he just wasn’t a father, Kev.”
“I’d
like to take that sorry SOB and break him over my knee! What does Denise say?”
“She
really doesn’t know most of what’s going on with him Kev,” Howie said, “He’s been
keeping it all bottled up inside.”
“Like
me,” Kevin sighed.
“Kev?”
“Yeah?”
“I
know my story, and Brian’s story, and now AJ’s story…but what about yours? What
was plaguing you?”
Kevin
Richardson was almost 28 years old… Twenty-eight, a millionaire, big house,
luxury vehicle, great family… but no one to share it all with. He was
almost thirty and still hadn’t found “The One.” His parents got married
in their twenties, as did everyone else’s parents that he knew. If you
made it into the thirties still unmarried, it would probably stay that way.
What woman would want him at thirty? A thirty- year old man, who
sings and dances in a group called Backstreet Boys. What woman would
stand the ridicule? He was trying to get used to living his life as
a lonely bachelor. But he would see Brian with Leighanne, AJ with Amanda,
even Nick with Mandy, and feel so envious. Sure he dated frequently, but
no one had showed any interest about becoming something long-term. He
cried at night about it, he talked to his mother and his brothers about it.
Instead of trying to console him, they set him up with daughters of
friend’s and things. It upset him to find out that his family was
also worried about him not settling down properly. There had even been a
little pressure put on about quitting the group to try and settle down, then
the right woman might come along. Kevin abandoned that thought. The
group was his life. But eventually he began to dwell on what his family
had said. Maybe he should quit. Maybe he was getting too old. He often
had nightmares about being old and dry, sitting alone in a big lonely house.
No kids, no wife, no family… He couldn’t let that happen to him.
He began to live through each tour dreaming about the nights he would go
out and search for his dream woman. He spent so much time thinking about
“The One” and his loneliness, that he slowly begin to forget about what had
mattered most to him… the group, and his brothers….
“…and
I’m sorry,” Kevin finished in a low voice. He was ashamed.
Howie
was actually chuckling by the end of his story, “Well gee Kev, if you had
filled me in earlier I could have hooked you up with some hot girls. But not
because I thought you would be a lonely old man, cause Kev… What about us?
In your vision about you sitting alone in a big house, didn’t you know that I
would be sitting right there with you? That Brian would be there, and AJ, and
hell Nick could even bring a few dogs. You wouldn’t be lonely at all.
In fact you would wish we would all leave just so that you could be
alone!”
Howie’s laughs softened Kevin, and his words
made him laugh as well.
“Yeah,
I can see it now. We’d be old and wrinkly, AJ would be bald, you’d still have
your hair, and Nick and Brian would look the same as they do now, playing
pranks on us poor old men.”
They
laughed a few minutes more thinking about that scenario, “Yeah, I can see it.
Nicky putting itching powder in our dentures and Brian putting super glue
in our rocking chairs.”
“Us
beating them with our canes,” Kevin snickered. He sighed, and turned serious,
“You guys will always be there for me, huh?”
“I’m
sorry, Kev, but I’m afraid you’re stuck with us,” Howie said firmly, “No
returns, and no refunds.”
“I
hate waiting at that customer service desk anyway,” Kevin joked, he laughed
lightly, then softly he added, “Thanks Howie.”
“No
prob, bro,” Howie nodded into the phone.