“Hey, this is AJ, you know the drill,” Howie
rolled his eyes and licked his lips impatiently. This had been the 5th
time he had called, and he had an inkling feeling that AJ was home.
“Alex, listen man, I know you’re there, and I’m not gonna stop callin’
till ya pick up. Please, bro, just call me back whenever you’re
ready, Ok? I need to talk to you, it’s important.” Howie
disconnected feeling a bit depressed. How was he gonna arrange a group
meeting without the whole group? He suddenly felt impulsive. Time
to see if AJ had gone on a vacation, or was dodging phone calls. He
grabbed his car keys off the kitchen counter. He was going over to AJ’s.
He
decided not to park in the driveway. He didn’t want to take any chance of
AJ spotting him early and trying to pretend like he wasn’t there.
Howie took the back approach to AJ’s home and parked on the other side of
the street behind the neighbor’s bushes. He casually made his way to the
front door, and rung the bell. It was maybe 10 minutes before Howie
sighed, thinking that AJ really wasn’t home. Maybe he was on vacation and
not just ignoring Howie. Howie leaned on the front door in defeat.
Damn it. Then the door swung open. Howie, losing his support,
fell forward inside the doorway. He used his hands to break his fall on
the tic-tack tile work of AJ’s floor. He looked down to see a pair of
striped socks, he glanced up to meet AJ’s unhappy expression, “Um… hi Alex.”
Howie stood with no help from AJ and invited himself inside. AJ
stood behind him, staring at his back, “What do you want Howie?”
“Well,
haven’t you received any of my messages Aje?” Howie turned to face his friend…
his friend who looked horrible. He had let his mustache and goatee go…
He looked like a wooly mammoth. Howie controlled his urge to laugh.
“Oh
yeah. Those. Yeah, I got them, all 5 of them,” AJ said with a shrug, “Why
do you wanna talk now Howie? After all this time?”
Howie
felt his need to laugh disappearing as he watched his friend proceed to run his
hands over his face roughly, and remove a nearly empty pack of cigarettes. He
shook the second to last cigarette out of the carton and lit it up. The house
smelled like an ashtray.
“AJ?
How many cigarettes a day have you been smoking?” Howie asked kindly removing
the cigarette from AJ’s mouth.
“Damn
it Howie! I only got one more left! What do you care anyway?” AJ turned
away from Howie and lit his final cigarette. He walked into his living
room. Howie cringed at the clashing fabrics decorating AJ’s abode, then
straightened his shoulders out, “AJ, that’s why I came. To let you know that I
do care, and that I’m sorry for not doing a very good job of showing it to you
before.”
AJ
snorted and flicked ashes in the overflowing ashtray.
“AJ,
I’ve been so caught up in my own world that forgot about my friends. We
all have been, and now the time has come to make it right.”
“And
how are you going to go about that Howie?” AJ asked sprawling the loveseat and
blowing out smoke rings. He chuckled as Howie choked on the smoke and
fanned it away.
“I’m
wanna talk AJ,” Howie said simply, folding his arms over his chest and sitting
back in the armchair he was now sitting in. He tossed the cigarette
he had confiscated from AJ’s mouth into the ashtray. Well, almost did, he
missed. AJ chuckled again, “Ok Howie. One problem. What if I
don’t wanna talk? Then what?”
“Then
I’ll talk, AJ,” Howie shrugged and leaned forward in his chair, “Communication
is a two way thing. I want to apologize to you for letting you down, and
tell you why I did it. You only have to listen, and if you still feel the
same way when I’m done… I can show myself the way out.”
Robert
McLean was a man who had it all. He had a wonderful new job that he
loved, a loving fiancé who would soon be his loving wife, and a beautiful new
house. The only thing he was lacking was a child, a son… But wait a
minute, he did! After 18 years Daddy decides it’s time to come home.
AJ received the phone call a few months ago. Did Howie know how much it
hurt to answer the phone for your own father the same way you would answer to a
perfect stranger? No, he didn’t. But now he did. AJ’s voice
shook as recanted the phone call. His father called and began speaking to
him as if he had just called yesterday, as if he had never left. AJ had
been stunned into silence as he listened to his father’s voice drone on about
how happy he was to speaking with AJ, and how wonderful it was that AJ had
become successful. AJ kind of nodded along through the whole
conversation, too nervous to speak to the parent he thought he had driven away
forever. He thought his father might hang up and never call back again if
he said something wrong. He was famous for that.
As
a small child AJ had always wondered what he had done to make his father so
angry that he left and never came to see him. Other kids’ parents got
divorces, but they still saw their daddies. Why was AJ different?
Why didn’t his Daddy love him like everyone else’s daddies loved them?
What was wrong with him? As he grew older he tried to drive out
that insecurity by launching himself in acting and performing. Being
in the Backstreet Boys was the best thing that ever happened to him. In
his Backstreet world he could forget about not being accepted by his father,
because he was basically being accepted everywhere else. His mother told
him over and over again that it wasn’t his fault. He knew that, he knew
that, Howie… but deep inside, he still blamed himself.
Then
out of the blue his dad calls. AJ was stunned, then angered. His father
had walked out on him and thought he could just walk back in? It’s not that
easy! AJ wouldn’t make it easy. Then he found out the reason his
father was calling. The next day AJ wanted to apologize to his father, he felt
so bad for being so cold. He found out where he lived and drove right
over. Instead of meeting with his father he met with his soon-to-be
stepmother, whom he had heard nothing about. She was a spiteful woman,
and gave AJ an earful. She made sure he knew that she would never be able
to give his father kids. AJ was the only child he had, and his father
felt left out at all the father-son outings his friends would go on. He
wanted to join in on the fun, but then found out his soon-to-be-wife couldn’t
have children… That’s when he called AJ. AJ was his father’s back
up plan, his second prize. AJ left soon after he arrived. He didn’t
drive straight home. He instead went to where his father worked.
After waiting for a few hours he finally got a glimpse of the man that he
hadn’t seen in 18 years. He hardly recognized him. His father was quick
to recognize him though. He saw him and smiled, started walking towards
him… AJ jumped in his Prowler and drove away as fast as he could go.
After that the phone calls from his father would never cease.
AJ had to take the phone off the hook at one point. The only peace
he got was on tour, but even then the letters would come. He couldn’t get away
from it, and it was driving him insane. He took it out on everyone….
He realized this all at once as his shoulders sagged and he began to cry.
He
almost jumped when arms encircled him and held him close. He had forgotten his
brother Howie was there. But he would never forget that again.