“He’s asleep,” Howie whispered to the others
as they entered. Nick lie flat on his back with his eyes tightly shut.
Brian frowned and fingered the IV. He looked at it’s place of insertion
with a little concern at the redness of the area. He sighed and ran
a hand through Nick’s damp hair, “This is the worst it’s gonna get kid. After
we get you out of this one, there will be nowhere else to go but up. We’ll get
out of this state, go somewhere fun that you’ll like. You‘ve always liked Spain,
we can go there Frack. We can bring BJ with us, and if your parents agree, then
maybe even Aaron or Leslie.”
“Hey
Brian, care to make out-of-country plans with the rest of us first?” AJ cracked
a grin at Brian. Brian shrugged, “I’ll take him if you guys can’t...”
“Hold
on Brian,” AJ raised a hand, “I didn’t say we couldn’t. I said you hadn’t
talked to us first. It sounds like a good idea bro. A change of scenery...
company...”
“Yeah,”
both Kevin and Howie agreed.
“Leighanne
won’t mind,” Brian said to Nick, “In fact, she may even come along, and maybe
Kevin can bring Kristen and you can meet her. Brent and Mandy may want to
come. They’re your friends Nick. They called us a lot to ask about you.”
Brian took a seat beside the bed and took Nick’s hand as he continued to
talk.
Howie
ran his hand over his face, “Sheesh Brian, he’s not in a coma. If you really
want to make all those plans, give him a shake and wake him up.”
“Shut
up Howie,” Brian said with a sly smile.
“He’s
right cuz,” Kevin laughed, “Sounds like you got a whole vacation planned. Did
you already call the travel agent?”
Brian
rolled his eyes, “I will.” Brian turned to face the others his blue eyes
serious, “We have to get him out of here and away from his parents. If we have
to leave the state or the country, I’ll do it, we’ll do it. He’s gonna slip
away from us if we stay guys... we’re gonna lose him.”
There
was a silence. Everyone knew that was true. “When do you guys wanna schedule
this trip?” Kevin asked softly, “They’ll probably discharge Nick in a few days,
maybe be we can do it then. I’ll have to call Kristen and ask her today, and
Brian you’ll have to let Leighanne know.”
Brian
was nodding.
“And
I can put in the call to Mandy and Brent,” AJ was saying with a nod.
“Are
we gonna tell the Carters what we’re doing?” Howie asked.
“No
way,” AJ said, “They’ll ruin everything. We’ll just go. BJ’s legal, and
she has a passport, she can come with no problem. We’ll just have to
break the news to Aaron and Leslie that they can’t come with us.”
“They’re
gonna be pissed,” Brian said with a groan, “but there’s no other way.” He
slouched in the chair looking much older than his twenty-five years, his
weariness showing clearly in his posture.
“I
guess we should start making the plans now. I’m gonna get to a phone and find
out about the traveling fees and hotels and things,” Kevin was already trying
to make a list of things to do. He yawned, but tried to stifle it. He
didn’t want anyone to see just how tired he really was, or how scared...
Plans
and things to do seemed to be buzzing around or rather above Howie’s head.
He snickered slightly and watched as his friends all crowded to the door.
They were halfway out before they stopped and turned to see Howie, “I’ll
stay and watch over Nicky. You guys go on.”
Brian
smiled, “We’ll be back in a little while D, get some rest.”
Howie
smiled tiredly back and collapsed in the chair Brian had pulled up beside
Nick’s bed, “That is what I am gonna do Bri. Nicky’s not the only one that
needs a nap.” Howie sighed and stood up over Nick for a minute, pulling up his
blanket and pushing his hair out of his pale face, “We’re gonna take care of
you bro, don’t worry.” He sat back down and settled into the chair.
He took Nick’s hand in his and massaged it until he fell asleep. The first
real sleep he had had in the past two weeks; he didn’t know just how exhausted
he really was.
Nick
opened one eye and then the other. They were all gone, except Howie...
but Howie slept like a damn rock. Nick smirked a bit.
Spain...they wanted a vacation, a vacation on him. They cared, Nick
knew, they cared a lot. Nick actually felt a little regret as he thought
about how they may feel after... well afterwards. But the pleasurable thoughts
of his parents in pain, blaming each other, maybe even crying, feeling sorry
about what they had done, overwhelmed any sorrow he felt for his friends, his
brothers... his siblings. He scoped his IV cord and fingered it again. He
needed something sharp. He would think in a hospital he could find something
sharp enough to... He spied Howie sleeping in the chair beside his bed.
He sat up slowly and leaned towards Howie. Howie always kept his keys
chained to his belt, or his pockets... Keys could be sharp. Nick’s eyes
searched Howie and quickly spotted the gleam of Howie’s gold and silver keys.
He carefully removed then from Howie’s belt. He sorted through the
keys trying to find one with ridges sharp enough to.. Hello? What’s this?
He pulled up a miniature keychain with a peculiar design, it looked like
a... a, “A pocket-knife nail file,” Nick chuckled, “Howie, you’re the
greatest.” He felt the blade, it would cut. He carefully brought
his left arm into his lap toying with the IV wire. This was it... this was his
moment. He felt the tears running down his face, all his pain and
troubles... all the hell of his life would be left behind. The mistake
will be corrected. Sure the guys, his brothers and sisters would be sad
for a while... but they’d get over it. They’ll know it wasn’t their fault... he
knew they knew that. But his parents, he felt his hands ball into fists, how he
hated them, and if they had their way he’d be locked away somewhere. His father
already had the police in the matter. He couldn’t let them continue
making him feel like shit... he had to do this. To prove a point to them....to
get back at them, make them sorry.. Oh he would make them sorry alright.... His
shaky right hand took the file and began its work sawing the IV cord. The
work was tedious and time consuming. Come on, someone could come in at
any moment.. He shot a nervous glance at Howie and continued on feverishly with
his work. After twenty minutes he lie back, there. It was done. He
sat up again slowly after his little rest to examine his work. A nice
puncture had been made in his cord. Clear fluid ran over the edges and
spilled onto the bed creating a wet stain on his thigh... he giggled, in death
people may think he had been experiencing a wet dream. Funny how he
could joke about death this way... He wondered what would happen to him, where
he may go. He heard that suicides never made it to Heaven... but right now he
wasn’t sure he believed in Heaven... and the only Hell he knew of was the one
he was in now. Whatever other Hell that could be in store for him
couldn’t be much worse. He shuddered, thinking about a place worse than here.
He took a deep breath, “God if you’re up there, please forgive me...
and... and let my brothers and sisters always know that I love them. And take
of them for me please...” More tears escaped his eyes, his moment of freedom,
also became his moment of judgment. What are you gonna do Nick? Can
you do this? Can you? Are you afraid? Are you a....?
“Shut up!” Nick hissed, “I’m not afraid...” and in that instant he
passed his judgment, he made his decision. He raised the cord to his lips
and took a breath, here goes. He pressed his lips to the tube, and blew
hard, he lie back wondering how long would it take.... how long would it...
Howie
woke up to the wail of a heart monitor, and the noises of doctors and nurses
bustling into the room. They knocked Howie out of the way and surrounded Nick’s
bed. They were trying to resuscitate him... Howie gasped, “Oh my God....
Please God this is not happening, I am not losing him!” Howie tried to
fight through the doctors and nurses to throw himself on Nick and protect
him... if the doctors couldn’t do anything Howie would save him... someone save
him. He’s 20, he’s only 20! “DO SOMETHING!” Howie was shrieking,
“WHY AREN’T YOU DOING SOMETHING!”
The
monitor continued to wail and Howie could see nothing through the thicket of
medical personnel. “Oh God...” Howie was hyperventilating, he couldn’t see
straight. The floor was getting closer and closer to his face. He
felt a hand on his shoulder, people trying to help him. He felt himself
being sat down and his shirt collar being unbuttoned. He heard more
screaming, it sounded like AJ... AJ, help Nick, the doctors are stupid... Why
won’t they turn the machine off, the one making that horrible noise?
“What
the hell happened?” AJ was screaming, “Howie! Howie what happened?! What the
hell happened?!”
“Sir
we have to ask you to...”
“NO!
YOU TELL ME WHATS GOING ON! HE’S NOT DEAD, HE’S NOT!”
Howie’s
eyes opened and for a brief second he could see clearly... and he saw Nicky...
his little brother... lying perfectly still on the bed, and then a doctor pulling
the white sheet over his head, covering his body.
God
no, no, no, no....