“Hello?”
came the groggy voice of Brian Littrell over the phone. He had just woken
up and was about to trudge to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
“Brian?”
Howie Dorough’s voice resounded through the connection. Brian blinked.
“Howie?”
Why would Howie be calling him? Was their vacation being cut short?
Was there a special press conference being called? What had
happened? “Howie, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”
Brian
heard an unfamiliar sound that slowly registered in his head, Howie was
laughing, chuckling actually, “No Brian. Nothing’s wrong. I just called
to see how you are. You know, like we used to do in the old days.”
Brian
blinked again and rubbed his eyes. It was too early in the morning for
flashbacks. He decided to skip his wash up for the moment and go straight
into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He earned himself company,
as Lil’ Tyke, his Chihuahua, overheard Daddy’s footsteps to the kitchen.
Breakfast, his little mind was probably thinking.
“I’m
fine Howie, how are you?” Brian replied stifling his yawn and moving toward the
pantry, “Get down Tyke!” Brian struggled to open the pantry door with the dog
jumping against it.
“I’m
fine Brian,” Howie said with a small sigh, ”now.”
“Now?”
Aha! Brian discovered his instant coffee. Leighanne always
preferred the coffee beans, but hell, who wanted to grind those things?
Besides she isn’t here, now is she? Brian thought with satisfaction.
He felt a little guilty about being glad of her departure. She
would be returning in a few days, and Brian’s temporary good mood would
evaporate. It almost made him wonder. What would he be doing to
himself marrying a woman that drove him nuts and his happiest moments were when
she wasn’t there?
“Yeah,
listen Brian, I had a long talk with my mother yesterday.”
“You
did,” Brian spoke with the coffee in one hand the phone resting on his
shoulder. Tyke in his other hand, and coffee filters between his teeth.
His voice was mildly interested and telephone pleasant.
“Yes,
and Brian, she made me realize some things about myself, and the group.”
Brian
set down his coffee making materials and his dog, “Like what, Howie? What
are you getting at buddy?”
“Brian,
do you realize we haven’t talked, just talked like this, as a group for months,
almost a year even?”
Brian
was about to try and contradict Howie, he tried to think of a moment when he
and another member of the group had had a heart to heart sometime within the
past year. Whoa, he realized he hadn’t, not even with Nick. “No we
sure haven’t Howie.”
“Brian,
it’s really time that we start. You know those rumors going around about us
breaking up… Well it’s gonna happen if we don’t start trying to do something
about it. We are all drifting farther and farther apart. Just sitting
here thinking about it, I realized that AJ’s 22nd birthday and Nick’s 20th
birthday have passed and we didn’t even acknowledge it with a happy birthday. I
didn’t even realize it until now. We’ve
all been living in our own separate bubbles and I think it’s time we popped
them. We need to talk, and get reacquainted with one another. I
know you are going through a hard time, I’ve been having hard times, Kevin, and
AJ are going through hell… And what hurts is that now that I think about
it, I don’t even know what’s going on with you guys. I know you’re hurting, but
I don’t know why. I bet you don’t know either, do you?”
Brian
had paused in his coffee making caught up in Howie’s revelation of the past
year, and everyone’s apathy toward one another. It was true. He
wondered why it had happened they had always been so close, and felt they could
share anything within their circle of friendship, but suddenly that was gone.
Everyone seemed to have gotten so caught up in their own problems that
they forgot about each other. They never looked to the help that was
right in front of their faces… And now the question in Brian’s mind is “Is it
too late to start caring again?”
“No
B-rok, that’s why I called.”
Brian
almost jumped. He hadn’t realized he had asked that question aloud.
“I
want us to talk. I’ll tell you what’s been bothering me all this time,
and then you tell me what is up with you and Leighanne and anything else that
you need to get off your chest. I’ll listen,” Howie’s voice came easily
over the line, “I can talk all day.”
Brian
felt like he had been punched in the stomach when told he would have to talk of
Leighanne. Everything’s fine he wanted to say, as he had done for the past
year. It was just easier that way. He really didn’t want to drag
everyone down with his problems, but he had ended up doing it anyway with his
silence. He had become withdrawn. He slid down the counter and
sat on his tiled kitchen floor as cold reality hit him. The group was
falling apart, and he had helped to contribute to that. Everything he had
dreamed of and worked hard for was about to go up in smoke, and it would be his
fault, he helped light the match. The only person who hadn’t was Nick.
Nick had been the rock. Imagine that? Brian felt the guilt
hit him again. His Frack had turned 20 years old, without him. He
felt a tear slide over his cheek, “Brian?”
“Yeah…
Yeah, I’m here Howie. I’m still here,” Brian said softly, “So, who’s
first? Do you want to tell me about you, or do you wanna know about
me and Leigh first?”
Leighanne
Wallace was almost thirty years old, not married and childless. She felt
confident that she had found ‘the one’ for her in Brian Thomas Littrell.
He was younger than she, yes. But he was still a wonderful man,
with excellent morals… But Leighanne wasn’t getting any younger. She
would love to be having her first child before she was thirty, but that wasn’t
going to happen. She could still be married though. She meant
well but she was putting the pressure on Brian to pop the question.
Brian was still busy with his career, traveling back and forth over the
globe. He didn’t want to burden anyone or himself with a proposal just
yet. He was young. He loved Leighanne, and yet that wasn’t enough
for her. She was ready for something he wasn’t yet.
She threatened to leave him. She wanted a definite commitment;
she needed closure. She accused him of not loving her enough, of leading
her on to believe that there could be something more. Brian was trapped in a
world where everything he did had to be done to please Leighanne to make her
stay, and eventually he would be forced to propose. It wasn’t that he
didn’t love her, and didn’t want marriage. He just wanted to wait until
the group was more stable and the schedule wasn’t so demanding. He never
wanted to have to put himself in a position where he would have to choose
between the career everyone dreamed of having, and a wife. It was his
mother’s advice to wait, and his father’s. But Brian was afraid. He
was afraid she might leave and it was tearing him apart. His only moments
where he felt he could relax and breathe were when he was home and she was
away. He hated feeling like that, but it was the truth. Leighanne
could be the greatest woman in his life, but he would never find that out if he
lost her. But he just wasn’t ready, why he should he be punished for
wanting to wait for the right moment? He was waiting for God to tell
him an answer, but that answer just wasn’t coming fast enough, or in a form
that he could read.
Howie
sat stunned in the kitchen of his house. All this had happened and was
happening under Howie’s nose, and he had never noticed. Brian’s frowns
and sad eyes had replaced his endless grins and jokes, and no one had thought
it strange. Except Nick… “Everyone seems depressed to me…”
“Brian,
I am so sorry,” Howie spoke in almost a whisper.
“Sorry
for what?” Brian’s tear choked voice asked, “For me claming up and keeping
things to myself? I’m the one who’s sorry Howie. I should have known you
guys would try to listen to me. It’s just everyone was being so… so…”
“I
know,” Howie said, “But that’s going to change. We’re already starting to
change it now. I think maybe we should arrange a meeting, you know,
before tour starts again. All of us should get together and just, have
fun. We could go out to eat, and then see a movie, go clubbin’, just
spend the day together.”
Howie
could hear Brian’s smile through the telephone, “Clubbing? You know Frack would
never go for that.”
“Frack...”
Howie thought with a smile himself, “I haven’t heard that nickname in a while.”
Brian
chuckled, “I wonder if he’ll be glad to hear it.”
“I
just hope he’s not mad at us,” Howie spoke truthfully, out of all the people he
was going to talk to that day he had to admit Nick made him the most nervous.
He was embarrassed about his behavior, and the fact that Nick remained
unchanged. The youngest member had turned out to be the most dependable
one.
“Yeah,”
Brian said, “I’ll tell ya what I’ll call Kev.”
“Thank
you Brian,” Howie said, “I’ll get in touch with AJ.”
“See
ya D, oh, and thanks for calling, man.”
“Don’t
thank me. Just call Kevin,” Howie said simply and hesitated a moment
before disconnecting. That had gone well, extremely well. He
already felt better, but he knew he had a lot of work ahead of him. Next
he would call AJ, his best friend…