“Who did you just get off the phone with?”
Bob asked reclaiming the seat beside his youngest son. Aaron tossed the
phone into his father’s lap and sighed, “No one.
Bob
rolled his eyes and opened his cell-phone. He looked at his “Sent” calls,
“Who’s number is this? Is it BJ’s? It looks like her number.”
Aaron
turned his head to look out the window.
Bob
sighed loudly and put his phone away, “Can we stop this Aaron? This attitude is
not getting us anywhere. I said I was ready to try again, I want to
start over, but how can I if you won’t even give me a chance? Now I’m
trying to make things right with Nick, BJ, Leslie and your Mom...”
“Yes,
yes, I’ve heard it all before Dad. I know what you’re trying to do, I know what
you want, blah blah...” Aaron muttered rolling his eyes, “Good luck.”
“Aaron...”
“Dad,
you misread the little sign on my forehead, it does not read ‘stupid’ it reads
‘Not for Damn Sale!’” Aaron retorted, he reached under his seat to find
his bag. He knew he had packed his Gameboy somewhere in there.
“Aaron,
watch your language!” Bob snapped at the boy his face turning slightly red, “I
don’t know what to do, or what to say to you...”
“Well
guess what Dad, if you don’t even know what to say to me, then how in the world
are you planning on talking to Leslie, or BJ... And goodness Dad, how can you
even imagine that you are ready to talk to Nick?” Aaron stared at his father
intently, “I mean, I think I hate you more than he does but he’s a tough
audience.”
Bob
was nodding his head, “I know all this. You think I don’t know this! No I don’t
know what I’m gonna say, and if he acts anything like you I’m gonna cry...
How did I turn out to be such a bad father?” Bob was saying leaning his head in
his hands.
“When
you and Ms. Pearce decided it would be a good idea to...”
“Damn
it Aaron! Shut up!” Bob slammed his hand down on his airplane table causing
more than a few heads to turn and look their way. Aaron smiled at the
attention they were receiving. One yell from him and security would be on
their way to extract his dear father. “Why are you smiling? You like seeing me
like this, huh? My life is falling apart.... my life being you kids,
you’re falling apart I’m falling apart.”
Aaron’s
eyes narrowed, “Oh poor poor Bob. I’m sorry that my little life has
inconvenienced you.”
“Aaron
please.... Now was that BJ you were just talking to? Was your mother there? Do
they know where Nick is?”
Aaron
kept his gaze leveled with his newly found Gameboy, he decided to skip codes
and just play a new game. He wished he had brought his headphones, they
would have been perfect for drowning out unwanted noises. His eyes cut
briefly in the direction of his father.
“Aaron,
when we get off this plane we have no idea where to go. If you know something
it would be very helpful to me...”
“Dad,
why in the world would you get on a plane to go to a different state and then
not know where you’re going? You’ve completely lost it now.”
“Aaron
Charles...” Bob began, but dropped it. It was a lost cause. He instead
pulled his cell phone back out and pressed redial. He listened as the
phone rang and rang... come on, come, who ever was on the other end needed to
answer the phone. He knew someone was there, because whoever it was had picked
up for Aaron earlier. The phone continued to ring, and then a voice mail
picked up. “Hello, this is BJ, leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”
Bob smiled grimly, so he had been right about the phone’s owner. He
decided not to leave a message, but to call back, and he would keep calling
back until he got an answer.
“Ok,
here now sit up,” Howie was placing a gentle hand behind Nick’s back and gave
him a slight push to sit up. Nick accepted the tea with shaking hands.
BJ helped him hold the cup and blew the steam away.
“She’ll
never be allowed back in here Nicky,” Brian said lightly sitting on the other
side of Nick that wasn’t occupied by BJ. Howie sat behind him on the pillows
rubbing his back.
Nick’s
blue eyes were so sad Brian thought his heart would break just by looking into
them, “But Nicky, you could see that she cares about you. She’s worried, she
just thinks she can take control of every situation. And this one is one that
she can’t...”
“Cause
she helped to cause it,” BJ said bitterly.
“Whoa,”
Brian was the first to grab the mug and tilt it away from Nick’s face as he
sputtered on it. Howie patted his back, “Are you ok?”
Nick
shook his head and waved away the tea. He lie back on the bed tears fell from
his eyes.
“What’s
wrong Nick?” AJ stood by the window, he watched Nick’s tears sadly, if only
there was something he could do.
Nick
shook his head and bit his lip on a sob.
“Nick
please tell us what you’re thinking about,” Kevin said softly, he was sitting
in a chair by the wall. He stood and walked to the bed, taking a seat on
it like everyone else had.
“Nickel?”
BJ asked brushing hair from his eyes, “Please tell us what it is...”
Nick
turned his face away from everyone letting the tears run from his eyes and
strike the sheets, “She still didn’t see me, Beej.”
“What
is he...?” but AJ was cut off by BJ.
“She
still has those blinds over her eyes,” BJ sneered.
“After
a..all...t..the things I did f..for attention. I just needed someone to pay
attention to me,” Nick was stuttering through chattering teeth, “Instead she
dismisses me... When I thought she had finally realized ME, not Nicky, she...
she...”
“What?
She what?” Kevin’s green eyes were curious he gazed at BJ.
“She
sent him to therapy,” BJ said flatly.
“Never
talked to me about my problem, she just wanted it dealt with and over so I’d be
normal...I’d be her perfect Nicky again,” Nick said through his tears, “Her
scapegoat. Her prize. Her money making machine.”
His
hands shook as he gripped the doorframe. He held the razor loosely in his
palms blood fell from his fingers. His barefeet struck the kitchen tile
and curled at its coldness. He could see her sitting at the table, her
back to him and she looked over something, “M...Mom....” he choked out.
“What
Aaron... Good God Nick!” Jane Carter was up in an instant and to Nick. She
grabbed his hands and examined the small cuts on them. She took the slightly
bloody razor from him and tossed it on the counter. Jane rolled up his sleeves
hastily to see if he had sliced his wrists, no marks, still baby smooth.
“What
were you gonna do Nicky?” Jane asked him, staring into his teary eyes. His
whole demeanor trembled in her presence. He stifled a cry and let himself
collapse to his knees. Jane sunk down with him and took him in her arms.
She rocked him slowly as he cried and cried, and cried. Her hands
ran through his hair rapidly, his tears were hers. He could feel her fear. He
tried to stop his heaving sobs but soon found that it only brought about more
sobs.
“Mom...?
Nick!” He felt more arms around him, squeezing, “What happened, are you
ok?” Leslie’s voice was unnerved
“Mom,
what’s wrong with him?” Angel’s frightful voice was screeching. She had seen
the razor.
“Angel,
Leslie, get a blanket, please,” Jane said still holding Nick and trying to
soothe his tears, “Nicky, please.., please calm down. Come on, you’re
gonna make yourself sick, ok?”
“Mom,
we got it,” Leslie said, she and Angel stood each holding a side of the
blanket. Jane nodded and released her hold on Nick lightly to take the blanket.
She wrapped it around his shaking body and kissed his forehead, his tears were
calming down, his sobs becoming hiccups.
“What’s
wrong with him?” Angel repeated.
“I
don’t know what’s wrong with me...” Nick said in a small voice, “I don’t
know...” he looked at his mother, like she held the answers, like she always
had when he was a child. She always knew how to make him feel better, to
make the tears go away... Make the tears go away Mom...
Jane’s
blue eyes burned into his and she took his face between her hands, “Honey...
I’m gonna get you the best help in the world. I’m gonna find a psychiatrist
that will talk to you anytime you need him, whether it be 2 pm or 2 am. Don’t
worry baby, Mom’s gonna take care of everything.” She buried his head in her
shoulder and rubbed his neck, “Everything’s gonna be just fine now.”
Everything’s
gonna be just fine now... the words fell around his ears.
Psychiatrist.... But psychiatrist were for crazy people... was he crazy?
He raised his head from his mother’s shoulders and caught the eyes of his
siblings, all 4 of them staring at him... like he was crazy. So maybe that’s
what he was. Crazy.
“Nicky,”
BJ stroked his face, “You’re not crazy, you’re sick, and Mom made a mistake for
just writing you off like that.”
Nick
buried his face in his pillows as he had once used his mother’s sweet scented
shoulders. “Sick, crazy, what’s the difference. I got a prescription all
the same...”
“And
he was wrong, Dr. Sears was wrong. He never really talked to you did he? He
never counseled you,” BJ was saying, “He basically accepted your checks and did
what Mom wanted. She wanted you to be the same as you always were to her...
anything Dr. Sears could give you that would reproduce that she was all for.
She was scared Nick. She was a coward, and she looked the other way when she
shouldn’t have. It’s not your fault.”
Nick
sniffled, and shook his head weakly, “I’m tired. Can everybody leave so I can
get some sleep please?”
“Of
course,” AJ said standing up, Howie, and Kevin followed.
“Frack,
I’m gonna stay, I’m gonna sit down over here. So if you need me at all...”
“No
Brian...”
“Yes
Nick, either get used to it, or don’t sleep,” Brian planted himself on the love
seat by the window.
Nick
stared at him with an odd expression in his eyes, he nodded and lie down on his
pillows. BJ stood to leave but he griped her hand, “Will you tell me again how
it’s not my fault?”
BJ
smiled softly at him, “I’ll gladly tell you that all day.” She sat on the side
of the bed and rubbed his hands.
Kevin,
Howie, and AJ left the room, shutting the door and the scene behind them.