“Oh come on, it’s chicken noodle,” Brian was
trying to coax his friend to eat, “You love this stuff.” He groaned in
frustration as Nick kept his face turned away. “Well you used to love it
anyway. Nick, come on.” Brian set down the bowl and took Nick by
the chin. He turned his head slightly and forced him to look at him.
“I will force feed you if it comes down to it buddy, and that’s not gonna
be pleasant.”
Nick
jerked his chin away from Brian’s hand, he lie back on the propped up pillows
and shut his eyes, and his ears to Brian’s idle threats. Brian sighed and
gave up, at least for then. He too lie back on Nick’s propped up pillows,
“Leighanne called not too long ago. She wants to come and see how you’re
doing.” Brian smiled thinking about Leighanne coming. He had had a long heart
to heart with her earlier. She seemed to really understand what he was
going through, and she had apologized to him…. It was then that he felt he
was ready to ask the question… the big question. Of course he would have
to seek permission from her father first, but after that… He beamed again
thinking about one day marrying Leighanne Wallace. He let out a contented sigh,
and turned his head slightly to catch Nick’s strange analytic gaze on him.
“You
two are in love, huh?” he asked softly.
Brian
nodded, “Yes, we are. I… I want to ask for her hand in marriage.” Brian
hadn’t confided that information to anyone else but himself, now Nick knew.
Nick blinked, no congratulations. Brian frowned. Maybe he was
jealous, jealous of Leighanne, or maybe even jealous of him? “Nick?”
Brian questioned Nick’s silence. He had turned his face away from him
again, “Nick what are thinking?”
Silence,
except for a small quivering sound. Brian’s heart almost broke when he
realized what the sound was, “Nicky don’t cry.” Brian pulled him into a
hug that Nick didn’t struggle out of.
“Why
do people get married Brian?” Nick asked softly through tears.
“Because
they love each other Nick and want to spend the rest of their lives together,”
Brian said simply stroking Nick’s stringy blond hair.
“But
loves wears off… you get tired of each other and then you’ll want to find
someone new…” The pillow he was hugging to his face and chest muffled Nick’s
voice.
“No
Nick, not when the relationship is good, and the love is true,” Brian said
gently, “Your parents fell out of love with each other, it happens sometimes,
but not all the time Nicky.”
“That’s
the explanation for why my dad had his tongue down my brother’s vocal coach’s
throat! Is that why he had ripped her blouse in two and had her skirt up. Is
that why his pants were around his ankles?” His body shook with his rage
and his tears. Brian held him tighter.
“No
Nick, there is no explanation for that,” Brian said in a tough tone. He felt
his heart hardening on the topic of Bob Carter. How could he call himself a
man, a father? “Some men aren’t meant to be as lucky as they have become. Your
father wasn’t meant to have such wonderful things if he can’t appreciate them.”
“He
said… he said he loved me, and he only wanted the best for me… but when… but
when…”
Brian
rocked him, “But when what Nicky?”
“He
wanted me to lie to my mom…” Nick sobbed burying his face further into his
pillow, his words were coming in short bursts, “I saw them… I went to pick
something up Aaron forgot. Mom asked me to… So I went, and I heard… I
heard my Dad’s voice and, and I was curious. I wish I wasn’t! They were
on the counter in the lounge…. “
“He…
he heard me slam the door, and came out. He had pulled up his pants… but
I could still see the lipstick on his face. It was purple. I was
running away, but he saw me, and he chased me. He caught me getting into
the car. I tried to drive away but he took my keys… He, he asked me what
I saw, and I told him. I felt so sick. I almost threw up on him. He
told me that it was the first time, and he blamed it on Mom… Said she
wasn’t, wasn’t fulfilling his needs anymore. He tried to make me promise
not to tell anyone. He held my wrists and looked me in the eyes. I
was telling him no and he started shaking me. He was so scared of Mom and
the kids finding out. He said that he could trust me; he always knew he could.
Then… then she came out. When he turned I ran. I grabbed my keys
from him and got into the car and peeled out as fast as I could.”
Brian felt his face burning with his anger, and his sadness for not being
available for Nick.
“When
I got home I… I… My mom was in the yard, gardening. I saw her, and . . .
she said hi, and she wanted to know if I had ran into dad at the studio…
I…I ran to the bushes and threw up. Mom was so worried, she thought
I was sick, and she ordered me to bed. I went to my room
and stayed there until someone knocked on my door at dinnertime. I was like go
away Aaron I’m hungry… but it wasn’t Aaron, it was Dad. He let himself in
and shut the door… He asked how I was feeling, like nothing had happened
earlier. He asked if I was hungry and if I wanted someone to bring up something.
I got pissed Bri. I got so pissed; I started screaming at him. The
whole family was in my room. Dad started saying I was delirious and
needed rest. He even told Mom to call the doctor… I had had it Bri. I turned
around and told her, told everyone what I had seen…” Nick raised his tearful
face to look at Brian, “She slapped me Brian. My mother slapped me.”
“Nicky
she was upset…”
“She
didn’t believe me. She left, and my sisters and Aaron left. Dad sneered
at me, and never looked at me for real until the court hearing. Everyone
avoided me… I needed… I needed. I don’t know, but I…”
“You
should have called and told me Nicky, I would have been there to pick you up
and bring you home with me…”
“I
did freakin’ call you Brian. Leighanne answered, said you were busy,”
Nick wiped at his eye in vain. “No one believed me, and I became an
outcast in my own family. Mom didn’t find out about Dad’s indiscretions
until he was ready to leave her. That was when he told her what had been going
on for months. She almost fainted Brian, and then… then she started
screaming and ordered my father out of the house. Dad left, but not
before giving me this long look. I hated him. I hate him! And Mom cried.
She cried all night, and then, then she screamed at me for knowing all along!
But I had told her! Then Dad… Dad wanted custody of the kids, he wanted Leslie,
Aaron and Angel…Aaron more than anyone. He took mom to court trying to
prove her incompetent. He started talking to me and calling me being
friendly again. He had my grandparents calling me and trying to brainwash
me against my own mother… And Mom, Mom had shut herself down. In court my
testimony would turn out to be the one that swayed the judgment. I… I had
the power to break either one of my parents, and I wasn’t too fond of either
of them right then. In the end I chose Mom’s side, and since then I
have not heard from my father. He’ll call and he’d talk to Angel and
Aaron and Leslie, sometimes even BJ, but not me….”
“He’s
an asshole Nick,” a low voice said from the doorway. AJ crept to the bed and
sat in front of Nick, “He’s an ass that doesn’t deserve a good kid like
you. If it were up to me…”
“But
it isn’t up to you,” Nick mumbled putting his head back into the pillow.
His shoulders shook slightly as he began to weep again, “My own father
hates me… My grandparents snubbed me. No one sent me any birthday
presents, not even a card. My birthday went uncelebrated by anyone… but me.”
“I’m
so sorry Nick,” Brian said softly he still held Nick as he cried, “But it’s ok
now. Everything’s gonna be fine kiddo. You’ve got us, and your sisters,
and your brother…”
“What
if it’s not enough anymore?” Nick asked bleakly. His tears halted, but his
breathing was still heavy.
AJ
and Brian stared at each other. How could they answer that question? And more
importantly, why had he asked? They both looked down to see Nick’s blond
head drooping onto the pillow, his breathing calming as sleep took the reigns
of his body.
Brian
moved back his pillows and spread him out comfortably, flinching when he felt
ribs through Nick’s t-shirt. He was so fragile, mentally and physically.
Brian felt AJ’s penetrating eyes on him, so he looked up.
“Whatever
you did today Brian was good,” AJ said, “We’ll have him back to normal in no
time, huh?” AJ’s eyes were desperate for reassurance. Nick‘s words had
scared him. Say something Brian, make it ok.
Brian
smiled slightly, “Yeah, yeah we will AJ. And who knows, maybe later he’ll
eat.”
AJ
was nodding, “Yeah, yeah… That’s right.”
Brian
put a hand on AJ’s shoulder and he squeezed, “AJ, he’s gonna be ok. He’s
got all 4 of us, and some wonderful sisters. He’ll be fine and putting
peanut butter in your underwear again before you know it.”
“Yeah,
I hope so… HEY!”
Brian
laughed at AJ, but in his mind his little voice echoed AJ, Yeah I hope so…