“Yes,
I’m on way home now Mama,” Howie spoke into his cell phone. He had
insisted on driving himself to the home he shared with his parents. He
carefully guided his car into the crowded driveway of his home. As usual
Howie’s parents had arranged a home coming party for their youngest son.
Howie usually enjoyed these, but this time he just wasn’t in the mood.
It simply reminded him of the fact that in a few months he would be
leaving again to rejoin his dysfunctional family (his band mates.) Maybe
if he went in the back way he could avoid the entourage of… Too late.
“Howie!!”
A large flock of people, casually referred to as Howie’s family members,
came towards Howie, hands outstretched. Howie was forced to put a happy
smile on his face as he was hugged, kissed, pinched, and squeezed by relatives.
He frowned inwardly as he realized that he had expected for Caroline to
be there. Then even if she couldn’t show up, she would call.
“Howie,”
Howie felt his mother’s arms around him. She kissed his cheeks and took
his face between her palms. He knew she knew what he was thinking.
“She’s
still here Howie, in spirit,” Paula Dorough told her son gently. She then
pulled his arm to take him inside the house.
Within
hours Howie was up to date with everyone’s lives, and stories, and up to his
elbows in food. He couldn’t help but think he should have brought
Nick home with him. He would have loved this. Howie saddened
thinking of him, then the others. He looked up to suddenly catch his
mother’s eyes on him. He knew that meant they would be talking later.
For months talkative Howie Dorough hadn’t wanted to talk about anything,
but now… Now Howie actually felt talking might be good. Maybe his mother
could give him advice on the things he couldn’t quite understand, or come to
grip.
He
was caught in the middle of one of those father-uncle arguments that never went
anywhere but on… and on, and on. He glanced up and caught his mother’s
beckoning eyes. His out! He wasted no time in seizing his opportunity,
“Mamma needs me for a bit Dad. I’ll…I’ll…uh…be back later.” Phew! Howie slipped
out of the kitchen and through his aunts who were gossiping, nothing new there.
“Lets
go to your room,” Paula directed Howie towards the back hallway. Howie
followed her, dragging his feet. Though he felt talking might help to ease his
problem, he felt reluctant to do it. He hated admitting his problems
out loud, and this time he was not only admitting to his problems, but the
problems of his friends as well.
“Are
you alright Howie?” Paula asked him immediately. Howie didn’t know the
correct answer to that question. He sat down in front of his mother on the
king-sized bed. “Mama… I…I …” He didn’t know where to begin. So
many things in his life were going downhill, so many words were blowing though
his mind. He stared at his mother as he felt warm tears coursing down his
face. They snaked their way from his eyes down his cheeks and onto his
mother’s hand as she held his face between her palms.
“I
know things have been hard for you Howie. You still blame yourself for
Carrie, and Howie she would not want you to be doing this to yourself. Howie,
Carrie would never blame you for anything, she loved you. She didn’t pass
on thinking that you didn’t care. She knew you loved her, she knew you
were on your way. She would have loved to have seen you, but she felt you
instead. She passed knowing that she was very loved Howard,” Paula said
taking his hand, “I know you have heard this before, but now it is time that
you listen hijo. You cannot go on living your life this way. I have seen
you, and I have seen you with your group. You look sad and distant, you
are not looking toward your own future anymore, but lost in a past you cannot
change. “
“But
Mama,” Howie tried to speak through his tears, “it’s so hard to forget…”
“I
never said forget baby, I said forgive,” Paula brushed away a stray curl from
Howie’s forehead. “Grieving time is over honey, now it is time for
recovery. Carrie would want it to be this way. She would not want to know that
her family was depressed and sad years after her passing, wasting their lives
in mourning. You remember how she was? She hated laziness, and if she were here
now she would hate to see you sitting here like this!” Paula smiled watching a
smile grow on her youngest child’s tear stained face. She hated seeing
her children in so much pain.
He
laughed, he laughed genuinely, “You’re right Mama. She would probably be
yelling at me right now… And she probably is, up in heaven yelling at me
right now and probably has been yelling at me for a while, but I just haven’t
been listening.”
Paula
smiled encouragingly, “Now I’m sure you will.” She and her youngest son sat in
a pleasant silence for a few moments.
“Mama,
Caroline isn’t all that’s bothering me now,” Howie began slowly.
Paula
raised an eyebrow she had been waiting for this conversation too, “Oh?”
“No,
Mama, it’s the guys and me. We… well it’s not that we don’t like each
other anymore, it’s more like we’ve grown apart. Everybody is going
through their own problems, and not really leaving much time for the group.
And the worst part about it is… we don’t even care enough anymore to try
to help each other with our problems. It’s like we don’t care anymore.
Everyone has just shut themselves off. Well except Nick, he’s
been like a model member since everyone started acting, ya know, distant.
I think the real reason we still have a group is that kid, “Howie looked
past his mother at a family photograph from the 70’s hanging on the wall.
Paula
nodded, “As I said before, I’ve seen you boys together. Do you know what
has happened to everyone that makes them all act so strangely?”
Howie
shook his head sadly.
“Then
that is what you need to find out Howie. If you want this problem solved,
you all have to help each other. Call them Howie, call them and talk.
Get them to talk about what is going on in their lives that brings them
so much pain, and you talk about yourself. It’ll bring you this much
closer,” Paula made a hand gesture that resembled a pinch to show Howie how
close she was talking about.
Howie
smiled lightly, “But Mama, it’s been so long. What if they don’t wanna talk?”
“Howie,
lets talk about you for a moment, ok?”
“Ok.”
“You
love to sing, and perform right?”
“Yes,”
Howie nodded.
“Do
you want to stop now?” she pursued him.
“No,”
Howie looked shocked.
“Do
you want to keep your group together to keep doing what you love?”
Now
Howie knew where this was going, “Yes Mama.”
“Then
you must talk to them,” Paula said, “Only then will you start to reestablish those
bonds you used to share. Invite AJ over for lunch or dinner, or drive over to
see Nick. Call Brian and Kevin up and see how they are doing. Let
them know you care. And once that fact is established, then the real
healing can begin.”
Howie
was nodding all the while his mother spoke. He knew she spoke the truth,
and also knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. He had to do it though,
if he wanted to save the group, and most importantly, his friendships.