A few days ago, on Friday, I was lucky enough to get a chance to see Jurassic Five perform at my school. I was pretty psyched so I rolled a nice rotund jay, which I planned to toke before the concert. So about an hour before the concert, while waiting with some housemates, I thought I should light it up. So then I'm all chill, but the dipshits (UCI Special Events) made me waste TWO hours of my life before I got in. By that time my buzz was almost gone, but I thought I'd at least feel chill when I got to see J5. Instead of sitting in seats like people, we were forced to stand like a herd of cattle in the centre of the Events Centre. That wasn't too bad to be next to the stage, the bad part was when the opening band came out. It's hard to explain, they were just the most vile sound imaginable. I think a guy in the audience summed it up best when he said, "... yo, wannabe-Creed, you suck..." followed by many superlatives that would be deemed inappropriate for this family website, including 'shit', 'fuck', and 'bitch.' Anyway, I really can't even describe how bad this 'band' was and I do use that term loosely. I remember the first thing I thought when I heard them was, "Who the hell are these guys?" Then, I immediately thought, wait, screw that! I refuse to acknowledge these rejects as a legitimate musical group. Instead, I tried to focus on drowning out the music with thoughts of a less painful death, something along the lines of Ebola or Marburg would be satisfactory. Unfortunately, the music was just so bad and loud it tore down my wall of denial. I realized that this 'band' stood for everything wrong with people. I mean, the actually band wasn't... I can't say bad, but I definitely can't say they were good. It was the singer that was the horrible. Seriously, this guy had the crappiest lyrics I've ever heard. As I was standing here trying to drown out at least the words, I could feel the vibes from the music permeate my body, infecting me with its shittiness. Man, I wanted to ralph so bad, my head was spinning. It was hilarious to behold, when you actually try to listen to the lyrics. Taking a lesson from Guilty Gear X, they basically took popular vernacular from today's youth and randomly assorted them into non-coherent jumbles. Literally, it was like "I can't believe in you, 'cause I believe in God." now repeat that about five hundred times and you got their first song. It was disgusting to feel violated by such garbage; however, I think the worst part was when they insult my very being by yelling out their name. That was wrong on so many levels. They straight up lied to my face. By saying that they have a name, they imposed onto me the assumption that they are a band, and by the fact that they are a band they would have to have talent, which they most clearly did not. It's not as if the 'band' didn't have its moment. They had one good song where they were just rocking out. Even the singer who smokes more cock than a gay Indian chief, is somewhat tolerable when he wasn't singing. Instead, he was busting a beat on his good old harmonica... good, the way America used to be. The bassist was probably the only guy that was cool. He was this Jamaican guy with a look on his face, like he'd just smoked a whole pot plantation. However, the best point of the whole night were these two black guys who stood a few feet in front of me. They were just hilarious, like when singer was walking around with his arm up giving the "rock & roll" sign, the two guys put their arm, but gave the singer the finger. The funny part is the whole time they were like, "Yeah! You suck! Rock and Roll! Where's J5?!" Another hilarious moment was when these faggot, drunk ass, cocksmokers thought they'd be really fun and crawl through the crowd to the front. They were pushing people out of the way as they rammed there way up to the front, but as one of them pushed up front, the black guys started to kick him in the ass. It was so funny I was dying. I wanted to reach out and kick him too, but I was too far back. So anyway, what's the moral of this story? We should all just listen to instrumentals.