June 15, 2003

Ten Reasons Not to Drink Alcohol:

10.    You'll be titled as an official drunk and the rumors that you're an alcoholic will spread like wildfire.

9.    You will have cops called on you, only to be turned away by the charismatic doings of your friend Steve.

8.    Streaks of your blood will run like rivers from your hand.

7.    You will address everyone as "Patrick George Venieris."

6.    You will attempt to grope all your friends.

5.    You will leave large piles of vomit that will be cleaned up by old Mexican maids.

4.    Your evolution of attractions will start with girls, then guys, then eventually digress to trees.

3.    You will get a tattoo that says "Powered by Hugs."

2.    A book entitled Crossing Bridges:  The Andra "Cock-block" Montgomery Story will be written about you.

1.    You will mutter the words, "I love you Zack."