May 15, 2003 A.D.

    In honor of going later to watch the Matrix: Reloaded, I decided to draw my own epic between good and evil.  It's entitled Chink, the other yellow meat.

       For you dipshits that don't understand the full hilariosity of my picture, let me do you a favor and explain it to you in a little game I call, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

THE GOOD

1.    Flag:  What better way than a flag to represent what you love best; the almighty rice.

2.    Straw hat:  Protects you from rain, snow, and/or arrow storms.  What more could you possibly want, you greedy bastard?

3.    Vocabulary:  Vocabulary consist of appropriately stereotyped race/ethnicity words and phrases, as well as appropriate accent.

4.    Shoulder guards:  Spikes freak people out, and even though these are fake (just cloth), they are better than jackshit.

5.    "Sonic Impaler" chopstick-throwing technique:  'Nuff said.  Well, just one thing.  Gambit-like throwing pose; which kicks ass, obvious at one time or another trained together and are lifelong comparades.  And since Gambit was one of the tightest X-Men, 'nuff said.

6.    Chopsticks:  Now, I've grown up my whole life using chopsticks, so I've been on both sides of the tracks.  That's why I hate people that insist on using chopsticks.  What the hell is the point?  Seriously, a fork will handle most jobs a chopstick can handle at a fraction of the effort.  I'm sure there at many out there that insist on the necessity of these few extra things, so let me just say, save your time and use your damn fingers.

7.    Chinese Kung-Fu shirt:  What a better look for a Kung-Foo master than an authentic Kung-Fu shirt straight from Malaysia?

8.    Sword:  Fittingly named "Motion of the Ocean," an old-fashion one blade, single edged sword.  Excels at slashing, no bullshit.

9.    Flood pants:  Great for floods, typhoons, and picking up on the ladies.

10.  Sandals:  Stylish and comfortable.  Beware of back flap.

11.  Rope belt:  Mere rope belt or VC strangulation device in disguise?

14.  Air-dash/super jump:  You might just as well call it flying.

16. Samurai Helmet:  Able to withstand a thrust from a spear, these helmets are renown for their strength.  Also rumored to be the source of Guilty Sheddar -X-'s air-dash power.

19. Honda logo tee-shirt:  Can Chevrolet build a robot?

20. Claws:  Razor-sharp wrist blades.  Disembowelment anyone?

24.  Eyes:  Squintiness promotes natural resistance to UV rays and the elements, as well as a more accurate perception of the reality.

THE BAD

12. Throwing stars:  Real men don't use stars, hearts, clovers, and other assorted pussy shapes.  

13. Vocabulary:  It consist primarily of popular slang and phrases, in addition to trendy words generally considered hip.  Now, I have nothing against slang and such, what I have a problem with is when some company decides foreign words are to be used in order to make the name of the product more fashionable.  The only people I hate more than those who think up the names are the pathetic morons that buy into that shit.  Idiotic Buffoons.

15. Eyes:  Rejected natural gift and sold out to the man for a pair of glasses.

17. Should pads:  A whole lot of jackshit.

18. Face mask:  Designed for two things; eating sushi and singing karaoke.

21. Rifbert:  A Japanese halberd jammed into a M16A1 rifle barrel.  If you pull the trigger as you stab and tap X+semi-circle half-back square, then the gun will blow up and kill you for being a dumbass.

22. Pillowy pants:  Strange, not quite pillows, not quite pants...

23. Mini-stilts shoes:  Lack of look, comfort, and protection.  Brilliant.

THE UGLY

1.    Pauly Shore