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Work Is Evil |
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Straight from the bowels of hell I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Here, we present our case that working some bullshit corporate job is an evil plot by the devil himself.........Satan. I say for making us work these jobs, Mr. Satan you can Fuck off!!! You certainly are evil, I can tell you that! Working corporate jobs is like being one of those guys who had to carry around those heavy blocks they used to make the pyramids in Egypt while everyone whipped you and threw things at you. Then after you build that huge ass pyramid, you don't even get to be buried in it. Tough luck man. The rich get richer. The fat cats get fatter cats. It's a bunch of crap. A tool of the devil, kinda like those little key bars you just scan at the gas pump because you don't have time to pay for your own gas. Evil. |
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Here are some instruments of evil you might encounter. Beware, they are very evil, and are normally used for evil purposes in an evil only environment. |
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Evil Copy Machine |
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| This machine is evil. It is used to make many copies of documents used in the evil corporate structure. It makes copies of evil memos, policies, and manditory overtime papers. It is also used to make copies of repremands you get from your boss so they have a copy and you have a copy. This machine can sometimes be used for good, if you catch it at a good time. Normally it is mainly used to mass replicate documents of evil to be passed out to the underlings. |
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Evil Calculator |
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The calculator is an instrument of hell. At first it taunted you in math class, when the only way you could figure out how to answer the question was to cheat and use the calculator. Now it thinks it owns you. In the evil work environment, it is especially dangerous. It is used to calculate the smallest raise the corporation can give the underlings without legal problems. It is also used to calculate gross profit margins and ways to cheat the tax system so they pay no tax while the underlings who make way less money pay more taxes. The businessmen always use the calculator for evil. |
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Evil Briefcase |
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Evil Telephone |
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| This is an item found commonly at the side of evil businessmen. This evil attache' case is used to carry documents of evil as well as evil tools such as the evil calculator. They also carry personal evil items in this such as evil pens, notebooks, and their evil power lunch. This will normally match color wise to their uniform of evil the business suit. |
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This is an important evil tool for corporate schills. This is used to have conferences with other corporations to set up deals with each other so they can maximize profits and lay off as many people as possible. Without the phone, they would have to conduct these important deals via the handwritten letter and that would take too long. They want to make sure they fire as many people as possible, as quick as possible. This is also used within the office to call employees in to repremand them for things. |
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| Evil Vending Machines |
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| The vending machines are a tricky instrument of evil. At first you would innocently think they weren't evil due to the fact that they provide false nourishment that is necessary to help you get through a day of corporate hell. BUT, what it sometimes hard to realize is by buying the overpriced items contained in the vending machines, you are helping the conglomorate turn a profit. They are making the day horribly shitty for you to the point where your only refuge is a 3 Musketeers, and then they charge you too much for it and make a profit off of your misery. Those greedy bastards!!!! That is a dastardly scheme only an evil mind could create. |
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Evil Corporate Schills |
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These sons of bitches are as evil as demons. They might even be demons only in a human like form. Kinda like the aliens in the movie "They Live". They look like humans, but under the disguise, they are pure evil. They will backstab you, or fire you in order to save the company a fraction of a cent. In the above picture, the 2 businessmen are demonstrating an important technique used by them to congratulate each other. It is called a handshake. If you see 2 of them doing this, turn and run the other way. When they are handshaking, it usually means bad news for anyone who is not a corporate asskissing bastard. The act of handshaking is usually a sign that they have worked out a deal, and many people will be fired, which makes them very happy. Job security. Evil job security. They cannot be trusted. |
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<- Look at that evil Fuck!!!! |
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