invent

Inventions WE came up with!!

We are sick and tired of not getting paid for the things we invented that the world is using everyday!! This sucks!! It's time you all recognize!!!

Corey says: "I spent years creating a magnet that would attract 35mm film. I was sick of having to run to the store everytime I need some film. I thought, why not just stick this magnet out of my window at home and BAM...there's the 35mm film? One day I'm looking at the Bob's Rock Shop website and he's got this crazy looking thing that resembles my invention!! What the hell, Bob? Be a man and give credit where credit's due. I invented this and you cannot take that away from me."

Mike says: "Well, I had an idea about throwing rocks into space to see if I could hit astronauts. Astronauts really pissed me off at the time. All of their gloating about how they had been to the moon and all. I thought someone needed to knock some sense into them. So I rigged up this contraption I called Astronaut Assult Attack, and began using it to fire rocks into the air. I never really could hit anything. Those damn astronauts were probably watching me on a satellite or something and laughing at me. So I picked up a sword, sat on the launch pad and launched my self into space to have a swordfight with those asshole astronauts. I landed in a tree. That really hurt."

Corey says: "My finest hour!! I was sick of getting pizzas and having the tops of the boxes all coated with the cheese. Pictured here are the actual sketches of my design...MY INVENTION that would change the pizza industry forever!! I slaved for weeks on getting the size of the legs correct and the height of the entire piece exact. I called it "The Pizza Box No Cheese On It Thing" It sat in my garage area for years until one day when I ordered a pizza and there it was...I cried. Someone better tell Papa John to watch his back. He may be young, but he's Italian and I'm not!!!!!"

Corey says: "I really wanted a way to trick people. I wanted to put subliminal messages out into the public without them knowing. I made a puzzle out of words going sideways, and up and down, with clues so they had to work hard to fill in the pieces. once they completed the puzzle, they would be compelled to give me $50 in cash. But, when I published my first book of puzzles, the editor changed the messages and the clues, and when people finished the puzzle, they read a message that said "Throw dogs at Corey's window". Then the ASPCA got all pissed at me, they sued me, Bob Barker got pissed because some of the dogs that were thrown at my windows hadn't been spayed or nuteured. It was a big crazy shitfest."

Mike says: "I found that using my nubs to try and navigate or even pick up a tissue was a waste of time. I sat down at my desk and created the hand out of necessity. I worked on the palm, the fingers, and the most important part...the thumb over the course of 3 weeks. After my initial model crumbled...it was made of plaster...I used skin from my huge ballsack. It's very elastic and easily contorts to any shape needed. I left the hair follicles in place. I put bones in there to give it shape and muscles gave it strength. The joints for the knuckles came later, but WOW what a difference!!! Now, there's nothing I or anyone can't do with there hands. You're welcome!"

Mike says: "Well, I was on a luxury yacht one day, and I was watching sharks pop out of the water to eat burds that were resting on the surface of the ocean. Those burds didn't even know what hit them. It was great fun. After a while, all the birds were gone. Either the sharks ate them, or they flew away. I really enjoyed watching the sharks eat those birds, and now I was really pissed off because there was nothing to do. So, I took out my gun and shot some birds that the kids on the deck were feeding. I grabbed them, and threw them into 2 bundles of linen. I figured the sharks liked to eat the birds because of their feathers. I threw one bundle into the water and waited for a shark to attack it. The sharks were too smart. The never attacked it. But, while I was waiting, I laid my head down on the second bundle, and realized it was very comfortable. And that was the end of that."

Corey says: "I hate water fowl!! They crap on your car as they fly south for the winter. They crap in your yard when they take their breaks. They're just a damn nusance!! Well, here you go Mr. Goose-duck-ass...how about a nice tornado to throw your feathery ass around. Makes great for navigation difficulties and your crap won't be in my part of the world ever again.!! Ha!! I win bitch-duck!!!"

Mike says: "I basicly invented these to throw at ghosts becuase everything else I threw at them went right thru the damn ghosts. I throw swords, lamps, candles, rocks, everything, but nothing worked. The damn ghosts just floated there. These didn't do any good for attacking ghosts either, but they are great for giving out to kids at halloween."

Corey says: "I invented poo!!! Don't let anyone tell you different!! Mike didn't do it. I did it...that's it and that's that. Some say it's nature taking it's course. No, my friend. I did it. Some say it has to come from somewhere...ME!! I started the whole "taking a dump" craze. King Kong ain't got dick on me pal. Yeah, he's big and hairy, but I invented dung...poo...excrement...dropping the kids off at the pool...shiznit...crap...the brown frown...taking the Browns to the Super Bowl...etc...enjoy pooping friends."

Mike says: "I wanted to invent something that would bore people and make them want to eat their own shit. Thus, I created Al Gore. I made him out of spare robot parts. I took only the most boring parts of each robot and put them together to create an epic display of boring. Al Gore went on to invent the internet, so I sort of invented that too."

Corey and Mike say: "We also created Udo Dirkschneider. We both worked on him. He was created to give out maximum rock power and energy at every stop on his lifetime world tour. His small frame is no match for any giant in the land. His voice will shatter your face bones with ease. His camo keeps his small frame well concealed in times of war so he carry small speakers to the front lines and sing the enemy to death with sheer rawk power. His ass will blow you away and he can kill stones with spoons. He will plug a bomb in everyone's ass. UDO!!! UDO!!! UDO!!!

Too many slaves in this world
Die by torture and pain.
Too many people do not see
They're killing themselves, going insane

Too many people do not know
Bondage is over the human race.
They believe slaves always lose
And this fear keeps them down

Wtach the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (HEY!!)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your

BALLS TO THE WALL, MAN!!
Balls to the wall
You'll get your balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall

You may screw their brains
You may sacrifice them, too
You may mortify their flesh
You may rape them, too

One day the tortured stand up
And revolt against the evil
They make you drink you blood
And tear yourself to pieces

You better watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (HEY!!)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your

BALLS TO THE WALL, MAN!!!
Balls to the wall
You'll get your balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall

Come on man, let's stand up all over the world
Let's plug a bomb in everyone's ass
If they don't keep us alive - we're gonna fight for the right

Build a wall with the bodies of the dead - and you're saved
Make the world scared - come on, show me the sign of victory
Sign of victory - sign of victory

You better watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (Hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your

BALLS TO THE WALL, MAN!!!!

Here's a picture of Udo putting the Udo curse on the people in the front row. They're now in his control and every word he's says is gospel to those select few who are lucky enough to be his puppets. He sings the lyrics to "Balls To The Wall", which are to the left, and the place goes Udo mad!!! I think Udo is a german word that means "power over all" because Udo sure is powerful. He would beat up Michael Jackson and Thomas Dolby because they are pussies!!