| Asskickers |
| These are asskickers. There is no doubt about it. Check it out. |
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| John Corabi |
| Crabby is one of the greatest singers in rock today. He is the man. He would kick Vince Neil's drunk bloated ass. He is also one hell of a guitar player. Don't fuck with him. |
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| Lt. Marion Cobretti |
| You should know that Cobretti doesn't take any shit. When faced with a hostage situation in which the criminal threatens to blow up the whole grocery store, Cobretti replies, "Go ahead, I don't shop here." Then shoots him. That is asskicking. Plus, he has a gun with a Cobra on it. You have to be tough to get on of those. They don't just hand them out to anyone. |
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| HHH |
| He puts people thru car windows, and hits them with sledgehammers. He's an Undisputed Champion. The Game. He is an Asskicker. |
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| Ace Frehley and Richie Scarlet |
| The Spaceman and the Emperor of Rock. Now you are talking asskickers. Richie Scarlet is the man, and Ace is ACE. Notice it is not Ace and Tod Howarth. That's because Howarth is a pussy, and Ace can only kick so much ass by himself, but when you have Ace & Richie together, you maximize the asskicking potential. Not even a dork like Jamie Oldaker could fuck that up. |
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| Nikki Sixx |
| Nikki Sixx has died. That makes him a badass. There are hundreds of other reasons why he is an asskicker, but what other reason do you need? Anything else is icing on the asskickin cake |
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| Mr. T |
| Quit yo jibba jabberin'. Mr T is the king of all asskickers. He is helluva tough. He has a fast van, 10 assloads of gold chains, machine guns, and he will throw your ass. His only downfall is flying on planes, and he hates flying on planes. If you tell him you are going to take him on a plane, he will throw your ass. |
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| Eric Carr |
| Eric Carr is one of the greatest rock drummers of all time. He was a great man, and a kind hearted guy. He always took time for his fans, and lived for the music. He fought hard against cancer, and that in and of itself makes him an asskicker. But he was so much more than that, and he will forever be remembered. Long Live The Fox!!! |
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| BREAD + |
| Corey's Grandma |
| On paper, one might think this would not add up to a lot of asskicking. But that's why the world isn't made out of paper. Bread had 15 top 40 hits, and Corey's grandma sings Bread songs on the radio when she picks him up. Plus, his grandma is a roller skating champion. She has a medal and a blue thing to prove it. If you add both of these elements together, you have an unstoppable asskicking force. |
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| Magnum P.I. |
| He's a detective in Hawaii, he has a kickass mustache, he has a friend who knows how to fly a helicopter. He has a lot of chest hair. He carries a gun. He also looks like Tom Selleck and that guy in the movie Mr. Baseball. This all adds up to asskicking to the major!!! |
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| Ric Flair |
| The Nature Boy Ric Flair is the greatest of all time. 16 time Heavyweight Champion. He is the most charismatic man ever to grace a wrestling ring. He has kicked the ass of just about anyone you can think of in wrestling. He's over 50 and still kicking ass. WOOOOOOOO |
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| The Fall Guy |
| He has a brown truck. Plus he has a theme song. |
| The Unknown Stuntman Well I'm not the kind to kiss and tell, but I've been seen with Farrah. I'm never seen with anything less than a nine, so fine. I've been on fire with Sally Field, Gone fast with a girl named Bo, But somehow, they just don't end up as mine. It's a death defying life I lead, I take my chances. I die for a living in the movies and TV. but the hardest thing I ever do Is watch my leading ladies Kiss some other guy while I'm bandagin' my knee. I might fall from a tall building, I might roll a brand new car, Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star. I never spent much time in school, But I taught ladies plenty. It's true I hire my body out for pay. Hey Hey. I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs, Blown up for Raquel Welch. But when I end up in the hay, it's only hay. Hey Hey. I might jump and open drawbridge, Or Tarzan from a vine, Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine. |
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| Tommy Lee |
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| Monique Frehley |
| She's hot, and she's Ace's daughter. |
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| Henery Hawk |
| Do we even need to explain why he is an asskicker? He beats the hell out of Foghorn Leghorn, who is 200 times as big as him. Plus, he is always pissed off. |
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| The Incredible Hulk |
| When he gets pissed, he changes colors, and gets huge muscles. Plus he destroys everything. He rips his shirts just like Hulk Hogan. The grey one is way more of an asskicker. |
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| Vic Mackey |
| He doesn't take any shit, he is tough, he will not hesitate to kick your ass, he will steal, shoot, rob and blackmail to get his way, but down inside he is a caring man. Don't fuck with him. |
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| Norman Schwartzkopf |
| He beat the hell out of Iraq. Those desert jackasses. Don't fuck with him or he will ram a tank up your ass. |
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| Rick Allen |
| He survived a car crash, and plays the drums with only one arm. If that doesn't count for asskicking points, I don't know what does. It's like that story of a one legged man in an asskicking contest, except Rick Allen has 2 legs, so he kicks double the ass. |
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| Jimmy Superfly Snuka |
| He was the first man to jump off the top of a steel cage. Plus, he has leopard print tights. |
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| Buddy Revell |
| Don't try to write some pussy article about him being the new kid at school, because he hates that. If you touch him, you are sure as hell gonna get a beating after school. You fucking little bitch. |
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| Charleton Heston |
| He has kicked so much ass, it doesn't even seem real. He has fought vampires, zombies, apes, you name it. He doesn't take shit from anyone. He is the NRA president. He will shoot the hell out of your damn dirty ass. |
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| Mike Flasch |
| Well, he has a guitar that looks like a machine gun. He has long black hair that goes well with his necklace and biceps. He will kick that ass. |
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| Hunter |
| Mike Schwab says he's an asskicker, that's good enough for me. |
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| Corey Nowlin |
| Corey has a shitload of bootlegs, plus, he gets really into it when he is working on his pecs. He has a chest like an aircraft carrier. He also oils his chest and shaves his legs. For asskicking purposes only. |
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| Flint |
| He is the best soldier in the G.I.Joe forces. He also has a beret. |
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| Kate |
| Don't make me explain it to you. |
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| Willow |
| She's Willow. |
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| Lt. John McClane |
| He walks on broken glass barefooted, kills terrorists, solves puzzles attatched to bombs, shoots 4 people in an elevator, and kicks everyone's ass. |
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| Look at the girls Tommy gets. He is an asskicker. He makes porno tapes, he was in Motley Crue, he used to swallow light bulbs. What else do you need?? |
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| Canteloupe |
| It's green on the outside, and orange on the inside. |
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| Uncle Pecos |
| Everytime he breaks a string on his guitar, he finds Tom and takes one of his whiskers to use as a guitar string. No matter where he hides, Tom cannot escape Uncle Pecos. |
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| Pete Rose |
| Pete Rose is the greatest baseball player of all time. If you don't think so, then you are like Ray Fosse, just some other chump whose ass Pete Rose will kick. He doesn't care whether or not it's the All Star game, he's at 100%, and he will knock your ass over. |